Part 4
Kya kare? kya na kare? What to do & what not to?
"Bhabhi! Kitna wiggle karti ho aap."
"Arrey Dhruv, hum nahin wiggle jiggle kar rahen hain. Yeh to chota laad governor hai jo hum se karvaraha hai" exclaimed Khushi dropping an indulgent glance at her swollen belly.
"Hein bellyj ma soccer khelat raha hai ka? Hello, hai, bye, bye" chuckled Manorama maami, clapping her hands in glee.
"You mean choti Khushi... ? Waise Khushi, tumhe nahin lagta hai ki tumhara belly side ko point kar raha hai aaj? Dekho this is not straight," said Arnav, abandoning his position by her side and moving to stand in front of her his index finger scratching his chin thoughtfully.
"Hauh! Aise kaise ho sakta hai?" screamed Khushi rising from her perch with a sudden start, intent on rushing towards the hallway mirror, that prompted a dozen voices to yell out in unison, "CAREFUL!" In the twinkling of an eye Arnav was next to his wife, holding on to her upper arms as she peered at the mirror to ascertain for herself if her Arnavji was indeed speaking the truth.
"Arnavji, you're right. Yeh to teda lagraha hai."
"Yeah! Abhi se bhai ka influence uss pe chalraha hai, Khushi bhabhi. Shayad who bhi pro-Brazil hai" said Akash from his cozy perch, absent-mindedly bouncing Aanya on his knee, earning a baleful look from Dhruv and a prod on his shoulder from Payal.
"Aur aap kis ke side pe hai Akashji", questioned Payal pushing a spoonful of mashed banana into Aanya's mouth.
"Payal bitiya, Akash to cricket dekta hain. Par Soccer Season mein to woh Popcorn leke front row pe bait kar Arnav aur Dhruv ka drama dekta hainn, Kyon..." quipped Mamaji thumping his son on his back eliciting an impish laugh from Akash.
"Ab agar aap ka shaan been quatam ho gayi ho, shall we finish the photoshoot please?" implored NK running exasperated fingers through his hair.
"Shaan been nahin Nandu, chaan been" corrected Maya with laughing eyes, while a contrite Khushi walked back to assume her pose on the barstool.
NK's DLR clicked, capturing a laughing Khushi dressed in calf-length black tights and a long white T-shirt sporting a screen print of an over-sized soccer ball that encased her swollen belly to perfection. The words 'For the love of Soccer' were embroidered across it. Her hands encased the top and bottom of her swollen belly with Arnavji standing to her right, his arm wrapped possessively around her shoulder and Dhruv kneeling at her left with his elbow on her knee.
If there was one event that brought both these brothers to loggerheads that was world-cup soccer. Under different circumstances Arnav and Dhruv would have been in Brazil this year, watching the 2014 world cup soccer games live. But given Khushi's condition, and the fact that her godhbharai had coincided with the week of the world cup finals, they had not only stayed put at home to catch it on telly like most of India, but had even toned down their inevitable adrenaline charged verbal warfare when Argentina and Brazil had played each other.
Khushi had decided that this gesture from Arnav and Dhruv should have its place of honor in the book of memories and thus in cohorts with Maya and Nisha she had come up with the idea of this photo shoot and her outfit. And what better time for it than today. It was perfect timing.
She had seen how haunted Arnavji's expression was when he had left to drop Buaji off after the party two nights ago. Only one person could put that expression on his face and that was she and she alone. So, imagine her relief when she saw his relaxed expression that night when he walked into the bedroom. A phone call to buaji that morning had enlightened her even further. When buaji had called her Arnavji a son in the guise of a son-in-law, her heart had burst with joy. While the visit to the doctor the next day could not be postponed, for the moment, her idea of a photo shoot had worked hadn't it? It injected some much needed goofiness and fun in the family. she smiled to herself smugly when she heard the brothers' banter and Arnavji's glorious laughter, as they previewed the pictures on Nanheji's laptop.
Meanwhile the conversation picked up at the dining table along the same vein where Naani and Anjali were shelling peas and watching Khushi model with her brothers. Anjali recalled Chotte's flat refusal to have a baby.
It had been during one of her calls from Switzerland during her honeymoon last october, when she had detected something amiss in Khushiji's usual banter. A little bit of gentle prodding, and her bhaabhi had spilled the beans amidst sobs. She had related how Arnavji had initially agreed to having a baby, and how they had gone off in high spirits for their first OB Gyn counselling. Once the doctor had taken her vitals, she had stated that Khushiji was underweight and had recommended running blood tests, which unfortunately indicated anemia.
