Saras thoughts-SS

Saras was observing Kumud and felt bad that he had been rude to her for the past few weeks. His behavious may have hurt Kumud and brought tears to her eyes sometimes. Yes Saras had seen tears springing in her eyes once too often as he behaved rudely with her, but in reality his heart was bleeding. He wanted to be the last person on earth to bring tears to Kumud's eyes but he was not sure why his heart felt that marrying him would bring only lifelong pain and tears to Kumud's eyes.

And its not that these fears of his were unfounded. More than one ocassion he had heard his mother Guman telling her sister that she will ensure than Saras never marries and remain a bachelor all life so that all his property go to danny, her son and herself. Saras was scared that once Kumud came into his life as his wife she would only face humiliation, misbehaviour and pain at his house in Dubai.

Who would know that better than him? Had'nt he taken all those humilations, pain and misbehaviour towards him from the age of 6 ever since Guman married his father Laxminandan Vyas. How could he forget those cold stares from his mother when his dad was not around, those nights he spent alone without any person to hug and sleep, those moments when he fell ill but no one around to pacify and care for him, those moments when fear of failure gripped him but no one to provide a warm hug and motivate. All those things a child wants but he could never get in childhood. For the outside world he had everything a multi millonaire dad, a great mom, a younger sibbling to play with and friends but in reality he was the most poor child in this world.

Saras had been happy when his baby brother Danny was born as he thought his loneliness will be banished by his presence. But Guman never allowed any bond to develop between the siblings. She would object him playing with his baby brother, taking him out to graden anything that two siblings would do together as kids. When danny became big she infused hatred in his heart towards his elder brother Saras potraying him as only a competitior to the huge business empire rather than partners and friends for life. That ruined Saras only hope out of his lonliness in his family. That is when Saras turned to God to prayer because that gave him an inner peace and solace. Because he did not have any real family he started considering friends like Sunny and even strangers as family and made their pain and happiness his own. The enitre world was his family now.

Saras never felt he wanted someone exculsively for himself ever not until he met Kumud. Her Kamarband's sound reminded him of his mother's payal, the serenity he felt everytime she walked somewhere nearby would enchant him to close his eyes and smile. Yes he loved Kumud more than his own life more than anyone else in this world but he was scared to accept her to make her his own because he wanted her to be happy.

There was no way Kumud could be happy marrying him, he would be just pulling her into his dysfunctional family life and ruining her happiness. And yes he did not trust in the institution of marriage not after what happened with his parents marriage. Marriage only gave pain to many people at least in his family and they all paid a huge price for that his mom with her life, him with his lost childhood. He would never allow that to happen to Kumud never. He would not give her pain just for his momentary happiness of having her as his wife as part of his family.

Saras shrugged off his thoughts as he saw Kumud approach him smiling that her ideas had been accepted by the architect. It looked like she was fulfilling her dream rather than Saras. Saras assumed the aloof and indifferent face and started play acting as if he did not like her and ignore her again. Love, marriage, family were not institutions made for him. He was happy in his lonliness and in his pain in the dark valleys of his mind that refused to acknowledge his true feeling for Kumud.