"Did he actually say it? Did he say he love me? Is it a dream or a nightmare? Did this even happen in real?" I kept asking myself, "Oh my God! What if he is playing with me? What if alina and others are right?" I kept these questions to myself.
I kept walking here and there in my room wondering if he actually loved me or it's all just a trick. I decided to call you misha, but then I dismissed the thought.
"Oh you should have called me. I never thought you'd hide things from me," said misha pouting.
"I know and I am sorry. I was just so confused and everything happened so fast that I didn't have the time to tell anyone. I was in a world with Abhay where only he existed and no one else. If I was angry with him, he was the only person I could go to and complain. I couldn't think beyond him," explained pia with grief on her face.
"He proposed to you, he confessed his feelings. What did you do? Did you say yes?" misha was curious to know.
"I was in a state of shock; I didn't know what to say to him. After he proposed to me, I got back to the cottage. It was empty, everyone had gone for rafting. I locked myself in my room and kept asking questions which were unanswerable. As I was wondering, I heard footsteps approaching my room. I instantly got up from the bed and slowly walked towards the door to hear clearly. The footsteps stopped at my door for a while and then they walked away. I assumed it was Abhay. He must be wondering why I ran away like a crazy girl. I could have said yes or no or anything else but I ran away like a coward instead. I sighed and climbed on my bed.
After few hours alina and party arrived. I finally unlock my room and got out to divert my mind. They were all hyped up and kept saying how much fun they had. alina grabbed my arm and took to me to the kitchen, "So how did it go? Did he say anything? He wanted to show you something, right?"
I had no answer to give to her; I couldn't tell her what happened at the castle. "Well, he showed me this beautiful castle," I managed to speak.
"Castle? That's it?" asked alina disappointingly.
"Yes, it was a really nice castle. You guys should see it too," I was trying hard not to look awkward.
"Either you're lying or Abhay is a foolish jerk," as we were talking Abhay entered the kitchen. I didn't even raise my eyes to look at him and said to alina, "My mom called this morning, I need to call her back. I'll see you later," and I rushed out of the kitchen.
As I entered my room, I got a text message on my cell phone that read, "Can we please talk?" and it was by Abhay. I thought of replying but I shrugged the idea. At the dinner time, I got out of my room to sit and eat with everyone.
I sat beside alina. Abhay came and sit in front of me, I didn't look at him. "We're living around 12," said kabir as we were eating.
"I think it's one of the best weekends of my life," said alina excitedly and turned towards me, "I bet you feel the same too."
I didn't know what to reply so I continued eating my dinner. "Where were you guys?" asked neel.
"I took her to see a Castle, she likes to visit such places," answered Abhay.
"But you should have come to rafting instead then going to a boring castle," remarked neel.
"I'm not much into adventure sports," I murmured.
After the dinner we started packing in our rooms. Someone knocked at my door. "Come in," I said without looking at the person. It turned out to be Abhay.
"Can we talk?" he said entering the room.
"I'm busy packing...so can we talk later?"
He didn't answer and moved towards me, "I'm sorry if I have offended you but my feelings are genuine. I meant each and every word that I said..."
"Abhay, please" I said interrupting him, "I'm not prepared to talk about this now."
"Do you love someone else?" he asked frowning.
"No, I don't. I don't love anyone," I was irritated, "Love is a complex thing. It's not a game for me. When it comes to love, I still have faith in those old beliefs which have no meaning left in this world. I believe people fall in love for once and rest of the relationships that they get into are nothing but mere compromises. I believe in the concept of soulmate, a person with whom I can spend rest of my life with. I don't want to jump from one relationship to another." I explained myself.
"I can try to be your soulmate. I'm ready to change myself for you. I can't promise you a fairytale life with me but I can promise you one thing that I will love you till the day I die. I never thought I could feel love again. I never thought I could meet someone with whom I can share anything I want to without wondering about the circumstances. I really love you pia and really want you to be mine," he said with pain in his eyes.
"I'll be off to home soon."
