He stood leaning at the pillar watching the scene play out in front of him. The rhythm of the Dhol threatened to deafen him. The laughter and animated chatter falling on his ears like sharp glass shards. He could feel the bile rising to his throat, the color of his sherwani choking him. Was this was they called cold feet before the wedding? It was his wedding tomorrow. He couldn't believe how fast things have changed and he was at this point of his life. He had never dreamed he would marry and if ever he did, never like this. Never to this woman!
Nida was his best friend . He knew her since childhood . For Aami it meant that she was perfect for him. But for him it meant that he knew every reason why she was not perfect for him. She was too much like him. And in past few days, there are things about himself that he had begun to hate. Qualities he didn't want to see reflected in his spouse.
"Sanam! Mehmaano ko sherbet do." Tanveer's voice interrupted his thoughts. " Aur dekho , kissi ke plate ya glass khali na ho! Humare bte ki Mehendi hai . Koi kami nahi honi chahiye. "
"Jee, Begum Sahinba."
Aahil turned towards the voice like a puppet on string. She was wearing the sari Aami had insisted on gifting her. Her hair pulled back in a low bun near the nape of her neck, heat of the kitchen making a few wisps of hair play hooky and escape the confinement. Her neck and hands bare of any accessory. He straightened as she walked past him balancing a heavy tray of filled glasses. Smiling at the guests she started offering them refreshments. And just like that watching her, the tightness in his chest eased away, the noise faded and everything became a blur. Looking at her it was easy forgetting the past few days, easy forgetting the reason for everything happening around him.
He noticed she was having trouble managing the heavy tray topped with filled glasses. There must be twenty of them at a time on the huge copper based tray. Stupid girl! Koi kaam theek se nahi hota. Itne saare glasses ek saath laney ki kya zarurat thi.' He thought to himself. He started moving towards her to berate her and make her keep the tray aside.
Just then Sanam tipped on the corner of a carpet and was tray tilted. Before Aahil could reach her, Rehan was there straightening the tray with a hand while helping her stand with another on her bare back. Aahil felt a sudden rush of blood to his head, his vision darkened as he could not pull his eye away from that hand on her back. The contact must have been for a second, but to him it was second too much. Sanam was smiling at him, thanking Rehan for his help. Rehan smiled back and took the tray from her hands.
"Arey , yeh..Main.."
Rehan put a finger to his lips," Shhh! Kuch nahi. Isse yaha rakh do, jisse lena hoga le lega"
Sanam looked dubiously around,"Haan par Begum sahiba ne kaha.."
Rehan shook his head," Begum Sahiba kuch nahi kahengi. Aaj sab jashn mana rahe hai. Tumhe bhi manana chahiye. Chalo mere saath ."
He dragged her by her hand towards Tanveer who was sitting with the other ladies. Aahil walked towards her as well, surreptitiously watching the duo coming towards Aami.
"Begum sahiba! " Rehaan called politely . Tanveer turned her head with a kind smile at the voice," Rehaan?"
Rehaan gave Sanam an encouraging look, " Begum Sahiba! Aahil ke shaadi ke liye humne seher ke best event management team aur caterers ko hire kiya hai. To kyun na ghar ke mulazimo ko, Jaise Sanam ko, in kuch dinno ke liye chutti de di jaye? "
Tanveer blinked , her smile stiffened a bit," Par beta, Ghar mein itna kaam hai, Itne mehmaan hai.. aur."
" Main hoon na . Main manage kar loonga. Caterers ko samjha donga." Rehaan hastened to assure her. Tanveer fumed inside," Humara beta humse peheli baar kuch maang raha hai.. aur wo bhi kya.. is naukrani ke liye chutti? Rehaan samjhta kyun nahi ki hum use Malik banana chahte hai..aur wo mulazim ki soch se upaar uthna bhi nahi chahta. Allaah hum kya kare iska!"
"Aami, Rehaan sahi keh raha hai. Kuch ghanton ke liye , I think we can give them off" Aahil said looking at Sanam who lifted her eyes to his and then looked down again. Tanveer sighed ," Theek hai Aahil beta. Tum yahi chahte ho to... Sanam tum bhi Jashn mein hissa lo. Khushiyan manao, jao."
