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dishbhan

@dishbhan

Inactive

Posted: 14 years ago

#601

Khana bhi khilaya yaar ... aur kya chahiye ... kash ....

Very well written dear ... really liked it ...

~Cheers,
Dish

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karishma

@shanakyasharan

Trailblazer

+ 4

Posted: 14 years ago

#602

perfect😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

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-SYS-

@-SYS-

Dazzler

Posted: 14 years ago

#603

OMG

Last three parts were such a treat!

I could actually imagine myself at the mehendi, looking at it all from a distance!

Loved how Shaan made her put on the mehendi in his cutely devious way<3

Loved how she reacted exactly the way Shaan thought she would

Loved the significance of her putting on mehendi first time after Sooraj's death only because of Shaan

Loved him looking at her and taking pictures as she gets the mehendi done.Sigh

Also loved him feeding her.Am a sucker for guy feeding girl when she has mehendi on!

Ah Rajat making him jealous-Nice!

Love how he uses Mahi to his advantage.Already hate her though😆

One sentence that really jumped out at me for the depth of its meaning:

When Ritu asks her 'Oh so you two found each other?'

Can't wait for her gorgeousness at the wedding and him mesmerized!

Oh and the melting of the ice queen!😃

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Aditi S

@aditee

Inactive

+ 2

Posted: 14 years ago

#604

PART 30A

The Club, Juhu

11:20 PM Onwards, 1^st April

Ritu: Mahi kaun?

Shaan: Some one I know (smiles)

Ritu: She broke her foot?

Shaan: Yep, she couldn't go to a wedding. I was telling Khanak about how beautiful Sri Lanka is (carefully keeping their conversation totally private)

Ritu: Did she fall off a tree (winks at Khanak)

Khanak: Not funny!

Shaan is curious, "No! At home actually, who fell of a tree?"

Ritu: Our wild child did. (doing a "presenting" with both hands toward Khanak)

Shaan is shocked. "Wow" escapes his lips

Khanak is amused and yet super ill at ease.

Ritu: Please Khanak, let me share?

Khanak nods in approval

Shaan is looking at the lovely color crawl up her face.

Ritu: When she was pursuing, should be more like hunting him down'.. Sooraj (laughs) she made me sneak in also with her, into the SPA (School of Plg & Arch), guys hostel and climbed a tree across from his room, jumped on to the concrete awning under the balcony and tried to talk with him through the window. After she spoke, when she got on the tree she almost fell right on me standing below."

Shaan: She did? (the words barely audible)

His phone rings, he turns off the phone and continues looking at her, Ritu is telling the waiter to get them some dessert.

Ritu:One more thing'' this is hilarious too.

Khanak: Nahi''.

Ritu: One last one'''.

Khanak: umm' I guess'. After that either you leave or I will (firm)

Ritu: The former (grins at Shaan)

Shaan: I cant wait'' (terse)

Ritu: A bunch of us girls went to the Surajkund Crafts Mela, she ditched us all to ride back to Delhi with him. He abandoned his friend to bring her back. She pretended like she was lost and hitched back to the hostel with him.

Shaan wipes his hands and lips off and crushes his spotlessly white linen towel and throws it on his half full plate of food.

Khanak: The car broke down''. Remember

Ritu: Thank you Madam''.. I died worrying abt you, your Aada was coming the next morning.

Shaan's phone rings again, he excuses himself and is gone.

Ritu and her talk about happy times, Ritu makes her laugh.

Shaan returns, to find them both in a good mood. It bothers him some more.

Ritu points to the chocolate cake they are sharing and urges him to have some.

She feeds Khanak a bit, scoops some and he picks it up from the plate and eats off the same fork.

Khanak thinks the right thing to do at this point would be to stop eating.He is waiting for her to refuse to eat anymore from that "tainted" fork

Ritu slices off another piece and holds it for her, without looking at him she takes it.

Shaan: Its delicious Ritu! I want some more he says.

She pushes the plate and fork towards him, he almost eats half of what remains.

Ritu is unaware of the big "fork relay".

Khanak: Mujhe ghar jaana chahiye Ritu.

Shaan: I have to leave also''.. bachelors party.Promised to pick up a couple of guys.

Ritu: I heard that! How fun! Where are you guys going? Marriott I heard?

Khanak knows bachelors party in theory but has no clue what goes on.

Shaan: Sin.

Khanak: The name's very appealing (sarcastic)

Shaan is enjoying himself, so he doesn't worry about how much she is fuming.

Khanak: Just what do they do?

