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I will start with Saras 'coz he seems to be living in this delusion that he has learnt how to live with his pain. There is a difference between succumbing and tackling. All these years, Saras lived with his pain because he didn't have a choice. The loss of his mother became an inevitable part of his life, he knew she was never coming back and accepted that fact. But he hasn't been able to move on from that fateful day. A part of him is still stranded in time and deep down, he is still the small child who saw his mother commit suicide in front of his eyes. Over the years, the screams of 'maa..maa..' has silenced but that gaping hole in his heart where his mother lived hasn't filled up. That emptiness and hollowness still prevails in his existence. At the first given opportunity, all the submerged grief and agony he had been trying to suppress within him came flowing out. At the lake, we saw an extremely vulnerable child haunted by the memories of his mother's suicide. Today, he again started building up the walls around him which had masked his pain all these years. But does masking emotions means they aren't there? Beneath his facade, Saras has a heart that beats and feels and bleeds. He should take Kumud's advice and find someone to open his heart out to. He needs it..desperately!
And speaking of Kumud, is she any less? Inside the body of this proud and rebellious girl resides a heart which melts like a marshmallow seeing anyone in pain. Sometimes, I feel her tough exterior is just to protect her virginal heart. Let's forget the guilt she holds for a minute. She has empathised with Saras since the time she first saw his eyes. She saw the rawness of his pain and emotions and the first thought which came to her mind was how she wants to share and alleviate his pain. She admits today that that is why she said yes for marriage by just seeing his eyes. Those were enough for the compassionate person she is. Honestly, I felt really bad for Kumud today. All the pleading and begging for Saras' forgiveness was not a sign of weakness. It showed that she is strong enough to leave her pride behind if it means making Saras feel better. Somewhere, she knows he is starting to forgive her but she wants to hear it from him. Part of me thinks that when Saras closed his eyes, he was actually gathering the strength to not melt when he looks at her because her eyes were so genuinely full of repentance. He was hurt when she didn't forgive him and now he doesn't want to forgive her even if he wishes to from within.
Saras and Kumud unhinge something in each other making them reveal their vulnerable side. We never saw such variety of emotions in Saras when he was in Dubai. We never saw the happy-go-lucky Kumud losing control over her heart. They are now bound by their suffering for each other and because of each other. Kumud has already softened up to Saras after knowing his tragic past. And Saras might be hurt and angry with her right now, but even he is intrigued by her persona, the only girl who has managed to make him feel that way. So contrary to what Saras said today, I don't think either can learn to live without the other.
Seher Hone Ko Hai
Health and Fitness
