OS. Asad, a complete stranger.Part 1 & 2 - Page 2

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CupofCoffeee thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#11

I loved it, I cud visualize Asad in that state...plz do PM me wen u update next...very well written!!!😛

I hope they are not dead
Edited by nupsie - 12 years ago
Asya0910 thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#12
That was nice... Please continue!
Saimaa.H thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#13
Scary!but i think i can brave another one! 😆
plz PM me when u update nxt
Laila2009 thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#14
This is a very tasteless and disturbing story. You gave a warning I agree, but even horror writers - and my friend is one, have some depth and purpose even in their stories. Exactly WHAT is the purpose of this story? You've killed off all the characters in the show leaving only Asad. What do you plan on doing at this point? It's not meant to be a romance, so it is a mystery? Suspense? If this truly happened to Asad, he would have had a serious breakdown. His family was his life and all four people are now dead. I would think with someone who is in construction, he would have a more sophisticated level of security in his house.

Six people hacking four people to death and no-one noticed. I imagine these people were not just murdered in the process.
Edited by Laila2009 - 12 years ago
WaqtZaya thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#15
Cruel! But i liked it 😆
rakshaanra thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#16

Originally posted by: Laila2009

This is a very tasteless and disturbing story. You gave a warning I agree, but even horror writers - and my friend is one, have some depth and purpose even in their stories. Exactly WHAT is the purpose of this story? You've killed off all the characters in the show leaving only Asad. What do you plan on doing at this point? It's not meant to be a romance, so it is a mystery? Suspense? If this truly happened to Asad, he would have had a serious breakdown. His family was his life and all four people are now dead. I would think with someone who is in construction, he would have a more sophisticated level of security in his house.


Six people hacking four people to death and no-one noticed. I imagine these people were not just murdered in the process.


thanks for your honest opinion 😊
it gave me a good title idea 😆👏⭐️

please read part 2
rakshaanra thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#17

Originally posted by: Asya6

Very nice and sad. You were right this was for brave hearted people, unlike me who is a hopeless romantic and emotional. Do pm me when you continue.


I assure you, you will find the second part more emotional, thanks for commenting😊
exoLarmy thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#18
Scary! But i have a feeling they aren't dead. Maybe they killed Four of the 6 men?

Please update soon :D
rakshaanra thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#19
Part 2 is bottom, although the first part is tasteless and disturbing, I sure you will love second
😃

Good evening everyone, I have been so inspired by all the OS. And the OS in these forums seem to be another episode, I am not a writer, but would like to jot down some thoughts

This is my 3rd week in this forum and I am very pleased with the warm welcome and feel very comfortable.

THE OS PRESENTED

This is not

1. For romantic members

2. Graphic and certainly not for soft hearted

3. Includes Tanveer

4. So think twice before you enter

5. You have been warned''.

6. Just a filler before the Sangeet

"Mahendra Singh Dhoni perfect Six--------ooops!"

Asad looked up angrily as the cricket ball smashed through the window into the dining room

He rushed outside and saw the culprit, Zoya with a cricket bat, Najma was bowling and Ami was fielding.

Asad was going through difficult times, construction was low and competition was tough, and here was Zoya damaging property.

So he lashed out comments befitting for a criminal and when she started to explain, he motioned to her with his left hand and shouted "Khamosh!"😡

And drove away to a project site- 4 hours away.

Eerie music and phone call, lady's lips, "Destroy Asad, you have to destroy what is Aziz (dear) to him- the ladies of his house."😲

"Our pleasure" Raghu on the other line, with a evil gleam in his eyes, " I will teach that b@#@h a lesson she will never forget", puts phone in pocket with a sinister smile

At the Khan's villa, Zoya picking up pieces of glass, Tanveer smirking, door bell rings, Najma opens and there is a delivery boy- Sorry, we did not order anything, and closes the door when the door opens and in come 6 evil thugs, but , "but we are ordering you to '''''''''"

"Zoya!" spine chilling scream, a phone call to Asad, and he hears screams, then the line goes dead'.😭

Time seems to go still'

Asad drives with frenzy and the 4 hour ride becomes 2 hours

Alas, upon reaching Khan Villa, two ambulances speed by, Asad is confused, and rushes towards the house to see Police officers leaving,.😕

Sir,please," Look, come to the station, " the Police replied gruffly

A lady Police shook her head and said, what a day, I am not sure if they will make it," and walked off.