"Don't say it, just please don't," he requested joining his hands, "Why do you always say it, huh? Do you know how much it pains me? I can't see you go, I won't let you go."
"I can't stay here forever," I retorted.
He grabbed my hands forcefully and said, "Then I'll go with you. I can't live without you pia. I'll go wherever you go." Saying that, he leaned his face on me and kissed me. There was passion and rapidness in his kiss. He let go of my arms and held me tightly. He kissed me deeply drawing a moan out of me. I tried to stop him but I didn't have the strength. He clutched my top from behind as he kissed me.
I surrendered myself to him. He stopped, took a breath and again put his lips on mine. He flicked his tongue against my lips and my lips parted for him to enter. It was a moment of deep ecstasy. He moved from my lips to my neck and kissed it softly, his hands caressing my back gently. I grabbed his hair tightly. His lips explored my neck and I leaned my head back. He entangled his legs with mine, slowing kissing my collarbone. Suddenly, he lifted me in his arms and carried me to the bed. His eyes fixed on me.
He laid me on the bed slowly. He took off his jacket and threw it on the floor. He climbed on top of me, kneeling above me. He bent down and started kissing me again. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him down. My body feeling and reacting to his every kiss and caress.
"I love you so much pia," he murmured. As he said this, he suddenly stopped kissing me and raised his head to look into my eyes.
"Will you ever regret this?" he was panting.
This question robbed me of every pleasure that I had in the last 10 minutes. I contemplated on his question for a few moments and finally answered, "Yes," tears rolled down my cheeks.
He quickly got up and climbed down from me. He ran a hand through his raven black hair and tugged on the ends. He looked really frustrated and angry, "I knew it. I knew you would regret it. You don't love me pia, all along I thought you did."
I quickly got up too and sat on the bed with my arms folded. I burst into tears. He walked towards me angrily and gazed at my tear streaked face. He wiped my tears gently with his hand and left banging the door.
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We came home around 4 in the morning. It was a four hour long drive. Abhay went in neel's car and I was with alina and kabir.
All throughout the drive I tried to calm and control myself. I wanted to scream, I was filled with rage and pain. I wanted to cry and scream loudly. I wanted to kill Abhay.
Aunt asked all sorts of questions about the trip but I was in no mood to answer her, so without saying anything I quietly went into my room. I sat on my bed quietly, I was totally numb. My heart was beating very fast. I quickly went to my closet and took out the bag in which I kept my laptop. I unzip the bag took out the laptop and turn it on. I connected it to a modem. I typed the web address and fulfilled other formalities. Tears flowed from my eyes as I clicked on the option "book my ticket." I was ready to leave London the next morning.
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Next morning I went into my Aunt's room. She was sitting on the chair, reading. She kept the book aside as she saw me approaching and smiled saying, "Good morning Dear."
"Morning." I murmured looking down.
"Is everything okay? You are looking upset," she noticed.
"I have booked my ticket. I'm going home tomorrow," I said looking down. I wondered how she would react at my sudden departure.
"What?" she was startled. Then she got up and came towards me, "Suddenly? What happened? Is everything okay honey?" there was concerned in her eyes.
I decided to tell her the truth. She was more like a friend to me than an aunt. "Abhay proposed to me. He said that he loves me," I barely managed to speak.
"What? Really? What did you say then?" asked aunt.
"I neither said no nor said yes because
I don't know if I love him too. I don't know what love is. There's no guarantee that his feelings are genuine. What if he's lying? He's a player and I'm very well aware of that fact. I don't want to get my heart broken. I can't trust him," said I trying not to cry. Aunt understood my fear she made me sit on the bed and she sat beside me in her chair.
"I know what's stopping you. I know what's going on in your mind. Even though you never reacted and you never expressed your anger and disappointment but somewhere in your heart that incident has wounded you badly. It has not yet healed." Hearing this I couldn't control myself and broke down.
Aunt held my hand and said, "Everyone is not like your father pia. Just because he cheated on your mom and abused her doesn't mean every man will treat woman in the same way. There are good people too in this world."
