Nidhi: "Nurse, my shift is over. Dr. Priyanka is here for the night duty. Please report to her now."
Nurse: "Alright Dr. Nidhi. Good night."
A brief glance at her watch indicated that it was past 15 minutes already! So she hurried along the corridors of KGH racing towards the parking lot only to realize that Dr. Ashutosh had not come as yet. She signed in relief, because if there was one thing he absolutely loathed, it was to be kept waiting! As she bent her head to check the time in her watch...
Dr. Ashutosh: "Hey Doc! Have you been waiting for long?"
His voice always had this magical effect on her. Even after all these months it still gave her goose bumps.
Nidhi: "No, I... I just came. Shall we leave? Let's go home soon. I am so glad its Saturday!"
Dr. Ashutosh: "Yes, for once I agree. It has been so hectic this week that even I am looking forward to the weekend day off. The good news is the last of the accident victims is now out of danger and has been shifted out of the ICU. Come on... hurry up and get in."
He was finally breathing a sigh of relief as the last of the victims was out of now danger and was out of the ICU today. The emergency was officially over now. It had been handled smoothly and efficiently and everyone was pleased. They both quickly piled into the car and Dr. Ashutosh started the car...
Dr. Ashutosh: "At last I can breathe easily tonight. You know Nidhi, its times like this that make me wonder why I am still doing this work. It's a tough act to balance, being a famous surgeon, the Dean and Chief of Staff at the same time. The patients and their families expect a lot and they should too, but at the same time I have to make sure we are covering all our bases. An accident or emergency like this one can very easily develop into a media circus with the ever-nosy media waiting in the wings for us to make some mistake. All they care about is a scoop. So situations like these imbibe a lot more added strain. But thank God everything went on alright..."
Nidhi: "Yeah, I was worried when we lost the most critical accident patients. Ummm... If you don't mind, can I go and see Anji tomorrow. She got her discharge earlier today. But with Anji's condition as it is, they have decided to stay with Shyama Aunty till the baby is born."
Dr. Ashutosh: "Of course Nidhi. You don't have to ask me. In fact why don't we all go, we can have a family get together of sorts..."
Nidhi: "Excellent idea Dr. Ashutosh. I will call DB as soon as we go home. Even Anji will feel good about it, But we may have to have the get together at Shyama Aunty's house considering..."
Dr. Ashutosh: "Hmmm, you are right. But that should not be a problem." Then he smiled... "Radio?"
Nidhi: "Yes... its been a while, isn't it?"
Dr. Ashutosh: "Yes Nidhi. It does seem like ages since we did even a small thing like listen to music."
And smiling at her he turned on the radio. "Darling, aankhon se aankhen char karne do..." As soon as she heard this, she turned towards Dr. Ashutosh with a mischievous glint and a hint of a smile on her face only to encounter his shocked and horrified expression!
Dr. Ashutosh: "Why is it always this song??? Is this blasted song waiting for me to turn on the FM!!"
And that was it! Nidhi started laughing uncontrollably and a moment later she heard her husband's roar of laughter joining her. After a few seconds he turned back to look at the road and she closed her eyes and laid her head back on the headrest.
She did not see Dr. Ashutosh glance at her after a few moments. Bur he had and once more he was mesmerized by her beauty. It made him contemplate... "Her laugh is so refreshing! It has a tingling, musical sound to it. How far we have journeyed? Her eyes are closed and she seems to be elsewhere but I still feel she is close to me. At one point these silences were because of the awkwardness in our situations, because we did not know how to cover them? They were so thick that one could feel the pressure of the compressed air between them. But now... At this time we are both quiet, involved in our own thoughts. But this silence is different, it is mutual. It is amicable as if the silence itself spoke a thousand words... At any point we can start talking, continue from where we left off and it would not seem forced! How and when did we change so much?"
The song continued to play in the background but Nidhi's thoughts were far away, "Are we the same Ashutosh and Nidhi who started this journey on a night like this with this same song playing in the background. The man who is now able to laugh so freely at some things or even at himself was so rigid, so stuck up back then. How uncomfortable we were in each other's presence? But now... now we belong together, we enjoy each other's company, even if it is a silent one like this." But all this discussion about Anji triggered her mind and took it back to a day before. Exactly 24 hours prior they had been driving back home, a little while after she had that conversation with Anji. Dr. Ashutosh had entered with Dr. Ranganath and she had quickly taken her leave and dragged a perplexed Ashutosh away from there! Anji's "Good luck Nidhi!" had done nothing to improve the situation. Rather it had enhanced his confusion and she could sense it. His first words as soon as they were in their car confirmed it...
