"The minute I heard my first love story,
I started looking for you, not knowing
how blind that was.
Lovers don't finally meet somewhere.
They're in each other all along."
Rumi
What could be Zoya's fifth wish, Asad wondered, as he hugged the pillow and gazed at the moon that peeped through his window. Restlessly he flipped sides, and tried to fall asleep. But the anticipation of making his Zoya happy, kept him awake. He had never felt this dreamy and happy before. He remembered, how Zoya quitely tiptoed into his heart and made a place for herself there forever. How, from being a stupid, badtameez girl, she became the only one his heart could ever love.
Zoya's laughter from just a few minutes ago, when he brought her the stars, and when he sang and danced for her, still rung fresh in his ears. I know all these are stupid wishes, as Zoya herself says. I know I would never do all this for anyone... But, I know how much Zoya has endured in this life. I just want her to feel loved, protected, pampered. I just want her to feel that after years of enduring so much alone, and fighting life's battles, she no more has the need to anymore. That I will be her always and forever, and I will always watch out for her...I am going to tell Zoya to wear red at our wedding, Asad said to himself. She looked amazing that day at the Dargah... And, then be blushed, as he realized how much he himself had changed.
With a jolt, he woke up and sat straight on the bed. But for that, I need to know her fifth wish. What could it be... Tomorrow morning, after Sehri, I am going to ask her about it. And, no matter what it is, I will make sure I will fulfill it...
His heart beat faster that night, and he could not fall asleep. He looked at the clock. It was half an hour to Sehri. The excitement, the anticipation that kept him awake, eventually made him feel like he did not want to sleep at all. He decided to take a stroll on the terrace.
Even before he climbed the stairs, he already sensed her presence there.
But, as he called her name, and she turned around, he saw her red eyes.
What's the matter Zoya, he asked, as he pulled her near him, and wiped her tears. Mujhse, koi galati... Zoya put her finger on his lips to shut him.
Nahin Mr. Khan, aapse koi galati nahi hui. You have infact, given me the world's happiness in just a few hours. For the first time, I felt as if someone, totally, wholly belonged to me. Someone could do anything, just for me. No matter how stupid, how irrational that wish was, and no matter how against it was your liking, you did it for me. I could not be happier.
Then what's the matter Zoya, why are you so sad.
Mr. Khan... Every girl dreams of her wedding. Her prince charming... She dreams of walking down the aisle... of being married, of being wooed...But she also dreams ... and Zoya broke into tears again, breaking Asad's heart.
He had learnt to love, but he still did not know how to handle emotions that stared at his face, like this, like a raw wound. Earlier, he would have just left quietly giving Zoya the space to cry. But now he could not leave like that. And, it hurt that he could not do anything to make her feel better.
Coffee? He asked. Zoya nodded no.
Achha, Zoya. Forget this. Tell me your fifth wish...
He said, thinking this will make her feel better.
Wohi to Mr. Khan... That is what I was thinking. My fifth wish.
What is it Zoya, he said, caressing the strand of hair that touched her face gently, and putting it behind her ear.
Mr. Khan, for some dreams, one lifetime is not enough...
Dont say that Zoya. As long as I am here, I can bring you anything and everything you ask for. I will make sure all your dreams come true... Zoya... All your dreams.
Just tell me. Your happiness means the world to me...
Zoya could not hold any longer. She broke down in Asad's arms, and began crying... My Abu is alive Mr. Khan. Tanveer... and as she sobbed she narrated how she had been blackmailed.
Asad clenched his wrists in anger. One more time, he felt like cursing himself as he was responsible for this he felt. Oh Zoya, you sacrificed so much for me? You could have let Tanveer have what she wanted, if that brought you closer to your Abu. Why did you do it for me?
No, Mr. Khan I did it for us. I wanted to be with you. I knew that as long as I have you , I have everything. I just, I am just ... Asad silenced her this time, and wiped her tears one more time.
I am with you, he whispered, and held her hand. I am with you, and I promise you I will find your Abu. Pehle baat alag thi. But this time, we will find your Abu. I promise. You believe me , right?
Mr. Khan, ofcourse I do. Even the first time, when I did not know you so well, I could fall back on you... I knew you would help me, and you did. You were there by me.. To ab, jab main jaanti hoon you love me so much, how can I not trust you.
Then don't cry Zoya. The inside of your eyes, are not meant for tears, Zoya. They are meant for the stars from the sky... and for dreams of us. Nothing else. Give me some time. I promise, I will find your Abu and he will attend our Nikaah.
Zoya looked at him in astonishment. And, disbelief. And, relief. That relief she had always experienced, since day one, every time she poured her heart out to Asad. Even when he silently left. But today was different. Today... was different.
Now smile, will you? Mallika-E-Dimples?
And, she did.
******
Not being able to control himself any longer, Asad finally let the restlessness win and went into Zoya's room to check on her. The scene he saw nearly mesmerized him. Innocent as a baby, he saw, Zoya fast asleep, holding onto the musical globe tightly. He gently arranged her blanket, and caressed her forehead. And, as he looked at her, he silently promised himself, he will do whatever it takes to find her Abu.
