'A Dare!'---- An AsYa OS.

First Previous

Page

Next Last

Frequent Posters

niharika

@nihamrm

Voyager

Posted: 12 years ago

#11

wow that was so cute!!!
love tamatar
And lol the sher in the end was it yours?? then it just cracked me up
just love this os

Quote

Laila Banu

@Laila2009

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 12 years ago

#12

Excellent first attempt. Totally well done! You have beautiful comic timing in this OS. It's hard to believe this is your first one. Here are some of the strengths in this OS:

Grammar, descriptive writing, sentence structure - all of these were bang on and made the whole story easy to read and follow...

No unnecessary background information; again made it fast, great to read, and not a drag.

Wonderful friendship shown between Najma and Zoya. That she shared her feelings with Najma who embraced her - all added an endearing and touching quality to the comedy.

Asad and Zoya's conversation and his comment "this is not a dare" were sweet. I would have had him actually kiss her on the lips and then say something to her beyond the peck on the cheek...she might have got it but his silence and is not saying anything beyond getting her a pizza left me a bit unsatisfied as a reader; I wanted a passionate kiss with - and this is not a dare...and then a wink...and then Zoya's reaction that he indeed felt for her.

The sharyai was a wonderful closing element.

Overall, this is one of the better OS I have read; you should write more...and you can even do a second part to this one...where Zoya and Asad decide to pull a prank on Najma for having dared her😉.

Quote

Looks like you are new here. Register for free, learn and contribute.

Khan Sadaf

@_Sadaf_

Voyager

+ 4

Posted: 12 years ago

#13

Originally posted by: MisHumptyDumpty
This was just Ahhmazzing!

If i amnt mistaken, You must be THE FAMOUS Khan Sadaf of FB who writes Ahhmazing FFs on DMG! 😳

My little Sister Heena is a crazied fan of yours! 🤗 its soo great to know you 🤗

Damn!! I wasn't expecting your comment!! 😆

Yes I'm the same Khan Sadaf. Itni taareef? 😉

Well, your sis is my fan and I am a huge fan of your gutter OS's and your amazing memes!! 😃

You're Ankita Chatterjee on fb, right??

Quote

Khan Sadaf

@_Sadaf_

Voyager

+ 4

Posted: 12 years ago

#14

Originally posted by: nihamrm
wow that was so cute!!!
love tamatar
And lol the sher in the end was it yours?? then it just cracked me up
just love this os

Thanks a lot...

And yes that lame shayari was mine 😆

Quote

Dee

@Enchantress

Voyager

Posted: 12 years ago

#15

Hey dear,

Such a sweet OS. Amazing. I love najma for the dare she gave her. I m just loving the entire confession and the entire OS. Not to forget Zoya's shyari was superb too.

So, you'll not update the SS tomorrow . Its okay , I do understand and off course this OS compensated it and I loved to the fullest but still don't be that late. Hope to see you soon.

~Dee~

Quote

can call me Mrs Enrique Iglesias

@enrique

Rocker

+ 4

Posted: 12 years ago

#16

Awww it was brilliant

Love najma

Beautiful os

Simply cute wala .

Quote

Eternal1234

@Eternal1234

Voyager

Posted: 12 years ago

#17

This was awesome loved it!!!!!

Quote

Khan Sadaf

@_Sadaf_

Voyager

+ 4

Posted: 12 years ago

#18

Originally posted by: Laila2009
Excellent first attempt. Totally well done! You have beautiful comic timing in this OS. It's hard to believe this is your first one. Here are some of the strengths in this OS:

Grammar, descriptive writing, sentence structure - all of these were bang on and made the whole story easy to read and follow...

No unnecessary background information; again made it fast, great to read, and not a drag.

Wonderful friendship shown between Najma and Zoya. That she shared her feelings with Najma who embraced her - all added an endearing and touching quality to the comedy.

Asad and Zoya's conversation and his comment "this is not a dare" were sweet. I would have had him actually kiss her on the lips and then say something to her beyond the peck on the cheek...she might have got it but his silence and is not saying anything beyond getting her a pizza left me a bit unsatisfied as a reader; I wanted a passionate kiss with - and this is not a dare...and then a wink...and then Zoya's reaction that he indeed felt for her.

The sharyai was a wonderful closing element.

Overall, this is one of the better OS I have read; you should write more...and you can even do a second part to this one...where Zoya and Asad decide to pull a prank on Najma for having dared her😉.

Thank you so much and I thought to make him kiss on her lips but that would be too fast according to the story so yea..

And I loved it how you mentioned everything about the OS. Thanks for all the appreciation...

I didn't think about the 2nd chapter of this one. If I do then I'll consider your idea of playing a prank on Najma and also I'll consider your other wish that is AsYa kiss, I'll show that too :) Thanks again for your long review... Made me feel nice... Thanks a lot.