From & To Sathish #6 - Page 32

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Avan, Aval Adhu 513

' Spartan, Kavin ' Ravi whispered his names and the man, the entity as the beholder of the names stood with the light of the new dawn reflecting as another kind of light on his face. The light of the sun that lay 93 million miles away and which had taken 8 minutes to reach them was bright , and yet Ravi noticed that Spartan's face was blazing with a light that emitted an orangish aura.

Azhagan's face revealed nothing of what was in his head nor his heart. His eyes appeared like the surface of a calm sea during low tide that moves, glides and shimmers like molten silver.

Raising the Kali Pendant and staring at it, ' I tied this around Madhu's neck but.....' Ravi asked in a husky voice, and looked at Azhagan who replied 'about how this pendant came to be in the possession of Meenakshi who is dead and is buried six feet under, right here' and pointed to the new burial mound that lay at their feet.

Ravi's legs nearly gave way again as he stumbled and stared at the ground in whose womb Meenakshi had found a new home and with large confused and fear-filled eyes asked Azhagan, ' I didn't dream her. She really gave this pendant to me.'

Gripping the pendant in his iron fist, Ravi squeezed it like a person would squeeze an orange to get at its juices and then as his head realized what must have happened he began to hyperventilate in panic and shock.

Azhagan did nothing and instead stared with calm and stoic eyes and maybe his energy infected Ravi who slowly regained his composure and in the process regained a semblance of control over his thoughts.

' Meenakshi dies trying to save me and sacrifices her own life. Then Madhu tries to match that by giving away this Sacred Talisman that I tied as a Thali around her neck. This was given to her by the person who she loves the most, her " Dada ", her late Grandfather. Yet, she gifts it to Meenakshi even though she is dead and gone'.

' Your thoughts are correct and I guess that this is what transpired between Madhu and Meenakshi'.

Ravi nodded sadly and asked Azhagan what he should do now.

' Both are gone. What do I do now?'

' Exactly what both the women did. Do it and keep on doing it.

Ravi's energies both of mind and body were ebbing away and receding like the waters of the sea that move away from the shore during low tides and he yelled dejectedly, ' Just say it already. You and your cryptic answers are more confusing than your questions.

' Nothing cryptic or confusing, Master sir. All I said was that you should do what both the women did for you and keep on doing it.'

Anger and pain suddenly infused Ravi with some energy and he screamed again, ' Do what?'

Azhagan smiled and answered calmly, ' Sacrifice.'

' Sacrifice? What do you want me to sacrifice? ' and falling to his knees, Ravi plunged his arms into the soil, ' I have already lost so much. Here lies one. While the other is flying away and moving farther and farther away from me. What else do I need to sacrifice now? There is nothing left here ' he roared and punching his chest again and again, ' Nothing here. I am broken and just an empty husk'.

Azhagan closed his eyes and remembering his teacher, his old master from "Sairandhrivanam" slowly opened his eyes that blazed with knowledge and looked down into the eyes of Ravi that had slipped into the darkness of anger and self-pity and said, ' Sacrifice your anger, your impotence and your useless self-pity. They fill your mind with emptiness and nothing more. Sacrifice all of them and think for a moment about what Meenakshi and Madhu have sacrificed for you. One gave her life to save you and the other has flown away, sent away after being punished by you. You, who are punishing everybody else to satisfy your frustration and rage.'

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Avan, Aval Adhu 514

Ravi's eyes revealed the disappointment that he felt hearing Azhagan's harsh observations about his state of mind and he asked dejectedly, ' Kavin, you are old. Really old when compared to the rest of humanity. That means you have more experience, and which means that you have learnt more and know more. Yet, you speak to me like I have been living a wasteful life.'

A bitter smile cracked open on his face and from that opening his broken heart vented itself out. ' You dare accuse me with these hurtful words. You know who I am and what I do and have been doing all these years. You know what my life has been and how much of it I have sacrificed for the sake of others.'

Azhagan nodded his head and asked in an innocent voice, ' Why did you do that? '

' Do what?'

' Why did you sacrifice all these years and why did you decide to live your life for the sake of others? ' Azhagan asked and seeing Ravi's growing confusion and frustration, ' I mean you could have got on with your life like the rest of the world and lived happily. You could have gotten married and then you could have started a lucrative career by flying away from home to distant shores and settling down in some big company. Why stay here and why work in this unknown school that is only known in and around Madurai?'

' I could have and in hindsight, I should have done that ' Ravi answered bitterly and looked at Azhagan who smiled calmly and said, ' But, you didn't. Why? That is my question to you and importantly the question that you should be asking yourself. Why did you stay back in this small town and why stay single when you had some great proposals come your way?'

Ravi's lips quivered and his eyes shimmered with tears and unspoken grief and pain and Azhagan stepped forward and placing a hand on his head, ' You did not do what ten out of ten people would have done. In fact, you have not lived your life normally from the time you started understanding the world and realised the truth behind life.'

Ravi looked up at Azhagan who smiled and said, ' You are not a normal person. There is nothing normal about you and will never be. You are an abnormal person...'

The tears in Ravi's heart that had been allowed an escape through his eyes now escaped his long lashed and fell to the ground and the sound that they made reached Azhagan's heart.

' I said you are an abnormal person because, you can do things that normal people cannot do or even dream of. You are abnormal in my eyes because you of your own accord and willingly and wholeheartedly chose to do what is correct and what is good for others. You had a choice and you chose to serve people by sacrificing your own needs. Even the basic human needs.

