One Shot ~ Of Goodbyes and Confessions

"Goodbye, they often come in waves." ~ Jarod Kintz

Human beings were creatures of habit. Majority of them preferred routine; they derived comfort from the familiarity of things. Familiarity was predictable, and humans liked the four walls that they would encapsulate themselves into more than the outside territories which were dangerous and often, surprising. That was the reason why most of them disliked changes, hated endings. But Sanyukta, Sanyukta wasn't one of them. She embraced the changes; she accepted the endings because she knew that something better was waiting around the corner. She was okay with moving on in life and unraveling the novel. To her, the sky was the limit. She believed that if she was struck at one place, then it would cause her to lead a stagnant life, the idea of which was revolting to her. New experiences, she craved for them.

Yet... yet today, she did not feel the same way. Today, she felt melancholic, maybe a little nervous as well.

Today was the last day of her College. Her haven of four years. It was not the end of four years of her life; it was the end of an epoch for her. Because it was. F.I.T.E. had taught her invaluable life lessons. She had laughed, she had cried, she had achieved laurels and every wall of F.I.T.E. was witness to her finally accomplishing her dream. Her dream of becoming an Engineer. Yes, today was her Convocation Day. And it was also the time to say goodbye.

That morning she sat in the window seat of her dormitory, letting the cool breeze ruffle her hair and thought about every memory associated with her College life. The gamut of memories brought a smile to her face, yet deep down there was an underlying sadness. Her misery stemmed from the fact that from the day after there wouldn't be any new memories involving F.I.T.E. Even if she remained in touch with her friends and her teachers, it was not going to be the same. College time didn't constitute the four years of education that everybody assimilated, it was once-in-a-lifetime experience. It represented a stage in people's life when they struggled with identity crisis, battling their way through numerous problems that life presented, all the while taking a step closer towards realizing their dreams, never losing hope, knowing in their minds that nothing was unconquerable. For her, it had been a turbulent time and yet, just as gratifying and rewarding.

"Sanyu, what are you doing so early? It's only five A.M." the drowsy voice of Kaustuki, her roommate and best friend of four years, pulled her out of her thoughts.

Sanyukta replied with a chuckle, "I felt like I was wasting our last day by sleeping... Perhaps, I couldn't really sleep. Too anxious."

"Sanyu, you shouldn't be anxious at--

"-- Just because you couldn't sleep doesn't mean nobody else can," Vidushi, the other roommate and definitely not her best friend of four years, interrupted Kaustuki in her chafing, high pitched timbre.

Her best friend sighed and Sanyukta did what she did best when it came to Vidushi-- ignored her.

The subject of Vidushi was... monotonous; it didn't warrant her two minutes even. It had taken her some time but she had finally figured out her true colors. And that had been it. She had thought that she was redeemable but she was wrong and the day that realization struck, her only association to her was as a classmate and a roommate.

In simple terms, she was not on her I will miss you' list.

Suddenly, the walls of her room seemed smothering. Smothering enough that she decided to take a walk around the campus. She picked her cell phone and ventured out of her dorm. It was colder outside owing to the absence of sun. The sky on the other hand, was painted in the shade of cerulean with stretches of orange hues. She could also hear the faint sounds of birds twittering around her, announcing the commencement of a new day. She simply loved this time. She wasn't much of an early riser during her time in F.I.T.E. but when she did, it always beguiled her into speechlessness. The campus which was always bustling with activity was desolate at that hour and she felt that she could hear the walls whisper, sharing some untold story of how someone solved a mathematical problem after years of diligence or how two lovers professed their love in some corner while it acted as their hidden sanctuary.

Now that she was leaving this place forever, she wanted to engrave every minor detail into her psyche. All the crevices she hadn't noticed before, all the scratches in the desks that she must have missed, all the places where the paint was coming off"imperfections, they were. Just like the students it housed. She just wanted to feel those under her fingertips, to feel the very essence of the hundred year old establishment and maybe listen to the unheard secrets it harbored.

