Finally I have finished the next update. It is a little longer then the others so it took me a while. The beginning is sad and depressing again 😕 sorry. But I hope the end is different. I have included some pictures of the places the story is playing at. Hope you like them. Also some German phrases are included but I wrote the translation in Englsih right behind it. So here it goes
Part 3 ' Gopi's heart
This is the story of a broken heart. A heart that has been smashed into millions and millions of pieces but still beats a rhythm of love, of sorrow, of longing, of happiness.
It was late at night. No sound could be heard in the house. Everybody was sleeping but not Gopi. She was sitting in her office on her desk a half written letter in front of her. A letter, which would not be send as none of the prior letters were sent to him. Her love, her heart, Ahemji. They were written regularly by her, because she wanted to tell him about everything that happened even though she couldn't. Again she remembered this dreadful moment when her whole world collapsed. She had been so happy, so excited about her future. A future she would share with her beloved Ahemji and their then still unborn child. But it never came to be true. In her mind she has often tried to arrange her memories of this day. But it became all so blurred from the moment her Ahemji yelled at her in the hospital. She still remembers every word he said, still heard his hate filled voice yelling at her over and over again. But after that, after she turned her back on him seeing his face for the last time, which had been twisted in pain, hatred and sorrow, everything became bleared as though she had seen it only through a whitish mist. Gopi remembered that it rained heavily when she stepped out of the hospital, remembered that her tears stopped flowing because her pain and sorrow had become to huge, to immense for tears, remembered thinking that the sky was crying for her, because she couldn't do it any longer. Her life had ended. She walked back to the Modi Mansion a place she called home just in the morning and now a place she will soon leave for ever. As she stepped into the hall Gopi saw that everything looked just as they had left if when they rushed her Maaji to the hospital. There were the cups of half finished tea Kakaji and Paaji had drank, the basket with clothes she had dropped next to the stairs and deverji's bag, which he had dropped in the hall, when they all heard Kakiji calling for help. Automatically she moved to set everything straight. She put the bag on the table, put the tea cups in the kitchen sink and picked up the basket and carried it to the room where the iron was stored. Then she walked up the stairs and stepped for the last time in their room remembering past moments. Remembering Ahemji gifting her a beautiful necklace, their first kiss, their first embrace. Gopi was overtaken by grief and a small cry escaped her lips, making her fall on her knees in front of their wedding picture. With empty eyes she starred at the picture not seeing anything only feeling this pain deep inside her. After a while she moved again. She knew she had to leave before the family returned from the hospital. By the time she left Modi Mansion for the last time she had removed all remembrances' of her from it. Nothing should remind her Ahemji of her, because that was his wish, that was what he wanted and she would always do what he wanted.
The screech of an owl brought Gopi back into the present. She looked around in her office saw all the pictures, which were hanging and standing in the room. Because she couldn't go back to her Mamaji's place and she needed to start over Gopi had decided to leave India. The chances had been too high to accidently cross the Modi's path should she stay there. Her first days in Germany have been very frightening. Thanks to Ahem her English has become quite good but she did not speak a word German. She knew nobody, she did not understand the culture and everything felt and looked strange to her. She quickly had found work in a small sewing company and lived in a tiny room above the shop. Mrs. Mayer had been very nice and supportive and without her trust in her, Gopi wouldn't have been able to deal with the situation. 'That is all in the past now' she reminded herself after the well-known fear had risen within her chest again. These feelings which seemed to strangulate her heart and made her feel so cold. Slowly she reached out to the green box next to her in which all the letters, which Ahem never received, are stored. Right at the back was the first letter she had written to her Ahemji taking it out Gopi leaned back in her chair and started reading it again.
Dear Ahemji,
I know you never want to see my face again and I remember clearly you saying that this fact will never change. Doesn't matter if I die, if I am in trouble, ill, pregnant or sorry I shall never come in front of your face again. I know how angry you were and that you might not have meant every word you said. But I am too afraid and to hurt to come before you again. Still I feel as if I have to tell you that I am pregnant, that we are going to be parents. You said you don't want to have anything to do with me and nothing that comes from me. But still I hope that you were not serious..
The letter started. Especially the beginning was hard to read because tear drops have smeared the ink terrible. Gopi couldn't bear to read on too much pain was coursing through her heart while remembering Ahem shouting: "From this moment forward we are strangers to each other and we will always stay strangers. I don't want to have anything to do with you or anything what comes from you. Don't come back in front of my face. I don't care what happens to you, if you ill or dying or have problems!! ... Or, or pregnant". A tear was rolling down her cheek and her lips started to tremble. Through biting hard down on her lips she tried to keep herself from crying out.
