PIA POV - Three days before the accident.
Sixty seconds. I had no more time than that. Fifty seconds maybe. No, probably around thirty.
My alarm clock blinked from 05:59 to 06:00 and the alarm sounded.
I guess I didn't even have thirty seconds. Of course, I never had the time I thought I had.
I turned off the alarm with a sigh, before climbing out of bed and making my way to the bathroom.
I made sure to not look at myself in the mirror as I undressed and put my pajamas in the hamper. I turned on the shower and stepped into the cold. I was not in the mood to look at myself right now, so I turned my head up against the spray and closed my eyes. I scrubbed my body clean and tried to ignore the uneven feeling when I let my hands scrub over my scars. I bit my lip in order not to scream.
Last night had been the worst in weeks. I had woken up, drenched in sweat, several times during the night. The event from the previous day, me choking during lunch, was replaying in my dreams over and over again, but every time it turned out different. The first time, Misha did help me out. The next time, she didn't, and the people laughed even more as I slowly died. The worst one, though, was the dream when they closed in on me as I looked at them pleadingly, hoping someone would save me. No one ever did.
The story of my life - I never had the time I thought I did, and nobody would ever save me.
I washed the strawberry-scented body wash off and put some in my hair to put the scent into it. The scent always reminded me of better times. Times where I wasn't disfigured.
Times where my family was still whole. And a time where I thought everything would end up okay and that I had a future.
That was back in the days when I was naive and still believed a girl like me had a shot at life, before life decided to teach me a lesson. And the lesson was that girls like me
never catch a break and we are not meant for greatness. Hell, we're not even meant for mediocre. We're meant to break. That's what we're born to do. And that was what I was doing. Slowly breaking apart.
I stepped out of the shower and patted my body dry, once again careful not to look down.
This was easily the worst part of my day. I could take the bullying and name-calling in collage, and I would trade an eternity for it, if it meant that I would never need to be naked again.
I put on my bathrobe and walked back to my room while drying my hair with a towel. When I got in my room, I threw the towel on the floor and went over to my closet. I never gave much though as to what I was wearing, as long as it it was long-sleeved and didn't show any skin. I was lucky we were living in dehradun, since it never got too hot here,
Not like anyone ever noticed what I was wearing anyway. People didn't pay any attention to me, as long as they weren't in the mood to bring somebody down. Little did they know that I couldn't fall any lower than I already was. I was at rock bottom, and the only way to go from there was to dig myself six feet under and stay there.
And to make that possible I needed to get a prescription.
That reminded me that I had planned on calling the doctor's office yesterday. I had forgotten all about it when I came home after collage and my dad distracted me by telling me that mom called.
I wrote a reminder on a post-it and stuck it on my computer screen before getting dressed.
As I brushed my hair mindlessly, I thought about what kind of prescription I would ask for, and what I would be able to get away with. Something I could OD on, of course. What would be the point otherwise?
I should google it during study hall.
I gathered my collage-stuff in my bag and went downstairs. My dad had already left for work and the kitchen was a mess. The man couldn't wash his dishes even if his life depended on it. He was a slob and I wondered how my mom ever put up with his crap' but then again, my dad had to put up with a lot of crap from her side too when they were married, so they probably balanced each other out. The slob-thing was nothing compared to all the issued my mom brough to the table.
I grabbed the last clean glass from the cupboard and opened the fridge to get the orange juice. I only got half a glass.
Glass half empty.
I threw away the empty carton and wrote down "orange juice" on the grocery list that hung on the refrigerator door. The list was growing long, and if I wanted to have any dinner
I should visit the grocery store on my way home from collage. Dad sure as hell wouldn't do it. He never did any shopping, even if I told him we were out of food. He would rather eat at the Lodge, the town's only sorry excuse for a restaurant, than go grocery shopping. Besides, he never cooked anyway. He was a lazy man, if not a practical one. He never bothered with anything if he could get someone else to do it.
Which made the fact that he is a detective pretty ironic.