Dr. Ashutosh: "So you were with Anji just now. How is she doing? What's the prognosis?"
Nidhi: "Why do you ask me when you have been seeing her everyday! And please don't look so surprised, did you think Anji would not tell me or even one of the nurses!"
And she had laughed when she saw him flush guiltily at that... It was certainly getting easier and easier to tease him now!
Dr. Ashutosh: "Welll...I.."
Nidhi: Still laughing, "Its alright, you don't have to feel so embarrassed about it. After all you are her Jeejaji, a doctor and the Dean at KGH. And Anji is your Saali and currently a patient. So what if you checked up on her everyday. So what if you wanted to make sure she was improving. You don't have to justify your actions!"
Dr. Ashutosh: "Well, you know Nidhi, its not like that... Actually till now I have not had a big family, so when Anji started calling me Jeejaji before our wedding, I really felt like I had found a sister... Hope you didn't feel bad about that?"
And unable to meet her eyes, he had turned away from her but she could see he was getting even redder! Yet she suspected her eyes getting moist at his words. The honest emotion behind those words affected her more than she had cared to admit. All her jest had vanished and she had been unable to utter a single word in response. After a few moments of silence he had turned back to look at Nidhi only to see tears welling up in her eyes. And she had desperately tried to hide them. After rapidly batting her eyelids and clearing her throat...
Nidhi: "I, Ummm... I understand! I have come to realize that family meant a lot to you, isn't it Dr. Ashutosh. You missed not having a family like that in your younger days and you still do."
Dr. Ashutosh: "Well, do you really need me to answer that Nidhi. I think by now you know..."
Nidhi: Nodding her head in acceptance. "Yes Dr. Ashutosh, I did not expect an answer. I was merely making a statement and stating an observation, a fact. I know now. I have ever since you told me about BB. But can I ask you another question..."
Dr. Ashutosh: "Yeah, ok, what is it?"
Nidhi: "I know you were an orphan after your parents died in that plague. You barely remember them now. And there was no one to take care of you after that. But do you have any recollection of any other family? And after BB found you and raised you like his real son, did you ever feel bad that BB did not have a bigger family or you could not have any siblings to grow u with..."
She had been intently looking at him when she asked him these questions. At first he had sighed in response and then was silent for full five minutes. In fact she had even started suspecting that he had not heard her questions or had forgotten about it. She had still continued to look at him and saw that he was steadily driving but she could see he had been deep in thought. Then he had sighed once more, looked at her briefly and to her surprise pulled over...
Nidhi: "Dr. Ashutosh, what happened? Why did you stop? Why..."
Dr. Ashutosh: "Ah! So many questions Nidhi! Well... No Nidhi, I certainly never thought about siblings or the lack of them, not then, not in my growing up years. At least I never realized what I was missing at that point. But later, especially after Baba's desertion, definitely yes! Many times I had wondered, what if Baba had his won child (ren) and I had a brother or sister, would Baba have left in that manner? And just like with the other questions, there were no answers even for this one!"
Nidhi: "When he left you and you found out about us, did you ever want to meet us?"
Dr. Ashutosh: "Honestly, no Nidhi! Never! Not even for a second did I want to meet you or your family! To my perception you were my enemy, someone who took what belonged to me. I should have been mad at Baba but instead I was angry at you and your family. All without knowing any truth. And even after our lawyer revealed Baba's entire story, the story of his daughter, I never felt any urge to find out more. Thinking back, I think it was more anger that Baba never mentioned any of it. I was with him when you were born, when your mother passed away but still he choose to be silent about all that, to bury his burden deep within. Now I wish I had channeled my energies towards finding Baba's other family, your family. Looking back, I realize that my logic was twisted. I thought since Baba had not wanted to share why should I go out of the way to find out more? Had I done, tried to find you all, I may not have had to spend those lonely years stewing in my own anger with no soul to share all that."
Nidhi: "Is this why you want to have your own child now? Your own family, your own blood so that this family cannot be taken away from you, and these ties cannot be severed just like it happened when BB choose to leave you. Does it still affect you that BB did not adopt you, did not give you more rights?"