She sighed. She was terribly, terribly going to miss her College.

Walking down the hallways, she made her way towards her favorite spot"the area behind the canteen and in front of the basketball court which had been testament to a lot of experiences of her life; some good, some bad.

She sat there and glanced at her surroundings, absorbing, soaking the atmosphere around her. And the next time she looked at her watch it was already eight in the morning. The three hours had passed by a blur. She sighed again.

"I knew I'd find you here," a familiar baritone greeted her from afar.

Randhir.

In rapid succession, a number of changes occurred in her body. Her mind became a maelstrom of unspoken emotions, her heart fluttered inside her rib cage, her pulse elevated, her pupils dilated, her stomach released a cave of bats, and nothing made sense.

She knew why she always had such a reaction to him. She knew. She chose to deny it anyway.

"Hi," she offered tentatively, beckoning him to sit beside her.

He smirked in response.

"Sanyukta Aggarwal, the fighter, is hiding? The shame that has befallen us all."

He moved closer to where she sat and positioned himself beside her.

Grimacing, she replied, "Randhir, please don't. I am not in the mood for smartass comments in the morning."

That sobered him up and he faced her completely, studying her features closely, those coal black eyes digging into her, like always.

"I am not hiding--

""you are scared."

The biting of her lip in response to his statement was a resolute affirmation.

"Why?"

"Because I have to go back to my home. My family complied with my request of studying Engineering in F.I.T.E. and now I am supposed to marry a random stranger. But I want to work, I want to apply my skills in practical world and make a career for myself."

"So... tell them that."

She rolled her eyes at him. "Yes and remember how it worked the last time?"

He stretched his arms behind him, dangling his legs and drawled in his husky voice, "Then, fight for it."

"It's simple to say that, Randhir. I just... I just wish I could take decisions about my life without fighting for it every time." There was that sigh again.

"Well, I would have offered help but you know me, I am not that nice."

That elicited a chuckle on her part.

"Anyway, your mom is coming for the convocation ceremony?"

Randhir smiled.

"You know for the first time, she is going to be there for me." He continued smiling in that winsome manner, his eyes at a faraway place, probably daydreaming about his future where his mother and he could foster the frayed threads of the mother-son relationship.

"Do you miss your dad?"

That transformed his smile into a frown and she almost felt guilty.

"A little, sometimes. And I know I should be ashamed of myself but there are other times when I feel relieved that he left. I had lost my father a long time back, that man was simply a shadow of the man I loved, who was drinking away his life."

Sanyukta nodded her head in understanding, placing a hand on his shoulder in an attempt to placate him.

There was a time when her touch would cause him to flinch but now, things were different. With every passing month they had become more and more civil towards each other and realized that there was no point in fighting over petty issues. Two years of hatred had already poisoned them enough and they were tired really, what with their personal life. So, through a silent truce, they had decided to remain civil.

Randhir was still an arrogant and narcissistic bas***d. What he wasn't anymore was an apathetic misogynist. He had finally understood that women were just as capable as men. He even abstained from calling her Farzi' and sprouting other sexist remarks. They mostly had innocuous banters which were a daily occurrence, more like a requirement... and a few other times serious altercations as well. During those days, they wouldn't talk to each other for an indefinite period. But after some time, one of them would eventually start talking and things would be normal again.

They were still rivals. They were still competitors. They were still teammates. They were simply enemies no more. Friends would be taking it a bit far. Maybe they were; they just never acknowledged it, maybe.

She wouldn't lie, she felt a spark whenever they were together, that static which charged the atmosphere around them. Their conversations were poignant because of the words which remained unsaid and it always left something to be desired. He remained quiet, she remained quiet and it suited their dysfunctional friendship.

And now, things had taken a precarious turn for her. With every thought, every feeling that he opened up about, letting her inside bit by bit, showing her the real him, she couldn't help but be fascinated by the person he was. That fascination gave way to pesky feelings. She might be nave when it came to love and relationships, she was not stupid though.