In his job he had to take charge and take control over situations before they got out of hand. He couldn't pin it on somebody else. He did his job, and surprisingly, he did it well. I'm still convinced that the only reason he ever became a detective was because he wanted to carry a gun. We all know how much the ladies love gun man. That's what brought my mom his way. Poor guy, he never stood a chance when the brown haired beauty decided to put her claws in him.
People still spoke about how in love they were and how nothing could ever break them apart. They were living a fairytale life, just loving each other for almost two years before I came along and spoiled the party.
My dad would never blame me for what happened three months ago, though my mom sure did. Still, I could see it in his eyes that he sometimes thought I deserved it somehow. Even if I lived a thousand years, I would never understand how a father could honestly think his daughter deserved getting disfigured like I was now.
I didn't like thinking about it so I rarely did, but sometimes I couldn't help the thoughts that snuck into my mind.
I drank my juice and quickly washed the glass before putting it on the empty dish rack, gritting my teeth in the process. We didn't have any clean plates or glasses in the cupboard, but still the dish rack was empty? How hard was it to wash a few dishes anyway?
I glanced at the clock; it was a little before seven thirty. I still had a good forty minutes before collage started. Although it wasn't a long drive for others, it would be for me. My car was too old and worn to go over forty miles per hour, and when I tried to push it the car only growled and made unhealthy noises. It was practically screaming at me that it would break down if I didn't slow down. Even though my car had its limitations, I still loved it. It had its flaws, but so did I. We were perfect for each other and I wouldn't trade it for anything.Not even for a stupid shiny Volvo.
I walked out the front door, and locked it safely behind me. It was raining today and I broke my umbrella last week, so a fat load of good it would do me now.
I pulled up the hood of my jacket and quickly made my way over the muddy ground to my car. I almost slipped when I stopped by my car, but I managed to grab hold of the car before I landed flat in the mud, and getting late to collage because I had to go change.
My car wasn't locked because I just didn't see the point. Nobody would want to steal this piece of junk anyway. I opened the door and climbed in as quickly as I could trying not to let the rain soak me more than necessarily.
The cabin of the car smelled like oil and I wouldn't be surprised if the engine was leaking again. I had it fixed just a few weeks prior. I sighed as I turned the key and the engine roared loudly to life. It almost sounded like thunder.
The radio in my car was old and outdated. It had broken down during the summer and I never bothered to get it fixed. So I rode to collage in silence. The only sound surrounding me was the loud roaring of the engine and though it was loud and I would probably end up getting hearing impaired, I still found it relaxing because it was familiar. Things were constantly changing, but my car wasn't. The loud roar was constant and it was comforting to know.
I made it to collage with ten minutes to spare. I saw that Abhay Raichand had parked in the Principal's spot again, and I wanted to roll my eyes. He was begging for trouble, but I guess that just turned him on. Just like yesterday, when I saw him leave with T. As if he wanted everybody to see him and realize what he doing, before he walked off towards his car without giving T a second glance. She followed him with his gaze, as she discretely wiped the corner of her mouth.
You didn't need to be a genius to understand what went there. There was no need for Abhay to make a show , because everybody already knew. mount collage students might be stupid in general, but when it came to lovy dovy stuff, they all knew the signs.
It was things like that which made it obvious that he wanted to get caught and get into trouble. If the Principal would have been a woman then Abhay probably would have tried to flirt his way out of it, as he had no shame. I wondered what the hell was wrong with him, why he kept doing what he did... what was he trying to prove? That he was a bigger jackass than we already thought?
I quickly made my way towards the building, the rain had ceased but seeing as this was dehradun, it was only a matter of time before it would start up again.
I kept my eyes down when I walked through the hallway, trying to make myself as small as possible. I dumped my stuff in my locker, and grabbed my history books, and the homework from my bag, before shutting the locker with my foot.
I shuffled my feet to the classroom, and took my usual seat in the back. Nobody ever sat down beside me and for that I was glad. I couldn't handle it when people got to close.
Even yesterday, when misha grabbed me to save my life I was panicked. Although I knew she was only trying to help me.
