Chapter 55
To Belong and Love
The dreams cycled again. All of them. Those which stemmed from his fears, those from her confusions, and those from their budding love. In actuality, their first kiss happened long back, even if his identity was a secret at the time.
I want to tell you about them.
All their moments, strung together, ending with a sweet ‘I love you’. She never thought how the embrace of a lover could bring her such peace. Her mother’s words and stories about love made sense to her for the first time, perceiving every sense of companionship with Abhay that she once heard about in her childhood.
Let’s stay like this, forever.
Nothing to worry about, nothing to tear them apart. Alone in his arms, alone in their world.
Abhay listened to those words meant for him, as he took a glimpse into her mind. He saw fragments of those dreams, and how each and every one of them had a hand in bringing them together. Those dreams that he created unintentionally, those dreams that used to irk him, now he could only thank them. It brought them closer.
Our story is not like any other.
He held her hand and laid them entwined across her stomach, watching over her as he lay on his side. For whatever reason Time thought it was imperative for him to protect her, he needed to find out. Before her life was threatened once again.
You’re my only light. How can I see it extinguished?
She slept with content, eventually rolling into him. Abhay held her close, staring into the fire. He was exhausted himself, having been out all night, and would have stayed there if not for her arrival. Slowly, he laid on his back, one arm under his head and the other holding her hand at the side. She followed. Her head rested atop his chest, leaving the pillow empty.
Remaining still for a few moments, he closed his eyes. Holding her close, her heartbeat filled his ears.
She can’t possibly find this comfortable.
He propped himself up carefully and placed her on her back. It was soon morning, and the rays of the rising sun began to break through the gaps in the curtains. He stood up and pulled each pair over each other to keep the light at bay. Piya needed sleep. Though she didn’t say much of her own condition, he could sense that she was weaker than ‘just a little tired’.
They must’ve known this would last overnight. Her things must be in the guest room.
He left the room briefly. Haseena was out in the hall, on her way to see him. She was pleased to know that they were together. It was evident in his eyes, how content he was by having Piya by his side.
“Is she asleep?” She asked, looking behind his shoulder.
Abhay nodded.
“She’s weak. I can only assume it’s from when she got her memories back and saw ours.”
“She did say something like that. Speaking of which.....”
She pulled out a thin envelope sealed shut with The Circle’s seal. He turned it about in his fingers, brows furrowing.
“They’re finally holding an assembly. It’s about time.”
“Try to keep her condition under wraps, for now. If they find out her memory has returned, they’ll take more drastic measures. I’ll be with you of course, but make your best effort.”
He had to keep their relationship under careful wraps, for now.
“I will, mom.”
She pat his shoulder and let him be. He tucked the summons in his back pocket and walked past, making not a single sound. The guest room was down the hall. He found her small bag stowed against the side of the bed, packed with the intentions of an overnight stay, as he figured. He took it back with him, watching the sun rise to its peak as he walked back down the hall. She was still fast asleep when he returned, and curled up to him as soon as he lay next to her again.
You always know I’m around, huh?
Abhay struggled to believe their proximity even now. He worried it all be a dream that he’d wake up from. But for now, he couldn’t shy away from holding her. His arms wrapped around her and pulled her close. He drowned himself in the sound of her heartbeat, the fragrance of her skin, and the warmth of her love. Incredibly greedy, and never wanting to let her go. He was happy. Until recently, he thought that was impossible.
It was reminiscent of when he found out Maithili’s truth. He embraced it, made her felt like she belonged. Piya had done the same for him, but it felt different somehow. Perhaps because he posed more danger to her. As the other vampires taunted, keeping a snack around.
You’ve taken my old place, loving something unnatural.
“I won’t let you ever suffer the way I did.” He whispered in her ear. To keep her smile was his necessity.
Piya stirred as he lay on his back again. After the hour went by, she woke up to the thin rays of the sun shining over her eyes. She blinked and blocked it with her hand, looking beneath her. Abhay had given up on keeping her in one place, an impossible task while he was around.
His eyes were closed, her head resting on his chest. The arm under her wrapped snug around her waist. Quite calm, incredibly still. He wasn’t breathing either. She was staring at a pristine marble statue.
How is he so still? Is this how vampires sleep?
Her mind slowly adapted to his inhuman characteristics. His skin was absolutely chilling, heart silent, and body like steel. Even his hold was unyielding. None of it was particularly bothering to her. Just different.
The sunlight broke through the smallest slit between the curtains, irritating him out of his temporary slumber. He thought he closed them all. It began to burn his eyelids. She pulled the blanket over her raised arm as shade, gently shaking him.
“Abhay....”
Her voice was soft, full of concern. He opened his eyes and gazed at her, like he wasn’t sleeping to begin with.
“What are you doing?”
“Protecting you from the sun.”