She removed her hand.

"It's getting late. We should get ready." He said while standing up.

"Are you coming?"

~.~

Chaos. Every nook, every cranny was overflowing with people and it spelled chaos. The human flood scrambled, and scurried and scuttled everywhere, the forgettable faces etched with unforgettable expressions"jubilance, grief, excitement and once again, she found herself overwhelmed by the gravity of the situation.

She continued her exploration, hoping to catch a familiar face and she was failing till now. She could feel her parents' and her brother's impatience behind her. She had desperately wished for Kanika to be present for her graduation ceremony, however, her illness had led to last minute cancelations. Pausing her search for a while, she focused her attention to her family who seemed understandably apprehensive and guided them to their places. Somebody tapped her on her shoulder and she whirled around to catch that somebody's gaze alight with mirth and the trace of his crooked, lopsided smirk. It calmed her nerves tremendously; she had found one familiar face at least.

Gradually, she sighted more familiar faces- Kaustuki, Jiggy, Parth, Sahil, Vidushi etcetera. The customary greetings were exchanged, she waved and her friends waved back. She finally took her seat and just when she thought the commotion won't cease and the ceremony would drown in the ruckus, it calmed instantly as the deafening voice of Vardhan Sir echoed through the walls.

The rest of the ceremony proceeded smoothly. It was a tear-jerker and pools of tears formed around her eyes as well. She scanned the crowd again, wondering what emotional turmoil her College mates were going through.

Her eyes first landed on Jiggy who was excitedly introducing his family to Kaustuki and her family. Then, it shifted to Vidushi who was also engaged in chatter with her family as was Sahil. The most heart-warming sight was of Randhir and his mother. They were embracing, tears in their eyes. She smiled, happy that finally Randhir accepted the love that he deserved. She shifted her gaze and it fell on Parth and Vardhan sir, laughing about something. It was just as beautiful as the sight she had earlier witnessed. Parth, whose family was no more, had found a parental figure in Vardhan and she was glad that he finally had some semblance of normality in his life.

As for her, she was profoundly grateful for her family's presence albeit reluctant. Her mother's firm hold on her hand was especially comforting and reassuring. Her four years of struggle was over at last. Yes, there were more battles that she had to fight. But all was well for now.

~.~

After the ceremony, the parents of all the Engineering graduates had either left for their homes or had arranged for their accommodations in the nearby hotels. It was the last night in F.I.T.E. and Sanyukta knew that like her, everybody was equally enthusiastic about celebrating the last few hours together before they had to embark upon their chosen paths.

Yoyo had announced an unofficial Fairwell Party for the batch of 2013.

Not so surprisingly, he was still a student of F.I.T.E.

She had her suspicions that it was because of Kaustuki but there was no way she could have confirmed her suspicions, hence she had dropped the subject.

Refocusing her attention on the impending party, she glanced at the mirror for the final time. She had chosen a simple yet elegant white georgette suit as her apparel for the evening and she had to admit she looked decent. Additionally, she had applied light makeup i.e. mascara, eye-liner and a hint of gloss on her lips.

Kaustuki, on the other hand, looked stunning in her red halter neck gown and stylish up-do.

Even Vidushi looked pretty, donning a single strap salmon dress.

"Let's go," Kaustuki chirped excitedly.

The party venue was already filled by the time the girls arrived. As soon as they entered, her companions took to the dance floor while she retreated in the shadows of the corner, eying the proceedings with a sense of bereavement.

"No, Sanyukta, you are supposed to enjoy. Forget about tomorrow, just enjoy the present," she murmured to herself. Tucking her purse under her arm, she approached the bar and ordered a martini. Maybe that would help her to lighten up and forget her worries for a while?

"One coke please," Parth Kashyap, her closest friend came up beside her at that precise moment.

"Hey Parth."