"I see Dad in him," I said weeping, "he's a player, he treats women like objects. He gets violent. When he gets angry, he turns into this monster that could destroy anyone in seconds. Sometimes he scares me like hell and I shiver from inside. I love him, yes I do and I am accepting it now. But I don't want to end up like mom," I said hugging aunt and wept.
"This was the main reason for me for holding back. I have always feared being in a relationship because my mom and dad had set a bad example for me. My dad never reciprocated my mother's love. My mother married him when she was in high school. Their love soon died out and they realized that love brings with it a whole lot of complications.
I didn't want to go through what my mother went through. Abhay was a player like my dad, he could get extremely violent like him. All these were bad signs for me but my heart was not ready to accept it. I loved him, I was crazy for him but the visions of future were holding me back. So I decided to leave London, hoping to get over him and divert my mind from everything that has happened recently."
Aunt patted my back to console me, "Give him a chance, I've always advised you to give him a chance. Everyone is not the same honey. May be he's the one for you? May be he will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. He will love you, take care of you. Be gentle with you." I wanted to believe aunt but the visions of past were not letting me believe her completely.
"Dad was good too in the initial years of his relationship with mom," said I remembering what my mom told me, "Then he started getting violent. It started from a slap and ended with mom being admitted in the hospital. He cheated on her. I've seen my mom suffering day and night. I've seen the bruises all over her body. I've seen her tears. You know what mom once told me? She said the beating didn't her hurt more than the fact that dad was cheating on her.
She was too scared to call the police or seek any help. Dad didn't spare me too, he beat me many times. I've seen Abhay in the state of anger and he resembles Dad. I've seen the evil in his eyes which I had seen before in dad's eyes. You don't know what he can do in the rage of anger. He has told me everything; he didn't even spare his own father."
"What?" asked aunt she was terrified when she heard the last sentence.
I wiped my tears and explained to her, "He never explained to me anything but he just told me once."
"What did he tell you?" she was getting curious. I decided not to reveal Abhay's past to her. After all, he trusted me and told me everything. I didn't want to betray his trust. Little did I know that I was making the biggest mistake of my life by not telling the truth to my aunt.
"What did he do exactly, tell me." Aunt was getting worried.
"He…um…he had a fight with his dad, the day before he died. He feels guilty for it," I lied and little did I know that I would regret it later.
"Oh, honey us all make mistakes but the important thing is to learn from those mistakes and move on in life. Leave Abhay for a second and answer my question, Will you never get involve in a relationship just because one man turned out be a moron? Will you let your father destroy your life too like he destroyed the life of your mother?" she said wiping my tears. I thought about what she said for a moment and realized that may be she was right but Abhay's past was still haunting me. He killed his own dad, if aunt knew this she wouldn't have let me talk to him for a moment.
I took a deep breath and said, "I don't know what to do. I'm just not ready for anything. I need to get away from everything. I need to escape from here.
I am sorry for leaving you like this but I can't help it. I know I'm being selfish." I was regretting leaving aunt. She was very ill and needed an emotional support with her but I was leaving her at the time when she needed me the most. I had decided to convince my mother to come to London and stay with Aunt for a while. I couldn't leave aunt alone.
"You have nothing to worry about. I'm all right. I can't let you stay and suffer here. But I also want you to think over it once again. Don't run away from love. Don't be a pessimist," said aunt consoling me.
I wiped my tears and got up, "I need to do some packing. I'll see you later."
"Do you need my help?"
"No, I'll be fine," I faintly smiled and left the room. After packing my stuff, I decided to visit the lake for the last time. It was my own way of saying goodbye to all the memories associated with that lake, memories of Abhay.
I got into the car and drove to the lake. When I reached the lake I was first apprehensive to get out of the car as I knew it would be difficult for me to remember all those things again but somehow I gathered all the strength that was left within me and got out of the car. As I was walking towards the lake, the thought of seeing it for the last time and the thought of leaving Abhay without even saying goodbye was paining me from inside.
