From & To Sathish #5 - Page 72

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AcYlK8EF6wg

contradiction

On a dark desert highway

Cool wind in my hair

Warm smell of colitas

Rising up through the air

Up ahead in the distance

I saw a shimmering light

Sounds familiar, doesn't it? It should, for they are lines from the hits song Hotel California by The Eagles. Dark, desert and deserted highway I can relate to but not colitas and shimmering lights. Dark, and deserted highways can be recognized instantly for we travel through those parts on our own highway called life. Until about ten years ago, I drove down regularly to Bangalore to meet souls born of blood and bone and a few bonded through something more and something intangibly intertwined with our very soul.

I used to leave early in the morning at first light although that light was more like a weary torch shining on drained batteries. In the feeble twilight that came about from the tussle between the coming dawn and vanishing night, I crept out of my Chennai like a thief and vamoosed as fast as possible towards the exit of Chennai marked by Poonamallee. I used to do that to beat the morning rush hour traffic. Once in top gear and cruising at a comfortable speed of 100 and a little more, it would take a great restaurant or hunger thunder from my empty tummy to make me stop and pull over for breakfast.

Many a time, I have exited Hosur and entered Karnataka borders looking with Melancholy at the passing signboards in whom, Tamil was being replaced by Kannada while English lorded in its permanent but secretive status as the official language of the land of Dravidians and Aryans.

The melancholic glances also stemmed from hunger pangs and the bellows of my stomach and also from my secret dread that my stomach will digest itself in its acids to counter the hunger.

But, once you leave Hosur behind, there are hardly any good eating joints and that too places where you can eat a plate of good idli vadai sambhar and top it with a nice filter coffee.

Those lonely stretches filled with hunger pangs somehow seem to mirror my own stretches of life and in those periods when I battle with the question " To be or Not to be " and invariably I say " I do " and fizzle away.

Questions about higher powers, God, purpose, and generally what to do or not to do. To speak my mind or drown in the Bulls..t of other mundane and cliched minds.

It is a constant war between my body and my mind. Oh, I am sorry but it is. I step into the day and light and to the world outside after having set sail from my private island called home and bang, straight away you have to listen to symbols and simple minds dishing out samples of PEELOSOPHIE ( Philosophy) and worse Spirituality when in reality they are shooting their mouths of about religion and the scary part is most shoot from the hips and straight into your heart.

Sometimes, my Hindu anchor and other secret spiritual anchors give away and let my boat drift around.

Funnily, in those rather dark and deep times, OSHO makes perfect sense.

There are a few things about Osho that kind of make sense and lets me reach my daily goals and that concern contradiction.

Yes. Now you hear me when I say, contradiction. Have I got your attention?

I use the word contradiction because some days, Jesus comes to me and some days Buddha takes me for a walk. Somedays, I walk the burial ground, my permanent residence with Lord Shiva and some days, I become one with the fluffy clouds. WTF! Satish, we knew it. You confirmed it, you loony tune.

Well, I am an island, but like ships, I and my mind island too float around visiting many ports of thoughts and creations and are not anchored down in the safety of Rigidity ( Read Religion) and in Maya.

Maya in the end is a contradiction. Religion, in the end, is Maya, for Rigidity, symbols and traditions are but a safety blanket, a safety harness, a safety net for you to fall on, to hang on and to retreat when need of false sanctuary.

Sometimes when I see a patch of green grass, I imagine or maybe I don't. I hear its calls, beckoning pleas, ' Hey, come close, see, feel me and touch me.'

It is the same with the morning sun and the sands of the beach and the little wave children who sometimes do behave erratically like teenagers and sneak in and drench you AND YES, there are also those waves that try to pull you under and drown you.