As soon as he reached office, he got his staff going. He published ads in the newspaper, gave announcements on TV, and even hired the detective that Arjun had mentioned, on the day of his Sangeet. He could barely focus on work that day. Everytime his cell phone rung, he anxiously hoped it was the detective. Or someone calling to give him the news of Zoya's Abu. But, hours passed. And days. Every night, he hesitantly faced Zoya, and his eyes carried guilt. Guilt of being the reason why Zoya could not find her Abu. Had Tanveer not been around, may be they would have been successful the first time itself. Had Tanveer not been around, Zoya would not have to make the difficult choice she had to. His respect for Zoya had grown manifold, but it only meant that he hated himself more.
At night as Zoya brought him coffee, he tried to act all strong and patient. Kal humein zaroor koi clue milega, Zoya. I am sure, kal koi acchi news milegi, he said. Zoya burst into peals of laughter, amusing him... Yaad hai Mr. Khan... that day... and he also remembered how Zoya had imitated him, "Kal main bhi aap ke saath chalunga" and he too burst out laughing. He gently held Zoya's hands and kissed them. He knew,as long as she was with her, he could achieve the unattainable. She was his inspiration, his life.
Zoya, also felt reassured. As she always did. She knew, Mr. Khan would find her Abu. She gently lay her head on his shoulder and enjoyed the star kissed night, telling him stories from her childhood.
*****
Finally Satish called. Are you sure, Satish, Asad asked, almost unable to believe what he just heard. Gaffur Siddiqui, he thought, as he put the receiver down... How could this be. How can Zoya be the daughter, of this ruthless scumbag, called Gaffur Siddiqui of all the people? How can destiny be so cruel? That the pain a woman he loves immensely traces its roots to the same person, the same house that also is the source of pain for his Ammi...
Asad almost broke down.
As he drove back home, the word Gaffur Siddiqui kept hallucinating and reverberating in his mind. Ironically, the radio played Haath Chhoote bhi to Rishte Nahi Chhoda karte... And, he wondered, how true is it, that no matter where you go, your past chases you.
Once, the selfish thought of not letting Zoya know anything did cross his mind. What if Zoya decides to go and meet him? What if she chooses him over their love? What if Gaffur Siddiqui accepts his daughter, but at the condition that she breaks her ties with him? The fear of losing Zoya all over again, almost killed him, made him numb. He was not ready for that. He had done it once, and he knew how heart breaking it was for him to be away from Zoya.
But, could he do injustice to his own Ammi? Could he let Zoya have relations with the person and the family who hurt his Ammi so much... Was he fair in expecting Zoya not to do something like that? He did not know what to do.
His heart broke a million pieces, as he could not decide what to do. He knew, he was doomed either way. Whether he chose his left eye, or right, it was him who had to cry in the end.
But, he could not be selfish he thought. He can not let Zoya live in pain for her entire life. He had seen what her Abbu meant to her, when they were first searching for him. He remembered how she had broken down in his arms at his supposed grave. He remembered, everything, like a crystal clear image in his mind. He knew, what it meant for Zoya to know who he was. And, in a way it was her right. He could not let their acquaintance of a few months become so selfish that it deprived Zoya of the balm to her wounds... the destination of her life's longest journey yet.
He decided, no matter how difficult it was, he had to let Zoya know who her father was. And, if it called for it, be prepared for being her support for thereafter. He knew, it would not be easy for her to face him. And, what if he refused to acknowledge her. How would Humeira react? How would Ayaan react? Was it for real, that after all the two brothers had fallen in love with two sisters? Asad pinched himself.
What if Zoya can't bear the pain of rejection... This was the time, Asad had to be her support, her pillar of strength, he thought.
Yes, his Ammi's tears meant a lot to him, but two wrongs don't make a right... And just because his Ammi had suffered, he had no right to let Zoya suffer.
Composing all his thoughts, he finally knocked Zoya's door. He had decided, no matter how difficult, he had to choose Zoya's happiness over his own. After all that is love, right?
You've no idea how hard I've looked for a gift to bring You.
Nothing seemed right. What's the point of bringing gold
to the gold mine, or water to the Ocean. Everything I came
up with was like taking spices to the Orient. It's no good
giving my heart and my soul because you already have these.
So- I've brought you a mirror. Look at yourself and
remember me.
Rumi
Gafur Ahmed Siddiqui. Little did Zoya know that a name, mere three words, would have the potential to cause a lump in her throat so bad, that she would barely be able to breathe. Her eyes welled up, as Asad offered to drive her to their house.
She readily agreed. She asked Asad, excitedly if she looked okay, and whether her Abu would like how she looks. Asad nodded.
In her excitement, Zoya did not realize, how quite Asad had been that day. The car drive seemed the longest ever! Asad was not able to decide either, what he felt more. His own pain, the fear of losing Zoya... or her happiness... her excitement.
As Asad pulled his car near the house, Zoya recognized this house. She had been there on more than one account, she remembered.
She looked at Asad in amazement. Mr. Khan, ye ghar to...