Dr. Ashutosh: "Ah! So many questions again! Well about the adoption, no Nidhi, at least not anymore, and especially not since I shared my anguish with you. You have somehow taken away that pain and anger and have left me with just a sad memory, a feeling of regret at what could have been..."
He was quiet for a short interval, as if collecting his thoughts. Then,
Dr. Ashutosh: "To answer your other question, yes! I would be lying if I say I do not want to have my own family. Since it is something that has eluded me so far, I would very much like to have one... and to use your term, have a blood connect, my only one in this whole world."
Nidhi: "So, you dream of becoming a father, crave to have your very own family and yet you never mentioned a word of it to me, your wife! You never gave me even the slightest hint. Even when you shared all that about BB's desertion, even then! Why, Dr. Ashutosh? Did you think I was not mature enough to understand? Did you not want to share your dreams with me... Did I..."
Now, Dr. Ashutosh had been rendered speechless when he heard this! And he had thought he had hid this well from her, his need for a child, for a family, for a way to bind Nidhi to him forever! Apparently not! So he quickly stopped her in mid-stream...
Ashu: "No Nidhi... No! Please do not say that, do not even think that! But, but how did you know about this? It is my deepest desire... sort of a secret. But apparently not from you now! How did you guess? Or did you?... Nidhi?"
Nidhi: "No, Dr. Ashutosh! It was not a guess. It's a conclusion I have arrived at in all these months. In fact I have watched you in the hospital over the last few months interacting with our young patients and even in the maternity ward. Actually I started watching you ever since I heard you and DB talk in your office one day. It was about starting a family, about having a baby. I heard that conversation and that's when I started noticing some things that had escaped my attention before that. Things related to a child... I am sorry Dr. Ashutosh! After hearing that I could not control my reaction. Please do not think get mad at me for this, please do not think that I was spying... I was... And in the last few months I have thought a lot about this. I have even been so confused about it at times."
And she had just rolled her shoulders, simply unable to continue beyond that... Suddenly she had felt the lights come on in Dr. Ashutosh's mind and when his eyes flared in recognition she knew he had remembered that unfinished car conversation from months ago . It was when the topic of a baby had cropped up for the first time between them. It was immediately after Dr. Mallika's departure and soon after DB had raised this topic with him. And when he had mentioned this to her in the car, she had nipped this topic in the bud.
Dr. Ashutosh: "Hmmm, I see, so what took you so long Nidhi? Why did you not come to me before now? Why did you not raise this topic before? Were you waiting for me to say something?"
Nidhi: "So, you are not angry or upset that I asked you about this? Many times I hesitated because I thought you would be upset... so... "
Dr. Ashutosh: "No Nidhi, if anyone in this whole world has a right to ask me anything it is you. I gave you that right when I married you. And I must confess when DB first raised this thought in my mind, I was tempted. That was before I spoke to you on our long drive... you know."
And seeing that she was nodding her head...
Dr. Ashutosh: "And from your words, it was clear that you had panicked at the thought of pregnancy! I felt like kicking myself then for being so insensitive to you. Then you came to me and asked if you could join KGH. Nidhi... I am saying this now, maybe I should have said it back then, but, take all the time you want... I am willing to wait. Hope you realize this?"
Nidhi: "But Dr. Ashutosh, its not like that..."
Again he had interrupted her once more...
Dr. Ashutosh: "Nidhi, before I met you I never gave a thought to all this. Well, I never expected to fall in love or get married, so forget about having thoughts of a family. Then I met you and slowly all these thoughts came to me, took root. I wanted to have a family with you. It was you, and our love that spurned these desires."
He picked her hand that was lying on her lap, turned it and kissed her palm as if paying homage to her.
Dr. Ashutosh: "Hope I am not scaring you by saying all this. Nidhi, it's the last thing I want to do and its one of the reasons that I kept quiet till now. And would have continued but..."
At this he felt her squeeze his hands. And it was her turn to kiss his palm...
Nidhi: "No, you are not. What you just told me has not scared me. But when I started noticing all these little things about you and realized its significance it definitely shook me. I was scared and confused for a while. Sometimes I felt I would not be a good mother, I may not know how to be a good mother. I doubted myself, my capabilities. But now I don't fear motherhood anymore. I want... I want... I feel..."
And she had started blushing furiously unable to proceed. Unable to meet his eyes she had lowered hers. But she needn't have worried because he had perfectly understood what she was trying so hard to say. At first he had looked shocked, rendered speechless. He had kept looking at her down-bent head for sometime. Then she felt his palms cup her cheeks and raise them so that she was forced to look into his eyes...