Good morning. I wish you a time full of life and contradictions and the will and grace to float through them. You happy, I happy and All is Well.

https://www.osho.com/osho-online-library/osho-talks/the-moment-hate-contradictions-c9d4b06f-d8e?p=b5363c9a4f5fa822c539f3ee704f9dac

https://www.osho.com/osho-online-library/osho-talks/einstein-aristotle-logic-d1eae70e-3a2?p=b7033f3e4e8ca7716f694bffe26e063c

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cKnTWw4-XKY

Usain Bolt leaps out and streaks away in the sprint races towards the finish and to Gold. He won all that could be won and crowned them all with several Olympic medals. But, just stop and think of his reaction and that of the other competitor's reactions when they reach the end and raise their hands in victory and are told to stand by while the judges decide who gets the Gold medal.

Obviously, the medals go in order as to who crossed the line first, second and third etc.

This is exactly the reaction of those athletes who are not just sprinting for 100, 200 or 400 metres but are sprinting for several km and are running a marathon in secret and which is ultimately an endurance test. This race is not about 10, or 20 athletes racing in a race of champions and in a race that means life or no life. This is not like those huge marathons that take place in New York, London and other capitals around the world where the numbers of people taking part in the race can be anywhere from 20,000 and above. The 10-10-10 Run for Pasig River is by far the biggest foot race in the world. With 116,084 runners joining the event, this race gave Phillippines a world record which was earlier held by the Bay to Breakers race that takes place every year in the San Francisco Bay area.

But the marathon that I am talking about takes place deep inside a woman and in this ultimate race of life, there is only one egg of a medal for which millions of sperm athletes swim, crawl, roll and endure. Half of them run in the wrong lane and are disqualified, while many more are rejected outright by the woman's interior ambience. For the remaining sperm contestants, the distance of 15 to 18 cm is covered by them in 15 to 45 minutes and some wait for another chance for 4 to 5 days and vanish into the void.

All you men read those above words again and again. F..k, even there, down there, the poor sperm hangs around for 4 to 5 days waiting for a signal or approval and that depends on her ovulating moods.

On the outside, we men run around wooing, dating, flirting, spending and falling involve and all for that. What? Creation. Furthering of your species or more specifically your Genes. Men, we men spend so much on a woman outside and do the same in millions and all of you compete for one egg.

I, I repeat that you read all of this as you are banging your head against a wall or knocking yourself silly for being my friend.

The race of life starts there with all sorts of hurdles and filters in place and that race is run until the end of life. Humans come in all sorts of complexions ranging from Black, Brown, Yellow, Pink and White and millions more in a mixture of all these colours. But all that is just for variety, colours to fill the palette of choice for just beneath that thin veneer of skin, all of us and all of it is the same. I repeat, the same. With our skin peeled off, all of us are the same and are different only by our genders.

“We are all brothers under the skin - and I, for one, would be willing to skin humanity to prove it.” Ayn Rand

If we are all the same then why are we all different in what matters the most? Diverse, in what is most precious. Difficult, in the most important aspect of our lives. If we are all the same then why do we fight, kill and destroy each other when we can all live in peace and harmony?

Because, of that which lies deep beneath skin and bone, cradled inside the helmet of a skull and hiding somewhere inside that white jelly called Brain. Thought. Thinking process. Intelligence and consciousness and conscience.

Sometimes, I sit basking under the light of a new sun but drowning in the darkness of my soul imagining that Mother nature is experimenting, conducting a research that involves the entire human race. The goal, the purpose you will ask and I will try to answer in my own unique way.

She is using us as lab rats to create some sort of new x-men type of version. One who can do all those superpower stuff and maybe Nature is preparing us for some doomsday scenario that might take place in the distant future. She is a fool, for we humans have already thought about that in movies like Robo Cop and Terminator.

Human brains mated with an indestructible metal alloy body and that mating in various degrees of needs and desires.

Titanium parts are already here. Stronger and more flexible than natural bone. This is now and we are just in the third decade of the 21st century. Imagine, in 100 years the kind of advanced and incredible medical technologies that will be available on the market for all of us.

