*From & To Sathish* - Thread 4 - Page 93

Sand. Beach Sand spill out of my shoes, every day and even though I do my best to sweep it under the Diwan, a bit here, a trace there gets my Wife's attention and all you married men know what that means.

The sand makes a nice cushion for the rear and nothing beats cool, damp sand and their feel on burning feet. Try walking or running and then sit at the edge of the sea and remove your shoes and plant your naked feet in the sand and froth. Wow!

I sit and watch the round sun rising up, tip, quarter, half and then a complete red ball of gas and then recollect the first picture of Mother Earth, a round, blue marble. A speck of dust when compared to the infinite size of the cosmos.

In that tiny speck of dust, we call Mother Earth, is the circle of life. A, non stop mega serial of birth, life and death. Ashes to ashes and dust to dust and then back to square one and on to the last square.

A womb full of amniotic fluid and at the same time full of milk to nourish the new and old and inside this womb the circle of life goes on and on and on.

The cosmos dances with the cosmic dancer, and dances to its own beat and we call it Shiva and in him is his strength, Shakti.

I rise every day with a name, an identity, a soul and when I lay down to sleep for the night or forever I lose my identity and importantly my EGO and dissiapiate and become one with the others in my womb.

In the womb, everything is one and exists as a single entity and with collective consciousness but given form and identity, alas comes forth, EGO.

The cosmic dancers day has arrived and unlike the previous years, I will not rush to the temple or starve myself for the day as I realized every day is its day, the cosmic dancers day.

And every day, I rise and go forth into the life and into other lives I know and understand that I am part of a note, a beat, a voice among other voices in the chorus and part of a great and beautiful orchestra and we are all being conducted by the best composer himself. Not Ilayaraja but his mother, his father and God himself.

Vaanathai Pola 51

Radha Krishnan stood towering over Appu, Pappu and Meena and stood drenched by their laughter and their pure innocence and then slowly lowered himself and on to his knees.

' What are you doing here when you should be in school?' he asked them with mock anger although his lips twitched at the corners unable to control the laughter that was threatening to erupt at any given moment.

Meena looked at him boldly and asked' There are just two of us in my class and that one is fast asleep and importantly there is no teacher for us. But, what about you and what are you doing here, master when you too should be in class?'.

Appu and Pappu looked at her as if she was some kind of superhero for not even in their wildest dreams would they dare question a grown-up leave alone asking their master such a question and so boldly.

But they blindly trusted her in all matters and stood by her even when she was exhibiting false bravado and so piped up and together, both the tiny brothers demanded that Radhu tell them what he was doing out of class.

Radha Krishnan closed his eyes and remembered and recollected many things.

Bombs exploding. Armed men spraying bullets. Tanks rumbling through towns and small villages leaving behind a trail of dead bodies, big, small and tiny and even newborns. He heard planes swooping down dropping bombs like hens laying eggs and leaving behind an apocalypse of death and dust.

He opened sensing tiny fingers on his lips trying to spread them wide and he mumbled, ' What do you think you are doing Mr.Pappu?'

' Master sir, you look better when you smile and when you smile, your lips go wide and that is what I was trying to do?'

Meena's gaze became very penetrating and Radhu felt as if she could, they all three could see through them into his soul and averting his gaze asked her ' Why do you look at me in such a way, Meena?'

' Because big masters eyes would go like yours. Distant, very far away as if he had lost something terrible and as if he had left his heart behind?

Appu tugged at Radhu's arm and raised his tiny arm in question and Radhu asked ' what now Mr.Appu?'

' Master sir, Meena Akka is very smart but today she is a big fool.'

Radhu's lips spread into a smile and with eyes full of wonder,' Oh! is that so. so, please tell me and Meena why you think she is a fool.'

' because master sir, one cannot live after his heart is broken or taken away from their body.'

Radha Krishnan was stumped for an answer and cast his eyes down at the ground and spoke in a hushed tone, ' True, little man. One cannot survive when their heart is broken or taken away. But, somehow they manage to live and breathe and exist because someone else, somewhere is praying for them to live on, breathe and exist. Someone, somewhere who loves them breathes for them and make their hearts beat for them who are lost and lonely.'