Despite her love for food, Khushiji had never gained weight and stayed extremely skinny. Most women would kill to be thus blessed, but in this case, it turned out to be a nightmare for her sister-in-law, Anjali thought wryly.
"Then there was chotte's irrefutable logic. Once he heard the complications associated with underweight, anaemic women bearing children, he would not budge. I have to hand it to him though; he had tried humor and some of Khushiji's drama baazi to dodge the subject. How she had laughed when Khushi ji had once in a rush of emotion named chotte's tactics as - Laad Governor ke Papa na ban ne ki ek sau ek tarkeeben." Anjali chuckled out loud at the memory.
Shaking her head at Naani's enquiry she proceeded to put away the peas and walked over to the study to add this portion of the saga to the book of memories.
Khushi, Maya and Payal joined her presently, curious on what she was going to put in the scrap book. Once she told them, Maya and Payal began relating their favorite anecdotes of Khushi and Arnav.
" Khushi ke bhi apne sau tarkeeben the Di, jo usne Arnavji pe isthemal kiya ta. Ek din, hume yaad hai jab Khushi ne achanak dedh sare lasoon, sare dishes mein dhal di ti. Uss din ghar mein shaam ke khane pe bana ta - lasoon ki chutney, lasoon aur tamatar ki dal, lasoon ki subzi jiski recipe Khushi ne kissi Andhra wale cook ke blog se liya tha. Ab aap hi sochiye bacche banana mein aur, unhe yeh saare cheese khilane mein kya connection ho sakti hai?"
Khushi's face flamed in indignation, "Jiji, humne pada ta ki lasoon ek ..." and she trailed her words as Maya burst into her tinkling laughter.
"Kya? That it is supposed to be an aphrodisiac?" Maya managed to spit the words out amidst fits of glee.
"Haan! Bilkul." Khushi pouted, as Anjali patted her arm, trying in vain to suppress her smile.
"Accha, toh issiliye agle hafte ko ghar mein bana tha shejan ki phalli ka sambhar aur subzi. Aur uske agle din, Arnav ji ko dedh sara steamed Asparagus mile lunch aur dinner mein. Aur agla din breakfast pe Watermelon jo jethji ne khane se saaf inkar kardeeya ta, unki diabetes ki wajah se." concluded Payal with a grin.
Anjali's mouth rounded in astonishment and she regarded her demure sister-in-law in a new light.
Khushi rattled on, her face as red as a tomato "Par hume nahin pata ta ki watermelon unke liye theek nahi hai Di. Aur bhaki sab sahi hai. Dekiye na di, hum karte bhi to kya karte. Jiji, aap to jaanti ti na, ki hum ne apna wazan badane ke bhi laakh koshish kiya ta. Aur Arnav ji aur doctor ki har ek salah maani. Roz yoga kiya flexibility badane ke liye, vitamins liye, iron supplements liya, salad khaya, high protein ke tofu jo bilkul beswaad hai, who khaaya. Humne doodh bhi piya tha, jo hume hargiz pasand nahin.
Haan ek cheez to humari manpasand ki ti. Aur woh thi mithayi. Hume dedh saare mithayiyan khaneko mila. Par phir bhi jitney tezi se hum chahte te, utni tezi se to wazan badta hi nahin ta, aur uske bagair Arnavji maan ne ka naam hi nahin le rahe te" And Khushi plonked in the adjacent chair with a sigh of exhaustion.
"Toh phir kya hua Khushi?" questioned Maya, who was now completely engrossed in the narration, while Anjali sketched on as she listened.
"Phir, shuru hogayi Arnavji ke Laad Governorgiri. Somvar se lekar Shukravar tak who roj subah humari neend khulne se pahle office chale jaate, aur der raat ko laut aate. Tab tak hum sogaye hote. Aur rahi baat Shani aur Ravivar ki. Who poora din kisi na kisi bahane, hume din bhar ghumate, ya partyon mein lejate, ya phir hamesha friends ke saat kuch na kuch program mein shaamil hojate, taaki hum dono poore tarah se thak jaye. Issliye hume kuch hathke sochna pada."
"Haan, haan! Jaise amma aur naaniji ko apne side mein karna" chimed in Payal.
"Arrey jiji, humto buaji ko bhi apne paksh mein keechne ki khoshish ki, par who aur aap, donon to pahlese hi Arnavji ke saat mile hue the." rejoined Khushi in mock anger.
Anjali listened intently, catching up on all the nok-jhok between her dear chotte and his beloved wife that she had sorely missed since her wedding and her move to Malhar haveli in Jaipur.
