Disappointment washed over him as he realized Zoya had already left the hospital. He called Najma telling her that if Zoya was home, not to let her go. But Zoya was not at home either. Asad ran is fingers through his hair out of frustration.
Where do I look for her? What do I do? I can't leave Ammi just like that, I need to be at the hospital. But Zoya? What if she leaves? Nahi, Ammi is more important. In fact Zoya was the cause of' Shit. What have I done? How could I blame her again? Since we've came back from Mangalpur nothing is right. I keep doing this to her. Asad what's happening to you?
Asad was at a crossroad. On one hand he was scared out of his wits for his Ammi. He could not lose her. But Zoya.. He could not let Zoya leave because of his foolishness and impulsive actions. He was confused and guilty. He was hurt and terrified. His emotional state in a tornado, he decided to take refuge at the nearby dargah. The only place that could provide him with peace and faith. He informed the doctor, who said they would call if anything comes up.
The sky seemed to reflect Zoya and Asad's emotions. Droplets of rain fell from the sky as dark grey clouds hung over them. Streaks of lightning almost as violent and threatening as Asad's rage and hurt were seen as he made his way to the dargah.
He entered and took a seat. He let his emotions spill and embraced the fact that he was not as strong and righteous as he thought he was. He admitted his fear and guilt. He could not deny anything. His emotions spiraled as his tears began to fall. He closed his eyes as he started to pray. For his Ammi. For himself. For Najma. Even for Zoya. He blamed himself and his stupidity for Zoya's disappearance. He prayed for her safety. He pleaded Allah to spare his Ammi, for if she were to leave him, his reason for existence would no longer be alive. He loved Najma, but she was strong, she could handle herself. But his sole existence was for his Ammi. Someone who had went through more than her share of pain in her life and he did his best to keep her happy. He was successful in becoming one of the most wealthy businessmen and provided his family with everything they needed. He lived for them. He could not lose anyone else. He would cease to exist.
He composed himself and decided it was time to get back to the hospital. He felt a bit revived after talking to his Saviour. He had faith and hoped that his prayers would be answered. He promised to ask for Zoya's forgiveness the next time he saw her but now he needed to get back to his Ammi. He slowly opened his eyes. He felt a sudden warmth and relief take him over as he raised his gaze and his eyes met with those deep dark eyes surrounded by smudged kohl. He thought he was hallucinating and immediately stood up.
His doubts were cleared soon after when she looked up, tears streaming down her face. It was her. She stood up as well, shocked to see him in such a state. They both silently felt responsible for each other's condition and wished to speak. But how? After such happenings how could they speak to each other? They were both angry at each other to some extent but more concerned and sorry. They didn't know how. So they did the only thing that felt right at the moment.
Both turned towards the door and slowly made their way out in silence, their palms dangerously close and threatening to touch as they walked. They sat on a bench outside, waiting for the other to start the conversation.
'How is Phupi?' Zoya broke the long dragged silence.
'Same as before. Nothing can be said as yet. She is still unconscious.'
Another prolonged period of dead air followed.
Zoya's mind was undergoing a whirlpool of emotions and thoughts. Should i apologize to him? She was hurt and perplexed. Her crying had subsided but the events of the day flashed across her mind. She was on the verge of breaking down again at the thought of Phupi. How did this happen? And how could he think of me like that? He was the one who slapped her, so he should apologize. But Zoya, maybe this really happened because of you. You should apologize.
'I' Im s'IM SORRY' she fumbled but then gave up and blurted out those three words.
This earned her a look of bewilderment from her Mr Khan.
'You were right, I caused this. I did send Mariam back though but maybe this is all my fault as I was the one who decided to help her in the first place. I am sorry for Phupi's condition. I never meant for that to happen.' She continued keeping her gaze on her feet. ' But'what you did..' her voice broke but the words just came spilling out of her mouth as she had no control over herself and her feelings.
'What you did was wrong. You slapped me for something that wasn't my mistake. Well maybe it was, after all but 'No I deserved it. I caused all of it. Actually, I'm accustomed to it. Everything I do to help someone always turns out wrong and not the way I planned. Believe me I would never want anything like this to happen to Phupi. She's like my Ammi, the one who is the closest thing to Ammi I have got. You are in a lot of pain. You are afraid to lose her. But so am I. I know the pain of losing your Ammi and I would never wish that upon you. No matter how badly you treat me, I would never wish something so cruel upon you because I can't see you in so much pain. And then you say that I am the sole cause and you will never forgive me? I did not do it intentionally. How am I supposed to feel? I will leave, Asad, but please let me until she is fine. Only then I will be at peace. Please, at least let me meet her. Pleasee!'
She no longer spoke as her tears took over while Asad looked at her, her words echoing through his ears. He was overwhelmed with emotion so much so that he remain speechless. His mind screamed at him. How could you do this? Ammi would be so angry at you for doing this! I.. How could I accuse her? And here she is believing what I said and blaming herself? Asad what have you done?