Ravi Kumar's eyes glinted with understanding that quickly faded away and he spat bitterly, ' Look where it has brought me. Look ' he screamed, and pointing to the grave, ' It has only brought death and suffering. Nothing else.'

' Whose death are you talking about, Ravi? Meenakshi's. But that is a path that she chose willingly and in full knowledge of the consequences that it would bring one day. That day was last night and yet unlike you, she faced it bravely and died a warrior, a hero.

This suffering that you mentioned is what baffles me for I don't know what you really mean when you say you are suffering. I accept that one has to grieve when they lose someone close to their heart but what about those who wantedly kill or hurt others because they are hurting.'

Ravi swore angrily and his eyes blazed with emotion as he asked azhagan, ' Whose life did I kill now? What are you babbling about? You just said that Meena chose her own path, life and death. Why accuse me of that?'

Azhagan's face darkened with sadness and Ravi quickly apologized, ' I am sorry if I am being offensive or if I have hurt you. Trust me that is not my intention. That is not who I am.'

' I feel sad for you. I feel hurt because you are so close and yet so far and so shortsighted.'

Closing his eyes, Azhagan whispered, ' See my child. See for yourself and understand. Death is not the end of life. Suffering, anger, pain and rage are the real death and the real killers. They kill the person who feels them and then proceed to use him to kill others. See all those you are killing right now.'

Ravi felt a surge of an immense power flow through his entire body and he felt Azhagan and he felt the universe in every cell of his body.

He saw Madhu sitting alone and staring out of the window of a plane and he saw her crying. He saw her broken and ruined and then she faded and he saw his mother, friends and family and saw all their pain and suffering.

He heard Azhagan ask him, ' Why are they all crying? Who are they crying for my child? Why do they look so lost and lonely?'

Removing his hand from Ravi's head, ' Please answer me and please answer yourself and release yourself from this prison that you have created for yourself.'

Looking down into Ravi's eyes, Azhagan smiled and said, ' Rise and redeem yourself like Meenakshi redeemed herself and all her evil with one supreme sacrifice. Ask yourself why Meenakshi came to save you and lost her life knowing full well that she was coming to meet death.'

Ravi Kumar whispered sadly and asked his question in one word, ' Why?'

Azhagan smiled, ' Redemption my child. She knew and believed that by saving you she could save herself in the eyes of a higher power and redeem herself from all the evil that she had accumulated over the years.'

Pointing to Ravi, ' You. She died saving you. She died so that you and Madhu can live on. Happily and peacefully. She died thinking that your life is more precious and valuable than hers. She willingly took death into her arms to protect you and to guarantee you live on.'

Ravi blinked desperately as his mind finally glimpsed the truth behind Azhagan's words and the eternal truth about the Universe itself and he smiled and a new sun was born and as he slowly got up to stand on his feet, a new sun rose with him.

He looked at Azhagan and said, ' Life. The purpose of life is life itself. The meaning of life is exactly that. I am here for life and all lives and not for myself. Through my life and with my life, I live and exist in all life.'

Azhagan's eyes widened and before Ravi could stop him, he fell to his knees and with a smile said, ' Master, I see you my lord.'

Ravi too fell to his knees and hugged Azhagan tightly and said, ' Thank you. No, Master, you are the real master and the real lord and my new teacher and guide.'

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White is bright, and the colour of joy. Black, the colour of loss and death. Red rages in anger and thirsts for revenge. Blue is the colour of sadness and loneliness.

Blue is what you feel when you are lost and without a clue. When in that state, I walk down to the sea and let its salty waves wash away my blues. The sea willingly recedes taking with it my burden of blues and leaves behind sand and broken shells in my feet that have run aground on the watery sands. Wriggling my feet away from the mushy sands, I walk back to the shoes leaving footprints behind me The sea rushed in and with just a few small waves banished them and vanished them and the shore was smooth once again. No marks, no me and no footprints.

I watched, as two, now one in love ( more passion) walk past me, and I felt life walking past me reminding me as I stood in the present watching their present and my past. I smiled as the boy dug up a stick that had tried to bury itself in the salty sands seeking solace after having made its way from distant places along the shore or maybe from distant shores.

Poor stick. I say poor because I pity that stick that tried to put down its roots in the shifting salty sands only to find itself buried in a shallow grave which was soon dug up. Waving the stick in excitement, the boy bent down and drew a large heart on the drying sand that gave way without resisting too much.

A heart was drawn and her name was written in it and then he looked at her and smiled and wrote his name under hers and the sea returned with more force and ran aground. The boy screamed and the girl chorused his screams. The wave thundered and plundered repeatedly leaving the sands smooth and unblemished.

The girl screamed and the boy tried but the sea took one of her slippers into its depths, taunting both of them, ' Come and get me ' and I went in and chiding the sea grabbed the chappal and waded back to the shore and handed it over to the boy.

The slipper was not glass. The girl was not Cinderella. The boy was no prince and I, poor me, no knight.

Just a middle-aged man standing in the twilight of times and remembering that the past and the present and the past and future will never meet. They come together with hands stretched out but only their fingers graze softly as time and life voyage on plundering again and again.

I looked down at my feet and watched in rapture as the sands twinkled like shining stars reflecting and refracting the sun's light and heard their whispers, ' Sands, nay child. Bones and remains of eternal sea shells in an eternal life.'

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