Pappu's eyes went wide in shock and surprise and then placing his tiny right palm on Radhu's chest asked, ' Master sir, is your heart broken too? is there someone breathing for you right now?

A heart knows. Pure love knows.

The boy who went into the dark and came back with light.

Good morning. I wish you a beautiful day. All the best.

“All know that the drop merges into the ocean but few know that the ocean merges into the drop.” Kabir.

A line of words. A sentence formed with letters. A language that metamorphizes into a quote, a saying and into creation. Just like a pupa turning into a beautiful butterfly, a single thought turns into a poem.

Just like a web connects all and cannot be isolated at any one point, we, all, you and I are connected.

Many a time, I will stand in a scene, in a shot, in the frame but with the mute button pressed for I have no lines to speak and stand and watch while the other actors speak and do their thing and my mind wandered to the times when I had stood like that my heart a tsunami of conflicting emotions as it rebelled against doing nothing while in frame and then at one point I realized that even being still and doing nothing was okay for I was still in the frame. I was in the frame with nothing to say and yet I made my eyes speak and my trained my body to reflect subtle and very slight movements and variations that would register my thoughts.

Acting I realized was not all about lines and not only about lines to speak and say what needed to be said in Navarasas and that acting was also about reacting.

In life too I have learnt and am still learning to be still and have imbued my thoughts with what I learn from my acting moments.

A drop you may just be but an ocean you are. A drop might not make a difference but the ocean knows and feels what that drop feels and senses when it loses a drop.

A drop you and me are and an ocean, God is.

The gathering of drops is how great rivers start their majestic flow.

Today a drop. Tomorrow, a stream, a river and even an ocean.

Small steps.One step at a time.One breath at a time. One life at a time.

Vaanathai Pola 52

“There is no one way to recover and heal from any trauma. Each survivor chooses their own path or stumbles across it.” ― Laurie Matthew

All of us cope with grief in our own ways and with subtle variations in each and every one of us.

Radha Krishnan was perfectly aware of this for he had coped with both physical and emotional trauma many a time in his life. But then, he had been trained to handle himself in stressful situations and still function perfectly.

Looking into Appu, Pappu and Meena's eyes, Radhu wondered how much trauma the kids must have endured and at such a young age.

He smiled kindly and changing his voice to sound like a terrible monster, answered ' My heart has never been broken for I don't have a heart.'

This strange answer was too much for the kids to process and handle at their age and totally blown away they looked at each other in amazement.

Meena asked Radhu, ' Master sir, if you don't have a heart then it means you are dead and you are really a ghost who is drifting around.'

Radhu opened his eyes wide in mock anger, ' Oh God! So, my secret is out and I have been discovered much to my embarrassment by three little monkeys.'

Filling his face with a very serious expression, he told them in hushed whispers, ' Please don't reveal my secret to anyone or else they will hunt me down and destroy me and then you will never see me again, ever.'

All three were one and thought as one and so screamed as one voice, ' No, master sir, We will not tell anybody about you being a ghost, God promise. But, please promise us that you will be with us forever.'

' Forever, you want me to promise you that. Okay, I promise.'

Looking at his watch, Radhu realized that time was running away and so he hurriedly told the three, ' Listen, kids, I have to leave now for I am meeting someone important. So, bye, bye and we will talk more about ghosts and promises in the evening.'

Appu looked at him, ' Master sir, we too want to come with you if it is okay. Big sir used to take us around in the car and buy us ice creams to eat. It has been many months now since we have had ice creams for big sir is in the hospital and we don't want to disturb him.'

Radhu thought for a second and then getting up looked down at all three of them and said, ' Okay. But first, we clear this with Ma'am. If she says it is okay and only if she says it is okay. But, if she says no, then please don't make faces and try to enchant me or work your magic on me. For, magic doesn't work on Ghosts and dead things.'

“Trauma is personal. It does not disappear if it is not validated. When it is ignored or invalidated the silent screams continue internally heard only by the one held captive. When someone enters the pain and hears the screams healing can begin.” ― Danielle Bernock

Vaanathai Pola 53

Untouchability, in its literal sense, is the practice of ostracising a minority group by segregating them from the mainstream by social custom or legal mandate.