"Tabhi to aap Arnav ko tease karne lagi ti. You know, veiled hints aur challenges. Agar Arnav haar jata, to kya usse aapko Pregnant banana hi aapke liye pay-off tha? It all makes sense now!" exclaimed Maya recalling the numerous times when Khushi and Arnav would have these stand-offs, and seemed to talk to each other in some cryptic code, which on surface seemed innocuous banter, but going by the response it elicited in the other, it had seemed something quite to the contrary.
"Aur Khushi, woh poora box of you-know-what jo aapne garbage mein phenk diya tha uss din, was it for what I think it is?"
"Yep! That was my ultimatum, uske baad to faisla unke haat mein nahin hota." Replied a smug Khushi shocking Anjali Di into speechlessness.
Khushi who was on a roll had failed to notice Di's reaction and continued "Humne kitne shart lagaye unke saat, hume yakeen tha ki Arnavji humse door rah nahi paayenge. Aur phir unhe harane ke liye humne na sirf woh box phenkdi balki humne..."
"Aur ab bas Khushi. Too much information, waise yahaan par sab ko pata hi hoga ki tum ne aage kya kiya hoga, kyon?" chided a husky voice.
None of them had realized that Arnav had strolled in towards the tail end of their conversation, ostensibly to inform them that Lunch was served. But each one of the women there knew that the fact was, he had never strayed too far from Khushi nor had let her out of his sight for more than an hour since the minute they had found out she was pregnant.
The women giggled in embarrassment. A red faced Payal muttered a hurried excuse and slipped out with Maya who grinned at her buddy giving him a cheeky wink before exiting the study.
"Di I hope ki yeh sab aapne aapke yaadon ke panne mein to..." Khushi trailed her words, craning her neck to see what Anjali di had sketched on the page she was now adding to the scrap book of memories.
"Humne to har ek lafz bhara bar iss yadon ki khitaab mein pesh kardiya hai Khushiji. Leejiye, khud check karleejiye." said Anjali handing her the book with a merry twinkle in her eye. With a quick tweak and pat on her chotte's cheek she limped away to round up Tashi for Lunch.
With a bashful look at her husband, Khushi turned the page to look at Di's addition. The page showcased a caricature of a couple of weighing scales that tipped to the right once and then to the left. Below was a sketch of Arnav with an extra-Laad-Governorly-expression on his face, and an exaggerated-I'll-get-you-just-you-wait look on Khushi's, topped with a caption that read - "Kya kare? kya na kare? - What to do & what not to? That is the question."
Khushi slumped with relief that Di had not scripted her every word, while Arnav guffawed with laughter, drawing his precious little wife closer to his side than ever before.
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Part 4
Kya kare? kya na kare? What to do & what not to?
"Bhabhi! Please try not to wiggle around so much."
"It's not me Dhruv, I assure you. It must be this junior laad governor who is jiggling my tummy from the inside" exclaimed Khushi dropping an indulgent glance at her swollen belly.
"Hein eej he playing soccer in the belleej? Hello, hai, bye, bye" chuckled Manorama maami, clapping her hands in glee.
"You mean junior Khushi... ? Speaking of junior, Don't you think your belly is a wee bit off-center today Khushi? See this is not straight!" said Arnav, abandoning his position by her side and moving to stand in front of her his index finger scratching his chin thoughtfully.
"Hauh! How can that be? Let me see," screamed Khushi rising from her perch with a sudden start, intent on rushing towards the hallway mirror, that prompted a dozen voices to yell out in unison, "CAREFUL!" In the twinkling of an eye Arnav was next to his wife, holding on to her upper arms as she peered at the mirror to ascertain for herself if her Arnavji was indeed speaking the truth.
"Arnavji, you're right. My belly is definitely lopsided."
"Yeah! Seems to me bhai's influence starts while the future is in it's formative stages in your womb, Khushi bhabhi. Perhaps your womb is Pro-Brazil, just like Bhai" said Akash from his cozy perch, absent-mindedly bouncing Aanya on his knee, earning a baleful look from Dhruv and a prod on his shoulder from Payal.
"And whose side are you on dear Akashji", questioned Payal pushing a spoonful of mashed banana into Aanya's mouth.
"Payal dear, Akash is a huge cricket fan. But during the Soccer season he never fails to grab a bag of popcorn and sit in the front row to watch the drama unfold between Arnav and Dhruv," quipped Mamaji thumping his son on his back eliciting an impish laugh from Akash in response.
"If you guys are all done calculating the deviation of Khushiji's belly bump, shall we finish the photoshoot please?" implored NK running exasperated fingers through his hair.
Maya took in her Nandu's exasperated look with laughing eyes, while a contrite Khushi walked back to assume her pose on the barstool.
