First of all, I don't know why I wrote this. I am in kind of deranged mood today. I had no idea what I was typing even. So, forgive me if reading this proved a complete waste of time.
But anyways, this one for you Arshix144. Thank you for being in my life. ILY !
o.0.O.o
OS: Love never happens at first sight
I swirled in the air, lifting my hands nonchalantly, like the smallest flakes of dust seen when embraced by a ray of light. Dejection wouldn't catch me this time, I thought, so I soared higher and higher. How alive I felt at that instant is indescribable because that was an emotion. A real emotion which words fail to impress with its beauty. When I embraced the horizon with open arms, a fierce wind blew and pushed me back. The extremity with which the wind shoved me was strong enough to leave me stumble and dive into the pool of distress. I felt gloomy, lost, abandoned and alone. The trees swayed its branches when the cruel wind attacked it but the tree seemed cherry, accepting all the tortures with a smile. I wondered and thought that the tree was very kind and generous. When I was plunged into the darkness of melancholy, I was certain that the first light wouldn't reach to me and the dusk will incarcerate me within, transferring its darkness into my soul. And I wouldn't be seen and my presence would just be a past no one would love to remember. Dismissing such irregular thoughts of deranged mind, I concentrated on the tree again. But now, I felt like the wind was playing with the tree, tenderly and jovially. No matter it was strong but I saw love there, I saw connection this time. I was in awe. Two forces were acting upon each other and a realization dawned leaving me breathless. Maybe the wind pushed me down to make me see what I was leaving and where I was going. Maybe it wanted me to be here and not get lost into the horizon. Maybe I had a purpose down here, maybe this time of turmoil would pass soon. But reassurances by something impulsive as wind wouldn't be worth a trust. But my inner being chose to believe in the wind. I was prepared to feel the constant changes of nature. Human nature. Like a playful kid, I jumped with joy of discovering something new and fascinating. How my own thoughts transformed into another whole new thoughts and how nature made me to interpret next thing the next instant I had one thing as my perception was magical. The connection between us and the 'nature' is what makes us. This interrelation gives a meaning to stay here, in this world, among these people, among these angels and among these demons. The new determination shone in my face as I came to the surface and looked at my own reflection in the pool. Maybe this moment was empowered by a youthful thought of something better but I knew at heart, it might prove bleak and I may have to return here.
My life is a paradox.
0. O.0.O
He slammed the diary closed and neatly placing it at the table, he walked up to the balcony. Seeing the sky glimmering with crimson red, he moved his eyes to the horizon so that a pretense of looking at the grandeur of the place would be accepted by his senses, and he could freely struggle to calm his inner storm. A storm of questions that couldn't be ignored. A storm that dared to destroy his accumulation of reality. Anything that destructed his earnings, be it by hard work or experiences weren't acceptable to him. His arrogance was rigid and it couldn't lose. Not to the faade of her life at this point of time. As the sun finally left the place to allow the darkness enter, a vague sense entered his soul too. He knew he had to discover the depths of her.
0. O.0.O
He was feeling restless. He walked to and fro in his room with a strange sensation in his stomach that couldn't be characterized. His body was reacting to the battle he was having with his mind. He finally sat on his bed and stared at the blue walls of his room. Blue- the color of serenity, calmness and pureness played wisely with his emotion, controlling his rebuking impulses. Detaching his eyes from the walls, he reached the photograph of his mother beside his bed. He looked at her picture, with his eyes pleading her to be alive for once and guide him through the way of life. But such as thing was not possible. And he knew dwelling into the impossibilities would even make the possibilities impossible to acquire. Letting out a deep sad sigh, he placed the photograph again to its respective place. Closing his eyes, he remembered his conversation with her today-
"And what if I tell you I don't want to move one. I want to be a woman who loved a man- just one man in her life. I don't want to let him go. I don't want to let his memories dwindle away. I want him to be my priority no matter what. He isn't here. I see him walking beside me, talking to me. I see him guiding me and I don't want to lose that. Not now. Not ever. You know the time I realized I fell in love with him- I felt new, like a new soul has sprung within me. The significance of relationships and love directed my life towards a positive beginning. Every time he used to stare at me, I could feel my body blazing with ignited passion. I felt like a woman, who was ready to embrace love and happiness in her life. All by loving him, I learnt to ornament other's lives with glitters selflessly. And what I'm today is because of him. Why you love me today is because of him. What I've accomplished till now is because of him. I owe him my life. Not like a debt but on my will. I don't regret any moment of the life I am living. They say- marrying you will bring me happiness. But I'm already happy. I don't want to marry you." she said to him, raising her voice at times while she maintained a composed face.