Sanam brightened up and dimpled , "Shukriyaan Begum Sahiba. " She looked at Aahil and nodded politely," Shukriya."
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Sanam watched the mehendi design being made on Nida's hand. Her smile stiffened a bit as she remembered her fateful wedding and looked down at her barren hands. Shaking herself from the black thoughts she clapped a bit with the rhythm. Aasma came to stand beside her, " kitni pyari lagti hai na, Dulhan ke haath per mehndi? " Sanam smiled and nodded, " Haan . Meri badi Aami kehti hai Dulhan ke haath ki mehndi to Aarman hote hai, dulha-dulhan ke armaan, aur saath hi dulhan aur dulhe ke parivaar ke har sadasiya ki armaan jo unse jurey hote hai. Is liye wo Khaas hoti hai."
Aasma smiled looking at the fresh mehendi on her hands," humein to sabse aachi lagti hai dulhan ke haath par dulhe ka naam likhne ki Rasam. Aisa lagta hai maano mehndi dhul jaane par bhi wo naam haathon ki lakeeron pe likha ho."
Sanam smiled at the dreamy look Aasma had looking, at her mehendi. Asma blushed catching that look, covering up she said," arey! Tum bhi mehendi laga lo na? aao! "
Sanam shook her head," nahi main kaise?" Asma took her to an unoccupied mehendiwaali, " inke haathon par bhi ek khubsurat sa design bana dein. Humari sabse achi dost hai ye."
Sanam smiled giving the woman her hands. As the cool paste touched her palms she closed her eyes breathing in the fresh fragrance of nilgiri and henna. She looked up and her eyes met with his. He was looking at her with an intensity that burned her. She swallowed and tried to look away but couldn't. She felt his eyes moving over her from her palms to her elbows to the nape of her neck, to the curve of her ears. The air around her seemed to thicken as she could feel every move of the cone on her palm. She could feel the small wisps of hair touching her neck and her cheeks. She blinked in confusion as she felt a hand moving them away. She felt a warm breath at the base of her ears and she blinked jerking her hand a little.
"Sambhal kar" Mehndiwaali protested. Sanam murmered her apologies and looked back towards him. He had not moved from his place nor had he moved his eyes from her.
Uncertain of her feelings towards this man, she tried to school her emotions and called on to Allah to calm her heart.
"Kiss ka naam likhna hai mehendi par?" the mehendi waali asked.
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He tried to imagine her as a bride and could only see her as she was now. He felt almost certain that she too was feeling disquiet when she looked at him just now. Her cheeks had a soft color and her eyes looked frightened, like she has committed a sin. Good, he thought, why he should be the only one feeling like this. If she can't remember anything. If it was meaningless to her then she should not feel like this. If she felt something so it was not so meaningless after all.
He heard the mehendiwaali asking her what name to write on the mehendi. She looked at her palms and said," kissi ka nahi."
Mehendiwaali shook her head," aise kaise. Koi khaas nahi to aapne naam k akshar his likhwa lo. Shaadion mein sooni mehndi nahi chortey."
Sanam nodded, " Theek hai fir S likh dijiye."
Mehendiwaali tried to make a small cursive s'But she was unaccustomed to writing English and her hand shook a bit while making the curve and it ended up looking like a' r'.
"Arrey, Ye to Sanam ka s' kum aur Rehaan ka r' jayada lag raha hai ." Lattif commented shrewdly.
Aahil went closer towards her, his hand closing on a fist. His jaw clinched as he saw that indeed it looked unmistakably like an r'.
Everything turned red in front of him. As he stopped himself from grabbing her hand and erasing any other man's name from her palms even if it was mistake. Mine' he wasnted to growl to the world.
Instead he turned his anger on her, " Mujhe coffee chahiye . Abhi."
Sanam looked bewildered ," par maine abhi to mehendi lagai hai .main kissi catering k aadmi se keh deti hoon."