NK's DLR clicked, capturing a laughing Khushi dressed in calf-length black tights and a long white T-shirt sporting a screen print of an oversized scoccer ball that encased her swollen belly to perfection; the words For the love of Soccer' were embroidered across it. Her hands encased the top and bottom of her swollen belly with Arnavji standing to her right, his arm wrapped possessively around her shoulder and Dhruv kneeling at her left with his elbow on her knee.
If there was one event that brough both these brothers to loggerheads that was world-cup soccer. Under different circumstances Arnav and Dhruv would have been in Brazil this year, watching the 2014 world cup games live. But given Khushi's condition, and the fact that her godhbharai had coincided with the week of the world cup finals, they had not only stayed put at home to catch it on telly like most of India, but had even toned down their inevitable adrenaline charged verbal warfare when Argentina and Brazil had played each other.
Khushi had decided that this gesture from Arnav and Dhruv should have its place of honor in the book of memories and thus in cohorts with Maya and Nisha she had come up with the idea of this photo shoot and her outfit.
She had seen how haunted Arnavji's expression was when he had left to drop Buaji off after the party two nights ago. Only one person could put that expression on his face and that was she and she alone. So, imagine her relief when she saw his relaxed expression that night when he walked into their bedroom. A phone call to buaji that morning had enlightened her even further regarding his concern. When buaji had called her Arnavji a son in the guise of a son-in-law, her heart had burst with joy. While the visit to the doctor the next day could not be postponed, for the moment, her idea of a photo shoot had worked hadn't it? It injected some much needed goofiness and fun in the family. she smiled to herself smugly when she heard the brothers' banter and Arnavji's glorious laughter, as they previewed the pictures on Nanheji's laptop.
Meanwhile the conversation picked up at the dining table along the same vein where Naani and Anjali were shelling peas and watching Khushi model with her brothers. Anjali recalled Chotte's flat refusal to have a baby.
It had been during one of her calls from Switzerland during her honeymoon last October, when she had detected something amiss in Khushiji's usual banter. A little bit of gentle prodding, and her bhaabhi had spilled the beans amidst sobs. She had related how Arnavji had initially agreed to having a baby, and how they had gone off in high spirits for their first OB Gyn counselling. Once the doctor had taken her vitals, she had stated that Khushiji was underweight and had recommended running blood tests, which unfortunately indicated anaemia.
Despite her love for food, Khushiji had never gained weight and stayed extremely skinny. Most women would kill to be thus blessed, but in this case, it turned out to be a nightmare for her sister-in-law, Anjali thought wryly.
"Then there was chotte's irrefutable logic. Once he heard the complications associated with underweight, anaemic women bearing children, he would not budge. I have to hand it to him though; he had tried humor and some of Khushiji's dramatic antics to dodge the subject. How she had laughed when Khushi ji had once in a rush of emotion named chotte's tactics as - Laad Governor's one-hundred-and-one tricks to avoid becoming a father." Anjali chuckled out loud at the memory.
Shaking her head at Naani's enquiry she proceeded to put away the peas and walked over to the study to add this portion of the saga to the book of memories.
Khushi, Maya and Payal joined her presently; curious of what she was going to put in the scrap book. Once she told them, Maya and Payal began relating their favorite anecdotes of Khushi and Arnav.
"Khushi was no less di. She had a hundred-and-one-tricks up her sleeve to torment Arnavji. I remember one day, when out of the blue, Khushi cooked every dish for lunch with garlic. We had garlic chutney, garlic naan, garlic and tomato dhal, not to mention the all-garlic-curry from some Andhra chef's cooking blog that she had picked up on one of her browsing spells. Does this ring a bell when you connect them to making babies?"
Khushi's face flamed in indignation, "Jiji, I had read in one of the Ayurvedic pages that Garlic is an ..." and she trailed her words as Maya burst into her tinkling laughter.
"What? That it is supposed to be an aphrodisiac?" Maya managed to spit the words out amidst fits of glee.
"Absolutely!" Khushi pouted, as Anjali patted her arm, trying in vain to suppress her smile.
"I see. Which is why the week after, the household was treated to drumstick sambhar, drumstick curry and Drumstick Pulao. The day after that, it was an Aparagus fest at home. Arnavji had to eat a humongous bowl of steamed Asparagus for lunch and dinner. Finally, the poor man drew the line when watermelons made an appearance in copious quantities at break-fast the next day. He must have thanked his stars for his diabetes that day, for the poor man was running out of excuses." Concluded Payal with a grin
Anjali's mouth rounded in astonishment and she regarded her demure sister-in-law in a new light.
