Today she was unusually quiet at the dinner table, just how Asad had always wished she should be. Yet her silence today was shattering him. He had not been really successful at telling her that he loved her more than anybody else he's ever loved but he knew it himself. The woman he loved is sitting right next to him, quiet and unresponsive. He knew he'd hurt her but yet couldn't muster courage enough to speak to her, apologize for his deeds, thinking he might hurt her even more.
Rightly said by some "trust is like a piece of paper, once crumpled, it can never be the same again". Zoya's trust in him was broken, the trust that one day he'll love her, he'll respect her words and opinions and most importantly trust her completely. Maybe she knows deep inside that there is more to what he shows, he does truly love her but what bothers her is his ignorance towards his feelings. Flooded by these umpteen thoughts of whose there are no answers, Zoya just kept staring at the dinner laid before her and kept nibbling a few bites in between.
After everybody was done with their dinner, Zoya decided to call it a day. It was an unreasonably long and tiring day for her. She was emotionally drained and needed time off to run through her thoughts on their relationship. 'Was it even a relationship?' she thought and resumed towards her room.
Her room, white room to be more precise, the colour that signifies peace was totally contradicting her state of mind today. She wanted to cry, cry like a baby but tears wouldn't come. How had she changed so much? And when? She was never like this. The Zoya she knew was not like this. She always believed in love unlike Asad but had never in her wildest imagination seen this coming. He was driving her crazy, his behaviour, his words, his actions made much deeper impact than she thought. All these and much more were occupying her mind when she heard the door knock.
With absolutely no strength to confront anyone, she just replied back saying 'Please thodi der ke liye mujhe akela chod dijiye" not knowing who was at her door.
He stood there still, right outside her door, not knowing what to do. Should he respect her request and give her the space she needed or should he do what he'd prepared himself for, that is, confront her. After much thought, he decided to do the latter.
He slowly opened the door to her room and found her sitting cuddled on the corner of the bed lost in her thoughts. After mustering whatever it takes, he spoke to her for the first time after he had yelled at her that evening, 'Miss Farooki'uh'main aapse kuch kehena chahta hu.'
'Mr. Khan, honestly, please abhi nahi. Main jaanti hu aap kya kehena chahte hai. Yehi na ke maine jo Tanveer ke saath kiya woh mujhe nai karna chahiye tha aur main kitni insensitive vagere vagere hu'' replied a hurt Zoya.
'Nai! Woh main aapse maafi maangne aaya tha. Aaj aap dinner table pe ek dum chup thi aur dinner ke baad bhi seedha room main chali gayi'mujhe laga ke' and Zoya cut him in between saying 'Oh toh Mr. Khan aap issiliye sorry bolne aaye hai kyuki aapko realize hua ke shayad main aapki wajah se chup thi aur aaj aapko meri baaton se entertain nai kar paayi. Kyuki aap toh mujhe aise hi treat karte hai jaise meri baaton ki koi value hi nai aur Zoya toh bas bolti rehti hai. Hai na?'
'Nai, aisa nai hai Miss. Farooki' replied Asad to which Zoya bounced back saying 'toh kaisa hai Mr. Kha.n.?'
'Hamara nikaah hone wala hai kuch dino mein aur hum dono ke beech mein ek dusre ke liye respect jaisi cheez bhi nahi hai. Main jaanti hu ke ab aap kahenge ke yeh nikaah toh nakli hai aur yeh sab aap sirf apni ammi ke liye kar rahe hai lekin phir bhi Mr. Khan, mujhe kabhi kabhi aisa kyu lagta hai ke shayad who jooth ho aur hum sach mein nikaah kar rahe hai. Aapki aakhein kai baar aapki baaton se kuch aur hi bolti hai', confessed Zoya. Unknowingly a smile crept up his lips. He felt happy, that she could read him and his eyes and could understand what he wanted to say but couldn't say.
His reverie was broken by what he heard next, 'Lekin phir jab aapki baatein sunti hu toh woh brahm bhi toot jaata hai'. The words pierced through his heart and he knew this time it will take a lot more than just 'woh actually' and 'hum ek dusre se bohot alag hai'. He decided he's going to say it all today, for once and forever.