Aahil shook his head,"catering ke aadmi se kyun? Tum banaogi coffee. Just as I like it."
Sanam blinked at him confused,"jee, par aapne to kaha...ki main..."
"Maine kya kaha mujhe yaad hai. Par tumhe bhi yaad hona chahiye ki tum meri naukar ho. Main jo kahoon tumhe maanana hai. Filhaal mujhe coffee chahiye " Aahil pointed at her," tum banaogi. Abhi. Now move."
Sanam stood up feeling humiliated," Jee, mujhe yaad hai... par ye mehendi shookhi nahi hai.. to.."
"To utar do isse", Aahil looked at her hands hatefully. He could only see that one letter on her palms and it was burning like acid in his eyes. " Uttar do is mehendi ko, wash it. " He looked up to meet her wounded eyes, trying to make her feel the same burn," Waise bhi you are not the bride."
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Sanam looked at the colored water running through the sink and blinked back tears of pain. She didn't feel bad that her hands were again barren now. It was just that after that night she had somehow thought that they have come to a truce. That there was some kindness in him. It hurt her more now when he humiliated her. It was as if he did it purposefully to punish her for some mistake she didn't even know she had committed. This anger was not like the anger he had for her before. But she couldn't understand what had changed and why it affected her so much.
She wiped her tears and turned to make the coffee. She felt him behind her before she saw him. "bas tayyar hone hi waali hai, do minute." She said softly without looking behind.
She felt him move another step behind her. She heard him clear his throat. She turned slowly and looked up. She hadn't realized he was so close. Aahil looked uncomfortable, " I didn't really need coffee. I am .. wo main... I just.."
Sanam burst out in frustration," aapko coffee nahi chahiye? Aapne itna kuch suna diya mujhe sabke samne aur aapko coffee nahi chahiye. O.. to aap bas mujhe beizzat karna chahte the logon ke saamne. Is liye aapne sab drama kiya. Sahi thi main aapke bare mein. Aapko koi tameez ,koi lihaaj nahi hai.. Log aapne nikhaa se pahele logon se duain samettey hai aur aap apne nikaah ko ek naukar ko niche dikhane ka zariya ban rahe hai. "
She shook her head as tears ran down her cheeks," Coffee chahiye thi na aapko. Main apna kaam pura karungi. Ye rahi aapki coff.."
She touched the handle of the vessel forgetting the cloth holder and the heat singed her palm," Aah.." she screamed letting the handle go in pain.
Aahil was immediately beside her, holding her hands and taking her to the tap soaking her hand under the cold spray. " God , You are hopeless.Tumhein cook kissne bana diya. Aapne aap ko jalaye bina coffee tak to bana nahi sakti. Aur badi badi baatein karti ho." He turned to the pantry to take out the first aid kit. As he opened her palm to apply the medicine. They both stared at the red angry burn mark. There was only a small wound. The handle had the engraving of utensil's company name on it. And the heat had caused a letter of the name to leave a burnt impression on the base of her palm. They looked in wonder understanding yet trying to ignore the implication of that one letter.
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"Arrey mehendi dhul gayi to kya? Nayi lagwa lo." Aasma insisted.
Sanam shook her head, " Nahi rehne do." Aasma pulled her palms towards herself picking up a cone. " Nahi, main lagati hoon. Is baar naam bhi sahi likhungi. Lao"
She looked down surprised," Arey Sanam, Ab dekho to. Aisa lag raha hai aaj tumhare haathon par bas galat naam likhne ka din hai."
Sanam looked at her hands and looked up to meet his eyes who was standing at a distance with his friends. But she knew even from this distance he could hear her. " Aasma, Mehndi se kya hota hai. Haatheliyon par kissi ka bhi naam likha ho. Aasli baat to yeh hai ki dil pe kiss ka naam likha hai. Mehndi to bas lagti hai phir dhul jaati hai... par agar dil mein kissi ke liye mohabaat aur izzat ho to wo kabhi nahi mithta."
She looked down at the pink impression on her palms which was glowing like it was seared in flesh. She closed her eyes feeling the letter seared in her heart as well.
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