Parth gaped. "Woah. Vodka, eh?"

She chuckled. "Don't worry, I won't get wasted. It's the last night after all." Raising her glass, she clicked it with his and took a mouthful.

"I am sorry, I have been busy lately. I did not even ask you how you are feeling."

"Honestly, I feel inebriated right now."

They laughed in tandem.

"You are happy, right?" She asked as the laughter subsided.

Parth's expression turned rueful. "I am reaching there," he answered honestly. She was aware that he missed Arpita and his parents. Especially today. Today, when he had taken another step towards his dreams. She was happy that he had Vardhan Sir though.

"So, you are excited about working with Vardhan Sir?"

"Oh, yes. I am looking forward to apprenticing with him. There is a lot to learn from him." He was smiling again.

"I am jealous." She replied, cheekily.

Thereafter, as the evening wore on, they chatted about diverse topics, discussed about their future, their dreams. They fell into their familiar chitchat; it was wonderful, just like old times.

And by the next day, she would have gone far, far away from her friend.

"I am gonna miss you."

She didn't mean to blurt that out abruptly but he was there and he had been an integral part of her life and she wanted him to know that he was important.

He grinned.

"I will miss you too, Sanyukta. But let's hold on the tears and the goodbye speech for later, okay?"

She nodded her head vehemently, the lump forming in her throat.

"Parth?! Come, join the dance floor," Out of the blue, Vidushi swooped in and pulled him towards the said destination.

"Sorry Sanyukta. I will catch up with you later," he mumbled hurriedly, as Vidushi tugged him along with her. Sanyukta shook her head; if there was anyone Vidushi cared for beside herself, it was Parth. Unfortunately, he was too blind in love with Arpita to see her unrequited love for him.

At the thought of unrequited love, inadvertently, her mind traversed again to the enigma that was Randhir Singh Shekhawat. He had been late for the party and though she'd never admit it to him, she had been checking the entry gate at regular intervals. She blamed it on the alcohol in her system because there was no way she'd stoop to such levels in her sound mental capacity.

He walked in.

Her heart beat faltered.

~.~

In an Armani suit and matching loafers, he looked ravishing.

"Breathe, Sanyukta, breathe." She quickly averted her gaze.

Mustering the remnants of her fast evaporating courage, she looked for him again. He was at a far corner, chatting up with Jiggy and Sahil, wearing that smirk that had become synonymous with his name. She wanted to look away, but she could not. There was something about that moment and she was possessed under its spell.

And it hit her.

Like a bolt of lightning, it hit her that this sense of loss that she was feeling, it was not only because of bidding farewell to College, it was him. Randhir. Yes, it was him. In that gut-wrenching moment, a bout of nausea struck her, twisting and turning her insides, desperately yearning for something, metamorphosing into an epiphany. Her four eyes, they would have been meaningless if it wasn't for him. It was all him. She would have never achieved the pinnacle of glory, she would have never pushed herself to the periphery of her tipping point, and it was him all along. Those memories, he was a part of all her memories from College. She had fought with him, fought for him, comforted him, and challenged him and everything in between. She was wrong; the building did not constitute the College, it was the people that breathed inside it. It was Randhir.

She was immobilized by the revelation. All this while, she thought... And tomorrow, he'd be gone from her life too. That pain, it returned with vengeance, it gripped her and that void that she had been trying to fill, widened. It was intense, and painful. Pain, pain, pain-- It was all she felt.

No. No.

She was not going to give up so easily. No. She had to try, had to try for once. Before leaving, she had to let him know how much he meant to her. She would fight if the need arose. For him. For them. Anything to lessen the building pain.

Emboldened by the alcohol in her system, she took long strides to where he was standing.

Confusion was evident on his visage.

"I want to talk to you, will you accompany me?"

He didn't drop his unflappable demeanor; if he was surprised, he hid it well. Nodding his head, he walked beside her in silence till they reached their favorite place.

The Mechanical Lab.

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