He was at a loss for words and sighed deeply. His hand automatically reached up and caressed her cheek where he had slapped her. Zoya looked at him and saw the remorse in his glistening eyes.
'It hurt a lot, didn't it?' he asked in an unsteady voice, noticing her flinch as he touched her.
Zoya felt as if the same had that cause the pain and sting on her cheek soothed it with just one gentle touch.
'That's not what hurt the most' she replied, hoping he would catch on to the second meaning, and that he did.
'I know I don't deserve it but still I hope you can forgive me. What I did was terribly wrong and.. I am so very sorry, Zoya. I lost control. I don't know how I could raise my hand at you. But please don't take to heart what I said to you. It's not your fault. I guess I was just frustrated and took it all out on you.' Saying this he wiped her tears, which just began falling twice as much. He gave her an exasperated look and offered his handkerchief.
She took it gratefully.' No you don't deserve it, but I do forgive you. We are humans, we all make mistakes. Sometimes you should remember that instead of scolding me unnecessarily!' she said and a slightly agitated tone.
Asad took it that she was still mad. But what could he do? He did not know how to make someone feel better besides his Ammi or Najma and he himself needed someone right now.
Seeing him tense, Zoya softened up again and touched his arm.
'I know you are worried. You won't say, but I know you are. Allah will answers our prayers, don't worry. He won't be as harsh to you as he has been to me. Everything will be fine. Don't lose hope.'
Not satisfied with his muteness, she went on.
'I know saying everything will be fine is not much of a reassurance. In fact, I know what you are going through and no matter what someone says, you will be troubled. Don't hold it inside you. You can talk to me.'
' Besides, I have told you before na, that back in New York everyone would tell me their problems and I would solve it!' Her serious tone changed to her normal bubbly tone with that last sentence.
Asad couldn't help but give a half smile.
'See, at least you smiled! Well sorta.'
'I am scared.' He said stopping the lightened up mood that was slowly starting to come in.
Zoya got serious again, realizing he was taking her advice.
'For all my life, I have lived for my family, more so for my Ammi. I can't lose her. I already lost my father. He left us. Now, Ammi is all that I have. Everything I do is for her. I used to have control and order in my life. Since you came, everything is spiraling out of control. The fixed patterns have changed, my reactions and emotions have been awakened by your jolliness and love for life. Maybe that is why I pounce on you every time. I started looking forward for tomorrow, just to see what new tricks Ms Faruqui would be up to, what new scolding I would have to give you. I started getting accustomed to it, started making it a fixed pattern once again. But today I feel lost again. My emotions are on high for I have hidden them for too long. I have made everything into a daily pattern to keep everything in control, but today, it's all gone. Sometimes I feel I have restricted Najma and Ammi too much and they just put up with me. Sometimes I feel to give up, but then I look at my Ammi and change my mind. Today, I feel as if I have nothing else to live for.'
'Asad don't say that. Phupi is still here and always will be here. We all love you very much. Yes you can be strict but we know it's for our good.' Realizing she had included herself, she blushed slightly before correcting herself. ' I mean they understand it is for their well-being. Everything that you do.'
'Not just for them' , he mumbled softly but soft enough for her to hear him.
Zoya felt her heart speed up but ignored it and continued.
'Do you feel better?'
'What?'
'Do you feel better? Lighter?'
'Oh.. I guess.. yes, I do'
' See, I told you. You need to open up. Not just for yourself, but for your family. Najma and Phupi would like that instead of you doing everything for them and not being yourself. I am sure Phupi sometimes feels responsible for you state. Don't keep everything inside of you. From what I heard from Najma, I know you have family issues from way back but don't let that tamper with your happiness now. Your Ammi and Najma are with you. You should consider yourself blessed, some people don't even have that' she stopped and inhaled deeply. Asad notice how uneasy she looked and placed a hand on her shoulder.
' My point is that you need to learn to live again. Don't trap yourself with all this emotional baggage. When Phupi wakes up, promise me that you will try to be your real self, the Asad hiding underneath all this. That would make her happy. And if you ever need someone to talk to, I am always here.'
Asad drank in her entire speech and realized she was right. He knew Zoya had her own problems and admired her that she could still help him with his own. He took a deep breath and then remembered the last thing she said.
'Ms Faruqui, I thought I asked you to leave my home and you said you would. So how would you always be here then?
She stood up at once, irritation flaring up.
'Yes, I am going, but only after meeting Phupi. HMPH! Besides MR Khan, there are cell phones, you can call' she turned to leave.
She felt a hand tight around her wrist, stopping her.' Why would I call on you cell phone, if we were in the same house?'
'What? You are soo not making any sense'' She started but then realized what he meant.
They shared a short eye lock which was broken by Asad.
'Shall we go back to the hospital then?'
She nodded and they both went, his hand still on hers.
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There was part 2! tell me what you think. hope you enjoyy 😊
Next : Part 3
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