The last person who ever touched me with affection was the one who hurt me the most, so excuse me for not liking it when people touched me.
The rest of the day went by without much incident. I knew better than to push my luck by eating in public again, so I decided to lock myself in a stall in the girl's bathroom. Since I didn't grab any food from home, I still had to go by the cafeteria and buy my lunch.
The line was moving slowly and I was stuck between a nerdy freshman and two giggling girls. The girls were standing behind me and their perfume was sticking me in my nose.
I assumed they bathed in it, since the smell was so strong and concentrated. If I had been turned towards them my eyes probably would have watered by the stench.
"I swear! She told me herself!" one of the girls said excitedly.
"But Angand? C'mon, she can do so much better," the other girl complained.
"Doubt it," the first girl snorted, "abhay hasn't looked at her twice after party. I don't even think he knows her name. And have you seen her nose? I don't think she has the right
to be picky. She got her round with abhay, and now she needs to settle with whatever God throws at her."
"Even if it's angand?"
"Even if it's Angand," she agreed seriously, before bursting into a fit of giggles again. "Did you see her hair this morning?"
"I almost feel sorry for her. P should know better than to get a perm. It's so' eighties. Seriously," the other girl said smacking her lips in disgust.
I tuned them out as I finally reached the register and paid for a soggy sandwich, an apple and a bottle of water. The girls were still giggling when I passed them on my way back out.
"Piya Piya o Piya Piya!" one of them Sing after me.
Several students in the line laughed, but I let it roll of me. I didn't make a face, I didn't roll my eyes and I most definitely didn't say anything back. Instead I walked as quickly as I could, without tripping, towards the bathroom.
I locked myself into a stall and put the lid down on the toilet so I could sit down. I took a deep breath to collect myself, before I unwrapped my sandwich.
"' she do anyway?"
I only caught the end of the sentence as I heard the door open and the familiar clinking of heels. I slowly bended my knees, and hugged them to me, so they wouldn't see my feet under the door. I didn't know who had come in, but I really wasn't in the mood to get harassed right now. I just wanted to eat my lunch in peace.
"You are getting too invested in this girl. Who do you think you are, Mother Teresa? Yesterday you saved her from choking, and now you're gonna defend her honor in the lunch line? C'mon!" an annoyed voice replied.
My ears peeked, as I realized they were talking about me. Who else choked on their food yesterday? I assumed the annoyed voice belonged to misha's friend, alina. The only girl who could put T's beauty to shame and of course she was dating abhay's scary looking big brother, sid, who looked like he was on steroids.
"She obviously doesn't want to stand up for herself, so somebody's gotta do it. Right?" misha replied easily.
"Somebody, nobody, it's a fine line," Alina replied with a bored tone. "I just think you shouldn't bother. She's obviously a lost cause. What did she do to you to deserve your protection anyway?"
"Nothing, but that's exactly the reason I'm doing it. Because she has done nothing wrong or right to me or, to anyone else for that matter," misha replied with conviction. I wanted to snort at her comment. She obviously didn't know anything, because I had done my fair share of "wrongs" against people, and I had the scars to prove it.
"Why can't you find a normal hobby, like most people?" Alina sighed. "What happened to good old party thing?"
misha laughed, and the bell-like chiming echoed through the almost empty bathroom.
"I would never give up on party, you know that," misha replied cheerily, "but helping a fellow human isn't about hobbies, it's about being a respectable human being."
"I see someone's being too good," Alina mocked.
"Just because you don't have a heart doesn't mean I shouldn't be using mine," misha replied.
"I should be insulted, but sadly, I'm not," Alina replied with a smile in her voice. "C'mon, let's go. We wouldn't want to keep the boys waiting."
misha laughed again, and I heard the door open and the clinking sound from their high heels faded as the door swung shut behind them.
I didn't move for several moments because I was too angry. I didn't even move my legs until they were on the verge of falling asleep.
The superior complex seemed to be a trait that they shared in their circle of friends. misha obviously had been hanging out too much with abhay.
