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Carry

@Doc.love

Dazzler

Posted: 7 years ago

#41

Originally posted by: VARUNI2014
I used to cry a lot In my second year of marriage ..when he can't even understand me .he is not bad guy..his mind and emotional level is simply not tuned with me .
For e.g. if I start telling him now what I posted and ask him to read ..he will dead first two lines and start making comedy of me ..he does not do that to I suit me.he does that bcos he can't u understand and he thinks is it is pure nonsense and tries to make if a comical situation ..

First I tried to fall in love with him or fell in love I don't k now .and during that time I used to cry a lot for the way he behaves ..i.e he does not do any thing deliberately ..But it is what he is ...and then hated him for his inability to understand me

..But then I am out of that love thing and I understood what he is.now I do nt hate or have anger on him ..i understood what he is and now i know I can never be In love with him not I can be friends with him ..fina.ly I am at peace
Falling in Love is such a disturbing emotion when it is not reciprocated properly at least as what one person in it expects

But when u r out of that in love concept u feel like a free bird and u will be so happy and see the things they are and try to be at peace with u r self ..that's what my experience taught me ..
Now it's just he is like a partner who shares my life ..that's what I can describe.i don't even know that is right word but it is closest to what I feel . Yes he is partner

Isi liye tou Varuni, you need to find friends OUTSIDE your home. As Sapna has said. Shes right. Every person needs a support system. And i mean EMOTIONAL support. If you dont have it with your spouse or in family, then find it outside. You will find someone yar.. You have to open up your heart for friendships...because without friends, I dont think survival is easy. Life becomes too lonely... 😕

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VARUNI2014

@VARUNI2014

Rocker

Posted: 7 years ago

#42

From the experiences I had of friendship after marriage ..a gal ditched me so badly ..I used to share with her so much ..and just for a job she did her me and then a college friend she was very close but not the best friend ..ditched me so badly after marriage ..in this case I don't even know the reason why she stopped talking..

But I have another good friend and actually she was my very good friend gand in fact my very best friend ..But sad thing is she stayed abroad and I came back and we bcos of zero physical contact we lost that spark in our friendship and I believe it if he had been close to each otber I would have had the best friend in my life

Even now if I migrate to abroad I ca tell again we Wil, be the best friends of life if I stay close to her at least for a year ..

Annd now I can't dare to make new friends any more ..bcos I can't bear if they ditch.

Coming out of that college friendship gal ditching was a big emotional wreck for me I don't want it any more

As for casual friends ..Yes I will try to make ...

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foresight

@foresight

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 7 years ago

#43

I am happy you are feeling freer. Partnership with your spouse is not a bad start. Sometimes when you don't expect much/ don't have much expectations, that is when life surprises you the most. So even if you don't expect much, don't also write it off.

My friend had a slightly similar problem, but when she least expected it her husband started supporting her n becoming one team. So you never know.

Get those friends that you can share you hobbies n exciting thing with. Someone you can grab a coffee with...at work or with other kids moms. Someone to have a girls movie evening out with. Don't let's those hobbies n interest lie waiting because you know they do make you happy.

sometimes you need to please yourself first n make yourself happy without worry about also adjusting (you can't get away from adjustment for long but some small portion of times you can). If you don't who will. So please don't put them on backseat

It is understandable to worry about making friends when I have had 5em ditch you...but not everyone will be be same...and you will always start slow with these new friends right? So you will only share more with them as they prove they are worth it and right friends for you. But don't close yourself off. I have seen both types, so I know how much a good friend helps n stand with you and takes away any bad feelings that's the bad ones bring out. YOu need to experience that good friendship once, you deserve it. But for that, you will need to give someone ..one of them a chance to prove that they can be that good friend to you

Edited by foresight - 7 years ago

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VARUNI2014

@VARUNI2014

Rocker

Posted: 7 years ago

#44

Right now plans to go abroad ..so now after those plans work out then I will start contacting my best friend in college ..I like her a lot and she likes me too ..just being apart many years physically we lost touch .

.once I go there I will have the best friend of my life bcos even recently she tried to contact me but I did not want to start it over and then by staying apart again I can't sustain it and then again I will feel bad

She is the only person who understood me and I understand her too very well

Some times I used to feel if she had been a boy I would have married her haha

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Carry

@Doc.love

Dazzler

Posted: 7 years ago

#45

Varuni, for friendships to sustain, physical connection is not necessary. What matters is your trust in that person and how much effort YOU put in to maintain your relationship.