Khushi rattled on, her face as red as a tomato "I had no idea watermelon was bad for diabetics Di. The rest though, I accept to have done in full knowledge of their effects on the individual. But di, I had no choice, what else could I do?
Jiji, you are witness to my sincere attempts to gain weight. I religiously followed the diet plan laid out by the doctor ad obeyed Arnavji's every instruction. I practiced Yoga for flexibility at the crack of dawn, gulped down my vitamins and iron supplements, forced salad down my throat and even endured eating abundant portions of the tasteless tofu just because Arnavji insisted I get high a protein diet. I, who have never ever liked milk even as a kid, have guzzled down tall glasses of milk three times a day.
The only bright spot was the unbridled rein I got to eat as many sweets as I chose to, in the hope of putting some flesh on my bones. Despite all this, my weight gain rate did not match up to my urgent need to get pregnant, and Arnavji would not hear a word of it till I reached my goal." And Khushi plonked in the adjacent chair with a sigh of exhaustion.
"What happened next Khushiji?" questioned Maya, who was now completely engrossed in the narration, while Anjali sketched on as she listened.
"Next? Well Arnavji resorted to his Laad Governoresque persona. Monday thru Friday, he ensured that he left for work at the crack of dawn and did not return home late in the night, when I would be sound asleep. As for weekends, he filled our weekend with social activities, day trips to far flung places, parties, conventions where we had to make public appearances, voluntary activities and or surrounded ourselves with friends and family.
He ensured that on weekend when we hit the bed we were exhausted enough to sleep the moment our head touched the pillows. Poof! Went my baby plans. So, I had to think of alternate options and come up with novel ideas to coerce him."
"Yeah, right! Would those novel coercion ideas include utilizing amma and naaniji to drop several veiled and not-so veiled hints in Arnavji's vicinity?" chimed in Payal.
"Yep jiji. Infact, I would have had you and buaji on my side too, but for the fact that you both were already partial towards him and had joined forces with him, backing his decision to wait till I reached my goal." rejoined Khushi in mock anger.
Anjali listened intently, catching up on all the endearing tales of altercation between her dear chotte and his beloved wife that she had missed sorely since her wedding and her move to Malhar haveli in Jaipur.
"Is that why you were on a baiting spree for a while? Teasing Arnav and goading him into impossible dares. Did his pay-off involve getting you pregnant? Oh! It all makes sense now!" exclaimed Maya recalling the numerous times when Khushi and Arnav would have these stand-offs, and seemed to talk to each other in some cryptic code, which on surface seemed innocuous banter, but going by the response it elicited in the other, it had seemed to be quite the contrary.
"And Khushi, how about the time you dumped an entire box of you-know-whats in the garbage? Was it to serve the purpose of you-know-what-I-am-thinking?"
"Yep! That was my ultimatum, after that he could approach me at the risk of becoming a dad." Khushi replied smugly, shocking Anjali Di into speechlessness.
Khushi who was on a roll had failed to notice Di's reaction and continued "I had exhausted all the dares and challenges in my quiver. Throwing that box away was my last attempt, which I followed with..."
"Woah Khushi! Time out! Too much information. I am sure these smart women here have fertile enough imagination." chided a husky voice.
None of them had realized that Arnav had strolled in towards the tail end of their conversation, ostensibly to inform them that Lunch was served. But each one of the women there knew that the fact was, he had never strayed too far from Khushi nor had let her out of his sight for more than an hour since the minute he had found out she was pregnant.
The women giggled in embarrassment. A red faced Payal muttered a hurried excuse and slipped out with Maya who grinned at her buddy giving him a cheeky wink before exiting the study.
"Di I hope that you actually did not capture every single thing in your memory page..." Khushi trailed her words, craning her neck to see what Anjali di had sketched on the page she was now adding to the scrap book of memories.
"I did not miss even a single gasp Khushiji. Here, see for yourself." said Anjali handing her the book with a merry twinkle in her eye. With a quick tweak and pat on her chotte's cheek she limped away to round up Tashi for Lunch.
With a bashful look at her husband, Khushi turned the page to look at Di's addition. The page showcased a caricature of a couple of weighing scales that tipped to the right once and then to the left. Below was a sketch of Arnav with an extra-Laad-Governorly-expression on his face, and an exaggerated-I'll-get-you-just-you-wait look on Khushi's, topped with a caption that read - "Kya kare? kya na kare? - What to do & what not to? That is the question."
Khushi slumped with relief that Di had not scripted her every word, while Arnav guffawed with laughter, drawing his precious little wife closer to his side than ever before.
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