I won't be surprised if a future customer walks into a mall and asks, ' Arm replacement. 25 Inches in light brown colour. I want the new alloy that can resist more than 50 tonnes of weight. Grip strength. adjustable ' and smiled at the mall attendant, ' have to be gentle with the missus and not use too much power. The last arms were a bit too powerful and the adjustments were all wrong, and I nearly got slapped to death by my wife whose own arms come from the top-end range of the Avengers super limb Titanium series. That is just for her and not for me as I am forbidden to have bones stronger than her.'

Good Morning. I wish you all a beautiful day.

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.” Carl Gustav Jung

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKFKRuWwgjg

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/g46zzibvEiI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JuLRBcW8DsY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GgTwa3CPrIE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOsyg3vtLIk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MoAUfnKcA3I

Avan, Aval Adhu 241 Listen to your heart

Silence, please. Quiet please for the heart is beating and speaking. Listen to the eyes and hear them whisper without talking or blinking.

Sometimes, silence speaks louder than words. Just because it is quiet and appears calm doesn’t mean it is still and void, as a few may think. It is insightful, powerful and full of meaning. It is when one can’t lie to oneself. You have to learn to listen to what it is not saying. Listen to, silence. And listen to yours, too.

Ravi knew the moment he returned to the cottage that something was off. In the darkness of the night, the faces revealed little and offered no clue as to what might have transpired in his absence. But the very absence of words, whispers and the presence of an unnatural silence that lay uncomfortably around the three most important people in his life alerted Ravi and his mind went to work as he thought not about what might have happened but more importantly about what should not happen if and when events turned bad and dangerous.

Luckily for him, both Partha and Gayatri were on the same page as Ravi and yet he observed that both of them were way out of tune with the silence that he had instantly perceived on entering the cottage. Whereas they both thought nothing much about the sudden change in Gayatri's mood he knew the moment he saw the dried tracks of her tears that had flown in his absence and he saw a little of it still remaining on the curve of her beautiful upper lip and he was hurt and moved by it.

All of us are humans and all of us cry when we hurt and when we are in pain. But, we hurt more and feel more pain when we see our loved ones suffering and it breaks us and our spirits when we see their tears. It is said that yawning is infectious. But, emotions too are highly contagious and there is one in them that is deadly in its spread and you are made aware of it by its first symptom. Silence.

Silence is beautiful when you sit on the shores with the one you love the most and drown more in it than the cool waves. Silence is beautiful when you have shared your first kiss, a deep kiss in which your souls have touched and kissed and you are lost for words in its beauty. Silence is awesome and insanely beautiful when two lovers hold each other and listen to the other's heartbeat beat each other's names. Slowly and softly. Silence is precious when eyes and souls connect across rooms, across continents and across lives and seek out each other.

But, that very silence is a killer when two who were one are now torn apart and drift apart in silence. The silence between two who cannot communicate any longer is the first crack in their bonds and in their relationship and that becomes an abyss very soon.

So many souls who were once friends, lovers, happily married and who were once inseparable now find themselves stranded on the opposite shores of that emotion called Silence and soon they are out of sight and out of mind. Silence is a blessing and it is also a killer.

One can be silent in a crowd. But that very silence becomes a curse when two souls find themselves being crowded by the other.

In silence, Time always comes to collect its dues, the toll you owe it for having allowed you passage through life. Nothing you can do about it. Nothing.

Sorry, there is something one can do, at least try doing it.

One can say to the other, ' I love you and I respect your silence. I will wait silently until you are ready to talk, communicate, share your problem and share your burden with me. I will remain in silence right by your side or walk silently in the silence of your shadow.

So, Ravi did what any person would do and which is the only thing they can do in a situation that involves an unbearable silence.

' Gayatri, are you all right? '

She slowly raised her eyes from the ground, from the earth that lay shrouded and looked into his eyes that were full of light and stars and nodded.

