He sat outside until Bhavna came to call him for dinner. She had not said anything to Bhavna, he could tell. He felt like a whipped puppy going in to face Suhani. If he could have, he'd have hidden until the incident was less fresh in their minds, a habit of his, avoiding trouble. The women in his life could seriously scare the daylights out of him--dadi, his mother, Suhani. He was simply putty in their hands.
He glanced at Suhani when he sat down, but she was looking down, expressionless. It was like a cold hand squeezing his heart. He felt like crawling under the table. He answered Bhavna distractedly as she asked if he'd take them to town the next day. It was her godd bharai at her in-laws', and he made appropriate noises. He should ask his mother to go too, he thought. Then he worried whether everyone from Birla House was invited anyway--after all, they were doubly related--and how that would work if Suhani was there. When Suhani went to the kitchen to fetch something, he asked Bhavna. Thankfully, though his family had been invited, only his mother was going. She would be so happy to meet Suhani. He hoped Suhani didn't get into one of her moods and tell his mother her son was a creep.
He escaped to his room after dinner. Thinking back, what had he done, actually, he thought, defensively. He'd kissed the girl, and not even properly. It wasn't a crime, EVEN had she not been married to him, not in this day and age. Hadn't she told him that herself when he'd tried to explain himself after smooching her back in the days? NOT that he could say that and claim mitigation.
He'd been a model of propriety most of the time. He'd apologize, of course. Should he get it over with now? On second thoughts, better not be knocking on Suhani's door at this time. He rather not be slapped twice in one evening.
Next morning Suhani came to tell him Bhavna was calling him. Her voice was without any inflexion, difficult to read. He started to apologize, at some level feeling resentful at being misunderstood, if you could call it that.
"Later," she said shortly. "I'll talk to you later. No time now."
Oh God, this wasn't over? They had to talk about it? Might as well have really kissed her then. As the saying went, might as well be hung for a sheep as for a lamb. But he knew he was really only psyching himself to get over his fear and embarrassment. He hated her thinking he was some groper, taking advantage of girls.
They returned late that evening, after he had come home--or what was home for now. He had picked up a gift certificate for Bhavna from Suhani and him, thinking that would be better than his uninformed choice. His mother had called to tell him how happy she had been to meet Suhani again. When the girls got home, they chattered away, discussing the day, and Bhavna told him his mother sent her love (he met her quite often anyway) and had given her the most beautiful gift. He sheepishly gave her the gift certificate, and she thanked him, telling him she preferred it to some of the things she'd been landed with.
After dinner, he went out to sit in the garden for a bit. Suhani followed him out, but stood three feet away.
"What was that yesterday?" she asked. Of course she would come to the point, she'd never been the type to beat about the bush. Before he could frame a reply, she continued, "Were we. . .did we have that kind of relationship?"
Oh God, what was he to say? "It was just a spur-of-the-moment thing, Suhani. I mean, yes, something was brewing between us, but we weren't yet involved as such. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. . ."
"It's 'kay," she said, surprising him to pieces. "I was angry, but really, this goes on these days, I know. Especially in your world. But where I come from, if you tried it on, the girl's brother or father would hit you with slippers. Maybe my sister would too."
He wanted to laugh, because the image that came to mind was of Sharad chasing him with chappals. Or, more likely, garlands. And he felt enormous relief, thankful that she was not writing him off. "I am sorry, though. I can't promise it will never happen again," he saw her beginning to frown, and carried on. "But I promise you, if you tell me to stop, I will."
"Are you planning to hit on me? In my sister and your cousin's house?"
"I'm not 'planning' anything, but sometimes things happen."
She was a little cautious around him after this, but at least she didn't seem to hate him. That weekend some of her friends came to visit, along with Sandip, and they all were in a very merry mood. But he was annoyed to see her being sweet to Sandip while the fool made cow's eyes at her, and he wanted to beat the bleep out of him. He cornered Sandip at the first chance he got, and asked, "You know she's my wife, right?"
Sandip looked defiant. "Yes, so? You didn't want her, and I do."
"Look here, DOCTOR, don't tell me what I wanted or want. Back off. She's mine."
Sandip was angry too. "I'm not Suhani's doctor, so don't act like I'm doing something wrong. And you have no right to suddenly play dog in the manger." Then he saw Yuvraj's face and suddenly said, "You seem a lot different than what I'd heard. I'll tell you what. I'm not going to stop seeing Suhani, but I won't cross any lines, and if she chooses you, that's it. Deal?"
"You mean I'm supposed to just accept it if she chooses you? Not. A. Chance. I don't know what I would do, but I won't make it easy."
*******
"I have to go to the doctor for a check-up on Thursday," said Bhavna on Sunday evening. "I'll come with you in the morning, Yuvraj, if that's okay. Amit will bring me back in the evening and stay over. "
"I can bring you back too, tell me when and let me just check my schedule," Yuvraj said.