The term is most commonly associated with the treatment of the Dalit communities in the Indian subcontinent who were considered "polluting".Traditionally, the groups characterized as untouchable were those whose occupations and habits of life involved ritually polluting activities, such as fishermen, manual scavengers, sweepers and washermen.

Before I even broach the topic of Untouchability, castes and other sick divisions of humans made by the so-called rich, educated and by those in power, I want to put to tell you a small story.

Once, all the organs in the body began to argue who was the most important of them all. The heart jumped in and said " without me pumping all of you will be of no use. The lungs chipped in saying ' if I don't breathe in oxygen, then you all including the heart will be of no use. The brain jumped in saying that it was the commander and then the liver and kidneys joined in. While they were all loudly arguing, the rectum ( As....e) squeaked from down below " Excuse me please, but if I stop working then all of you will be in a lot of trouble." All the organs howled and roared in laughter and screamed: " stupid A.....e" who calmly closed shop and shut itself.

A day passed, and another too, and then it became unbearable and finally all the organs realized that even the A.....e was important and apologized and lived and functioned together and with respect.

The butcher gets his hands dirty and provides meat, fish and chicken to the so-called upper class and yet he is untouchable. Eat what he provides but reject him. (WTF)

A garbage collector, sewage cleaning person keeps our streets clean and our drainages working properly. The upper-class man wants his work but they don't want him. (WTF).

The slipper or shoe needs mending and you go to him but after that, he is a Dalit or a member from a lower caste. (WTF)

Dalit, meaning "broken/scattered" in Sanskrit and Hindi, is a term mostly used for the ethnic groups in India that have been kept depressed by subjecting them to untouchability (often termed backward castes). Dalits were excluded from the four-fold varna system of Hinduism and were seen as forming a fifth varna, also known by the name of Panchama. Dalits now profess various religious beliefs, including Hinduism, Buddhism, Sikhism, Christianity and various folk religions.

Anbu Chezhiyan cried in his sleep and moaned in fear for the terror of the sight that he had seen all those decades ago still haunted his sleep, refusing to let go of its grip. He had been but ten years old when he had seen the naked dead bodies of his grandparents. Totally naked, and without a single piece of cloth to cover them or the many deep slashes by sharp objects that had killed them. They had been killed because they belonged to the lower caste and had refused to work in the lands of the upper caste neighbour.

Anbu Chezhiyan's Swedish wife Elsa placed a hand on his chest and gently stroked him and Anbu opened his eyes and woke up from the nightmare.

'Dalig ( bad)?'

Anbu nodded, ' as bad as before and getting worse.'

Elsa Larsson spoke passable English and remarkably her Tamil was far better and Anbu found it very cute that she would switch from Swedish to English to Tamil when she spoke to him but she always fell back on her native language when worried and right now she looked really worried.

' Anbu, I cannot watch you suffer like this. It breaks my heart to see you in so much pain and frankly, it is beginning to affect me too.'

' Elsa, I have seen some of the best psychiatrists in the business and nothing has changed but for being prescribed drugs which I hate. Your own cousin, Gunther tried his best and gave up. What more can I do but for sleeping in the other room.'

' No, Anbu. That will never happen. I have sworn before the Lord and have taken my vows and it means everything to me. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honour you all the days of my life.'

She hugged him and gently laid his head on her chest and asked, ' Do you have to go for your friend Kavita's book launch?'

' It is not a book launch Elsa but a casual get together although it is also a deeply personal moment to celebrate a great soul. We are doing this not only to honour our late friend Vijay but to also honour our brave friend, Kavita.'

' what are you going to do about the death threats that you have been receiving? Don't you think it is time that you got some security for yourself?'

' No, not for me. If I succumb to these silly threats from nameless people then it means that I have lost and that I am a coward. We have enough security for our apartment and also my personal driver is a retired army man who can single-handedly handle any problem that might come my way. So, let us run with this arrangement for now and talk more if the situation escalates.

