Asya ff In The Shadows Chapter 25a page 94 3/11 - Page 6

Chapter 9

"Our distrust is very expensive."

'So this is what life is, delusion, treason, treachery, deception. My best friend was a traitor a deceiver, a conspirator. She pushed me in the well of vagueness, enkindled my past, ignited my future, everything has busted into flames. My beliefs, ideas, my philosophy of life all are simply set off.

There is just vacancy, barrenness, voidness. My clear images are all crushed. My uninvestigated perceptions, my judgments have all been proven wrong.

All of them were mere surface level assumptions.

I judged people by their clothes and not their mentalities, there whereabouts and not their virtues, their attitudes and not ther honesty, reliability and worth. These are my traditions? My tehzeeb?

I insulted Zoya whenever I felt like, taunting her about her relations, her life style, her way of taking things non seriously.

Why was I so blind? Why couldn't I see her kindness while helping Mariam? Not caring about her own life, her patience when I blamed her for the attack on Dilshad, her ability to bring a smile on every face, her skill to brighten every heart, her humane, friendly nature, her care for everyone, her quality of forgiving and forgetting every time she was hurt, not complaining, not demanding, her courage that stopped her, to stay here and search for her father, alone? Her support when even Dilshad and Najma were not with me? Why? Why? Why?

Even she was right in judgments, be it Akram, be it Rashid, Tanu or me. Her broken images allowed her to go to the depth and test the relevance of the facts and then decide.

I was so blind. So so blind. I considered Tanu better, when she was a liar, a traitor. For whom money was much more important then our bond. She sold our friendship for some mere pieces of paper.

I considered the sterling, precious and admirable Zoya a no one in front of her?

Now I realize why everyone fancied her so much…Why Dilshad loved her so much…she was pure at heart, trustworthy, sincere and genuine.

While Tanu an entity drenched in traditions but with a bleak personality, tarnished and unfair perceptions. No love for relations or truth.'

The one who doesn't alter his opinion is just like standing water that breeds the reptiles of mind.

What does a man do when after spending his entire life in his self made principles he realizes that they were all fallacious and deceiving.

That one moment is the darkest hour of your life. You see no light. But the same moment can change you for the rest of your life. You are the in a new understanding of your confusion. You start accepting the undeniable truth of life. Its like a paradigm shift.

You finally come out of the hollowness and start accepting others view point as well.

That one moment was enough to change him for the rest of his life.

He was not going to lament or anything, not on his friend's betrayal not on his father's reality which was hidden from him for the past 17 years.

He had accepted his mistake which is the first step to correction.

He knocks at her door and enters. Tanu is surprised. She welcomes him with a broad, warm smile. He dosent smile back instead stares at those dark black eyes, the eyes of a wild cat.

'you look so unknown Tanu, and I thought I always knew you well. When did my best friend vanish from this physical entity in front of me?'

She asks, "What brought you here jammy?" he snaps out of his thoughts. The word jammy stung him like venom. He gulps down the saliva, trying to control his anger, trying to level his breath.

"Nothing, just had a bad day felt like sharing with you."

He said seriously.

"Sure jammy. What are friends for? Come sit." She said smiling, inside so sure that her dirty secrets are hidden in some dungeon in the depth of an ocean.

He stared at the painting on the wall behind tanu. A master piece of abstract art. He tries to figure out what it is but he could just make out one alphabet again and again. It was a Z…. he shook his head.

Tanu waits for him to start.

"Tanu do you know the one thing that is the most important to me?" He asks slowly stressing on the word 'important'.

"Of course jammy…its your family. You never let people you love get hurt. Right?" she says smiling.

"No not always. Sometimes I hurt them a lot.(Zoya's pained expression flashes inside his mind.)

But there is something even more important than this….you have always known it…ive myself told you several times. No?"

Tanu with a confused expression asks, "What's more important than family jammy?"

"Trust." He answers almost whispering.

"Trust?" Tanu repeats with a grave, hesitated face.

"Its something you know it when you feel it and when you don't………….. its gone."

Tanu breaks the eye contact looking here and there and Asad abruptly changes the topic.

"Why did you do it?"

She looks up at him startled, "What?"

"Do I need to tell that." He almost yells.

"I seriously don't know what you are talking about jammy." She says timidly.

"you….seriously know what I am talking about Tanu." He says through his teeth.

"Jammy….i mean….i don't know what…"

He cuts her in between.

"Come on Tanu I know everything….just need my answer damn it and you cant deny anything because I even have the proof."

"I can explain Asad."

"I don't need any explanation. Just my answer."

Tanu starts weeping loudly.

"I didn't do it Asad. It's a trap…you should trust me."

Asad rolls his eyes.

"Trust you ? you want me to trust you tanu? Huh…….and save your crocodile tears for later. They wont affect me now." He continues after a pause, "lying ant gonna help here…..was our friendship that dirt cheap that you sold it in the hands of my enemies? How could you?"

She knew that she was in hot water now. So her dirty secrets were out. It was no use sawing the saw dust.she kept silent staring at her empty lap.

"how much money did you make? Huh?

Damn it you could have asked me I could have given you its double. But you sold you faith……………..to Razia….you knew it all….still? why? Why tanu why?"

She was silent. She wanted to defeat life but instead life had defeated her. Life is invincible. She was knocked down on her face.

Till now Asad knew that she was doing all this for money. And so her marriage scheme was plagued. She couldn't proceed with it now. He would never accept her now. She was whitewashed.

'I know you are behind it Razia, you are behind this plagiarism. Don't think youcan get away with all this. No you cant. You will have to pay back.

I will ruin your life.

I will make it a living hell for you…..just wait and watch.'

Asad got up.

"we are done Tanu……..its time you part your way."

He rushed out of the room slamming the door behind.

With all her secrets on the floor she knew this place won't accept her any more. It was time to flee.

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all around the world spring season comes with life and colors but not for us students. because this is the time of the year when we have to face the trauma of final examinations. so i am extremely sorry but i wont be able to update forr the coming month...see you guys after the exams.