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Chapter 9
'I guess you want some answers now...maybe you should sit down'. Asad sat opposite her 'after that night, after you told me that you loved me...I couldn't have been happier, for as long as I had known you I loved you...anyway...after you left...' Zoya told Asad everything she could, she left no page unturned, she gave him an account of everything that had happened, and had felt and even thought from the moment he left to the minute she walked out of the party a few hours ago' where Zoya's tears had dried up Asad were never ending.
He stood up and walked behind her 'you took all that abuse from Ammi, you didn't tell her...you suffered all that alone...for me...and what the hell did I do...I am so sorry Zoya...you were right I am disgusting, I can't believe I said all that accused you...and all along it was my...saying sorry will never make it ok I know...Ya Allah, what did I do?' Zoya turned around to face him 'no need to be, I should have told you there and then...but couldn't bring myself to but now...am kind of glad you do know...'
Asad fisted his hands 'I can't believe Ammi lied to me she never told me about your pregnancy she said that you had...' Asad stopped mid sentence 'Asad, she is your Ammi, she did what she felt right to protect you...and your future' 'future...Zoya you were my future...all these years I have spent hating you, thinking you left me for someone else...all these years I had a son that I knew nothing about...my son...I missed out on so many years of his life...of your life because of her lies' Asad's tone of voice started to pick up he never thought he would ever look at his Ammi with disappointment. Zoya could understand the pain she saw in his eyes, the betrayal he felt he had suffered at the hands of his own mother.
'Asad I know what you must be feeling...and I know it's not ok...but at least you know now...'
'Zoya...I want to meet him...I want to meet my son, I want to...' Zoya started shaking her head 'no...no Asad...please don't do this to me...he is my son...I can't bring him to you...what will I say to him...how will I explain...I know he is only young...but we have moved on in life you have moved on too...you are getting married...I can't let my son be a part of that'
Asad held Zoya by her shoulders 'I know what happened was wrong and nothing will make it right...Zoya...your place is not here it is with me...it's with Ayaan and me'. Zoya moved his hands back 'are you out of your mind, do you even know what you are saying...Asad you are getting married...there is no place for me or Ayaan'.
Zoya was about to turn away when her grabbed her hand 'answer me one thing Zoya and then I promise I will leave you alone' Zoya looked at him 'do you love me?' Zoya sucked in a pain filled breath, her eyes started watering 'what does that have to do with anything?' She said trying to avert eye contact. 'It has everything to do with it...don't lie to me Zoya...answer the question do you love me?' Zoya tried to breathe, her erratic heartbeat was making it impossible for her to speak. Asad pulled her close to him 'please tell me...answer me' Zoya closed her eyes 'I never stopped loving you Asad, I have only ever loved you and will until I breathe my very last breath' Asad smiled from ear to ear, his eyes shed tears of happiness as he rested his forehead against hers.
'But that doesn't change anything' 'it changes everything...' Asad stepped back 'I am going for now...there are people in my life that need to start giving me the truth...wait for me Zoya...I will come back for you...and for my son'.
Asad walked in the door to find Dilshad's and Suhana sitting having a good laugh at something. 'Asad...finally you are here' Dilshad came to hug her son, when she felt his body stiffen she looked at him 'Asad what's wrong beta?' 'Ammi, why...why did you lie to me?' Dilshad looked at Asad 'lie...what are you saying Asad, when did I lie to you?'
'Really Ammi...let me remind you' Asad said in an unfriendly tone of voice 'what did you tell me...that Zoya left, she ran off with another guy, she dumped her family for her own selfish needs' Dilshad face started to lose colour as she realised where Asad was going with this 'what you forgot to mention was that Zoya was pregnant' Dilshad widened her eyes as Asad's tone started to increase in harshness.
'So she told you...good, well at least you know now how disgusting she was...how could I have let her stay here, only Allah knows whose unlawful child she was carrying...to even think about it now makes my skin crawl, she brought nothing but shame on us...and I didn't tell you because I was protecting you...how could I let her continue being your best friend after what she did'.
Asad's knuckles turned white with the increasing pressure he was applying against his palm as he continued to hear his Ammi talk so ill of Zoya and her child. 'Ammi stop...stop right there...you threw her out...you made her leave when she needed you, me the most...and not once did you ask her who the father was..' 'Asad...are you out of your mind? Why would I ask her such a question...I didn't want to know who she shamed herself with' 'I wish you had Ammi...if you only knew...then Zoya would be here under this roof and not living on her own'.
'I don believe it...she told you some sob story and you are here talking to me with such rudeness just to defend her' 'yes I am...' 'Well then you can stop...I do not want to know about her...or anyone related to her'.
'Well that's a shame Ammi...you may not want to know but I am going to tell you anyway. Zoya has a son, and you want know his name? It's Ayaan Ahmed Khan' Dilshad looked at him as she held her breath 'that's right Ammi, Ayaan Ahmed Khan...and he is my son...my son Ammi' Dilshad stopped breathing as she tried to register what she she had just heard, her eyes poured out tears that burnt the very skin they ran along, on the other side Suhana stood with her mouth covered and eyes almost popping out.