Shaan: Not much really, we get drunk and dance all nite with a bunch of skimpily clad girls. (cool)

Khanak: I am sure that's a lot of fun! ("idiot" she thinks)

Shaan: It's the groom's last hurrah. He is not going to get another opp to be so close to so many women, under clad women ever again (winks at Ritu)

Khanak: Sounds more like being desperate for some action (irritated that Ritu doesn't think its wrong)

Ritu: Khanak, loosen up rey

Shaan: You should go and see for yourself.

Khanak: No thanks! (smiles politely)

Ritu: I really want to go, maloom? If you were going past 1 I could go, there is just so much to do (graons)

Khanak: Ritu!!

Shaan: I could send my driver to get you, want me to? (sincere)

Ritu: Nahi yaar, my parents are in town''.. I cant

Shaan's phone rings, he is off to answer it, they wave to to him and signal they will be leaving. He waves and looks at her one last time. She does too'''.

PART 30 B

The Club April 2^nd 12: 10 AM

She is walking down a hallway, Ritu has just helped pin her saree, that too minutes before when she is ready to head home. Not a bad idea tho, the henna girl had wanted her to stop by to dab something one last time on it.

She is walking down admiring her hands, walks almost right into him, it's a well lit hallway with settees along the wall every few yards.

Khanak: Aap abhi tak gaye nahi? (steps to the side to let people pass, leans on the wall, he leans inches away from her, facing her)

Shan: Nahi'.I was looking for you (short)

Khanak: Oh!

Shaan: You just have to tell me if you don't want me pursuing you, Khanak (softly)

Khanak: Umm'' I don't want you to pursue me. (looking at his shirt)

Shaan: Thx, good to know

She looks up at him

Shaan: I didn't say I would stop. (mocks)

He is still holding his camera in his left hand, his right is in his pocket.

Shaan: May I take a picture of your hands?

Khanak: Ummm'. Sure'.. if you want to

Hes starts clicking away, signals her to sit on one of the settees and takes more with her hand spread over her pink saree's folds.

When he is done he mutters a "Thx" she nods as she almost always does in response. She is up, he is leaning again.

Shaan: May I see it?

Khanak is surprised, she extends her arms out, he points his right index finger at first almost waiting for permission but later, brings it down to trace a vine from her finger tip to the end. He traces a zig zag pattern on her left hand, she watches it all holding her breath

"Beautiful" escapes his lips😳😳

She lets out a long deep breath.

Khanak: Thanks for all the pictures Shantanu!. (touches his camera lens, some auto touch thing makes the lens retract all the way in)😳

Their hearts skip a collective beat at the mention and hearing of that name

Shaan: Sure!..................... Khanak!😳

Khanak: I am soooo sorry! What did I do? (reaches out and touches his hand, some crumbs of mehandi fall off on to his hand)

Shaan: Nothing, it went on power save mode.

She removes her hand and blows on his, "I am sorry"

Shaan: That's fine!.

Khanak: Aap mujhse sach mein naraaz nahi hai?

Shaan: Kyon?

Khanak: You wanted me to work right?

Shaan: Its OK Khanak.

Khanak: Or are you waiting to tell Ram about it on Monday? (smiles at her perceptiveness, or so she thinks)😕😭

His face darkens in anger.

"Is that how you think of me? For some one who has me all figured out you don't know squat" (angry)😡

There is a sudden silence. The closeness and intimacy has suddenly shattered.

Shaan: Lets go, I will give you a ride home! (terse)

Khanak: I can go with Ritu.. or in

Shaan: I will be waiting outside in 10 mins Khanak

He walks away

PART 30C

12: 30 AM, April 2^nd.

Ritu has already called her parents and returned all the missed calls on her cell phone, she turns it off and promises to hang on to it. Walks up to Shaan's car and helps her get seated. Shaan's face is absolutely expressionless. He does not get up to open the door for her or do anything else he usually does.

They ride home without a word being said,

Khanak:Aap mujhe yahi chhod dijiye, main chali jaaoongi. You must be awfully late.

two men, obviously drunk are hanging on to the gate of her apartment and fooling around. The guard by the elevator is fast asleep, snoring. Makes Shaan ballistic.

Shaan almost pushes the guy off his stool

He mutters a swear word in Marathi and wakes up in shock and goes "Kai Zhala?"

Shaan: Bahar jaake dekho. Gate par (is ready to punch the guy)

He is bored doesn't bother, just sits down again.

The elevator door opens, he signals her to enter, they ride it up

He turns the tiny flashlight on, they do the whole routine, she enters the house, hits the outside and inside light.

