Aditiya of Week # 37: Payal

Hello Vinnieji

You are the one lady who I always thought understood my actions for the most part. In fact you agreed with me that my action f bringing Revamami back was right but now you are having a go at me. I don't understand.

Anyways, firstly I do not have a complex about Mamaji. I think its you ladies who are borderline obsessed with him. He is a good, decent man but he has his faults (He tried to kill me twice. No matter what the provocation, trying to kill someone is not actions of a decent man). So I think its fair to say we both made huge mistakes. Despite everything I love and respect him but I am my own person and I do not feel I am second to anyone else.

You say when will I take responsibility for my actions. Vinnieji I have taken responsibility for my actions. When Mamaji told me about Sugni's condition on my return and she did not recognise me or feel she knew me I realised that she truly loved Mamaji and will only ever really be happy with him I stepped aside. As I said to Saraji when I see Sugni today I know I did the right thing.

Looking back, I know some of the steps I took were wrong but let me explain that at the time my whole driver was that I did not want Revamami to suffer and take her own life like my Mum almost did because her husband deserted her for a Bedni. My mum had me to live for, but Revamami had no one.

Yes an outsider looking in would say it was wrong for me to marry Sugni but by then I cared for her and her well being and I did not want her to be forced into a relationship with Mamaji she didn't want. To my mind, at that point Mamaji's actions were purely selfish. He did not want Revamami so he wanted to cast her aside and he wanted Sugni and it did not matter to him that she did not want to be with him. So to my mind, marrying Sugni at her request meant I stopped her being forced into a relationship she did not want and it also stopped Mamaji from divorcing Revamami and it worked.

Please understand I am practical man. Emotions like love I do not understand. I genuinely believed Sugni when she said she did not want to be with Mamaji. Its only on her return from Benaras that I realised the depth of her feelings for Mamaji. I mean a person can forget themselves to the extent they believe themselves to be someone else yet can feel a connection with a complete stranger and within days of meeting him have complete faith him, trust him and happily marry him without knowing anything about him, that incredible. But it works for them. They are both happy and content in their life together.

My 5 year plan - well I want to start my own business and then in due course hopefully get married and have a family of my own.

Hello all