From & To Sathish #5 - Page 53

Avan Aval Adhu 156

“If only it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?” -Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

Imagine life as a beam of light that is on a straight path but has to travel through certain objects. The light of life will obviously try to travel straight but will eventually hit the obstacles and will ricochet away from its path and then it is one slam after another until it straightens itself and then proceeds on its pre-destined course.

Sometimes, I do wonder if our lives are like that beam of light that never travels on a set course and somehow always seems to be set instead for a bumpy ride and accidents. In this case, the coming together, the slamming together of lives with other lives and there is just no bloody way to avoid it.

There are days when I am driving back home late at night after work and am dead tired. My foot presses on the accelerator pedal to pump more fuel into the engine and I shift gears to go faster, but it just never happens and happens very rarely.

For deep in my head, a bell rings and voice booms, ' A few minutes. That's all you stand to gain by going faster. But, think of the risks that you will be taking to gain a few minutes and think instead of all the minutes you stand to lose and them who you might run into or who might run into you.'

Driving in today's world is not about just you driving your car or bike, my friends, but it is also about watching out for others in their vehicles and their manner of driving all around you. My eyes flick to the rear-view mirrors and to both sides and constantly tell me what is going on around me. I also peer out into the distance and watch out for obstacles that might hinder my journey and take an evasive right of left and another route towards home.

This practice has helped me many a time when I have slowed my vehicle to a halt several moments before the other vehicle being driven rashly comes to a halt in my car's bubble that extends to a few inches around me and my vehicle.

This philosophy is more or less what Ravi Kumar applies in his daily life. He slowly sat down on a green coloured bench and thought hard about what the beedi man had prophesized and as always listened to his heart.

' there is something in that man's word or rather warnings, Ravi, or else your heart won't be beating so fast. Something is coming but why and who is in danger and why are they in that situation?'

He sat there on the bench for more than an hour debating the situation with himself and finally the need for a cup of coffee was too great and so he got up and went towards the kitchen.

Love is a gift but sometimes a curse too for Love is a two-edged sharp blade. It can heal but it can kill too. Love is a magical power that is aroused in our hearts by Mother nature and one will die for it and one is also capable of killing for it.

Meenakshi was a smart woman and a passionate one at that. Whatever she did, she did it with fervour and with total faith and devotion. No half-hearted measures for her.

Twenty-five years had passed her by and she was now a married woman with an adult son. But, time and life and her marital status had done nothing to diminish the love she felt for Ravi and the hatred that she felt for all those who loved him and were loved by him. The love she felt for Ravi had only grown stronger and stronger and blazed quietly like a forest fire deep in her soul and it was stoked to greater heights and fury by Ravi himself and the object of her affection and desire.

Ravi's rejection of her had nearly killed her but somehow she had hung on and had lived on and the sole reason for that had been Ravi's single status and his rejection of other marriage proposals. Meenakshi had endured her pain, and heartbreak because she knew Ravi was enduring the same with Madhurima in his heart.

She existed, hoping against hope that she would one day be united with him and in the vain hope that she would unite her body and soul with his.

Her marriage to her husband Pandiyan was a farce, a sham, and purely for the public and also to placate her parents. On her first night, she had looked right into her husband Pandiyan's eyes and had said, ' This is a marriage of convenience. For you and for me. You are after my money and the power that my dad wields in Madurai. Okay. I can understand that and am okay with it. But, it is the same for me for I don't love you and yet I married you. The reason for that is...'

Her husband Pandyan had raised his hand and snarled angrily, ' Don't tell me for I know and the whole world knows that he reason Bloody Dog, Ravi.'

The power with which Meenakshi had slapped him had left him stunned in pain and confusion but the power and the ferocity of the words that she had spoken had cleared his head immediately.

' This is my only warning to you, husband of mine. Listen to it carefully for if you happen to err again, then I will have you killed or worse, I will kill you myself or worse cut your C.ck off while you are sleeping.'

Pandiyan's face went pale in fear and horror and he stood like a statue and listened to what Meenakshi had to say to him.

' You will never disrespect Ravi in front of me or anyone else and not badmouth him even when you are out of my presence. You will act like a good husband and do it well. I will give you my body once or twice until I get pregnant and that's it. After that, you will not come near me with any of those thoughts.'