Asad managed to get the name of the hospital the ambulances were headed to and entered the house- it was a shocker, everything was in a mess, there were blood stains, and wait, what was this, he bent down and it was Tanveer's dupata, walked a few more steps into the bedroom and saw Najma's dupatta. Asad fell down on his knees and sobbed bitterly. The same expression on his face when Ami got shot and when he found Zoya buried alive- his life had ended.

And he let out a scream of agony

Slowly, mustering courage he drove to the hospital his heart pacing, and reached the hospital.

Hospital was crowded, It was a Public Hospital, Asad was flabbergasted, how dare they bring his loved ones here, and dump them.

"excuse me" he said many times but no avail, and no one was at the reception- first time he came to this

Hospital, and the stench of urine and odor got to him, the sight of blood, vomit, stool mucus was unbearable, never before did he see so much pain, disease and '..death.

Finally an old orderly was strolling, probably due for retirement, "please help me find my family, looks like they were attacked!" begged Asad.

The orderly was hard of hearing and shouted " your name!"

Asad shouted back " Asad Ahmed KHAN"

The orderly shook his head, "Khan, come with me, he whisked Asad to a room where there were 4 bodies covered in shrouds, drenched with blood."

Orderly put a hand on Asad's shoulder and said'"they were hacked to death,"

Asad fell down to the ground a second time and this time, sobbed till he nearly lost consciousness, when suddenly 4 wardens came and within seconds placed the bodies in black bags, and took them out,

In anguish Asad screamed, alas he was too weakened to get up and the old orderly consoled his,

Yehi jiwan kei reet hai, kabhi Khushi kabhi gum

Asad looked at the orderly in disbelief, and said " I want to see them"

" Sorry gone for post mortem, you will have to see the police officer"

Asad managed to compose himself, and made way to his car, and the thoughts of what had happened in Khan's villa haunted him, he could hear Ami, Zoya, Najma and Tanveer screaming, yelling for him to save them, he blocked his ears but the sounds continued. Flashbacks of all the beautiful moments flashed in front of him of Ami, Zoya, Najma and Tanveer, then he remembered how he shouted at Zoya before going to work, was there a tear in Zoya's eye, "ZOYA!" He screamed with pain and passion several times.

He looked at the sky and said a prayer before breaking down.







PART 2

Warning, no sex, no foul language and lots of emotion has been used.
Rating UA

for QH lovers..

Asad was in a daze, as if in drunken stupor, how could he go back home

He prayed again and headed towards home, there was so much traffic as school was finished.

He put the window down and was momentarily distracted from his disturbing thoughts by the sights, smells and sounds.

He looked tenderly at a mom holding son's and daughter's hand, remembered Ami.,

Ami, I have hurt you so much, I caused you so much pain when I hate Rashid Miya, please forgive me.

The sister poked her tongue at the brother and the brother although maybe just 10 shook his head as if telling her not to do "behuda'" harkat, he remembered Najma, and grimaced as he used to get on her case for petty things

Then he saw in a caf, an old woman giving a cup of hot drink to an old man, " Me and Zoya" a smile came to his face, but vanished as reality hit him, he will be going to an empty house,


Shireen Bi's baddua or curse was starting to take effect.

Traffic was not going anyway, switched on the radio

" Marjawa, tere bina marjawa, LAMHE ''."

Song brought back memories., As Asad contemplated on the song, he thought the song meant, I will die without you, so should I end this miserable existence??

I have nothing to live for, my life has ended.

As thoughts of death were creeping in, something caught his attention...







⭐️



he saw a girl in jeans, eating icecream,

Asad looked again, and his heart was jumping with joy, it was indeed Zoya, with an arm sling on Rt arm and ice cream on left. Next to her was Tanveer, changed and looked pretty in pink kameez. Ami was also eating ice cream and so was Najma, all were looking beautiful. All had shopping bags, new jewellery and had new clothes on. Zoya's top was lime green and jeans was black, Ami was wearing a brown Kameez, Najma blue and yellow.

