Beautiful! Trust me Kanky, short and sweet it was, but it really brought the paper to a specific point in the purpose you were writing.
Personally, I thought the first two paragraphs beautifully introduced the situation and the circumstances she was in. That was brilliantly written. The concluding paragraph really wrapped up the one-shot, and no extra details written in the one-shot were left off, as in not randomly said in the os and then not mentioned once more in the conclusion.
Something I also wanted to pointed out was the use of repetitiveness in the fifth paragraph. Now, I usually don't like repetitiveness of words and of phrases. However, the use of the phrase "prominent enough" was well used. So just a praise for you would be nice every once in a while, since I am working on editing papers for an essay I am currently writing in my English class.
The third sentence in the second paragraph were a little wordy, but that may just be that I was not reading it properly. Other than a few misplaced commas or not where they are suppose to be, the one-shot overall was grammatically correct. Sorry, all I have been doing the past few days is correcting grammar mistakes in multiple essays written my peers. In fact, my use of words has improved too, which I wanted to point out in your one-shot too. Your choice of words is really fluent, and speaks out although some words don't work correctly for some sentences.
I better get going. Talk to you later, and take care.
-Nikki
P.S. I saw that you needed help with Sony Vegas, sorry but I don't use it! I would love to help you, but Adobe Premiere and Song Vegas are not too similar similar, best of luck, however!
Edited by dmgmjht4ever - 14 years ago
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