Yes Zoya. Yeh ghar hai tumhare Abbu ka. Unfortunately, aapki khushiyon, aur mere ghamo ka rasta ek hi manzil ko jaata hai.
Zoya, closed her eyes and clenched her fists, as a tear fell down her eye. Allah Miya, why me. Why do you always put me in this dilemmas where I must chose between a hard and rock place. On one hand, is the man who I have been searching for all my life. My most cherished dream. My roots. On the other, is the man who has given me everything without ever asking. He has given my dreams, wings to fly. Now, how can I go against my love, and talk to my Abu. Can I ever thank Mr. Khan for bringing me so close to my Abu, and infact sacrificing his personal beliefs and bringing me here?
Asad, just nodded, indicating, her to get off the car and go ahead with hesitation. He indicated, he will wait for her, around the corner, and she can take her time.
A few minutes later, much sooner than Asad's expectation, Zoya stepped out, more distraught then ever and sat in the car.
What happened, Zoya, Asad asked.
Nothing Mr. Khan. Ghar chalein?
Asad was not convinced, but he did drive nonetheless.
On his way back, he stopped at Gol Market. By the Masjid. He knew, prayer would help Zoya. He remembered their first meeting, and how beautiful she looked even as she cried her heart out. As they got out, Asad dragged her to the kachoriwala. Zoya could not help but smile after all. You remember? She asked. No, I forgot, he said and winked at her.
Zoya knew, all her worries would drown in the love Asad had for her. It would take time for her, but she knew she would forget her Abu. She didn't know what would she say if Asad asked what happened inside. Should she tell the truth, or should she cover it up. She did not want him to think she sacrificed something for him and get even more buried under his guilt conscience. At the same time, she did not want to hide anything from him, her only confidante.
As they sat by the water, Zoya slowly put her head on his shoulder. As a natural instinct, Asad pulled her close to him, as he wrapped his arm around her. Finally Zoya, gathered her words...
Thank you Mr. Khan. Aapne, meri zindagi ke itne bade jigsaw puzzle ko solve kar diya. Aap sach mein mere hero hai. For years, my life was stuck in a coma. Today, thanks to you, I am able to close that chapter.
What happened inside, Zoya. Did Gafur Sahab not ...
****
For a second Zoya went into flashback mode.
She remembered, how Gafur was as overwhelmed to see her, as she was. And, how her heart melted as he hugged her, and said how he had been donating money to every Madarasa in Bhopal in the secret hope he'd find her. She remembered, how he said he tried to search for her and her mom, but never found a clue. And, then she remembered, how he asked her to come stay with him... give him a chance to pamper her. Had she not felt like the luckiest girl on earth... And, then... she remembered how he laid the condition that she must choose between him and her love... Asad. Because, after all he can't stand that man, Asad Ahmed Khan...
****
Zoya broke down, totally as she recounted what happened. Asad, as overwhelmed and happy he was with her choice, could not believe that Zoya actually just did that for him. This girl whom he once called gair-zimmedar and selfish...
Zoya, you dont have to feel obligated to me. I will love you even if you chose your Abu over me.
Mr. Khan... Zoya put her hand over his lips.
How can you say that? How can you ever think that I can leave you? And, please don't think I am doing a favor to you, or doing this out of obligation. You tell me, would you let me chose a man, for whom relationships are a barter, a business deal, over a man, who chose my happiness over his own self respect and principles? Ek taraf aap hain, who did not even question me once, and happily brought me here. To meet my abu. And, ek taraf wo hain. Who asked me to leave you, just because of his personal animosity with you.
You know Mr. Khan, the decision was not difficult. It was an easy choice to make. What hurt, was that I meant nothing to my Abu. All that meant to him, ever, was his reputation, his ego, his desires. I am glad that he made efforts to find me, and perhaps pined for me as much as I pined for him... but...
Mr. Khan, ab se meri zindagi, meri duniya, mera sab kuchh aap hi hain. Main apni pichhli zindagi se tamaan rishte tod kar aapke paas ai hoon. Is puri duniya mein, mera aapke alawa koi nahi hai. Mujhe yaqeen hai ki aap mere yaqeen ko qayam rakhenge. Par fir bhi main aapke munh se sunna chahti hoon... You will always love me as much as you do , Mr. Khan right... You won't ever leave me alone to fend for myself like my Abu did, will you?
Zoya do you really think...
No Mr. Khan... Zoya was still crying.
Asad gently wiped her tears. And, then he kissed her hands. And, slowly, he cupped her face in his hands, and planted a gentle kiss on his forehead. No Zoya. I will always be by you. No matter what happens, I will be your forever, and always. I promise.
And, Zoya's heart melted, in his arms. She had finally found her home. She had finally found the identity she had been searching for all her life. She had finally found, her self. She had finally, found, Zoya Ahmed Khan - the Zoya that was meant to be.
By day I praised you
and never knew it.
By night I stayed with you
and never knew it.
I always thought that
I was me--but no,
I was you
and never knew it.
Rumi
Edited by monaco - 12 years ago