Shaan: I am not going to ask you to attend the wedding Khanak. You will have to do it on your own this time. You will''' if you want to see me (challenge)Good nite!

Walks away as she slowly shuts and bolts the door and leans on it shutting her eyes to only to be swallowed by turmoil.

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Edited by aditee - 14 years ago

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Ramani

@RB81

Rocker

+ 2

Posted: 14 years ago

#605

wow aditee,
superb..is he going to dress up in sherwani r something traditional..so he asked her to do it herself if she wants to see..very eager for next part..

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Lana Ghosh

@lghosh

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 14 years ago

#606

Aditee wow, wow, wow!! What do I see? Logging in after a whole day & 2 updates!! Thanks a ton! And what can I say? Ur Shaan has captured me hook, line & sinker, 😉 so I can see through him, through his dialogs, actions, intent, gestures & nuances. 😃 I knew it was a ploy to make her put on the mehendi. 😃

Lovely 2 updates. I love how he is jealous, possessive & also eager to know everything about her, to break that cold formal facade & delve deep within her to get the real spirited happy & fun loving Khanak out! He is jealous of Sooraj who was a part of her but isn't there anymore! What more proof can any1 need about his sincerity & intention? He observes all the details about her, when she smiles, when she is angry what she does, how she keeps herself bottled up inside her, how she tries to keep every1 at an arm's length..........and he wants more, the whole enchilada to put it mildly! 😆 He wants to see the wild girl in her that she was once upon a time.

I laughed when K meant the bangles & said 'yeh mere hai' & then quickly rectified herself. Super funny! 😆 And another thing for a moment I really thought that 'pallu' had a role to play there, somehow it will land on Shaan's face or will drape around him or somehow he will help her adjust it, but never mind all good things can't happen all at once! 😃 And oh I wanted to know what will be the agenda of his IOU! 😆

Loved how he fed her without making any fuss & how comfortably she too ate from him! And now the candidate of jealousy is Rajat after Sooraj & Nirav! 😆 Bechara! He is head over heels on her!

Achha I think after serious reading, as I do always, I think u had a mistake or typo error, u put in the wrong name before a dialog.

Shaan: Lekin main aapko bata doon who genius hai

This line must have been of Khanak's I am sure. Just thought of letting u know, didn't want any creases in this masterpiece. 😃

And after S its K's turn to be J! 😃 Just the name 'Mahi' burns a deep hole within her. And he knows it well & purposely plays with her. 😃

About K's escapades of the past I am sure Shaan got a pretty good insight about what type of lively girl K was but what surprised me was K let Ritu divulge all the details about her. So she wanted Shaan to know about her without holding anything back. Good progress.

That sharing of fork is so intimate! First the muffin, now the fork, so a 'couple' type of thing. 😃 And again none of them had any scruples about it, neither do they show it nor do they ignore it! Only the two of them r aware of their little interplay.

And as usual love the way their eyes meet every time before they leave each other's company.

And u sure know how to create an effect! His leaning inches away from her, ai hai!! Sigh!! 😍 Again my kinda thing. 😃

The moment he said 'Thnx, good to know' after her comment about pursuing, she looked up at him. 😆 She didn't mean it for sure & just wanted to make sure whether he understood that well. 😃

And that zig-zag pattern on her hand was such a sizzling incident! I held my breath there along with K. 😃 1st time or rather 2nd time he used his hands instead of leaving them in his pockets. 😆 And I am sure the 'beautiful' remark was not meant for the 'mehendi'. 😃

And ummm, my mind works overtime whenever I read ur story, but by any chance did u make the mehendi fall on him on purpose? I mean a mehendi is auspicious & they say a groom or the guy has to touch it or something like that. So just wanted to know was that a mere incident or u had some other intention?

I love this authority in him! And this is something totally alien to K, Sooraj was never like this & Shaan is a complete opposite, he will drop her means he will drop her, no arguments about it. Again a sigh! 😃

And that entire incident of dropping her home & waking that lift-man up showed his concern & how possessive he is!

And again u left me in a turmoil with ur last line in blue alongwith K, another challenge by Shantanu Gujral thrown at Khanak. 😃 She will have to attend the wedding if he wants to see him!! So there u go, u gave his full intention out in the open, he is all ready to wear his 'sehra'. Am I right? That is the wedding u r talking about, correct? Clarify kar dena pls! I think I am right though, again I know ur Shaan all too well. 😃 No surprises there! 😆 And whenever he throws a challenge he gets his way & she knows that as well.

Again awesome updates, u don't know how goofily I grin away after reading ur updates. 😃 And thanks for that, it really perks me up! 👏 Keep the good work going. Love ya.