I was furious over the fact that misha thought I needed saving; that I needed someone to protect me from all the vile things people did and said to me. Like she could even make the slightest different. She didn't know me and I didn't know her. We weren't friends. We hadn't even spoken to each other at all since junior high - if you don't count the brief encounter we had yesterday. So why was she bothering now?
Alina was most likely right, misha was obviously just looking for a new hobby. She probably wanted a charity case to make over and form as she wished. I must say though, that misha was mistaken if she thought I would be that charity case.
misha was wrong about another thing too; I didn't need anyone to stand up for myself. Didn't she get that I was trying to fade into the background and become invisible? There was a reason why I never fought back and it was surprising that misha didn't get that. I guess she had her head so far up her ass that she wouldn't know left from right, or when it was time to back the hell off. Just because she saved my life didn't mean we were going to be best friends forever now.
The things misha said almost hurt more than all the bad things I heard daily. misha made me out to be a weak person and I honestly didn't see myself that way. A weak person wouldn't even bother getting up in the morning.
I ate the rest of my lunch, silently brooding over what just went down. Just like yesterday, I ate everything in small pieces, careful not to choke. For someone who really wanted to die, I was sure as hell careful not to let it happen.
The warning bell rang and I knew it was time for me to leave the comfort of the stall, and make my way to biology. I shuffled my feet towards the biology classroom, after a brief
stop by my locker. I really wasn't in the mood for this crap. I just wanted to go home, call a doctor, get a prescription, and die.
I wonder when I should do it' should I set a date? I thought to myself, as I sat down on an empty seat in the back of the classroom. I was thankful that we didn't have assigned seats in this class. The room was buzzing with the talk of the other students, and I tuned them all out.
Should I buy flowers, throw the petals all around, and light a candle? Maybe not. What if dad doesn't find me and I end up burning the house down?
Okay. No candles, but what else would I need?
Should I write a note? What should it say? "This is all your fault, thanks and goodbye"?
I shook my head at the thought. No, I wasn't going to write a note, and I wasn't going to buy any stupid flowers. I was just going to take the pills and go to sleep and never wake up again.
No muss, no fuss.
I leaned back in my chair with a satisfied smile on my face, but the smile faded as someone came in and gave our teacher, Mr. Mehta, a note. He read the note and turned to look at me.
"Pia dobrial, they want you in the Principal's office," he said.
The room fell silent, and everybody turned to stare at me. I felt my face grow hot and I quickly gathered my things, not even bothering to ask what the note said and why I was called there. I never got in trouble in school, so what the hell would they want from me now?
Someone snickered as I passed them, and I stumbled out of the classroom with a face that was on fire. I didn't go by my locker, to drop of my books; instead I went directly to the office. I didn't want to push my luck and I just wanted to get whatever was going on over and done with.
The principal's assistant looked up from her desk and I noticed she was doing a crossword puzzle ' what a great waste of government funds - when I walked in. She gave me a friendly smile and nodded.
"Pia dobrial? Mr. sharma will be with you in a moment," she said, before turning her attention back to the crossword puzzle.
I sat down and waited, my leg was bouncing up and down anxiously. What was taking so long? It felt like I had waited for over an hour before the door to his office opened, but when I glanced at the clock I realized it had barely been three minutes.
"Miss dobrial? Please come in," Mr. sharma said to me with a gentle smile and stepped aside so I could walk in. I looked down at the floor as I passed him and sat down slowly in the lone chair in front of his large desk.
He closed the door, walked around his desk and sat down. He leaned forward and clasped his hands on his desk. The gesture felt very formal and it scared me.
"I assume you know why you're in here," he said, still with that gentle smile. I hugged my books to my chest, and shook my head as I looked away from the scrutiny of his gaze.
He sighed. "It's come to my attention that you refuse to attend gym class and Coach says she hasn't seen you in class at all for the past three months. I understand that what happened back then inhibited you from participating, and though I'm not going to force you to participate in the class along with your friends I do wish you to attend. Your absence will go on your permanent record, and you will need to pass gym in order to graduate. Do you understand?"