Vaanathai Pola 54

The venue where the book about Vijay written by his sister, Kavita was going to be released was the Park Sheraton hotel although it was formerly called Adyar Park. Most Chennaites still call this five-star hotel as either Adyar Park or The Park Sheraton Hotel when in fact it stopped being either of that and has a new name under its new owners.

Originally built in 1981 as the "Adayar Park Hotel" by Adyar Gate Hotels Limited (AGHL), a hotel company which owns four hotels in India, the other three being 105 room Intercontinental Resort Mahabalipuram, 104-room Welcome Hotel Grand Bay in Vizag and 67-room Fortune Hotel Sullivan Court in Ooty, the hotel was taken over by Welcomgroup Hotels in February 1985, when the controlling stake in the company was acquired by Goyal family, the present promoters. The group then renamed the hotel as Sheraton Park Hotel & Towers with the tie-up with Starwood for using the Sheraton brand. All the three properties of AGHL were managed by ITC Hotels.

The new name for this hotel is Crowne Plaza Chennai Adyar Park. A mouthful of a name and that too for a hotel. The name was changed after it was acquired by the Intercontinental Hotel Group.

Walls have ears.

Doors have eyes.

Trees have voices.

Beasts tell lies.

Beware the rain.

Beware the snow.

Beware the man

You think you know ― Catherine Fisher.

The men looked rough and it was plain enough that they were dangerous people to tangle with, even though they were dressed in good clothes. Sans the clothes, they could have passed off as beasts or beasts that hunted them or worse, hunters that hunted them both. Human killers.

The front office manager who was standing by the reception area smiled pleasantly although his timid heart and weak knees were knocking themselves silly and he greeted them and inquired politely, 'Good Morning. Can I help you, gentlemen?'

The one who looked the least dangerous answered in beautiful convent English accent, ' Thank you, and yes, you may help us. The booking is in my name and my name is Podhigai Selvam.'

The lady behind the reception desk looked at him with a barely disguised surprise for the name, the look and lastly, the beautiful accent were all misplaced and badly.'

Podhigai Selvam leaned forward and whispered,' I know what you are thinking, but you should see my sister for she is all white and beautiful. She is the milk and I am the decoction in my family.'

Taking out his Aadhar card he handed it to the receptionist for Id proof and then after it was copied, he walked quietly away flanked by the more dangerous looking men and all three were given a wide berth as they proceeded to the elevator.

Podhigai Selvam took out his mobile phone and called and once it was answered, spoke into it.

' Iyaa, we are in. Arul and Sethu are with me. yes, I think they are enough for this job.'

The voice spoke ' don't get your hands muddied and don't get caught, please. Put the call on speakerphone so that they can hear me.'

The voice growled ' can you both hear me?'

' Iyaa, nalla kekuthu saami. Sollunga ejaman.'

' Kill him and kill him horribly and let him scream in fear as he dies and let everyone watch it. Is that understood?'

Arul yelled, ' An untouchable Bas...d has dared to speak against our leader and benefactor and for that he will die a deserved death that will haunt him for countless lives. We will get it done, ejaman.'

They entered their room and the time was 11.00 am.

A knock was heard and the door opened and a room service staff member entered and immediately folded his hands and looked at Podhigai Selvam and said, ' Chinnayya, vanakkam. Ellam readynga.'

Selvam looked at him, ' Arasu, call the moment they arrive and enter the conference hall and also report the security arrangements that have been made for them.'

Arasu smiled creepily, ' Chinna ejaman. No security arrangements because the meeting is taking place in secret and only, we the hotel staff are aware of it. But...?'

Podhigai Selvam looked at him angrily, ' Enna But...?'

Arasu hurriedly shook his head, ' Ille, we don't know why or what the reason is for this dog to be here and who else is going to be with him. That is totally under wraps and even I am not privy to that information.'

' it matters not. we enter. we attack and we finish and we leave. It matters not even if we do not leave for we will be out in a matter of hours if not days. Moreover, jail time will be like spending time in a resort with my dad watching over me.'

He looked at his henchmen,' arul, sethu, the moment you enter is the moment that I head towards the basement parking lot and I will wait for a few minutes before I take off. Is that clear?'