He went a little ahead and sat next to Zoya, took her hands into his, inhaled a deep breath and readied himself to say those three words that he was dying to say and she was waiting to hear. 'Zoya, main tumse pyaar karta hu. I love you Zoya!'
She could not believe what she had just heard. She wanted to tell him that she loved him too and tell him how much she had waited to hear this from him. Just when she was about to reply back, something within stopped her. She was taken aback by her thoughts. She slowly removed her hands from under his and moved a little away from him.
'Kya hua Zoya?' said a worried Asad. 'Please Mr. Khan, aap chale jaayiye yahan se. I don't want to talk to you.', replied a furious Zoya.'. 'Main aapka koi ehsaan nahi chahti aur yeh toh bilkul nahi chahti ke aap guilt main mujhse yeh kahe joh aap ne abhi abhi kahan.'. Asad shot back, 'Guilt?' and Zoya was quick to reply, 'Yes of course Mr. Khan, iss baat ka guilt that aapna ne mujhe aaj hurt kiya aur shayad mujhe Zoya se aise baat nai karni chahiye this aur isiliye aap yeh sab bol rahe ho'.
Flabbergasted a little with the way his words and feelings were mended and how she got it all wrong, Asad replied in his defense, 'Trust me Zoya, aap jaisa samaj rahi hai, waisa kuch nai hai.'
'Trust Mr. Khan? Wohi toh hum dono ke beech nahi hai. Aap mujhpe trust karte hai Mr. Khan? Hamara nikaah hone wala hai aur jis ladki se aap apparently nikaah karna chahte hai uspe toh aapko bilkul bhi bharosa nahi hai. Aap yeh kaise expect kar sakte hai that hamara yeh nikaah tikega Mr. Khan? Aaj bhi jab maine aapko Tanveer ke bare mein batana chaha, aapko mujhse zyaada uspe bharosa tha Mr. Khan. Jab aap meri kahi hui baat par trust hi nahi karte toh main aap par kaise trust karu Mr. Khan?' shot Zoya with tears streaming through her eyes.
Asad had nothing to say to her and he just kept listening to all that she had to say because somewhere he knew that she was right. He really needed to trust her. Common now, she was going to be his wife, somebody who he wants to spend the rest of his life with and the most important pillar for their relationship, their marriage to succeed was Trust, which their relationship lacked.
Zoya continued., 'Mr. Khan, koi bhi rishta sirf mohabbat par nahi panabta, usmein trust aur respect ki bhi zaroorat hoti hai, jo shayad aap mujhpe nahi karte,' she completed with an extremely dejected face.
Asad knew she was right and most importantly he also knew that he is going to change this fear of hers, convince her that he loves her too much and is going to try really hard to make this work, keep her before everyone, trust her more than anyone.
Asad hesitantly moved a little towards Zoya, not knowing if she would let him, he slowly took his hands towards her cheeks, cupped her face and stopped the flow of tears through his thumb. It was awkward for him, he has never touched a woman like this before, never had such a heart to heart conversation either. He didn't know if his words would do any better, he just knew that he had to try.
'Zoya, main jaanta hu aap jo kuch bhi bol rahi hai woh sab kuch hadd tak sach hai, lekin yeh bhi sach hai ki main aapse mohabbat karta hu. Aapko batane ki himmat nahi hoti thi lekin aap ke liye jo mere dil mein hai woh maine kisi aur ke liye feel nahi kiya. Main bas aapse yeh kehena chahta hu ke hume hamare iss rishte toh ek mauka dena chahiye aur main sach mein aaj ki meri galti ke liye aapse maafi maangna chahta hu,' he finished with a tear falling from his eye.
She knew that there was nothing more to say, maybe they don't trust each other completely as of now but she also knew that it'll gradually come around. Right now all she knew was that she couldn't see the man she loved so deeply, cry before her.
And the only thing she could think of doing that moment was take him into a hug and whisper what he was dying to hear, 'Mr. Khan, I love you too!'
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Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
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