I nodded and stared out the window. I got it, but I didn't need to worry about passing gym anyway, since I wouldn't be graduating.
Because I wouldn't be alive when exm come around.
"I said, do you understand?" he repeated, and I turned my eyes to him.
He was no longer smiling, and I assumed it was all a show from the beginning, in a wasted effort to make me feel comfortable.
"Yes, sir," I replied quietly.
"Good," he nodded sternly, "Because we believe we have cut you enough slack, and you need to pull yourself together and pass your classes." He looked down at my file that he
had in front of him, and frowned, "And I see you're failing Art as well. I honestly didn't know that was even humanly possible."
Of course it was humanly possible. The way to fail art was the same way I was obviously failing gym. I quit going. I didn't say this aloud, of course, I wasn't about to fuel the fire.
"What is going on? You had straight A's when we left for summer, and now you're falling behind and you're averaging B's and C's in all your classes," he frowned. "Do you want
me to set up an appointment with the collage psychiatrist?"
I wanted to scoff at the question, but I held it back considering it probably wasn't an appropriate response. What did he think I would talk to her about? Was I supposed to talk about the thing that didn't happen? Talking wouldn't get me anywhere.
I shook my head no and he sighed in frustration.
"I hate to see you waste away your future like this, Miss pia. With your track record it wouldn't have surprised me if you ended up with a full scholarship " he trailed off and shook his head, "if this is about a boy'"
I looked at him incredulously, was he serious? He saw my glare and he sighed.
"Or if it's just a rebellious phase' I don't know. I think it would do you good if you talked to someone, and you'll see that things aren't as hard as you think."
He sounded so sure of himself, like he honestly believed that all I needed was to talk to someone once a week for a month, and everything would go back to normal. Like normal even existed in my world anymore.
"Can I go?" I asked quietly, careful not to look at him.
"Yes, you may leave, and think about what I've said, okay?" Though he wasn't asking really, he was demanding. I nodded once, before standing up and leaving the room.
What was the worst thing he could do if I refused to do what he asked? Suspend me? Yeah, like I would be able to get to class in order to pass them then.
I was so focused on my feet, seeing to it that I wouldn't trip on air like I had a habit of doing, when I rounded a corner and plowed head first into someone. The collision made me fall backwards, and I landed flat on my ass. The sudden pain ricocheted through my body. Fortunately I managed to not drop anything, since I still held my books tightly to my chest.
"What the hell!" someone cursed loudly.
I looked up and for the first time I saw who I had bumped into. Abhay raichand. Of course. Day two of torture week was just getting better.
"Are you blind or some shit? Watch where you're walking!" He snapped at me.
I didn't understand why he was so mad though, he was still standing after all. He wasn't the one sitting on the floor with a pain in the ass that wouldn't quit. I narrowed my eyes at him, and hugged my books closer to me.
"Shouldn't you be in class and not roaming the halls anyway?" I snapped back.
He seemed to be slightly taken aback by my outburst and it served him right. He quickly collected himself and smirked evilly at me.
"I could ask you the same thing," he replied, and rubbed a spot on his chest mindlessly, I guess my fat head had made an impact on him. I hoped it hurt.
"I was at the principal's office," I replied, as I awkwardly tried to stand up.
His smirk grew wider.
"And what could an innocent piya like you ever have to do in the principal's office?" He asked, "Were you gonna press charges against the sandwich that tried to kill you yesterday?"
"No, he wanted to ask if I had anything to do with why a certain Volvo, that's parked in his space, had a crashed windshield and a dent with the size of a crater on its hood," I replied.
His face fell, and I smirked inwardly. I knew all about the accident he had with angand last week, when Angand accidentally drove into him when Abhay was backing out. Abhay had been furious, and if his brother hadn't stopped him he would have smashed Angand's face in. So his car obviously meant a lot to him, and who was I to deny the perfect
opportunity to mock him about it?