' I am all right. I am feeling better now.'

Ravi looked at her sharply and then at Partha and Daksha for a clue and for help in understanding what Gayatri had meant when she had said, that she was feeling better now.

Daksha was made of a different material as we all are and as is the accepted norm in everyday life. She went straight for the jugular and sliced right into the heart of the silence.

' She is okay, Ravi. She is just feeling a bit overwhelmed after hearing us talk about you and Madhu. Madhurima in particular.'

Ravi, the gentleman in any situation, politely said, ' Why talk about the past? What is the need to dredge up old stuff?'

There is a silence, a void even in speech, in sounds and in spoken words. I call it silence, for there are times and situations, in which when sounds delivered from another's mouth are rushing towards your ears and you feel it devoid of emotion and reason. It is devoid of understanding and it leaves you feeling confused and lost.

' Past and old stuff? We are in this situation because of your past and all that happened in your life, Ravi. '

Silence is a great teacher, and to learn its lessons you must pay attention to it. There is no substitute for the creative inspiration, knowledge, and stability that come from knowing how to contact your core of inner silence. In the sweet territory of silence, we touch the mystery. It's the place of reflection and contemplation, and it's the place where we can connect with the deep knowing, to the deep wisdom way.

There comes a time when we become mute and our hearing is impaired and that condition was once called deaf and dumb but is not in vogue anymore for dumb also means stupidity.

Forget sign language and instead in silence listen to the speech, the words, the language of eyes.

I see you. Really, I see you, means so much and in my soul, I feel it is even more precious than saying I Love you.

Good morning. I wish you, an, I, see you day. A day full of sight and silence. Not the bad ones but the good ones.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=58SScpJ3buc

when mute and hearing parents fear that their child is like them.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cEWwJxEq9Lg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvonUX9GCqk

"When you are young, you wait for the world to save you. You wait for that sorry note from your Mother, and a romance of a lifetime from that person you had a crush on for the last 3 weeks. You think that a road trip would ease your worries away, and a 'miss you' text from that one person who you think about everyday but still don't talk to will help you live a little better. You are alive in your head more than this miserable physical world. You think that you are never going to be fine and maybe this is the best that you can have. But when you grow older, everything changes. You realize that grand gestures and other people do not save you, mundane things in your everyday life do.

You do not daydream of trips to soothe your mind anymore. Instead, you stand in front of the balcony and look at the glowing orange moon while sipping your warm coffee and somehow it makes you feel a little less lonely. It's as if the moon can look back at you and listen to all the rambles of your heart. You make a playlist for almost everything from cooking in the kitchen to finishing the last episode of your new favorite show. It's like a time capsule that you revisit all the time just to remember how you've lived your life. You buy fifty books in the fare, even the ones you have already read. You romanticize freshly cut green grass, and a cold cup of water, and a blue sky full of clouds, and the way trees dance with the storm, and that small lane in your neighborhood with magnolia and dogwood trees that looks like a scene from an 80's French movie. You collect cups, bowls and socks and wonder how weird it must look to love them. You come home tired and lay on your sofa but the way your home smells makes you feel like you belong somewhere. You realize that intimacy isn't just physical or romantic. You feel it when someone comes to your room for the first time and looks at all your stuff and you find yourself telling them backstories, or when you tell someone a story about your childhood and they look at you like they understand you a little more and give you the warmest smile. You watch that movie for the 30th time and eat ice cream and solve puzzles when you feel lonely instead of texting and stalking someone who is not good for your mental health. You catch sunsets every evening because you love the way they remind you that there's a new day ahead, and you like listening to the rustle of the leaves on a gloomy day. You live for your plants and your pets and the little pigeon in your balcony who coos every now and then. You appreciate home cooked meals more, and clean clothes and the way fixing your kitchen does you better than a motivational podcast. And sometimes you pause just to notice your breath and the slow rise and fall of your chest and it makes you glad that you are here. Loving these mundane things have taught you more about beauty than a couple of heartbreak poems. You find that you have stopped giving in to unnecessary stress and you live your life by your intentions and not your habits. You empty your pockets and let go of all the things that are too heavy for you to carry. And when someone offers you their half-hearted love, you smile and refuse because it took you a long time to love yourself and now that you finally know your worth, you have realised the way you deserve to be loved. After all, you have understood that finding yourself is closer to finding love. When you look back, you know that there is no need to stay in the past anymore. And instead of waiting for the world to save you, you finally learn to save yourself....."

