Chapter 19
February 6, 2014. 10:30 pm. Garg's Roof.
Kabir climbs over to the Garg's house using the pipe that connects the two roofs together. He carefully places the blanket over Rachna's body and sits down next to her on the swing. Rachna opens her eyes and is surprised to find herself covered with a blanket and Kabir sitting next to her.
Rachna gets conscious and stands up suddenly. Kabir is taken aback with Rachna's behavior so he also stands up and looks quizzically at Rachna.
"Rachna, what wrong? Why are you behaving like this with me?"
Rachna turns away from Kabir and asks him to go away. "Kabir, please just leave from here. I want to be alone."
Kabir is hurt by Rachna's words but firmly refuses to leave. "You want to be left alone? You want me to go away? Fine, I will go away, but only when you look into my eyes and tell me to go away."
He touches Rachna's shoulder gently and she turns around to face him. Looking at Kabir's worried and concerned expression, Rachna's frustration and pain come out in the form of tears. She bursts out crying and tightly hugs Kabir, pushing her face into his shoulder.
Kabir pats her back in a friendly, comforting manner. He is very troubled to see Rachna crying so bitterly, but he holds himself together so he can support Rachna and be there for her when she needs him.
After a few minutes, Rachna's tears and sobs subside. She pulls away from Kabir and slowly takes a seat on the swing. She looks up at Kabir expectantly and gestures him to sit down next to her. Kabir sits down next to Rachna on the swing.
"Rachna, I feel really sad today to see you in so much pain. I'm your childhood friend but I know nothing about what happened in your life in these past 15 years. It's completely okay if you don't feel comfortable sharing your problems with me, but just know that I'm always there for you."
Kabir looks at Rachna and waits patiently for her response. Rachna just stares out into the darkness, lost in her own world. Kabir is disappointed because he thinks Rachna does not want to tell him anything and he tries to get up so he can leave. But Rachna holds his hand to stop him from going away.
"Do you really want to know?"
Kabir is surprised to hear the blunt question from Rachna, but he quietly nods and sits back down. Rachna takes a deep breath and slowly begins to recount her story, piece by piece, memory by memory.
"After your family left Benaras, I was devastated to lose you, to lose my best friend. But you know how we are as little kids: we can forget even the biggest problems with time. I also slowly forgot about the pain of losing my best friend. I never forgot you completely...I used to miss you a lot. But eventually time passed, and slowly but surely, I made new friends. I met Chaya and we became inseparable. Then Gunjan moved in to our house after mausi-ji died when I was 16 and the three of us became really close. We used to call ourselves the "Three Musketeers." We used to spend every waking moment of the day together, and sometimes we would even be together all night, sleeping over each other's houses, pulling all-nighters to work on projects and study for exams. When the time came for us to apply to colleges, I was set on going abroad to NYU to study fashion designing. I had always dreamed of becoming a designer. You know how much I used to love art when we were kids. But I got rejected from there, so I also applied to Swami Vivek Anand College with Gunjan and Chaya. I thought that I would do my Bachelor's here and then go to NYU to do my Masters."
Rachna paused to take a shaky breath. She looked at Kabir momentarily, trying to take in his expression, to gauge what he was thinking. But all she saw was intense focus, his eyes deeply glued to her, waiting for her to continue.
"So that's what I did, I went to SVA with Gunjan and Chaya. I liked college a lot...I met Raj there and we became really good friends. College was great...I loved meeting new people, joining extracurricular activities, and hanging out in the canteen. I really miss those days..."
Rachna trailed off and stopped talking as she reminisced her happy days from college. Kabir lightly touched her hand to bring Rachna out of her thoughts.
"I really wish I hadn't moved away Rachna...I wish we could have memories of us growing up together, just like you are fondly remembering your times with your other friends."
Rachna smiles lightly. "Hmmm, I wish for that too..."
"Is that it? Why do I feel like there's more? I feel like you're leaving something out...something really important?"
Rachna looked at him and then quickly looked down.
"Because what happened after all this was the most beautiful period in my life. But it's also what brings me the most pain Kabir. It has taken a lot for me to try to move on from what happened...why are you reopening those wounds Kabir?"
"Have you really moved on though Rachna? Please don't take this the wrong way. I'm not saying this to hurt you or make you feel bad, but I know from personal experience that talking about our bad memories allows us to release the pain from our heart. After I talked to you that day and told you about my mom, I felt a lot better. I'm not saying that thinking about my mom and dad today doesn't make me sad, but after sharing my feelings with you, it doesn't hurt as much as it used to. Talking about something and sharing it with someone you trust is the first step of the healing process."
Rachna quietly thinks about what Kabir just said. His words repeat over and over in her head.
[Rachna's Thoughts]
Talking about something and sharing it with someone you trust is the first step of the healing process... Kabir's right. I haven't moved on. I haven't been able to forget him or what he did. I carry all this pain, anger, frustration, and bitterness in my heart...it really weighs me down. But am I ready to move on?
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CID
Bade Achche Lagte Hain Naya Season
