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A LIFE IN THE DIARY
"MY Fugly life... DRAFT ONE"...
21st October, This date was a change, a disastrous change to begin with, that remained dynamic till the end, till now, till when I started Acknowledging realities of life, till when I felt to be able to chose between the right and wrong. I'll try to honor this date with a remainder in this diary. From this day forth I am going to put over every minute detail that I've lived so far. I am 22 this year, but the memories are still so fresh to me. I remember each moment that I wanted someone to hear from me. And I chose this date to start sharing some drafts with this diary. I have named this diary with a MISTERIOUS epithet. That I won't bother myself by sharing too soon. :-P
I lost my mother on this date, I found another mother on the same day. I hated the new mother like every child would have done on getting a step mother at the age of five. My biological mother had died in an accident and when a drunkard father didn't fail to bring a new mother quite too easily and early, I got to learn from my friends and schoolmates that it must have been because of my new mother and my drunkard father that I lost my life, my Biological MOTHER. I cried unstoppably that day, it was raining outside. I had run from my house to the streets which I never knew where headed to. I hadn't had a bite since the morning, but the saline in my tears kept me awake and bear the truth that I had lost my mother and that if I had to go back to that home, I had to be with a new mother. I had learnt from people in my colony that to live with a step mother is like dying each moment. At the age of five, I've gotten to admit that, a dead one never returns. And this mere thought was scary to me. What if I could kill myself, but they say it's bad to think of suicide, but on the second thought if I kill myself I could meet my own mother again, but on the third thought what can be there that could help me know, how do one can kill himself??
Sitting outside a teashop, clenching my knees onto my thighs, sipping a pool of my own tears mixed in the rain, with furrows on my forehead I was thinking of definite possibilities of attempting the idea of living and dying alternatively, when I felt a sudden blow in my forehead. It was heavy to lift my head up suddenly and It was not too late, I had realized that I was shivering unrealistically under the rain and in seconds following the realization, I curled my body into myself yet again in response to the shivers. I heard the loud barks of a dog in those streets. That meant, I was dying too?? Indeed!! Because yesterday night also these dogs were barking, which my mother once told me was a symbol of someone's death. This is how they symbolized for my mother too when she died yesterday. Yes!! That means I was suddenly dying there. That means... I...
I heard the barks getting closer and one of the dogs appeared there in the street. I looked from my place, it scared me. Dying was not easy; I could feel the thing now. The dog wasn't barking anymore but the way it stared at me, I could sense lightheadedness out of fear in my body. It grew near me, again near and again, as if... Of fish perhaps the fear inside me took me to a sleep, a deep sleep. I had fainted there. But almost an hour later when I woke up the scene I witnessed had passed shivers down my spine.
I was held in the arms of a dog. It hugged me like a mother, like my mother used to do. Its arms and legs had embraced me whole. My face rested in its long neck. It did not scare me surprisingly. In fact, I felt good. I wasn't shivering anymore. I was done DYING. I was saved. SAVED, with the warmth of a dog. And to be amazed of more, I realized I was dragged to a place without rain falling over us; me and the dog. But when wonders remained shocking me, A pair of human eyes did not go unnoticed by me, which had been gazing at me from the time I hadn't fainted yet.
REST TO BE CONTINUED FROM TOMORROW...21/10/2014.
"Got it sanyukta?? You got it all, right ?? You got it, why he hates his mother, his obvious new mother. You got it, why he calls her FUGLY and why he's named YOU by that too??, You got it, why he loves DOGS."
A single draft from randhir's memories had answered her every questions. Keeping the diary aside on a table, sanyukta stretched herself on the bed. Three in the early dawn, she had a lone tear in her eye. She was sad. She did not know why. Perhaps, because the MISERABLE childhood of her BOSS was unbearable to her, or perhaps, because to realize from his draft that, he actually hated her a lot like his stepmother was, what was making her restless?
TO BE CONTINUED...
HE MAKES ME SICK
"I could not sleep because of you, you little jerk!!" after putting a convincing blame over that diary in her skinny hands she placed it in a corner on her study table and continued "I need to get you at your place soon before the bigger jerk (Randhir) looks for you." She mentally made a belief before leaving for the office.