Tears of joy slid down Asad's cheeks as he jumped from the car and ran towards his family, his life and soul and embraced them all together.

"Allah Miya, Mr Khan, please!!!! my ice cream has fallen, you know Mr Khan, this is the second time you did this, and you were so mean to me, this morning you''.Zoya could not complete, Asad took her in her arms and hugged her so tightly, she was out of breath., " when he released her, she demanded to know why he did what he just did, when Ami interjected,

"Asad, we were just on our way home, and beta, I know that we should not eat ice cream on the streets like this, but the girls deserved a treat, "explained Ami apologetically.

"Bhaijaan, you can never guess what happened, Lots of bad men cam to our house, and I got so frightened that I ran to my room and locked the door, but they broke in and I was '.really scared 😭"

But Ms Zoya Farooki Miss Fix it all thi and I kicked some butt," quipped in Zoya.

Miss Farooki, did you fight all those men?" Asad asked, still in state of shock

"Me and Mahendra Singh Dhoni, you see, the cricket bat was special, as it has signature of MS Dhoni, and I must admit I scored up some pretty good sixes, and then Najma Ami Tanvir took all the pots and pans and smashed their heads!

Ami said," Zoya made me so proud, after she started hitting everyone, all of us hit back, how dare any one come and disturb us, just because we are females doesn't give people a right to molest us whenever they want. I also learnt a few moves.

" Bhaijaan, me too."

Jemmy, Zoya saved us all, in fact a man came to hit me on my stomach with a rod and Zoya stood in and she has a fracture.

Ami ended," Beta, we were messed up and I took the girls shopping, we spent quite a lot, sorry beta."

Asad was still staring at each one, tears of joy welling in his eyes, " lets go home and talk."

" Allah Miyah, no Mr Khan, the house is in a mess, thank Khuda that you have not gone there, the goon who broke into Najma's room made me so mad that I beat him till he bled, and guess what, our friend Raghu was there too, he was the one who was in the worst shape, I kept hitting him till he knocked out, and he was bleeding badly and so the house must be mess, and there must be blood everywhere,"

Asad recollected the ambulance, and the police saying one was serious, and stroked his forehead. Raghu finally got what he deserved,. Zoya did what he could not do up till now. "Which hospital did you go to to get the arm fixed?"

"Wahi, our Private clinic, where we go always." said Najma

It now clicked to him, the goons had been taken to the Public hospital, where he had gone and these ladieshad naturally gone to the private hosp-------


they had absolutely no idea how the ordeal he just went through.

"aap ne mujhe phone nahi kiya" asked Asad.

"The goons took all our phones, and after we beat them we went to the clinic and we did not want to disturb you Jemmy as we wanted to go home quickly and clean up before you came home, " said Tanveer, in an impressive tone.

Asad was grinning ear to ear. Zoya was surprised to see Mr Khan in such a good mood.

He opened the car doors and seated everyone," its ok, I will help you clean the house" Ami looked quizzically, the last she saw Asad he left in an angry mood. Instinctively, she touched his forehead as if to feel for fever. Slightly warm. Ami thought, my son has fever, this explains his behavior.

Zoya was sulking at the back, head reeling from Asad's embrace and by his silly questions and odd behaviour.

Ami switched on FM radio and news time.

"There was a massacre at Bhopal where Mr Garib Khan's family were hacked to death."

Ami's hands came together for a prayer and prayed for the family, the girls were joking at the back, they did not even hear the radio, but Asad did, these were the 4 bodies at the Hospital he had mistaken to be his family, a single tear slid quickly.

"Ami, lets go to the mosque. "

Alright, so all entered the mosque, and as Asad prayed, he thanked God for the lives of his family and prayed that he could be kind and reciprocate their love.


have a lovely day everyone

Edited by rakshaanra - 12 years ago
bindasss thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#20
Omg! I loved it! This is soo awesomee! (:

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