Finally I reached the lake. The water was serene and calm. The sun was shining brightly; its rays were falling directly on the lake and on my face. The heat was unbearable. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath gathering all the energy from sun. I sat beside the lake for a while and then decided to have a last cup of cappuccino in the caf nearby it where I first saw Abhay.
I entered the caf vainly hoping that I would get to see him sitting on the corner like I saw him for the first time when I came here. But I didn't see the face I wanted to see so I quickly sat at the corner table and ordered my cappuccino. After drinking it, I decided to go back home.
Instead, I decided to behold the lake again so I changed my direction and walked towards the lake. I saw a figure standing near the lake which appeared to be of man. As I got closer to it, I realized it was Abhay. He was standing facing the lake and I could only see his back and a little portion of his face. I was delighted. I was happy to see him for the last time.
I looked at the lake for the last time, capturing it in my eyes forever and then turned my gaze to Abhay. He wasn't aware that I was standing few steps behind him. As I was gazing at him, tears rolled down my eyes. I quickly wiped them away and turned around to go away. I was going away with a heavy heart. Even though I was angry at him at that time but still I knew in my heart that he deserved to know that I was leaving, leaving him forever.
"pia," called Abhay loudly. I was startled at hearing his voice. I decided not to look back and quickly ran. I wondered when he saw me. He ran after me, I could hear the voice of his footsteps. I decided to run faster but my footsteps seized when I felt a hand on my shoulder.
"Stop," he said grabbing my shoulders. I was panting.
"Why didn't you stop?" he said releasing my shoulder. Now that I was free I decided to not answer his question and walked ahead.
"Wait," he said blocking me, "what's the rush, huh?"
"I have things to do," I answered rudely.
"You can do them later. We need to talk."
"I won't say a word to you," said I going away.
He grabbed my hand to stop me, "Wait."
I pulled my hand away and said furiously, "Leave my hand . Who the hell do you think you are? I'm not one of those wh**es who sleep with you. I have nothing to do with you now and I don't want to see your face ever again," I said almost shouting.
"Go on, why have you stopped? Go on and spit the venom you have for me inside your heart. I won't say a word. I promise. Say what you want to say and do what you want to do. I won't object I swear," he said blocking me again.
"Huh! You're not even worth it. To be honest you're not worth anything. People like you are destined to remain alone because they can never keep a friend. You're a so vicious and you have everything planned in your head. First I'll become her friend, then I'll lie about my terrible past to gain her sympathy .
"You think all that I did and shared with you was all a part of the plan?" he asked frowning, "you think I made up a story about my past to gain your sympathy? You don't believe that I love you? Damn, pia. I can never believe that you actually think that I am nothing but a man made of lies. What should I do to prove my honesty, huh? Tell me. Please tell me. I love you yes I love you. I don't give a important if you think I'm lying because that won't affect my feelings for you."
"You're good, no, you're very good," I said sarcastically, "Keep spreading the love but spare me for God's sake."
He winced, "Please tell me, tell me what I should do to make you understand that I love you. I would do anything, just tell me once please."
"I don't want you to do anything. It doesn't even matter now. Now if you'll please excuse me, I need to go."
"Why do you think I'm lying to you? Why can't you believe that I can actually love you? I know I have nothing to prove that I'm genuine but you have to give me a chance. Try to understand for a second…"
"Understand what, huh?" I said interrupting him, "you love me, right? But you can't even tell me the truth about your father's death. You told me that you killed him then tell him how did you kill him if you actually killed him."
"You think I lied to you. You think that was just a story that I framed? You think I made that up to get your sympathy? I can't believe you pia," he said shaking his head in amazement, "You know what, I vowed that I won't remember or discuss that incident ever again but now I have to break that vow otherwise you'd remember me as lying scum throughout your life. Let me tell you what happened that fateful night…"
precap... abhay tell truth about his dad 's muder ...madhu tell his love story to pia... abhay on a suicide mission...
Edited by abhiyan_soni - 13 years ago
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