AT OFFICE..
"Hey sanyukta how was your day, I mean the day after we all left??" an office colleague and a close friend of sanyu looked in full mood to listen to her now.
"Don't tease me around Asmara and especially when things are all confusing and... and crystal clear to you at the same spot." She shrugged her shoulder in conflict.
"But that did not make a sense to me??" Asmara said with little frowned eyebrows.
"What..?? Oh!! That.. I mean leave it yaar. I've nothing much to share about Boss. I just do not want him to be a part of our conversations. I think we should stop bothering me with his presence here." She said unexplainably everything according to herself.
"But I guess he's already bothering you with his presence my dear. What's the bloody matter??" Asmara sensed something unusual there.
"What did you say?? Asmara, he cannot affect me ok?? He just makes me sick that's it." She cried turning around to not face her anymore.
"Did he shout at you?? Or slapped you?? Or did he insult you publically??" Asmara Still believed she could explore sanyukta's heart.
"He hates me and I hate him too. Now that should be enough for both of us to know. Ok!! I'm done!! Please promise me Asmara you won't ask me anything now because I'm having a severe headache right now." She sighed several times in her sentences this time.
After a short silence Asmara agreed to her relief. "OK!! But you too promise me it's nothing serious that made you so upset this time, for as that hate part we're already aware of no??" she smiled to her while going back to her cabin. Sooner they heard a call bell from Randhir's cabin for sanyukta. She was about to go to him when she felt Asmara's hand on her shoulder.
"You leave it I'll do it for you." She made sanyukta sit bak at her seat.
"But??" Sanyu whispered in fear.
"Don't worry" she gestured with eyes that everything will be alright and left to Randhir.
"May I come in sir??" she peeped from the door when he looked at her.
"I called sanyukta" He gestured her to enter sidewise.
"She has a headache. So.."
"What?? How?? I mean so what, it's not an excuse." She literally made him look up though but soon dragged him back to his pretending side.
Asmara stood there while looking at him that made him a little annoyed both with the headache news and sanyu's absence in his cabin right there.
"OK!! Bring me this year's reports in two hours." He ordered finding no options to make her leave his cabin.
As soon as she left he stood up from his seat. "But she looked alright when she first entered the office today. But no, she looked a little low when she had her seat in her cabin but where the hell she's now??" he answered his self-made claims meanwhile looking from his glass window for sanyukta. Minutes passed but he was restless. He could not afford to not see her around him. She was a habit. He planned to go out of the cabin to check by himself but then having no actual reasons to do that made him sit back again and again.
Not only him but there she was restless too and the best part was she did not know why. "Why does Asmara think that he affects me?? Am I making it obvious with my face?? But why would I do that?? He hated me since so long. I knew it already, so why would it look new to me having confirmed from the Diary thing??" she looked at His cabin door while countless thoughts rushing down her brain and BAMMM!!! The door flipped open with Randhir coming straight toward her.
She hadn't had much time to understand when he stood near her making her stand too.
"How's your headache now??" He narrowed his eyes to hide his concern and leaving behind the formalities put forth the only question that bothered him right now.
"Headache..??...I Still have it boss." She nodded her head while watching Asmara from behind his back making some weird faces at her.
"Your eyes look red. You did not sleep??" He did not know why he moved forward, then why he asked her that question and finally why he placed his palm on her forehead but may be because he just went with the flow as he was looking there deep in her eyes for the first time??
Sanyukta was too numb to react now. He still had his palm on her forehead while her eyes in his eyes and her eyeballs started widening with the moment. That was it they understood they were so close to each other and they pulled themselves off immediately.
"Y..YOU do not have fever, but because you have a severe headache, you should take a leave, I think." He said with failing confidence and unattainable eye contact with sanyukta.
"Then I should leave firstly." She said with the same level of confidence but a better eye contact with him.
"Hmm" He whispered moving back to his cabin and thinking exactly nothing to his confusion.
She put everything she used to bring to office with trembling hands in her bags and to make herself out of the possible worries she could get from A wide mouthed Asmara she rushed to the exit totally ignoring the hell out of her.
Shiv Shakti
Madhubala - Ek Ishq Ek Junoon
Cricket