She nodded and smiled, ' Don't worry, you can f.ck yourself to death with other women but carefully for if I hear one word about it then, I will kill you or worse have my dad do that for me.'

Her eyes softened slightly, ' Do as I tell you and I will be there to help you and when you need me to but.....'

She looked at him and said, ' Do we have a deal?'

Pandiyan nodded in fear and then his eyes opened wide as he watched Meenakshi undress right in front of him.

The painful slap was forgotten and lust, filled his eyes as he eyed her beautiful body and then watched with dry lips and dry mouth as she went and laid on the bed and spread her legs for him to enter.

He entered her with force and anger and then tore her apart as she gasped in pain and cried out, ' Forgive me, my love. Forgive me Ravi and give me the strength to endure this and all that life has cursed me with.'

This then is love too. This then is faith and devotion. This then is Gemini love, A Janus love and a double-edged blade that can be used to kill or protect.

Come now and gather around as the players begin to roll the dice and play the game of love and battle each other in the war called life.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GIroto3T5ug

Avan Aval Adhu 157

Love. That one single word encompasses so much of everything about our lives. From the moment of conception of new life and even before it. It can even be said that a life without love is a desert in which only poisonous creatures live. Even the plants are thorny, scrubby, tough and unedible and both plants and animals make their life in hardy conditions.

In the Indian context, Shanti Muhurtham or Suhag Raat is a significant ritual in the life of a newly married couple. It refers to the first night when the marriage is consummated. In this ritual, the bed of the couple is decorated with flowers, which are believed to bring sweetness to their relationship. The female members of the bridegroom’s family guide the bride to the decorated bedroom where she waits for her husband’s arrival, with a glass of milk. When the husband comes, he takes the veil off the bride’s face and initiates consummation.

The room was heady with the scent of flowers and red roses vied with jasmine that hung in every nook and corner of the walls. Meenakshi lay on the bed that was overpoweringly covered with rose petals. But each petal felt more like a thorn that pierced her soul for the pain from Ravi's rejection of her proposal felt more unbearable than what her husband Pandiyan had just done to her body.

' Blood flows from my insides and mingles with these dying red roses but my soul and my love for you are like these whites of these jasmine flowers. Unlike these flowers that will dry, die and will be discarded come morning, my love will bloom, grow and remain unwavering and will never wither away, Ravi. It will stay pure and safe for you. But, if I cannot have you, then no one else can have you. I broke your first love and sent her and her family running away in the middle of the night and even sacrificed my own brother for that. But, I am a lot older now and I have a lot more at my disposal to sacrifice for our love. I will wait. It does not matter if it is years, decades or even in our dying moments. But, I will die only after you have kissed my mouth and told me you love me. Until then, I will remain and I will keep watching and I will keep destroying anything that comes between you and me. This is a promise. This is my oath and this is my penance.'

In the field of psychology, there is a state called Dissociative Identity Disorder. Dissociative identity disorder is associated with overwhelming experiences, traumatic events and/or abuse that occurred in childhood. Dissociative identity disorder was previously referred to as multiple personality disorder. A person suffering from this state exhibits other symptoms called Depersonalization or Derealization Disorder.

Depersonalization/ derealization disorder involves a significant ongoing or recurring experience of one or both conditions:

Depersonalization – experiences of unreality or detachment from one’s mind, self or body. People may feel as if they are outside their bodies and watching events happening to them.

Derealization – experiences of unreality or detachment from one’s surroundings. People may feel as if things and people in the world around them are not real.

During these altered experiences the person is aware of reality and that their experience is unusual. The experience is very distressful, even though the person may appear to be unreactive or lacking emotion.

Meenakshi is a classic example of this disease and to be honest, almost all of us tend to dissociate ourselves from certain trauma or events in our lives which might otherwise hinder our everyday life. So, we sweep it and store it away in a corner, a locker that is in our memory and soon learn to forget it. We secretly will our minds to forget it and the mind does so.

Meenakshi stood listening to the woman and after she was done, she thanked her and told the woman to keep an ear out for more news and call her immediately.

