I know its too late to comment as you have made this post one month ago n we have never talked before and since everyone here is saying that its your story i kinda feel uncomfortable...even weird to give advice on this as i don't really know you and its the matter of your life...but...after reading it i just couldn't stop myself from posting a reply.
I am not going to say anything new which all the other members of the forums hadn't said already but who knows...may be one more reply can cheer you up or make you understand the fact that all your friends were trying to do so far.
I know its easy to lecture someone but difficult to follow the advice and when the matter is related to your heart...only the person who suffers from the problem can feel its pain and no one else. But but but...we can't always ignore the realities of life however harsh they may be...and the reality is that girl was your PAST.
I am not any specialist or anything like that but as far as I understood about your dreams is that, that girl left without having any word with you. May be you feel that there is something unfinished between you two...something which deserved at least a decent goodbye. Then there is your care, your feelings, your friendship towards her which kept reminding you of her and the fact that she never said anything about her leaving the school and the suddenness of this event left you stunned and this all came at the time when you were weaving your dreams around your beautiful friendship. The relations made at early age have their own impact in our life. At that time we are so innocent and bond made at that time stays with you forever. So probably this is the reason you still can't forget her. Then there came the realization that you love her...then your guilt that you took so much time to realize it and she was married...you were too late. All this...this care, memories, love...and biggest of all your guilt...made you remember her again n again ...you just can't forget her like this...When we try to forget something we tend to remember it more often...so i would suggest you to don't try to forget her...this whole chapter of your life...but accept this with open heart and mind as a part of your life...a part which had some beautiful memories of your childhood friend and your adolescent love...make yourself guilt free...remember it was not your fault that she left, that she got married...just remember her as your past...a past which should not affect your present and future...try to move on in life.
Remember one thing...whatever happened you were not at fault so why to punish yourself like this...NEVER ever try think about suicide or something stupid like that again. And i feel if that girl also had some feelings for you then she must have tried to contact you but that didn't happen. Its clear that she has moved on in life. So you should also not stick to your past. Just let it a memory...many dreams are waiting for you to chase them in your bright future. Your friends, your parents, your well wishers all love you and are there for you when you need them. So for all those people who care for you and most importantly for yourself come out of this mess be happy.
Though i don't know you but after reading all this i can tell one thing for sure that you are very good person...very devoted and honest...any girl will be lucky to have you in her life...don't waste your precious love over someone who was never meant for you...I am sure God has made someone very special for you and you will meet her someday.
As I said, i am not specialist or anything like that ...we all are your friends so giving you that advice whatever our heart says. So if possible meet some specialist...some psychiatrist or someone who can help you with your nightmares...with whom you can talk freely.
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