Do not describe/indulge into the act however I mock and I'm sarcastic and in this, also pretty suggestive. If you can't deal with it don't read it. I cater to myself and my damn mood. And Ranveer Singh but that's never going to happen so just me n the mood for now.
Edit: Alright I absolutely loathe this but I ended up putting [Adult] there to avoid shell shocked "innocent" 12-year olds who will complain about the content although I still think it's "meh-ish"
A Heavy Flow of Frustration
"Zoya!" He jogged into the kitchen struggling with his tie. She had her monthlies for the past week. But the December one was always the biggest bitch of them all. She was in pain and in an unpleasant (his euphemism for bitchy) mood. But that wasn't what concerned our subject here, it was the restrictions that came with the nature's monthly present that turned him into a frustrated twitchy twat.
"What do you want from my life?" She groaned handing him his cup of coffee and subsequently collapsing on the table in front of them.
He felt bad. But if he said another word she'd probably misinterpret it into meaning hHe doesn't love her anymore" and then threaten to leave.
"The coffee's great today," he tried.
"I'm sorry babe, I know it sucks," she raised her cup to reveal she unfortunately also had no other option, "but mother natures a bitch."
He was pleasantly surprised and her rational behavior. Asad put the cup he was to sip down, "I'll just grab some from Starbucks,"
"Hey,"
"Yeah,"
"Thanks,"
"Well, I mean you'd treat me the same way if I got punched in the balls every day for a week right?"
Still in his arms she looked up, "Way to ruin a moment Mr. Asad Ahmed Khan. And I know I've been pretty 'unpleasant' this week," she pressed her weight against his stable form, "I appreciate you being... err... understanding, and patient," she thanked with relatively simple kiss, not much tongue, intending to get back to whining and questioning life. But Asad kept his hold steady and swept in for more.
After about 10 minutes of teenage-like making out in the middle of the kitchen, Asad's pal downstairs began foolishly assuming it was sexy time.
With a provoking grin, Zoya made eye contact not giving a shit about making him uncomfortable.
Well two could play at the shameless game. "I haven't gotten some for a week, bear my pal's misinterpretation," he casually explained.
"Well tell your little friend I'm sorry, can't help it. By the way I think you forgot the deodorant," she reminded whilst heading for the shower.
"Excuse me?"
"Just use some cologne if you must,"
"No, I mean did you just call my pal down there little?"
"Oh come on Asad you're acting like a..."
"You said you thought it was perfect!"
"Look, sweetheart, women have to lie in bed sometimes, to make sure we don't hurt your manly ego."
"But you seem genuinely pleasured by it! I bet now you're going to tell the orgasms are fake too."
"Not all the time,"
"Nope I refuse to believe it, you were not lying. My pal down there isn't little, nor do you think he is," he tried to gather his shattered ego in one last showdown.
"Sure whatever you say," she disinterestedly agreed.
"No, you are going to agree with me like you mean it or you won't agree at all," His butchered ego fumed.
"Fine have it your way,"
"Mrs. Zoya Asad Ahmed Khan!"
"Look I need a shower, I think you and your testosterone-driven idiotic manly ego need to have a heart-to-heart. See you in the evening," she quickly pecked him good-bye.
***
"Tired?" she woke up from her nap to find him changing.
"I don't know, according to you don't I do very LITTLE work," he emphasized.
"Asad are you really still hung up about that? And to think I was going to--"
"Going to?"
"Going to show you this," she got out of bed to reveal her magenta tank-top and white pajamas.
"What?"
"This!!" She furiously gestured towards her clothes.
"You look great?"
"Uggh! Sometimes I wonder what I was thinking when I agreed to marry an oblivious idiot like you,"
"Look woman, I'm the one who's supposed to be mad here,"
"Over what? Perhaps the most idiotic reason to have ever existed? And besides size doesn't matter to me,"
"But it does to my manly ego,"
"Tell your manly ego to go take a hike, I have had enough of this!" She stomped out trying to bring attention to her white pajamas. "Men, useless as always."
"I heard that!"
"You were supposed to!"
On the phone with Ayaan, Asad uncomfortably explained they day's misfortunes. Almost immediately Ayaan forgot about his tardy-realization-of-love-for-Humeira woes as Asad's problem deserved priority. It was part of the bro-code.
No seriously, go check, it is.
"And she doesn't seem to understand the fact that this stings. Bad."
"Women," Ayaan scoffed.
"Tell me about it,"
"I mean, I don't know man, I guess you can go for Viagra but--"
"AYAAN! Don't tell me you're agreeing with her!"
"No I'm just saying, 'cause I mean she is kind of the only one to judge and if she says it's average..."
"I didn't expect this from you Ayaan. First the insult to my manhood, then Zoya's attention hog episode, and now you... I have no purpose in life anymore."
"Okay, you've been watching too many soap operas. And attention hog episode? What else did the crazy do?"
"She dressed like she does every night but for some reason, today, she was fishing for compliments and when I couldn't come up with a good one thanks to my foul mood which keep in mind was caused by her, she got pissed."
"Asad! Dude! You have just been put into one of the most dangerous situations in the life of a married man. See we are expected to notice the little things a women does that are not obvious to us males, like highlights that are barely noticeable but somehow "bring out her eyes" and an extra ear piercing, a centimeter haircut, anything?"
"DAMN! Shit, shit, shit, shit! All I noticed was a pink tank top and white pajamas!"
"Wait what? WHITE pajamas?"
"Yeah,"
"Didn't you say she was on her period?"
"Yeah but Ayaan, if you don't mind, well even if you do, I feel my wife's period is a topic rather off limits, and pretty uncomfortable,"
"I don't fancy the disturbing mental images that ensue with the topic either Asad! But man, you ARE an idiot. WHITE bottoms, it's the universal dress code used by women to declare they are OFF their period,"
"At least one of the Khan Brothers has a brain," Zoya complimented through the other handset.
"I'll leave you two alone," Ayaan hung up to safety.
"Oh so THAT's what you were trying to tell me," he tried getting cozy only to be pushed off.
"Well now I'm trying to tell you that you and your LITTLE pal will be sleeping in the living room, for a WEEK," she got him where it hurt.
He held back his anger for the sake of his sexual frustration. This was no time to argue over size.
"Zoya..." he tried his sweet voice to calm her down.
"Not having it," She pushed him out.
Must. Get. Back. In.
He tried to think of an excuse, "Sweetheart I believe I forgot my--"
"Oh and here's your pillow!" she chucked.
"--pillow." He flatly completed.
Well this calls for drastic measures.
"You know, it was real nice of my secretary to share her lunch with me today. She assured me she doesn't mind taking care of me when my wife was too tir--"
"Consider yourself lucky I've been working on anger management or else you'd be in the hospital right now, finding out you could never father children,"
"Well wouldn't that be a disadvantage to you too?"
"It's called insemination,"
"You wouldn't!"
"Grow up!"
"But I'm still capable of getting you pregnant so can we just cut the crap and get on with it,"
"I'm not agreeing because I feelin' the love. Keep in mind you weren't the only one deprived for a week."
"Is that a yes?"
"If the definition of yes in your dictionary is submission-for-the-sake-of-humanly-desires, then yes, it is a yes."
"I'll get the condom."
In dedication to those who deal with us monsters when its our time.
-Shweta
Kabhi Neem Neem Kabhi Shahad Shahad
Anupamaa