She smiled and thought, ' so, dear dad of mine, you cleverly sent this woman to Kodai with your driver Subbu. But, Subbu unaware of Ravi's presence there in Whispering Rocks, happily clicked a few pics with his hero and who happens to be my hero and lover too and luckily for me, shared it with his wife who then shared it with her best friend and well.... the pics have reached me and now I am being forced to act and protect Ravi from this alien called Gayatri.'

The low but urgent tone of her husband Pandiyan's voice reached her keen ears and wondering what was going on, Meenakshi went towards his room and standing by the slightly open door, heard everything.

' Aiyo, Raja. Forget what the cops might do to us if they find out that I am the one behind this spate of temple thefts for I am more worried and scared about what my father-in-law's reaction is going to be or worse what my wife Meenakshi might do to me.'

Meenakshi heard his moans and groans and then heard him screech, ' For now, tell those two and the others of his gang to lie low in our usual hideout and you stay with them and do all that you can do to look after them. Explain to them that Tamil Nadu Police are the best in the business and will somehow sniff us out in the end. The only way is to stay out of sight for as long as it takes. Do you understand what I am saying?'

Raja, his number two in all his criminal activities concurred and then Pandiyan hurriedly said, ' Send the remaining dozen workers back to their states. Pay them their dues and add to it 3 month's salary as a bonus and tell them that we will call them back when needed and when we are ready to start construction on our site.'

The bedroom door opened and Pandiyan nearly suffered a heart attack seeing Meenakshi enter the room and walk up to him and heard her words as loud as one hears thunder.

She put her hand out and Pandiyan meekly placed the mobile phone in it and stood shivering in fear.

Meenakshi said hello and on the other side, Raja Pandiyan's man Friday nearly collapsed in shock and then hearing his name being said, hurriedly replied, ' Amma, Sollungamma.'

Meenakshi spoke quickly, clearly but briefly and the glared at her husband and handed him the phone and said, ' We are getting late for our breakfast with our father. You know pretty damn well that he does not like to be kept waiting. So, finish up with Raja and join me in the car and where will talk more.'

Sorry couldnt resist. Shouldnt it be Meenatchi rather than Gayathri?

OMG! You're right! Even I missed this...it should be Meenakshi instead of Gayatri....

This is what happens when a person writes between 3.00 am and 4.00 am when he should be in bed fast asleep. Thank you for correcting me.

Avan Aval Adhu 158

“To acquire knowledge, one must study; but to acquire wisdom, one must observe. What is important is not what you hear said, it's what you observe. A writer, I think, is someone who pays attention to the world."

From the moment, life had revealed its true colours and what it had in store for both, him and Madhu, Ravi had decided that he would return and keep returning to his village-town of Kumarapalayam and wait for her to return. The dreams of going abroad for education and eventually work had all been set aside after Madhu had left him. Lost, lonely, and depressed for a long time, Ravi had somehow endured it all and had carried on with college and other higher courses and then had listened to his heart and had come back home.

Home meant not just where he had been born and had grown up but the place where he had first met Madhu and had studied with her for a few years until her departure. Kumarapalayam was both his garden of Eden and his private hell for every place reminded him of her and then reminded him of her absence.

Once his mind had been made up about staying in Kumarapalayam, Ravi had decided that he would do something about the children's education and that simple and noble thought set everything in motion. Luckily for him, the Govt run Elementary school for Students from LKG to 2nd std had many vacancies and then his uncle Dharmalinga Thevar had stepped in, to help him and did so without any spite or anger and despite the fact, that Ravi had rejected his daughter Meenakshi.

Ravi and Dharmalinga Thevar had sat together and had come up with a plan for a school that could stand comparison, with schools not from just Madurai but with elite schools from Chennai too.

Ravi had donated a few acres of the land that his family-owned for the new school project and Dharmalinga Thevar had put up the money for the construction of the school. The state government had stepped in and had agreed to contribute and had done so liberally and this was largely due to the then Chief Minister Jayalalitha aka Amma. Ravi's alumni had joined in and money had poured in and thus had been born, Kumarapalayam High school.