Dr. Ashutosh: "Are you sure about this Nidhi? You can take your time, you know. I will never compel you to do something you are uncomfortable doing. Nidhi, my desires can wait, but I want you to be absolutely sure. This is a decision of a lifetime... so think about it as much as you want to."
And then he had seen her tears roll down her cheeks and stopped... Waited for her to respond, say something! She had sighed deeply. Even today when she thought about that moment yesterday, she literally shivered thinking about his generosity of spirit, his large heart... And once more her mind raced back to last night... It surprised her how she could recollect that entire conversation verbatim.
Nidhi: "No, Dr. Ashutosh, you will not be forcing me to do something I don't want to. I have thought a lot about this. And I want..."
At that point she had hid her face in his palm. Thinking about that moment now, she realized how shy she had felt. How do you tell your husband that you wanted to get pregnant? But thankfully, once more, he had understood... and saved her from further embarrassing herself.
Dr. Ashutosh: "Nidhi, I don't know, I cannot believe I am hearing this... Nidhi, are you sure?" Then he looked at her intently, "Nidhi, thank you... Just your words have opened a new chapter for me, for my dreams. Nidhi, I... I love you! I... Nidhi, look at me!"
And unable to proceed he had stopped. He lifted her face to him and once more forced her to look at him. And this time he had kissed her on her forehead. She realized that her words had overwhelmed him and his simple action had spoken louder than any words could have! By now they had both forgotten they were parked on the side of the road. So when another car passed by its headlights suddenly brought them back to their senses...
Dr. Ashutosh: "Well, lets do one thing then. You are almost done with your internship now. It's a matter of another couple of months or so. First lets get through that and then we can... You know! This way you or rather we will have another chance to think over this."
Nidhi: "But Dr. Ashutosh... why wait! I mean, we are both ready now, so why delay anymore?"
Dr. Ashutosh: "Nidhi, I just want to give you another chance to think, that's all. And I made a promise to help you finish this internship... I owe you this one! So I don't want to take chances and have even the slightest thing come between you and your internship. I know it probably does not make too much sense but then again since you are so close to the finish, why not just finish that first? And as we have already waited this long, another couple of months is not going to harm us in any way. Are you understanding this Nidhi?"
Nidhi: "Yes, But owe me for what? I don't understand. Dr. Ashutosh, what..."
And he had once again stopped her at that point by placing his finger on her lips.
Dr. Ashutosh: "Later Nidhi... Later. We will talk about this later. But for now, will you listen to me?" Then with another sigh, "Much as I would like to keep talking, I am afraid we are getting late. We have to go home now. But I will explain later."
And she had nodded, though it was anathema to leave this conversation at this juncture. She still had some questions for him, new ones this time! She was very curious to know why Dr. Ashutosh felt he owed her... but unfortunately it will have to wait. Just like they spoke about a future family when they least expected to, she knew one day they would talk about the rest as well. Dr. Ashutosh had re-started the car then and had started driving towards their home. She had closed her eyes and had dreamt... Well, about a family!
She was once again jolted to the present as the song "Darling..." was coming to a close. From last night only one thought had been recurring in her mind, "Dr. Ashutosh, you want us to wait for another 2 or 3 months. But if its my choice you want to know, then I choose not to! And I think I can do something about it. Maybe I will surprise you one day? Yes that will be terrific! Please God, please let it happen and let this dream of mine come true... It will be perfect!"
And when he turned to look at her, Dr. Ashutosh saw that his Nidhi had her eyes closed, her head resting on the head-rest and a smile playing on her lips. She seemed content. "Nidhi, you do not realize how happy you made me yesterday. Just a yes from you has made my whole world shine! But I promise that in the next few months I will not let you waiver from finishing this internship. And I also promise you that I will find ways to bring your mother into our lives and help you get closer to her memories. I will help you overcome your fear, your doubts, if any about being a good mother... I will make sure the promise I have made to myself is fulfilled..."
TO BE CONTINUED...
Friends, hope you like this latest chapter just like the earlier ones. And if you do, please grace this OS with your 'LIKES' and your comments. Once again, thank you in advance. Enjoy! 😃 🤗
Financial markets and global economy
Yeh Rishta Kya Kehlata Hai
Geet - Hui Sabse Parayee