— Rae Pathak

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, you are going to be okay.

Avan, Aval Adhu 242

“Anybody can become angry — that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way — that is not within everybody's power and is not easy.” Aristotle

Ravi knew that Gayatri was upset about something from the tone of her voice and the way she declared that the situation they were in was because of him. But judging from what he had learnt about her having spent a lot of time with the over the past few days, he knew reasonably well that she usually got upset or raised her voice in anger when she was anxious about something or if she found something unfair or if someone was being treated unfairly. For all her anger and ability to get roused easily, he knew she was a good person and meant well.

So he said what he felt was the best in the situation for the situation involved Gayatri, who he had fallen in love with and when you are in love with someone and are being loved by someone, one does not take a confrontational stance the moment an unfair thought is spoken.

I guess I would and maybe most of us would do that for it is only natural to feel righteous anger when you have done nothing wrong. Ravi, was not us for he always took a step back from conflict and confrontations and took a moment before saying anything in the way of a reply to an unfair accusation.

I only wish that most of us could do that and do that throughout our lives. Day in and day out. Sorry. No. Mission Impossible. Still, one can dream.

“An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.” Mahatma Gandhi

Ravi recollected that famous quote by the Mahatma who he considered his own private hero and smiled a smile of an unknown quantity and said, ' You are absolutely correct. It is my past that continues to haunt my present and I am sure it will continue to haunt my future.'

Gayatri frowned angrily, ' So, you agree that you are okay being haunted and that you are perfectly happy living with ghosts of the past for the calm look confirms both states of your heart.'

' She is upset but more out of worry and if she is bringing up the same old topic concerning the past then it must be about Meenakshi ' Ravi thought for he could not think of anything else that could be a valid reason for Gayatri's sudden change in mood.

So, Ravi took another invisible step back like he always did when people he cared about confronted him angrily. It was only on rare occasions that people found some fault in him or his reasoning and questioned him about it but as was his nature and thought process, he never raised his voice and always retreated by agreeing and then slowly making them realise that he had done what was best in the situation.

' Again, you are right in your observation. But....' he paused and replied sadly, ' Do I have a choice in this matter of being haunted?'

Partha glanced at his wife Daksha who appeared as confused and taken aback as him for both of them were clueless as to what could have brought about the sudden change in Gayatri's mood. In any other situation, both would have jumped in right away and would have gone to war to protect, Ravi who was the greatest love of and source of pride in both their lives. But this was Ravi and his love and that meant the situation was not your average and daily affair but a totally different ballgame altogether.

Both looked helplessly at Ravi who looked back and said without words that he needed no help. Sorry, Mr Headmaster, but you are going to need all the help you can get to safely navigate this situation.

' Choice. Are you saying that you had no choice in your life? None. Really? ' Gayatri snarled each and every word and then did what came naturally to her. She blew and puffed air through the corner of her right lip to storm and sweep away the hair that kept falling on her cheeks.

Ravi smiled a loving and caring smile for Gayatri might have been blowing air to ward off the bangs of hair that had fallen on her cheeks and were irritating her but he also saw Madhurima do the same thing.

“Happiness is a garden walled with glass: there's no way in or out. In Paradise, there are no stories, because there are no journeys. It's loss and regret and misery and yearning that drive the story forward, along its twisted road.” Margaret Atwood