But, more than the land, the money and the ruling Government's support, it had been the will and hard work that Ravi had put in that had made it happen. Ravi had without hesitation agreed to become the headmaster of the new school and had become the youngest person to ever take on that position. It had been a bit slow in the beginning but the standards that had been set and had been maintained were of such a high degree that parents began taking out their children from private schools and had joined them in the new Kumarpalayam high school.

Ravi Kumar was both Master and Head Master and yet to most of the school's students he was that and also more of a surrogate father, guardian, guide and protector.

All this had been possible because of Ravi's thoughts and more importantly his thought process and how he handled situations.

That now came to the fore as he slowly walked in silence with only the thick and heavy Kodai Fog for company, and pondered over Beedi man Devathoothan's mysterious and foreboding words.

' I have no enemies and have had none for many a decade now. Partha and Daksha are here on their own doing their thing and have had no altercation or squabbles with anybody nearby or with any of their tea estate workers. That leaves Gayatri for she is the only person who is new in our group.'

It took him a few moments to hit upon the incident in the temple involving Gayatri and the cab driver Dayanidhi who had been stabbed and had involved criminals from North India.

Ravi took out his mobile and quickly called Inspector Sargunam who answered immediately but could not talk for long.

' Master, I am very sorry sir. But, I cannot talk right now for I have a meeting with the Inspector General of Madurai. Can I call you after I am done?'

' Of course, Guna. Please carry on. Forgive me if I have delayed you.'

' Master, please. Is everything okay? Is it an emergency?'

Ravi smiled, ' Nothing that cannot wait until you are done with your meeting and until you call back. All the best.'

Ravi's thoughts were heavy as he reached the kitchen and saw both Partha and Daksha preparing something exotic and the moment the smell of the food hit him, he growled along with his tummy that roared in hunger, ' Omelette with bacon and sausage bits along with bell pepper slices and cooked in garlic laced butter. Yummy.'

Partha turned around holding a tray that he had just removed from the grill oven and chorused, ' with freshly baked bread, Master sir.'

The ARROGANCE

After travelling long through a forest, Kalidas reached a village. He felt very thirsty and looked around for water, whereupon he saw an old woman drawing water from a well.

He went up to her and asked her for water.

She agreed to give him water, but asked him to first introduce himself, “Who are you? Introduce yourself.” (apna parichay do)

Now Kalidas, who was a renowned and revered scholar of his time, thought that an ordinary and old village woman was not worthy of knowing who great Kalidas was.

So he said, “I am a traveller.”

But the old lady replied, “No, you cannot be a traveller. In this world there are only 2 travellers – the Sun and the Moon. Both appear to Rise and Set every day and keep travelling perpetually. Who are you?”

Then thirsty Kalidas said, “Alright then, treat me as a guest.”

The lady promptly replied, “No you cannot be a guest, son. In this world there are only 2 guests – Youth and Wealth … both are temporary and do not stay even if you plead with them a million times, and hence can only they be called as guests. Who are you?”

Thirsty but now quite intrigued with the profoundness of this old lady, Kalidas said, “I am a Tolerant person, Mata (sahansheel vyakti).”

Now the old lady replied, “You don’t quite look tolerant, young man. In this world only 2 truly know the meaning of Tolerance – Bhoomi (Earth) and Tree. How much ever you stamp the earth or throw stones at the tree (for the fruits), both continue to nurture us. So, who are you?”

With unquenched thirst, Kalidas was increasingly becoming irritable. He said, “Fine then, consider me a stubborn person (hatavaadi).”

The lady smiled and said, “No my child, you are not that stubborn. There are only 2 truly stubborn personalities our nails and our hair. We keep cutting them non-stop, but they continue to grow. Who are you?”

Kalidas had been patient so far, but now in anger he said, “Alright, I am a fool”.

Now the lady gave a wide smile and said, “There are only 2 kinds of fools in this world a King who rules without having any capability or knowledge and a Minister who is a sycophant to such a King and lavishes praises on such a useless King. Who are you?”

Kalidas realised that he had been outsmarted by an old illiterate village woman. In complete awe and humility, he fell at the feet of the lady, saying, “O Mother! How ignorant I was to think that I know myself. I am ashamed of myself. Pardon my ignorance. Show mercy, and grant me water, I beg of you.”

When he touched her feet and then got up, whom did he see?