'Just once Ammi...if you had given her one chance to explain she would have told you that she is pregnant with my child...your grandson. But instead you compelled her to leave and never look back again, all these years Ammi, you have no idea what she has been through bringing him up on her own, with no family and no friends, she was totally alienated. Ammi if you think Zoya committed a sin then so did I and so did you. But I will say this I have no regrets, the only regret I do have is that I believed you and gave up on her...I loved her Ammi more than anything...and I will never stop loving her'.
Dilshad couldn't bring herself to speak, she fell to the floor and lowered her head 'Ya Allah, what did I do...' Dilshad felt a cold sweat take over as Asad's words echoed around her 'I am so sorry Asad...Allah...she was carrying your...my grandson...how could I have been so evil...so bitter' Dilshad cried uncontrollably. Asad walked up to her and knelt down beside her 'Ammi' he whispered as he placed his hand over her shoulder. Dilshad took his hand into hers 'Asad, why didn't you tell me about you two...I thought you were just friends' 'we were Ammi, I don't know it just happened our friendship turned into something a lot more...I was, I mean we were going to tell you but then she found out she was pregnant and at the same time you were trying to introduce me to Su...' Asad looked up at Suhana who was holding on to her stomach trying hard not to cry. 'Asad, please forgive me beta...I'm so sorry...please take me to her...I want to apologise to her' Asad let his own tears escape as he nodded to his mum.
When Asad stood up he saw Suhana standing there motionless, he walked up to her 'Suhana...I..' Suhana held her hand up 'you need to go...I understand...as much as I feel broken by all this Asad...I...look just take your Ammi to Zoya...I can speak to you later' Asad smiled at her 'thanks Suhana'.
Kaki let Asad and Dilshad in 'where is Zoya...I mean Zoe' he quickly corrected himself knowing no one knew her by her real name.
Zoya came downstairs, she smiled at Asad and the stopped as she saw Dilshad walk out from behind him. 'Zoya...Ammi has something to say to you' Zoya looked at her intently as she slowly looked up at her with swollen and guilt filled eyes.
Dilshad took a few step towards her, Zoya held her breath, she was trying hard not to shake 'Zoya...I...I am so sorry beta...if I had known, if I had given you a chance to speak, to know the truth...I will never be able to forgive myself for what I did to you' Zoya looked up at Asad who nodded 'Ph...Phoopi' she said in a broken voice Dilshad quickly stepped forward and embraced her in a tight hug, the both stood there and cried to no end 'please forgive me beta' Zoya stepped back and turned away from her 'why Phoopi because you know it's your grandson and not any old persons...because you know that I did wrong with none other than your own son' Dilshad closed her eyes, her heart felt like it was crumbling. She didn't blame Zoya for what she had said, she deserved a lot more bitterness and anger.
Dilshad turned Zoya around 'what I did is not something I expect either of you two to forgive so easily ...but' Dilshad held her hands up to Zoya 'Zoya, please forgive me' Zoya let out a gasp before she quickly lowered her hands 'no Phoopi...please...parents never ask for forgiveness...please don't' Dilshad pulled back and cupped her face she kissed her forehead and then her cheeks 'Zoya, I have come to take you an Ayaan home...please don't say no, please Zoya'.
Zoya's eyes widened 'Phoopi...how can I?' 'You can...and you will...all these years...I need to do the right thing...where is he...where is my Ayaan'.
'He is sleeping...Phoopi...you coming here, meeting me, knowing and accepting Ayaan is all I needed, I have no complaints...but Phoopi I can't come with you...Asad I am not doing this I am not going to tear apart someone else's dreams, someone else's life for my own selfish gains'.
Dilshad looked at Asad, she knew what Zoya was saying was right, he was engaged to Suhana and they were due to get married soon.
'Phoopi, I promise you I will never stop Ayaan being a part of your lives...but I can't come with you'
Asad came closer to her 'I understand and respect what you are saying Zoya but I don't love Suhana, this alliance was for Ammi's sake only' 'maybe Asad, but she loves you...and I am not going to take that away from her...I'm sorry'. Dilshad put her hand on Asad's arm as he was about to approach her again.
'Zoya...we can discuss this later I know it's late and I don't want to wake him up...can I please see him?' Zoya nodded 'sure, come'.
Zoya turned on the light, Dilshad and Asad walked in to see Ayaan fast asleep 'Ya Allah...he is beautiful...Asad he looks just like you when you were this small' Dilshad started crying again, both Asad and Zoya put their hands on her shoulder simultaneously. 'Ammi, please don't cry...come let's go we can come to see him in the morning...I mean if that's ok with you?' He said looking up at Zoya.
'Asad, we have to let his Nana know too...Zoya, your Baba...' Zoya lowered her head 'he will never forgive me Phoopi...' Dilshad cupped the side of her face 'he will beta, the minute he sees Ayaan all will be forgotten' 'no...he will hate me even more, Phoopi I am a mother of a child and am not even married, can you imagine what he will go through' Dilshad lowered her head, Zoya was right if she herself reacted the way she did what was Ghaffur going to say and do.
'Zoya you leave your Baba to us...I will bring Ammi back in the morning' 'ok'.
Udne Ki Aasha
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