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With Anitha insisting that she wanted to see Nilesh's face on the video chat, both Gopi & Ahem were worried. They did not know what could be done to avoid the situation. Ahem was really confused on what he could do now & was ready to accept the situation.
Gopi can never see her Ahemji worried & with her around she will never let anything come closer to him which will worry him. When she realised that their plan of ensuring Anitha being fine will not work as she was now insisting on seeing Nilesh's face, Gopi knew she had to do something to ensure that her Ahemji's plan was not effected. She immediately realised & switched off the lights so that Anitha does not get to see her Ahemji's face. It could be any situation let it be something as big as removing a poisionous snake from his feet to ensure he was fine or to taking care of his health when the house was being painted during Kinjle's wedding, for Gopi her Ahemji is important & she can never stop herself from reaching out to him & taking away all his worries. Even in the past when he could not stand her yet she always was there for him & took care of all his worries to ensure he was fine.
In the past Ahem always thought about his wife as a gawar who knew nothing & just survived with whatever knowledge she knew about the kitchen. When ever she gave a suggestion, he never agreed to it as just could not stand an illiterate like her. But as he slowly got to know her, he knew she was an intelligent person who thought things & always gave valuable suggestions. He started to appreciate her presence of mind on all the things let it be on how she took care of Jigar when Rashi's truth had come, or when she suggested on how to get Rashi & Jigar together or how she thought about snakes before pouring milk during nag panchami or how diwali could be celebrated without firecrackers. All her thoughts & all her suggestions made a place in his heart even when he hated her & he respected her for all of it !!! Today with her simple act of switching off the light, he felt very happy that she was always there taking care of everything related to him !!!
With Anitha assuming it was Nilesh who was talking with her, she started to share her feelings with Ahem. On the day of Anitha's wedding, Ahem had kept all his feelings of losing Anitha & then with finally accepting the pain & the reality kept all his feelings to himself as he was too emotionally stirred at that point to even think beyond himself. But with him now making peace with his past feelings & with his past having no hold on him, he realised he could not share or accept any of the feelings Anitha was sharing with him. He was just acting as Nilesh only for one reason that he felt guilty for Anitha's situation & he all he wanted was Anitha to just be fine & accept the situation. Ahem's heart just feels for his wife Gopi & her feelings & though in the past he had loved Anitha deeply, he now does not feel anything towards her now. He knew as hard it was for him to do this, that it must be really hard for his wife to be there with him & listen to him speaking with his past love, feelings & care which should just between him & his wife. Ahem cares for his Gopi's feelings more than he does for his. He cannot see her unhappy or worried & wants to share his deep inner feelings with her. There has been so many times his heart tugged him to move ahead in their relationship yet he held back only to ensure she was ready to accept & take their relationship to the next level.
Though Gopi knew her Ahemji was just taking care of Anitha, her heart pained to see both him & his past love Anita share love & deep feelings between them. It broke her heart as she realised that those feelings were never there for her & that he never expressed such feeling for her. She longed for him to say those words of loving her, missing her, thinking about her & just wanting to be there with her & for her only. As Ahem promised Anitha, Gopi knew that he never experienced such deep love her as she knew the reality of their relationship. For he never remembered the promise he made to her on the Holi day as he claimed her as his forever !!! It pained Gopi to see that her Ahemji was lieing to her maaji. Gopi loves her maaji more than her mother as it was only thru her maaji she knew what was mother's love. She was a just person as her maaji was & knew her Ahemji was also like his mom. And when he had to cover up one lie after another, though she stood next to him to give him support, she knew that this was not her Ahemji. She did not want him to continue him lieing & wanted him to come clean before her maaji so that things could be taken care in the right perspective for Anitha & also for the family !!!
