Posted:
Okay so I am back with a topic after ages. Partly it is because I am again seeing the same topic every where and it helps to share thoughts in once place.
Let me also put it out there. Ratan isnt your ordinary hero. Even when he wants Diya to focus on him and spend time with him (when they fall in love) he isn't going to be some who tells her who to talk n who not to.. he won't be someone who has issues with her talking to other guys. He trust Diya n knows she can handle herself. That is a sign of trust and reassurance in relation that is very imp for every relationshipmto succeed
I know I have been blamed with Ratan bias since I share his POV usually. There are a few reasons for it
1) I feel that if I like a couple, I need to understand them both and not just one of them
2) As woman we understand and relate to Diya naturally. We dont need much effort with it. In fact sometimes (most of the times really) we overlay our wishes and desires on her. But what is equally true is that we have some wonderful writers and fans here who know Diya and her POV well. When we dont we have enough people to step in and explain (I jump in and add my two cents shamelessly as well)
3) I always feel for the underdog. It is human nature. And here, with some many people understanding Diya and bashing Ratan, believe it or not his character becomes a bit of the underdog.
I must warn you this will be a longish topic. Coming from me, you can understand that is something!
So who is Ratan?
Ratan is a 21yr who has grown in an abnormal environment. By abnormal I mean one that would not have helped with developing the same emotional maturity the any other 21yr would have had. He was pampered as a child. Lost his parents too soon and then was kept away from home. He grew with other boys his own age. So on one hand he is intimately aware of personal loss right from tender age and yet he hasnt entirely seen the bad side of human beings in his face. seeing someone from afar doesnt allow you to put the people you once loved in the same place as once you see doing something bad.
That early experiences means that he doesnt trust easily. He is not too scared of death. He is okay to look it in the face and feels thrill in overcoming it. But at the same time, the lack of emotional love means he has been yearning for family love and warmth (a reason why he didn't want to penalise everyone for the mistake on the one hamalwar who ever he was when Ratan didnt know the truth). He has lost so much of that warmth that he wants to hold on to it and is okay to forgive to keep that close. So you have someone who wants adventure to still feel alive but also wants warmth of family and doesnt want to be away from it.
so you have a guy who is still deeply emotional, cares about family but years apart means he isn't close to them. here is a guy who wasn't able to live his life normally the way other kids did and wanted/craved for that normalcy.
But while all this is true, that not trusting people easily means he is close only to a few and loyalty means the world to him. much more than money. the reason why betrayal hurts him more than loss of money.
What does he think of Diya?
If trust is important to him, then on that trust pyramid, Diya comes right at the top. He revers her. Looks up to her. Appreciates what she has done for him as his pehredaar. The sacrifices she made. he is in awe of how she handled the hotel all by herself. He is the closest person he has in his family. the only one who he not only blindly trusts, but one who he cannot hear anything against. He wants nothing more than to see her happy. Part of it has to do with her sacrifices and wanting for her to finally have a life of her own. But part of it is because of this bond of friendship he has formed with her where his care for her goes beyond her pehredaar role and about who she is and what she means to him. Him warning Esha to behave well with her sister, applying balm for her, trying to get her to forego her promise and be with abhay, was because he cares for her. him doing something for sajjan was because he cares for diya and knows what sajjan means to diya. it also has to do with the fact that he has still been able to retain his good soul.
He went through a phase when that friendship and his feeling took a backseat after marraige, but Diya is trouble and at risk, shook him and brought him back. Lets not forget, even during the fake engagement track, he was always worried about diya and her safety. now his anger was responsible for her being in trouble in goa as per him. he who should now in his new role protect her, put her in harms ways. the same diya that he cannot bear to see hurt.
He loves her truely and completely. As a friend and as more than a friend. But not at the level where it is romantic. By that I mean while there may have been some friendly attraction in the way and while he thinks she is beautiful, he isn't at the stage where when he sees her, he just wants to hold her in his arms - not to celebrate anything, but just cause he wants to relish the feel of her in his arms. He holds her hand in support, but he hasnt been reaching out to hold her hand because he wants to feel her fingers against his and feel contentment in it. Diya is there. She crossed the bridge of platonic love to something in between to now romantic love. He hasnt. He can die for her. He can inflict pain on himself if it means seeing her happy. but romantic love isn't what he feels as of now.
As of now, he has put her on a pedastal. He feels not one can be as good, as pure as wonderful as Diya. And that no lowly mortal (aka himself) can come close to her and her level of perfection. He wants her to be happy now, finally!
But who does he think will make her happy?
Someone mature. Successful. independent. Capable. Responsible. Someone who believes in all the rituals just like she does. Someone who loves her more than anything in the world. For who she will come first.
What does he think of himself?
That he is immature, irresponsible. doesnt respect traditions/rituals much, cannot handle anything alone, is a burden that Diya needs to carry, someone who is in the way of her happiness. someone who can never give her what she wants wholeheartedly - the way she deserves.
So what is the problem? What is the barrier in Dira becoming DiRa truely. (From fans perspective)
The problem is two fold
1) He doesnt feel romantically for her. And truth be told he is right to worry and say that he doesnt love her the way she does and may be cannot. Because who can promise that they can fall in love with someone. It either happens or it doesn't.
2) He doesnt feel good enough for her. And that makes him not see or what to accept when he is doing things right. The way Diya wants it. (It has partly to do with him constructing her Mr perfect based on her old list to some extent as well)
What will get him out of this zone?
The easier question here is what will NOT get him out of it and the answer there is simple: jealousy, status quo, Diya moving on, Dira separation.
For me jealousy is when the person you love, pays more attention to someone else. you no longer come first for them. you see a real chance of them picking the other person over you.
possessiveness on the other hand is wanting the person to only focus on you. even when you come first for them, it is wanting them to spend all their time on you and not as much with others.
Let me also put it out there. Ratan isnt your ordinary hero. Even when he wants Diya to focus on him and spend time with him (when they fall in love) he isn't going to be some who tells her who to talk n who not to.. he won't be someone who has issues with her talking to other guys. He trust Diya n knows she can handle herself. That is a sign of trust and reassurance in relation that is very imp for every relationshipmto succeed
Why will these things not work?
1) he wont realise love just because Diya separates from him. Because the guy is prepared for it. He is prepared for the pain that comes with losing Diya. That line he said of falling down when he left her hand, wasn't just a prediction. He knows that is him in the past, in present and that will be what he will be in future. falling without her. but going through it still cause for him her happiness comes first. For him the thought of her thinking bad doesnt sit well. the thought of her hating him sits worse. And yet he said it that for her happiness he will fall in her eyes and make her hate him because the alternative of risking her happiness is not an option.
2) Even if he falls in romantic love with Diya right now and if a better mature/responsible guy comes in, he will be heartbroken and at the same time feel some contentment. He will not feel jealous. Heartbroken because diya will be with someone else. and content because she will hopefully find her happiness. he is a very emotional guy. he will not pursue her. he is back off more.
So what will?
I wish i could be sure of that. I do know that he will need diya with him to make him see what he isn't willing to see. that he is already what she wants and perfect for her. no one else can make him realise it. but it cant be just because diya says it. it has to be because situations, his action and diya's reactions to him in those leave no doubt and no choice for him but to accept the reality.
As for love, diya hurt, diya in trouble, someone else trying to get close to him but him feeling angry at it (because that is diya's place alone) some random questions that make him question the nature of his feelings in future when equation changes more could help. but your guess there is as good as mine.
phew! i feel like i just wrote a phd thesis.
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