Both the thugs nodded and so the plan was laid and the venue was set for Anbu Chezhiyans public assassination for daring to talk about caste and its ills in Tamil Nadu and for blaming the Thevar community for all the evil that was heaped on the scheduled caste community.

“. . . or is it that man contains within himself the seeds of evil? That even if he is placed in a paradise perfectly formed for him he will poison it, slowly, with his own jealousies, hate and desires?”

Good morning. I wish all my forum friends a beautiful day. I am in Hyderabad shooting for a Telugu serial and that is the reason I have been unable to post anything. I will be back in a couple of days and will resume writing new chapters for Vaanathai pola. Also, the reason for my not posting chapters everyday is due to my tiring work schedule for both Kalyana parisu and Bhagyalakshmi. Take care. Lots of love and best wishes.

IN TRANSIT HEMA

It has been a few days since I saw the sunrise up over my realm although I did see it on all the days rise over Hyderabad.

The sun is the same star where ever it rises and yet it appears and also feels so different over land and sea.

Familiar sights, familiar sounds, familiar four-legged and two-legged friends greeted me and I greeted them back and nothing had changed and it was as it was and as it has always been.

The sun came up proclaiming itself with a dim light and I went ' present sir' and the sun slipped behind a cloud and appeared as a smiley and my thoughts went back to the call that I had had with my sister.

' Hi satish, Hema is pretty serious.'

' How serious and what's wrong with her?'

' Cancer.'

My sister Aruna continued, ' she had supposedly recovered from breast cancer and had been okay for the past five years.'

I thought sadly ' and then cancer had decided to pay a visit to its familiar haunts and had stayed put this time.'

' But, I am in Hyderabad.'

' Okay. Just wanted to keep you posted.'

That was the day before yesterday and then yesterday, many of my cousins messaged me informing me that Hema had passed away and I froze( I do that very well) and went back to work.

I stood at the airport looking at the boards in green, reds and other colours and yet all my eyes saw were the words " Arrival,Departures, ETA and ETD."

I smiled and whispered " In Transit, they forgot that important word."

They revolve, I mean the revolving doors and some enter it to exit and some exit to enter and all the while " In Transit."

I found a vacant chair in a far corner from the gate to my departure and sat myself down.

Hema. The first time I saw Hema was back in the early 80s( 20TH CENTURY)when Ravi, my cousin brother and his parents were going to Ponnu Paarthufy and since it was the summer holidays, all the monkeys and donkeys of my age and all the adult donkeys too tagged along.

Bangalore as it was then called was still the quaint Garden city, pensioners paradise and had yet to awaken to the horrors of real estate deals and mega corruption like the rest of India and us Indians that is now commonplace and that is so common that we turn a blind eye to it.

Hema lived with her parents in a small village outside Bangalore and she, her family and the whole village dwellers must have been shocked out of their wits to see two matador vans full of THE Reddys bearing down on them.

Ponnu paakarathunu, Decenta oru Anjo ille aaru peru pogalam. Adhu general laws and decency but Yennoda Kudumbam, Appadi illiye. Thalai ezhuthu.

Hema's family scrambled, begged and borrowed mats, stools and chairs from neighbours to impress the monsters from the city.

The plate of samosas and jalebis vanished the moments our eyes fell on them and then Hema was brought forth and I saw ( I see everything) Ravi blush more than the Ponnu.

Some stupid woman from The Reddy clan squeaked " Can she sing?" and Hema sang " Krishna Nee begane baruve."

Most of my aunts began to whimper in fear and we kids did our best not to faint in shock and fear for Hema's voice was so manly.

One of my aunts could not hold back her laughter and peed in her saree and left a puddle like vadivelus famous comedy scene.

Hema passed away yesterday after fighting cancer for nearly five years and all that I can remember is the Ponnu parthufying episode.

I know that some of you will think me as weird but I tell you when we think of loved ones and friends who have left us behind, we sometimes remember only the goofy stuff and they are all good.

I firmly believe that life is a celebration and that we should celebrate the little time that other souls spend with us and the time that is given for us to spend with them.

RIP HEMA.