He smiled and set her arm down, blocking the sunlight with the flick of a wrist. There was now a thin column of shadow blocking its path, darkening the room. And his hand continued to swirl with them. It was times like this where he wished to be lazy. He didn’t feel like getting up again to close them himself. He wanted to stay with her.
“Does it burn?” She asked, worriedly.
He shook his head and cupped her cheek.
“I have my daylight ring on. So it’s only a little irritating. Don’t worry.”
She relaxed and lay against him as he turned to the side.
“Are you feeling better now?”
“How did you know I wasn’t?”
“We’re bound to each other. I can sense it.”
It was much stronger after their souls met and permanently forged their connection. She looked into his icy grey eyes.
“Is that how you always knew when I was in trouble? But we weren’t together like this back then, then how?”
The blood he liked so much was the answer. He disliked that answer. He averted her gaze. Drinking her blood without her knowledge, even if he did it with any other human without taking their lives, didn’t sit right with him.
“It’s not something I’m proud of doing.”
“Tell me. I won’t get mad, promise.”
She took her pinky and hooked it with his.
“Pinky promise.”
A vampire can never escape the pull of blood. Even now, her blood was calling to him. Gradually was its temptation reaching for his control, to destroy it. If he hadn’t hunted so much last night, it would’ve happened again, taking advantage of her vulnerability when she was asleep.
“We also share a partial blood bond. Created by exchanging blood.”
Blood?
She knew what he was implying, but was unable to remember such a time when the opportunity presented itself.
Maybe he wiped my memory those times, or.....
Then she remembered that he was the one to find her after the wolf attack. She had to have been bleeding then. And if her knowledge of vampire myths served her right, it would’ve been hard to resist. She tried to make light of the truth.
“Did I taste good, at least?”
He stared at her, eyes narrowed in disbelief.
“Your reactions are starting to scare me.”
“What else am I supposed to say?” She pouted. “I already promised you that I wouldn’t get mad.”
He looked away again.
“It was good enough to make me lose control. Forgive me, it’s been twice now I’ve done it.”
And it was still his favorite. The beast begged to be freed and do it a third time. Right here, right now. His lips parted and he panted, as just thinking about it was enough to get the beast riled up. He burrowed his nails into his own palm.
“It’s okay. It’s hard to control, isn’t it?”
He took deep breaths and nodded, squeezing his eyes shut.
“But after so long, it’s no excuse. It was reckless behavior.”
He had the nerve to drink it when she was gravely injured.
“That’s why I didn’t think it’s safe for us to be together like this, Piya. I’m the predator and you the prey. The closer you’ll be, the more I’ll want it. I don’t want to endanger you.”
“You’re not. And I’m not faulting you for it.”
“You treat it so....normally.”
She touched his cheek.
“If you could do the same centuries ago, why can’t I?”
He sighed and touched their foreheads. Piya closed her eyes. She felt nothing but safe in his company.
“Normally these partial blood bonds vanish quickly, since we don’t stay near humans we drink from for long. But since you and I have been together so much, it’s only gotten stronger.”
“You said partial. Why not complete it?”
“That’s a whole other commitment. And a discussion for another time.”
She didn’t ask further on the matter, The fire was dying out, and the room invited a slight chill back inside. Yet she pressed herself into him like his severe lack of heat wasn’t bothering her.
“Can I ask you something, Abhay?”
“Go ahead.”
“You loved Maithili a lot, didn’t you?”
He looked forlorn, and stared blankly behind her. The last time she asked about Maithili, he didn’t feel much. Somehow her knowing what had happened, and the mention of Maithili’s name made him feel a different kind of pain.
“I did. A lot. She used to be such a kind and gentle soul. I used to think, that we’d always be together, until death did us apart. But none of that came true, and it didn’t matter in the end, did it?”
Piya swallowed and felt an ache in her chest. This look of vulnerability and anger was new to her. The last time she asked, he looked nonchalant. But a name had its own power.
“I accepted her, stayed at her side when she needed it. And what did I get in return? I lost my humanity, and my family. And god knows when, but I lost her too.”
His eyes shifted like he was trying not to cry. And certainly, not for Maithili. Just towards his messy life. Piya held his hand tight.
“Just know that whatever occurred back then, it wasn’t your fault.”
He breathed out heavily, and looked at Piya. Her own eyes gathered with tears.
“Don’t cry.” He whispered, wiping them with his thumb. “I’d hate to be the reason of your tears.”
“Stop blaming yourself for everything, idiot.” She lightly hit his chest. He softly smiled and kissed her cheek. Each was adept at changing subjects.
“Did you see our families too? Maa, Baba, and everyone else?”
She nodded.
“I started back when you were just a baby. A very cute baby at that.”
“That’s pretty far back.”
“Mhm.....I also didn’t expect Abhay to be just a nickname.”
He chuckled.
“Siddharth used to tell me he couldn’t say the whole thing, so he shortened it. To him, I was always Abhay.”