A gust of air knocked over the picture of herself and Sanju, her baby, her angel, her little girl. Their daughter even through Ahemji had said that they are strangers and have nothing to do with each other Sanjana was prove of the love they have shared for a short time. Sanju was her sunshine, her hope, her life. But how frightening it had been for Gopi being in a foreign country, which language she didn't speak, away from her family and friends all alone. 'Can I do it? Can I live here and raise a child alone?' Gopi had wondered every day. Always living from one day to the next at the beginning and after a while she noticed that she can manage, that she was strong enough to do it, because she had to for her child. She picked up another picture of Sanjana the one that has been taken shortly after her birth. A small baby was lying in an incubator. It looked so tiny in this big machine. Again Gopi took a letter out of the box, the one she has written at this time, while Sanju was fighting to stay alive. The doctors weren't able to tell her, if her daughter would live or die. She had prayed every minute to her Khanaji to save her baby girl, her life because she didn't know how to go on without her. The thought of this little child growing within her had been the only thing that had kept her alive since that moment.
Dear Ahemji,
We have a baby girl. She has been born on 4th July 2012. Coming much too early. Her body is so small and tiny and I cannot hold her in my arms, because she has to lie in this cabinet with all this machines around her. The doctors can't even tell me, if we are going to lose her again so soon. They always say "Wir knnen ihnen zur Zeit nicht mehr sagen. We cannot tell you anything more at the moment". What should I do? What can I do?
Gopi had been so terrified by the aspect of losing her daughter again shortly after her birth. Every day the doctors told her more bad news.
"The heart of your daughter is not working properly."
"There is a therapy but it is really expensive and your health insurance does not cover the cost."
"Isn't there any family who could help?"
And on they went explaining that they cannot help her daughter to their best ability because of this. Gopi hadn't known what to do. 'I can't ask the Modis for help. Ahemji has been very clear on that. But what else can I do. I cannot see my daughter die. I can't!' Around and around in circles her mind has gone until she finally decided that she will have to try contacting the Modis. For her baby she had to do this. Ahemji would surely understand because this was not about herself but about their daughter. Just as she was getting up to do just this a hand has tapped lightly on her shoulder. As she turned around a young woman a little taller than her with dark her and big blue eyes, she had shortly talked with a few weeks back, stand in front of her. Her name was Julia and she was an artist, if Gopi remembered correctly. Confused she looked up into Julia's face and asked "You? What?" Julia had given her a concerned smile and had then gone on to explain that she has heard the doctors tell Gopi about the cost for the therapy. "I have already spoken to Dr. Sebald and given him a check, which covers the cost of your child's treatment." Julia then had said. Gopi had been left speechless. For about two minutes she could only stammer single, unrelated words. A wider smile has been spreading slowly across Julia's face. Her action she had defended through saying that she had understood that Gopi's child was her only hold in life. "I like you, Gopi. You are a very sweet and nice girl and I just felt like I should help you." When Gopi argued that she could not take that much money from Julia, who didn't really know her, Julia had answered "Don't worry about it, Liebes (dear). I earn more money with one of my pictures than I have just spent on the medical bill and I couldn't find anything, which I would rather buy with this money than the lives of a little child and its mother. Also let's be honest you don't really can say no to this offer, right?" Of course Julia had been right. Her child had needed the help immediately. There was no time to wait or try to ask Ahemji to help, who might refuse.
Yes that was the way her and Julia's friendship had started. Gopi was adamant to pay Julia the money back and because Julia got tired of arguing she had agreed to this. Julia was a fun loving and jolly person, who loved to laugh and make others laugh. Sometimes she could appear to be irresponsible but Gopi knew that this wasn't true. Her friend had always been there for her and Sanju. They even moved to her after Sanju could finally leave the hospital and they still lived together in this house in Obernzell near Passau. Thanks to Julia and the support of Mrs. Mayer Gopi had opened her own shop in Passau selling Sari's and fabrics and jewellery from India. The business was prospering very well and she could pay Julia back after 1 years. Still she stayed with Julia, because they had become close like sisters and Julia had asked her not to leave. She had become used to living with Gopi and Sanju and didn't want to miss them. So they stayed on and Sanju was raised by her mother and her Julia masi.
'Enough of this recalling of the past!' Gopi thought to herself. It was getting late and she wanted to finish this letter before going to bed. Half of it was written already and Gopi wanted to write about their visit to the Christmas market at 'Veste Oberhaus' a castle, which was being used as a museum on a mountain next to Passau. Julia has told Sanju all about the beautiful traditional Christmas market there and Sanju had begged her mother to go together. Gopi was really weak to Sanju's pleas so they went and had a great time. Gopi smiled to herself and picked up some pictures they had taken. There was a picture of the castle
Another one showed the how the rivers Inn and Ils joined to the Danube
And one from the Christmas market in front of the cathedral
As soon as they reached the car park up by the castle Sanju had been impatient. She had been fidgety and Gopi had a hard time to get her out of her car seat. As soon as Sanju was out of the car she said "Come on Maa, Julia masi. Hurry up. I want to see the horses and the Christmas pyramid and Santa and the stalls and and and". Julia had started laughing and picked up the cheeky monkey. Sanju put her arms around her masi's neck and didn't let go. So Julia was forced to carry her. Gopi told Sanju to behave herself a little but couldn't suppress a smile herself. She loved to see how lively Sanju had become. Thanks to the therapy her heart was working properly. A medication was still very important but Dr. Sebald said that as long as they are given it to her regularly there shouldn't be a problem.