"Are you afraid that the devotion you have for him would be lowered if you love another man? Are you afraid of your own heart? Are you afraid that if you will fall in love with me and then you would not be able to love him? Do you understand the reality, dammit? You claim to love him and meanwhile don't seem to understand my love for you, why?' he looked at her, trying to scan the emotions circulated on her face.
'First of all, I want to clear you one thing Mr. Raizada that I have faith in my love. That faith has helped me to stand strong in all extremes. With my own eyes, I've seen his dead body. I saw the man I loved the most leave this world. After he had turned into 'ashes', I was there to behold the sight of him being carried by the holy river. A part of me was lost then. An integral part of me. You know what- I've always been an egoistic and self centered ass but then he occurred to me. I didn't pay any attention to him initially, not for 3/4 years "a smile formed on her lips while her eyes glistened with a vibrant shine," but also he loved me selflessly. Unconditionally- without expecting the same affection from the other side. I knew his heart yearned to receive the same amount of love from me, but he never expressed it. He turned into my best friend as time moved one and I didn't know when I fell for him. And our story was moving towards a happy beginning but two days before our engagement...he...died" she tried to conceal the tears that tried to break the dams of her eyes.
"What am I supposed to interpret from all this, Khushi? What do you want me to do? Tell me, I'll do the same. Don't you think you have to move on? Why don't you accept that he's 'dead'?" he spoke in a sharp tone.
"Moving on. Do you know the heaviness of this word? Do you think it's all easy? Damn, why don't you understand that I can't love you ever! I can't love anyone like I do to him. Have you seen his parents? They have lost their son, that son who has been their hope for future. That son whom they have raised for 28 years. Have you thought about the condition of his mother? She isn't being able to accept the reality. Every day she hopes her son to enter the house through the door with a smiling face. Go and tell them to move on, can you?" she said in a dangerously helpless tone.
"Because they are his parents. Yours and theirs is entirely a different case." a reply was given with ease.
"Different? How? I loved him. Even if I try, I know I can't equate my love with the love his parents did to him. But a death of a person affects all his beloved ones. I've been meeting his parents for almost 3 yrs now. I had known him for 6 yrs. He's been with me in every step of my life. He was always there, being my confidence, being my determination and playing every role for me. Now when I am trying hard to fulfill my dreams, the only inspiration is him that keeps me moving. And I'm happy to live up to his hope. "she said wiping her tears, struggling hard to manage herself.
"And I don't understand why I am being forced to get into a relationship I don't want to. If you fell in love with me while I was working in your office, is there any compulsion that I need to love you too? This is my life! I know how to make my decisions!" she snapped, speaking with a new found aggression.
He forced his eyes open. He knew he was a man of possession and power. He had always believed in getting what he wanted. But this time, he knew he was failing helplessly. He couldn't understand her or her unrequited love for 'the dead fianc'. He couldn't understand why she was so sure about not falling in love again. He stood up, went to his wardrobe and took out the piece of paper which he had torn from her diary when she was not at her room. It was the same note he had read in the morning. He couldn't comprehend her words and her actions.
As confusion engulfed him, he thought of finishing some delayed office work. But surprisingly, he started typing something in MS Word. Maybe it was the answer to his confusions. He didn't know. But he was determined to make Khushi his own. Even if it required changing the world or changing her or changing himself.
He sighed. Something was amiss. Gross. Hopelessness assorted with his blood and raised his nerves in a perfect rush. He couldn't analyze the actions of his own characters. He couldn't live them anymore. They felt alien. Strangely unknown.
The paper was torn and thrown backwards in a reckless manner, making it hit the wall and come at rest on the maroon colored carpet that concealed the wooden floor. Contemplating his own action, after few minutes, he rose up from his chair. Looking backward, he observed the contrast between the frowning walls with lost vigor and the carpet with blossomed youth.
The paper thrown by him appeared as a snowflake on the petal of a rose. A smile appeared from the corner of his mouth as he picked up the paper and threw it in the furnace. The fire ignited, turning it into ashes. The words were gone. His characters were dead- in a contradict way.
"A moment of their life is burnt down by me." His own thought baffled him. He pulled the chair, sat down impulsively and with a pen, embarked the journey to discover the depth of his own creatures. Of his characters. From their mind. From their heart. And not from his.
As the man devoted his senses towards his own world, the reality laid unnoticed. The candle flickered as the wind played its charms seeping in from the window that laid half opened. A heavy downpour was what followed the chill of the wind; the shine of the candle was snatched. The man was engulfed in darkness.
o.O.o.O
THE END
Fan Fictions
Udne Ki Aasha
O Humnava Tum Dena Saath Mera
Haven For Her
Anupamaa
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