"No, Amit wants to come. He's more anxious about this baby than I am. Plus, the appointment is in the evening, so I'll visit my parents in the morning and visit my in-laws before going to the doctor. Suhani can come too."
But on Thursday Suhani decided she didn't want to go anywhere. She hadn't slept well, was feeling tired and cranky, and intended to take a long nap.
When he returned home on Thursday evening, he found Suhani sitting alone. He greeted her, asked if she was okay, and went off to shower and change. When he came out again, he was surprised that there was still no sign of Bhavna. Then Suhani informed him that Bhavna's appointment had been put off to tomorrow morning. Amit had an early meeting, so they had decided it would be better they stayed over.
"Oh," said Yuvraj, thoughts churning in his mind, as he realised they were alone. Evenings Rama and Vijaya, the cook and maid, retired to their quarters at the end of the garden unless they were needed. There was a security guard outside, but for all intents and purposes, they were alone. He suddenly felt quite fresh and energised. "So, what shall we do?"
She looked at him. He had been all droopy and exhausted, and now he was all enthu. "What do you mean? We'll eat and go to bed." Then, as the words hit her ears, she looked flushed and embarrassed, but saying any more would just make it worse.
He smiled. "Is that what you want to do?" he said, in his flirtiest manner, but more in teasing than 'sleazing'.
"Oh shut up," she said, breaking the tension as they both laughed. But there was something in the air. He was aware of her anyway, but it seemed that she had been reminded that he was male, young, attractive, and they were alone.
"Want to go for a drive?" he asked.
"Okay, if you're not too tired."
Just then her phone rang. If it's that Sandip, this time I'll go to jail for a real murder, Yuvraj thought. But it was Bhavna, anxious about Suhani. "Don't worry, Di, I'm fine. Yes, Yuvraj is back. No, it's okay--surely you don't have these old-fashioned ideas?" It looked like Bhavna was thinking of how the two of them were alone there. Yuvraj felt irritated with her. What was the problem? He wasn't an animal. And even IF something were to happen, they were married.
"Shall we eat first, or eat after the drive?" she asked him.
"Whatever, but I'm quite hungry."
"Me too," she said. "Let's picnic here while watching tv."
It was one of the best meals of his life. They laughed at the absurdity of what was on tv, surfing channels and making cutting remarks. Sometimes she clutched his arm as she laughed, and he felt a shiver of delight, longing to become the animal he'd just denied being. He wanted to just grab her and force her back, force her to acknowledge she felt something for him. He sighed and got himself back into civilized mode. "Shall we go now? It's already 9.30."
"Are you sure you're not too tired?" she asked again.
"I'm fine, Suhani. I'm rejuvenated."
He drove out into the unpopulated part of the district, fields upon fields all around them. They didn't talk much, though he glanced at her frequently, feeling a kind of quiet contentment. He recalled a line that he had no idea he even remembered: ". . . every day's most quiet need, by sun and candlelight." Something like that. She was that for him.
When he saw she had fallen asleep, he turned the car around to head back. Her head slipped onto his shoulder, and he smiled to himself. What a fool he was, really. He had had all the time in the world with her, and he'd left her alone. Now a little thing like this was a feast to his senses. What was that bit from one of Suhani's Bachchan movies? "Aaj itni bhi mayyassar nahi maikhane mein, jitni hum chhod diya karte the paimane mein." * My God, he was all poetic today.
When they were back at the house, he tapped her cheek, calling her name. She opened her eyes sleepily, and he went around to help her out. As she started towards the house, she stumbled and fell. She tried to stand up, but her ankle was obviously painful. "Wait," he told her, scooping her up, carrying her to the door, where he put her down and took the keys from her. Then he picked her up again, ignoring her insistence that she could walk, and carried her to her room. He remembered carrying her down when she fallen running up the stairs at their home, and he set her down on the bed. "Need any help?"
"No, I'm fine, thank you. G'night."
He said goodnight and left, then remembered that Bhavna put a bottle of water in her room every night. He fetched the water and went back, opened her door and saw her limping towards the bathroom. He tutted in exasperation and went to her, but she waved him away. "I can do it."
"You are so stubborn and so annoying," he started lecturing, then, as she stumbled and clutched at him, he put his arms around her and simply held her. She stared up at him, and he looked down at her, both feeling their hearts pounding. He touched her face, then softly traced a line down her arm. A shiver went through her. Her hands let go of his jacket and clutched at his shoulders. "Suhani," he said, lost in a magical world.. And then she spoke and broke the spell.
"No."
* Since I want to keep the poetic essence of the couplet, a very rough translation would be: All the liquor I can lay my hands on today / Is less than the dregs that I once threw away.
Special thanks to yuvani_fan aka sanjaanaxx, whose new vm got me in the mood again.
Itti Si Khushi Sab TV
Udne Ki Aasha