Soon Julia had to put Sanju down because the way from the car park up to the actual castle was really steep and long. Julia was out of breath and Gopi had to fight, too. However Sanju did not know any fatigue. She was still telling them to hurry up. As they stepped through the last gate way the typical smells of a Christmas market was coming to them. It smelled of mulled wine, almond glace, chocolate apples, bananas and grapes. "Maa can I have some candyfloss please?" Sanju asked, because she has spotted a stall where a man was making it. Sighing Gopi nodded yes and went with her daughter over to the stall. "Eine Zuckerwatte bitte. One candy floss please" she told the stall keeper, who nodded his hand and took a new stick which he circled in the machine making the candy floss. Sanju was getting really excited now. Absolutely fascinated by the candy floss becoming bigger and bigger she started jumping up and down on the spot. Julia, who saw this, started laughing aloud. Sanju's head snapped in her direction and she glared at her masi. You know these cute glares of small children, which make some go "Ohh how cute" and others laugh. Well let's just say that Julia belonged to the second category. Pouting Sanju looked back at her cotton candy, which has become really big by now. The man gave the candy to Sanju and smiled down at her. "Vielen Dank. Thank you" Sanju said to him with a cute smile. Together they went on and looked at the other stands. Some were selling wooden toys and Christmas decoration. There were some small Christmas pyramids, which Gopi and Sanju really liked. At another stall they could by Christmas decorations.
The whole atmosphere was really festive and this was boosted by the Christmas songs which were playing in the background. Just than the song "In der Weihnachtsbkerei. In the Christmas bakery" started playing and Julia started singing along in a loud voice. Gopi cringed a little because when there was one thing Julia couldn't do then it was singing. She and Sanju stepped away from Julia in the hope that nobody would bring them in connection with this terrible singer. Sanju looked up at her Maa's face and rolled her eyes as if she wanted to say "Here she goes again. Can't she behave herself a little better:" Gopi giggled a little and Sanju joined her by laughing aloud. Julia just then noticed them missing and turned around to look for them, when she saw them laughing she come towards them without stopping her singing. She even raised her voice a little and put her arm around Gopi's shoulder as soon as she reached her. Finally she stopped her singing and laughed with Gopi and Sanju. The cheeky monkey had just turned around a little and caught a glimpse at the big Christmas pyramid through the mass of people.
Quickly she took hold of her Maa's hand and tried to pull her in the direction. But Gopi wasn't moving so quickly she was just saying hello to a woman, who had come to her shop recently. Because she didn't get the attention she wanted Sanju stopped her pulling for a moment and thought about what to do. After a few seconds she decided to pull really strong so that her Maa had to come with her. Waiting was not an option for her. So she grabbed her Maa's hand with both hand and stamped her feet in the ground and pulled with her full body weight. Gopi lost her balance and had stumbled a few steps backwards. That got Sanju a short scolding by her mother, who apologised to the woman and then went along with her daughter. As soon as they reached the pyramid Sanju, who was upset because of the scolding she received, got over excited again. She again pulled her mother and said "Oh how beautiful. Maa, Masi look the sheep and there the angel. And who are these?" "Those are the three magi." Julia explained to her grinning and enjoying the view as well.
Yes it had been a lovely afternoon at the Christmas market as they came home Sanju had been very tired. Gopi washed her quickly and put her to bed together with Julia, who read a fairy tell from the Grimm brothers to Sanju. They had bought some dinner at the market for Sanju, because they had expected her to be too tired to eat anything when they got home. Sanju was fast a sleep after Julia had read the first page of the story. Gopi kissed her daughters forehead tenderly and Julia gave Sanju a kiss on her cheek and said "good night cheeky monkey".
Gopi was happy with the letter now. She folded the pages and put them in an envelope. Then the letter was put to the other letters in the green box. Slowly Gopi was standing up and put the box away after closing it with the lid. She was tired and decided that it was time to go to bed. However as always she went first to her little angel's room and looked if everything was well. Sanju had again managed to wiggle her way on top of the duvet. An affectionate smile spread across Gopi's face as she pulled the duvet from under the small body and covered her daughter again with it. She put her right hands finger to her lips and then put the same carefully on Sanju's cheek. Then she left the room after a last glance at the peacefully sleeping child. She went to her room on the other side of the hall not bothering to put the light on. Before she lay down to sleep she prayed to her Khanaji for the happiness of Ahemji, Maaji, Paaji, Kakiji, Deverji and Kakaji as well as for her Mamaji, Rashi bhen, Mamiji and of course for Sanju's and Julia's happiness. Then she lay down on her bed and tried to get some sleep, even though she knew that this would not happen that easily. Since that day she hadn't had a good night's sleep.
A confused and split heart beat in this house. Will it ever be whole again? Or stay like this forever?
__________________________________________Thanks to famzii05, who gave me the idea to include my own visit to the christmas market 😃
Hope you all liked this update, please leave your comments with your suggestions, questions and thoughts
Part 4 on page 12 https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/saath-nibhaana-saathiya/2131437/ff-a-story-of-hearts-part-9-pg47-23-02?pn=12
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