My best friend and I live in different countries. We still have that spark... thats because we both make an effort to remain in touch. Shes super duper busy...I am busy in my life too...we dont even talk every day. Sometimes we dont even talk for weeks... But I know that IF i ever need to cry on someone's shoulder, I just have to message her..And she will be there for me. And vice versa... She has this confidence that if the world leaves her, I wont... And trust me, I have been dumped, used as a tissue paper also.. Ditching is very common.. For many years I kept experimenting and got my heart broken many times too...i kept filtering out people, kept analysing myself...And I didnt shutter my heart completely and ended up finding better people in my life.. Alhamdulillah.

I am not a relationship expert, nor do I want to sound preachy (despite my LOOONG LOOONG BHAASHANS!😆) ,but you have to open up yourself buddy ... You cant live your life in seclusion or just waiting for the right person to appear... Naa hi you cant stop doing things that YOU like just because your husband doesnt. Me and my husband are poles apart too.. Mostly husbands are extremely different from their wives. My husband also makes fun of my writing and my stories.. But that doesnt mean that I stop badgering him about them! 😆 And he keeps badgering me about his interests...esp.in games which I dont even like or understand!

So dont be so disappointed with your husband or life yar... As sapna has said in the above message, you never know when he will start supporting you. Maybe you could try to get yourself a little involved in his likes for a while, even when you dont enjoy those activities? Maybe this way he will get an idea that he should try to take interest in your choice of activities too..

I am sure theres nothing new that we are telling you here. You are an intelligent woman with a lot of experience. Just trying to help here if anything can make you feel a little better about the Word FRIENDSHIP and about that Platonic love.. 😊

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VARUNI2014

@VARUNI2014

Rocker

Posted: 7 years ago

#46

For me it's necessary to meet at least once in a while like once in at least 3 or 4 months

It's not that I want to be near them always

To maintain emotional connectivity for me it's important to meet that person at least once in a while..

I can't go on through phone like some do ..I really appreciate if one can maintain like that

It for me it's not possible

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Carry

@Doc.love

Dazzler

Posted: 7 years ago

#47

Hmmm... Chalo...whatever suits you. 😊

Stay happy always.

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VARUNI2014

@VARUNI2014

Rocker

Posted: 7 years ago

#48

Doc.lov I am not shutting down my interests ..bcos he does not like it

I meant I do it all by my self and he does it all by himself ..both I diff worlds

For e.g. if I want to go for movie.he dies not want to go ..then I leave the kids to him and I go and see the movie by myself .,but always in my heart I k ow I can enjoy the movie with my best friend more than I enjoy myself now I can enjoy may be 70 percent but it would be 100 percent if my best friend is there to share with them at least through phone the movie I watched

Same with reading books now I read my dad author book ..But no one to discuss that book with..

I k ow what the result is if I start did with my hu by he will just walk away after few sentences bcos he is u able to comprehend..

My hubby only interested in watching comedy channel ..Yes sports actually I am more interested to watch than him haha..tlennis football i.e European foot ball soccer I like to watch ..he only watches comedy channels and me can watch only few minutes

I know it's over yaar all that expectations and now i understand him and I don't like to change him or make him u understand ..it's done thing ..I won't even want to do it ..

I am fine with status quo I don't want to disturb equilibrium reg my hu by

Reg friendships yes after that abroad thing finalised i,e settling there or not then I will open up for new friendships if I have to stay her then I will make new friends here or at least try

If abroad I will try therec

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VARUNI2014

@VARUNI2014

Rocker

Posted: 7 years ago

#49

For me falling in love or love reg husband that chapter is closed in my life and I never want to open it

Eventually our kids will grow up ..and life goes on and me I hope I will make 1 or 2 best friends in my life that's it

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Carry

@Doc.love

Dazzler

Posted: 7 years ago

#50

Chalo I am glad that you havent shuttered yourself completely.. 😊

Aur shows per discussion humse kero na! 😉

Just by the way, i love to read too.. But looking at the way we are, I am sure our topics of interest will be totally different.. 😆 But if you would like to discuss some book too, uske liye bhi hum haina yahan.. 😆

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