"You' you! If my car is even remotely damaged when I'm leaving today, then I'm gonna hold you responsible!" he said angrily, his face growing red.
I rolled my eyes and pushed passed him, without responding.
"I'll kill you!" he called after me.
"Please do!" I called back, without turning around.
If the solution was only that simple.
"Hi, my name is Pia Dobrial and I'm calling to make an appointment," I said into the phone later that afternoon.
"And what would it be concerning?" the woman asked.
"I' I'" shit, I hadn't thought this through, "I need something prescribed for my anxiety."
"And if you would rate your anxiety level, one to ten, how would you rate it?" she asked.
"Twenty three," I replied without missing a beat.
"Have you had anything prescribed for anxiety in the past?"
"No."
"Okay, please hold a moment."
Her voice disappeared and was replaced with some classical music. I sighed and leaned against the kitchen counter, while my leg was bouncing wildly, as I waited patiently for
her voice to come back. Six minutes and fourteen seconds later, the music finally stopped and her voice was back on.
"Unfortunately, we cannot help you today, but Dr. Raichand can see you tomorrow at three-thirty. Does that work for you?"
"Yes, that works, thanks," I replied quickly, as if she was going to take back her offer.
"Okay, good. We'll see you at three-thirty, then. Good Bye."
She hung up and I put the phone back on its holder, before making my way up the stairs. I almost tripped on the last step when her words shot back to me.
Dr. Raichand.
What are the odds that he is related to a certain Abhay Raichand? I inwardly scoffed at myself, what a stupid question. This being tiny Dehradun, and this being my luck, he was
probably Abhay's father or something.
I hoped he wasn't as morally impaired as his son, but if he was maybe I could use it to my advantage, and make him write out more pills to me than I needed?
Maybe it was a good thing if he turned out to be the baby-daddy of the Devil's spawn.
Did that make Dr. Raichand the Devil, or was Mrs. Raichand the Devil?
I shrugged. Maybe both?
I stumbled my way into my room, and sat down by my desk before turning on the computer.
I never got any chance to google prescription pills. People had been sitting all around me in the computer lab and I didn't want anyone to see what I was searching for. Rumors would spread and I would be screwed before I was dead.
I surfed onto google as soon as my computer had booted up, and for the next two hours I was immersed in the gains and pains of different prescription medications. I mainly searched for information about anxiety pills, seeing as that was my "cover" for seeing Dr. raichand. It was somewhat true, I guess. I did suffer from anxiety, and I had suffered from three or four serious anxiety attacks under the past three months, when the pain was too much to handle. So maybe it wasn't just a cover, maybe I really needed these pills.
Some anxiety medication, that I found information about, had unconsciousness as a side-effect, and that was a good sign. That would probably mean I would end up dead if I swallowed all the pills at once. Even though none of the pages I visited said outright that you could die if you overdosed on these pills, I still believed that the unconscious part
was the key word to my salvation.
I turned off my computer and grabbed my car keys before leaving the room and going downstairs. I snatched the grocery list from the fridge door, and took a few bills from the can above the fridge.
I was going to make an extraordinary dinner, to celebrate that I was finally getting somewhere, and that I hopefully wouldn't be stuck in this hell anymore. The phone rang just as
I was about to step out the door, and I turned back and answered without a second thought.
"Hello?"
"pia? Is that you? Sweet pia?"
I froze and stared down at the caller-ID. Damn it. There was a reason we had caller-ID, and that reason was that we would know who called before we went and answered it. You idiot!
"pia please, talk to me... my sweet, sweet pia," the familiar female voice cooed.
"No its not you," I snarled, and hung up the phone. I all but threw it back in its place, and a few seconds later the phone rang again. The caller-ID flashed, but I wasn't going to answer. No chance in freaking hell. Never again. I all but ran out of the house as the phone kept ringing and the caller-ID kept flashing.
Massouri Mental Institution... Massouri Mental Institution.. Massouri Mental Institution...
Pati Patni Aur Panga
Kumkum Bhagya