Mata Saraswati the Goddess of Learning and Wisdom.

She said, “Kalidas, you are wise. But only if you know yourself do you become a true Manushya (human being). Your ego has overshadowed your achievements. You are educated, but you are also given to arrogance. Hence, I had to come to guide you.”

The mark of a true human being is not his knowledge, but his humility.

Your intellect and education is of no use if it only feeds your ego.

An enlightenment story.

Avan Aval Adhu 159

Ravi pointed to the clock above the wash basin where Daksha was busy washing plates, ' It is not even 7.00 and you guys are up and whipping up breakfast. Not fair at all. You should be in bed sleeping off last night's spirits.'

Daksha turned around with a bright and loving smile and said, ' We never get to see you and even if we do it's once in a blue moon and that too just for a day or two. So, we want to spend as much time with you as possible and also take care of you as best as possible.'

Ravi hugged her tightly and pecked both her cheeks with his lips and thanked her. Since his hands were occupied with the oven and the trays, Partha put out his cheek and enquired, ' Don't I, your best friend deserve a kiss too? Or does the holier than thou master Ravi Kumar kiss only the fairer sex and other men's wives?'

Ravi gave him a gentle hug and after kissing his cheeks remarked, ' Shameless creature and a jealous one to boot and he calls himself my friend.'

Parthiban frowned and declared, ' Mister Master sir, I don't go around offering my cheek for kisses from strange men but only from those who are part of my soul.'

' Oh God! ' both Ravi and Daksha groaned in a chorus and then both of them folded their hands and beseeched, ' No, please. We are not in the mood for any Shivaji lines early in the morning.'

Daksha filled a huge mug with hot filter coffee and placed it in Ravi's eager hands and asked if he had slept well.

' Kind of but I will catch up on tonight.' Taking a sip from the cup, he closed his eyes as if he was in ecstacy and said, ' Ducks, abandon this drunk and come stay with me and mum in my village. All you will have to do is brew coffee like this and nothing else.'

Taking a long sip, he smiled and said, ' Forget me sleeping well. Gayatri slept very well.'

Both Partha and Daksha went " oh " with their mouths open in big O like shapes in shock and disbelief.

Ravi stared at both of them and shook his head and said, ' I am really disappointed with both of you and you dare call yourself my best friends.'

Daksha went, ' well... kind of .....'

' Nothing happened and nothing will ever happen. She was kind of feeling a bit down and also scared to sleep alone in the cottage. So, I took the couch and she slept like a log in the bed and proved to me that even logs make loud noises. Although....'

Partha cackled and smirked and went, ' There it is. There it comes, that although.'

Ravi smiled and continued, ' Although I did join her in the bed when she began to cry and talk in her sleep.'

Daksha looked pointedly at Partha and then glancing pointedly at Ravi and both shared a smile.

Partha, the object of their smile, protested loudly, ' Come on now. I talk. I agree that I do talk in my sleep but you guys know better about what I talk about?'

Daksha pinching his cheek lovingly, ' You talk and you also cry. But, the episodes have come down and it is just once or twice a month now.'

Ravi mimicked Partha's cackle and said, ' he talks, he cries and then..........' and turned and looked at Daksha and both exclaimed in unison, ' and he snores.'

Partha pawed and kicked at the ground feeling a bit awkward and then mumbled softly, ' what can I do about it? I still feel my legs even though it has been so many years. While awake I am able to control my thoughts and reactions but sadly not when I am asleep?'

Ravi and Daksha continued to stare at Partha who was desperately searching for the right words and then hitting on them, yelled loudly, ' it is called Phantom limb syndrome. My doctor warned me about it. After an amputation, some people experience pain in the part of the limb that's no longer there.'

Ravi's smile slowly dissipated from his lips and then from his eyes, like water disappearing into the ground, leaving it bare and dry.

' Partha, Gayatri too has lost something. Like you feel and cry about your legs, she cries for the lost pieces of her heart and soul.'

Sighing sadly, ' She cried about her father who succumbed to cancer and the way she treated him and her step-mother. Then, she cried for another....' and looked at both of them, ' she cried for me and prayed for me. She prayed to God and offered her life and her happiness in return for my well being and happiness.'