“And yet, I couldn’t recognize you at times. Abhayendra was very different from Abhay.”
She played with the fabric of his top.
“I know. He was much more carefree and brighter than this.”
He gestured at himself and the room, colored in dark reds and blacks.
“Piya and Piyashree might be the same. But Abhayendra is an artifact of history now, separate from me. He died three centuries ago, soaking the soil with his blood in an unnamed forest. He lived and died human.”
Piya hated remembering that scene, and covered his mouth with her palm. She shook her head, and held back more tears. He realized that she had literally seen him dying and looked at her sympathetically.
“It seems I scared you in a different manner.”
“Never talk of it again.”
He placed a finger to his lips and shook his head.
“But Abhay is still here. With you. And I’m not going anywhere.”
She hugged him tight. It was a lie that his old self was gone. It was just hiding in him somewhere, only now re-emerging. Like that adorable smile.
“What else did you see? Hopefully something happier?”
“Your childhood. Your parents. Lots of things. I couldn’t ever think it got as bad as it was.”
“Neither could I.”
She shared the moments she found the happiest. Plentiful were these kinds early on. Their times at the palace as kids, the painting, Siddharth and Mandu’s wedding, so much in between. He looked nostalgic as she described them in concise details.
“I’ve always wanted a family like yours...” Her voice faltered, envious that hers wasn’t like it. Envious on his behalf, that he couldn’t be with them either.
Abhay tried to comfort her. There was still another problem in this city for her, a more permanent one.
“Will you ever tell him the truth?”
“No. I don’t want anything to do with him, and there’s too much at stake for that to be possible.”
She changed the subject again, as Abhay stroked the back of her hand with his thumb. Just his eyes alone were enough to calm her.
“I can see why you like spring. It was beautiful there. Like a garden found only in the heavens.”
“Springs there aren’t the same anymore. Not much of it is left, with the development and all.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll make sure our hill looks just as beautiful.”
“Will you still practice there? From time to time?”
“Why won’t I? My flowers need the music to grow.”
She felt that radiating warmth inside her again. And his eyes were changing color too. Flecks of red were there and fleeting.
“Are you doing that?”
“Hmm?”
She couldn’t put into words what she was feeling. But it wasn’t the first time it had happened. Abhay touched their noses together and pecked her lips. The lightest of his touches sent sparks through her skin.
“How strongly do you feel it?”
“It’s overwhelming, but in a good way.”
She held his shoulders and breathed in. This was her happy place. She didn’t want to leave it.
“Normal vampires experience emotions twice as strong as that of humans. And us Duralis vampires, twice of that.”
She recalled seeing his anger seemingly cause direct pain to another vampire. Perhaps this was the same.
“Yet you rarely show them....you barely did when we first met.”
“I’ve trained myself not to, and being the way I am helped in that matter. No need to show it if I’m on my own most of the time. My emotional state has its own power.”
“Like what?”
“You’re feeling it right now. They can manifest in different ways, towards the people they are meant for. It’s why we’re supposed to keep them under control. It’s easy to get reckless with them.”
“It doesn’t hurt.”
“I don’t think true love can create pain.”
She blushed. What she was feeling, it was a physical manifestation of his love for her. An abstract concept in physical form.
“Negative emotions bring discomfort and pain. Positive emotions heal and comfort. Sometimes they manifest in erratic manners, and sometimes to address the cause of the emotion.”
“Every emotion?”
“Every emotion. The usual vampire can indirectly influence a person’s moods with it, but don’t have the power to manifest them like I can.”
She felt like she was floating on a cloud, until he reigned it back. If he wanted, he could even lull her to sleep with it. It was that calming.
The birds commenced their morning song, perched atop the trees outside. Abhay sat up, bringing Piya with. She rubbed her eyes and brushed her hair behind her neck, looking up at his handsome face. His features were much clearer and much softer now.
“I brought your things from the guest room.” He brushed stray hairs off her eyes. “I’ll let you freshen up.”
“Are you going downstairs?”
He nodded.
“You must be hungry. None of the servants are here so I thought to make your breakfast.”
Her stomach growled as soon as he mentioned breakfast. She forgot to eat after returning from Time’s realm. He chuckled.
“I’ll be quick then.” Piya said.
He was getting the hang of it, of being able to openly show his affection to her without repercussions. He kissed her temple, rising to his feet and leaving her to privacy in his room. Piya found her bag atop his bed, a towel placed next to it.
Even the small things can show how much you care for me.
She stretched her arms and back with cracks and pops, and looked out one of the windows. The snow was melting under the bright sun, some revealing patches of new grass underneath.
“It’s such a nice day out.”
Everything felt new and exciting. She held the ‘S’ pendant in her hand. So much had changed in the past week, but she wouldn’t have it any other way. Having Abhay at her side was a gift she didn’t even know she could have.
I did find love here, mumma. You were right after all.
Anupamaa
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