Vaanathai Pola 55

We don't see things as they are. We see them as we are----Anais Nin

Radhu opened the rear door and once Appu and Pappu had seated themselves, leaned in and strapped their seatbelts around which prompted Meena who had slipped into the front seat to say, ' That is what big master sir used to do and he never failed to also say that wearing seat belt is compulsory for anyone driving a car and also for the people who are with them.'

Radhu nodded ' So, that means I don't have to say it again and remind you that it is the law all over the world and especially if you are a child.'

He slowly drove into the traffic on OMR that was still heavy and glancing at his watch headed towards Adyar.

Meena proved his instincts right for she had not missed the glance that he had given at the time on his watch and asked in a very prim and proper tone, ' Master sir, do you have to be at someplace important?'

He nodded and replied ' Looks like you three kids don't miss much and see everything.'

But they remained quiet and realizing that they were waiting for an answer to Meena's question, Radhu nodded and said, ' I am meeting someone but if they are important or not will be only known after I have finished meeting them. But, I still hope to get something out of this meeting for this person is very powerful and can be of great help to us.'

Meena's face turned serious and her eyebrows crinkled with worry and she turned slightly and looked at both Appu and Pappu and Radhu noticing this, asked her ' okay, what is it now kids?'

Meena quickly turned her face away towards the window in an attempt to hide her expression but that did nothing to stop Pappu from yelling loudly, ' Master sir, Meena Akka is feeling sad.'

' Feeling sad. why? what is wrong?'

Meena refused to answer and it was Appu who spoke softly, ' she is feeling sad for you.'

Radhu turned quickly towards Meena, ' hey, what is going on? is Appu correct in saying that you are feeling sad and that too for me.'

Meena slowly turned her face and fixed him with her big brown eyes and said ' Yes master sir. we did not know that you are going to some important meeting to meet someone important and that too with The Flock in mind and yet here we are' and pointed to herself and then used her right-hand thumb to point to Appu and Pappu sitting behind them.

' What now, Kids?' Radhu asked them and to no one in particular and Meena answered very soberly, ' I don't think we have dressed appropriately for the occasion and what if this person turns out to be really important. Won't it be a big letdown to be seen with us dressed in our normal clothes.'

Radhu burst out laughing and seeing Meena's shocked expression laughed louder and Appu and Pappu joined him and by this time they had reached the Adyar junction signal.

Radhu put the car in neutral and turning to Meena looked at her for a second and then asked her, ' Hello madam, how old are you today?'

Meena with poise ' I am nearly 11 years old.'

' nearly 11 years old and yet only 11 years old. So, stop pretending to be older and wiser than you really are and please stop spewing these dramatic lines. Your clothes have no bearing on this person I am meeting and if my instincts are correct then she will treat you right no matter what you are wearing or who you are?'

Meena nodded very sagely ' It is a she. Okay. Your headache. But, this lady sounds cool and I think she will be okay in our books, too.'

Radhu looked at her again and then suddenly pulled her by her twin pigtails making Meena yelp in pain and this yelp only made Appu and Pappu clap their hands loudly and scream ' fight, fight.'

Meena was a bit confused by Radhu's action and squeaked like a little mouse ' master sir, what was that? why did you pull my hair and that too in front of these two demons?'

Radhu's voice turned all adult and serious ' Appu, Pappu, I did that to see if there was an old witch hiding inside our Kutty Meena's body. Because, she acts, talks and walks like an old witchy person and not like a normal 10-year-old girl child.'

Meena's lips quivered in anger and she yelled ' I am not a child. I am a grown-up person, an adult.'

Pointing to Appu and Pappu ' they are children, not me.'

The signal went green and Radhu quickly turned to the two in the back seat and winked at them and all three began to laugh loudly and their world, their small world inside the car was an oasis. A magical kingdom of love and friendship and trust.

The GPS on Radhu's mobile announced ' Turn left to TTK Road and then right to reach your destination.'

Three pairs of innocent eyes stared at the huge five-star hotel in awe and then Meena asked him ' Master sir, do you know this lady very well.'

' No, Meena. This will be only our second meeting.'

The way he said it made all three of them realize that this lady they were going to meet was very special to their master sir but in Meena, it roused a strange kind of jealousy for she had become very possessive about her new and strange friend and was also fiercely protective about him.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAqtE4KdJL8