24th April's SaRth Bus Ride - Scene Rewrite

.hea. thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
#1


The original idea was to rewrite the whole scene starting from this till Sanyukta reaches her house, and this was supposed to be wayy bigger, but I'm out of time (and Mom's grumbling about finishing up the Avogadro's Law chapter in the background 🤔). SO, this is what happens in my head (which you'll have to agree is a far better place than the reality).


The brown part is the flashback .. 😛




'Randhir, meine bola na. I don't need your help.'


'Waise toh kucch aur hi gaana gaati ho tum. Just shut up. Bus stop aage hain, peeche dekhna band karo.'


'Tum apne kaam se kaam-'


'Really, Sanyukta Agarwal. That's the most hypocritical thing you could have said. Chalo, bus aa gayi.'


Before she could even blink, Randhir picked up her trolley bag and pulled a disgusted face. 'Desh chodke jaa rahi ho kya? Itne kapde kaun pehenta hain?'


Sanyukta's eyes hardened. Pushing him roughly, she took the trolley from him. 'Har baat pe comment karne ki kasam khayi hain kya tumne? Mera bag hain na? Mein sambhaal sakti hoon,' but as she hoisted it up on the bus, her steps wobbled. Her hand shot up to grab hold of the nearest thing the same time as she felt his hand on her back.


'Pehle khudko sambhaal lo, phir bag ko sambhaal na.' Giving her a shove, he climbed up. The conductor signalled the driver to start the bus.


Apart from the two seats at the back, the bus was full. A guy was lazily smoking a cigarette while leaning against the door. A few of them were sleeping and one of them was talking on the phone urgently. Sanyukta sighed and took the seat at the back. Expecting him to sit down as well, she pushed the back below her and looked up. Randhir Singh Shekhawat showed no signs of sitting down.


'Randhir, nakhre baazi band karo aur baith jayo. Teen ghante se zyada lagenge.'


His nose turned up in distate as he watched an overweight, oily dude dozing next to the empty seat. He started to say 'Forget it' but the bus braked hard at the exact time and the man titled towards Sanyukta dangerously.


Roughly shoving the man's shoulder, he took a seat.


...


'Mein jaata hoon uske saath.'


'No way, Randhir. Sanyukta waise bhi pareshaan hain bohut. Tum jaoge toh woh aur bhi tensed hojayegi.' Parth said without looking up from his bag. Randhir gave him his best glare.


'Listen, looser. Tere aane ke pehle bhi hum log jee lete the. Waise bhi, mein uske ghar ek baar jaa chuka hain. I know the route well. Let me go with her.' Something in his tone made the other boy look up. Randhir looked serious. But Parth Kashyap never looked. He saw. It didn't matter that Randhir Singh Shekhawant was a pro at hiding his feelings. He could see how worried Randhir was.


'Fine.'


As if he'd expected the answer, Randhir turned on his heel.


'But if you hurt her, I'll break your nose.'


His whole body went rigid. That stupid feeling was coming back. He felt his stupid heart beat stupidly at his words but he had no idea why. His hands clenched.


'Bohut fikar hain uski?' He spit the words without looking back.


'Tumhe bhi hain na?'


...


Beside him, he felt Sanyukta twitch. She looked like she wanted to throttle someone.


'Ab kya hain?'


'Yeh koi bhi phone kyun nahi uthata ghar pe? Ek toh mujhe iss tarah se call karke bulata hain, batate bhi nahi baat kya hain .. aur phir..'


The man in front of her turned to her. 'Koi takleef hain kya?'


Redialling the number, she looked at him. 'Ji nahi woh ..'


The man leered. 'Hmm?' His hands inched towards her.


Her nose flared up. She was so bloody sick of this. Suddenly all the frustration from the past hour came back and she snapped.


'Meine kaha ji nahi. Par apka haath apni jagah jaldi nahi gaya toh zaroor hogi.'


His lewd gaze roamed over her. 'Mujhe toh lagta hain pareshaan ho kisi ba-'


But he was being pulled up by his collar by Randhir before he could finish. The two men glared at each angrily.


Everyone stirred in their seats. Getting up, Sanyukta looked at the man. He was miserably drunk and easily ten years older than Randhir. Randhir looked like he was going to pop a vein.


'Randhir jaane do.'


'Pehle muh na todh doon saale ka.'


Even as she tried to register that he had in fact sweared in front of her for the first time, the man pushed him hard. His fist flew towards his face in a reflex and a cackling sound reverberated heavily. Blood poured out from the man's nose.


Three men from the front hurried towards him and took him away. The bus was stopped as they got down, the conductor muttering below his breath about nasty businesses just before the strike.


Sanyukta bit her lip. Sweat beaded on his forehead as he breathed out heavily. He was still staring at the door as he wiped his mouth with the other hand.


'Thank you.'


The minute the words escaped her mouth, Randhir's head snapped back at her. The glare in his eyes warned her to take a step back but she was wrapping her hand around his and pulling him back to the seat.


'Lagi kya?' Her heart thudded uncomfortably.


'He pushes like a girl,' he said disgustedly as he settled back. Then, as if in an afterthought, he looked at her. 'Not like you, I mean. I meant ordinary girls.'


Her eyes twinkled.



Edited by themockingblue. - 11 years ago


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ainaboss thumbnail
Posted: 11 years ago
#2
nice!!!
see it should have been lyk this...den all d fans would have been super happy!😛
GrilledCheese thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
#3
superb!
really wish this was longer...n the ending was amazing!
TeekhiMishti thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
#4
I am short of words.
this is fabulous.
healed my bruised heart a bit.
thank you very very much for writing this dear :)
I love you for this.
made me happy about sandhir and thinking of them after a long time.
please continue this scene when you have time.
would love to read your continuation of this scene.
that bickering and caring was amazing... I loved rd and sanyu here...they were so in their esssence unlike the show 🤢
MainPareshaan thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
#5
Haaye! Nice! I think this scene would have been great!! Anyway! Cvs ne jo kiya hai kisi reason se hi kiya hoga!
Btw
Wasnt that dialogue Pehle muh na tod doon saale ka from yjhd?
Perfectly penned down scene
moonkmh thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
#6
how i wish our cvs were thoughtful like you..
AyushiSinghania thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
#7
This was honestly adorable. I loved the end ka dialogue.
"Not like you. Ordinary girls!"

Such a cute dialogue. Except he won't say this anytime soon. MCP 😳
Awesome-blossom thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
#8
👏
Awesome
Hope aisa shw mein. Hota
😔
nafees5 thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
#9
janni i love u for this re
..
mariya.kamran thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
#10
👏 Hats off to you for writing such an amazing screenplay. It healed my badly bruised heart. Thank you so so so much xxx

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