When her Ahemji thanked her for her support & promising her that he also did not like lieing & that he will soon share it with her maaji, Gopi forgot all the pain she underwent few minutes back. Anything Ahem does for her brings a smile & hope to her. From the start of their marriage even if he had glanced towards her it bought her hope that maybe finally her husband had started to like her & that their relationship would go forward. Even till date after her hopes being dashed on Holi or a few minutes back one small word from him, one smile from him bought back the hope in her marriage , in her relationship with him, in her love for him. With this happiness bubbling in her, as she turned to call him for dinner she realised he had already moved away from her & was happily talking with Anitha. It bought her back to the reality that though she was there it was his love Anitha whom he loved dearly & shared deep feelings. The reality broke her dreams once again !!!
When Gopi walked near him & yet hesitated, Ahem knew that she was worried & wanted to talk to him. In the past also when Gopi wanted to talk with him, she would walk upto him & hesitate. Once as he was discussing his mom's gift during their anniversary she walked upto him to call him for breakfast & as she got to know about the special day, she tried asking him...during the educational track, one night after Ahem scolded her for not studying, Gopi studied all night in the mandir & kept waiting for him near the bed so that she could share what all she had studied during the night. As soon as he got up, Ahem knew she wanted to say something & asked her to say it out. Today Ahem not only wants her to share her feelings & thoughts with him without any hesitation, he also knows what she thinks, what makes her to smile, her worries & her thoughts. He knew she was deeply worried about the current situation & he wanted to take away her all her worries & calm her down. The moment his wife told him she was scared, it tugged Ahem's heart.
This was the 1st time his wife shared her deep inner feelings of being scared on how things would go on & he could not hold himself back. He could not see her worried & held to comfort her & also comfort himself. He wanted her to look into his eyes as he told her that he also did not like lieing & he was promising her that he would share with mom everything very soon. As she questioned him back that if this was true, he could not holdback & asked her dnt you trust me. For Ahem , Gopi & he are just one. She was his strength, his hope, his soul. Her opinion & trust are which matters to him more than anyone's else. Her trust gives him the strength that she knows him, that she believes in him in whatever he is doing & it gives him the confidence to go & face life's challenges. If she were to ever not trust him, it will devastate him for life. He will never be able to look at the present nor the future without her trust !!!Though both may never have expressed these feelings out to one another, these special feelings of trust have developed deeply with the love they feel for for one another & the trust & belief in one another gives each other the strength to conquer life's challenges !!!
Gopi's heart was not only worried for lieing to her maaji & her family but her heart was restless as she realised the reality of her relationship with him. Though she immensely trusts her Ahemji, she craves for his undefined love for her. He & their relationship is her world & with Anitha her heart is scared that one day there will be nothing in her relationship with her husband !!! As he told her to trust him, she could not hold herself back & asked him if he could getback their life as it was before. Though Gopi knows she is not Ahem's deep love & their relationship may never be as a husband & wife but her heart is filled with love for him. He is her identity, her comforter, her support, her love, her husband without which life has no meaning for her !!!
As Anitha asked Ahem for a good night kiss & how unromantic he was, he glanced at his wife & his thoughts were only filled by his wife, his Gopi. He could not think of anyone else & he just wanted to kiss his wife to share with her what he felt about her, about their relationship & the deep love he feels just for her. Ahem has for long wanted to become one with her, share the love he feels for her by word & deed & to let her know how much he loves & treasures her. But as he was unsure of what Gopi felt for him & if she was ready to take their relationship to the next level, he always held himself back. But with his heart's deepest desire knocking at his heart, he could not hold himself back as he knew in his heart that she also loved him but was shy to share her feelings with him !!! With this thought filled in his heart, mind & soul he walked to her & slowly kissed her. This was his 1st kiss to his dear wife where in he put all the love he felt for her to let her know how much he loves & desires her !!!
Ahem has slowly started to understand his wife's feelings & he cannot think of anyone but just her & he cannot see her worried & he had promised her that he will share the truth with his mom. Will Ahem be able to keep up his promise & her trust in him !!! With the 1st barrier crossed in expressing his love, will Ahem be able to hold himself back from sharing his deep love for her & in turn claiming her love for him !!!
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With half of my family going away for vacation this week, my posts will be at slightly erratic times !!! Please bear with me !!!
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Anupamaa
Iss Pyaar Ko Kya Naam Doon