Taking another sip from his cup, and smiling with wonder, ' She is truly special and a gem of a person.'

At that very moment, Ravi was talking about her, Gayatri was still sitting in the bed staring at the single beam of light that shone on her, watching the miracle that was unfolding before her very eyes. Through the thick fog, another beam of light struggled through, breaking the barrier of the weather and raced to join the other beam that was already illuminating the world below. Then slowly the fog began to seemingly make way for both the beams that slowly united and became one and shone as one light.

Her Photographer's eyes slowly crept down and her sight fell on the other pillow that lay still depressed by the weight of the night and took in the depression in the bed and all her senses came alive as she realized what had happened during the night.

Slowly and gently, she let her fingers touch the pillow and the bed where Ravi had slept and then her sharp eyes homed in on the single strand of dark hair with a tinge of grey in it and reaching for it, picked it up and smiled and whispered, ' I love you. It matters not if you don't love me. This is enough for me and this will do for me and for this life. But, I will pray to God and I will ask him to unite us in our next life and in all our lives for eternity.'

Avan Aval Adhu 160

She had not paid too much heed the first time but when Ravi's eyes had darted at the clock over the wash basin for the third time and she had seen his forehead furrow slightly in concentration, Daksha could not help being quiet any longer.

' Master, if you have to be somewhere else, be so.'

Ravi smiling evasively shook his head and said that he had nowhere else to be but right there with them. Partha folded his hands purposefully across his chest and said, ' If that is true then why are your eyes seeking to know the time with every passing minute.'

' You saw it? ' Daksha asked and Parthiban nodded, ' Of course, I saw it. One does not fail to take notice of sudden summer showers or when lightning strikes in the middle of a cloudless day and likewise, one does not miss when their dear friend is acting in a vague and unusual manner.'

Ravi placed his empty cup on the tiny table that was sometimes used for an impromptu meal and then turned towards the entrance to see if anyone was there and making sure that no one was around, spoke quickly and in a hush-hush voice.

' I happened to meet this guy yesterday and met him again just now.'

' What guy and how did he look?' Partha asked and Ravi replied, ' he is always smoking beedis and so I named him Beedi man.'

Daksha laughing loudly, asked, ' Devathoothan? You mean our local Nostradamus?'

Strangely, Partha did not laugh and instead, his face went slightly grim in thought and Ravi noticing it, ' Dei, your lady is laughing but you have gone all grim and serious?'

His words did not do anything to loosen or soften his face and the grim expression that he was wearing and Ravi sensing something wrong, asked Partha what was going on.

' You tell me da. You tell me right now what Devathoothan said and tell me honestly why what he said has set your alarm bells ringing.'

Daksha realizing that things were indeed serious. said, ' Ravi, This Devathoothan rarely speaks but there are times when what he has said has come true.'

Partha looked sharply at Daksha, ' time and true. My beautiful wife, please tell me of one instance when his words have been false.'

Husband and wife stared at each other and Partha hugged her tightly and turning to Ravi, ' There was one time when his words were both true and false and it concerned this soul that is in my arms.'

Ravi looked at both of them worriedly, ' what about Ducks? what did the man say about her?'

Partha's face became even grimmer as he replied to Ravi. ' Devathoothan predicted that Daksha would become a mother but it did not happen.'

' Oh, I did conceive but suffered a miscarriage in the second month' Daksha said and then smiling and crying at the same time, ' See Ravi. I too became a mother for a brief time but it was not to be.'

Wiping her tears, ' so you see, Devathoothan was both right and wrong about me.'

Ravi hugged her fiercely and said, ' why didn't you guys tell me this?'

Parthiban smiled and shrugging his shoulders, ' How could we do that to you, Ravi? It was painful for both of us and we knew it would be even more painful to you and devastating and you would have dropped everything and would have rushed up from Madurai to be here with us.'

Daksha wiping her tears, ' and it happened during February and that means exam times and we know how involved you are with your students and in their education. That's why we chose not to tell you about it.'

Parthiban looked at Ravi sadly, ' Sorry da' and then his face went all grim again as he asked, ' what did he tell you?'

' He said that there is danger coming towards me and others around me and that I should watch out for strangers and from outside.'