IPKKND-ARHI-FF - Gypsy- Chapter 42 - Page 48

Awesome update.

Loved Khushi's determination and the caring, sensitive side of Arnav. What is Khushi planning to do? Can't wait to read the next part.

Chapter 28

She shut her eyes, pretending slumber until Garima left. Then they opened and she lay awake, thinking. She thought about the decision she had made earlier in the forest. And then she thought about the one she had made some months back, on that fateful day. Funny, she thought, how the two decisions were poles apart. With the first one she had chosen her honour and with the second one, she had chosen dishonor. But the common thing was that both her decisions had been taken with her family in mind; her adoptive family. She had no real family of her own to speak of. But she had been very lucky with her adoptive families in her life.

Some months back when the Maharaja had scoffed at the idea of marriage, confirming what her Maayi had told her; he was only interested in making her his mistress and nothing else, she had decided that her honour was more important. However, there had been a deep well of disappointment inside her for she had fallen in love with him deeply and irrevocably. And knowing that it was foolish to do so, she had still built her dreams around him. She should have known better; half-breed illegitimate banjaara girls had no right to dream about sapno ke Raajkumar's let alone asli wale Maharajas! Yet, when he turned her away, she had consoled herself with the knowledge that at least her Maayi was spared any humiliation at her adopted daughter's hands. As she had run home towards her Maayi, sobbing her heart out, there had been that tiny consolation that her own heart might have just broken but at least she and her Maayi could live with their heads upheld.

However, he had taken away that small consolation as well. And how he had taken it away! Not just taken away but literally ripped it to pieces and in the process, her life and security as well! The humiliation he had heaped on her head, that moment when he had made those derogatory remarks, flinging the few shy kisses she had shared with him around like confetti in the wind. He had implied that they had shared a whole lot more than those few kisses, that she was a tramp. He had denounced her and callously ridden off like the royalty that he was, never for a moment thinking what the consequences would be like for her.

When he had ridden off, a dark despair had fallen over her for the hostile murmurings of her tribe members reached her ears as clearly, as if they were shouting it. But nothing and absolutely nothing had prepared her for their hostility. Not even in her wildest imaginings had she thought they would actually beat her up let alone whipping her. The sheer terror and helplessness that had assailed her as they closed in on her; the first slap. Oh God! But that was not enough. Someone actually fetched a whip as well. The first flick of the whip, as it sliced through the air to land on her soft flesh with a sibiliant hiss, laying open her skin in the process. The burning, crippling pain it brought nearly killed her as it fell on her with relentless drive. She still didn't remember when she passed out from the pain.

All she knew was that when she opened her eyes again, it was in different surroundings. She recalled waking up from her ordeal some months back, here in her room in Baba's house. Baba and Maa had been in the room with her when she had opened her eyes. The first thing she had become aware of was the burning pain in her body. But Baba and Maa had been very generous in the love and care they lavished on her. Maa fed her, changed her bandages, soothed when the nightmares came and reassured her that she would recover completely and be as good as new one day that the scars on her body would fade. But what about the ones on her soul, Khushi wondered? Would they ever fade?

It wasn't that the Maharaja had let her down. That he had never considered her worthy of his respect and honour had hurt but she was nothing if not realistic. Why would a Maharaja marry a gypsy girl anyway? He of course would marry someone of his class. What had hurt was the casual way in which he had betrayed her trust. She had trusted him when she had kissed him, when she had allowed him close to her but he had made a mockery of it all. But the biggest thing for her was that even if she was his social inferior, Khushi knew she had not deserved the utter cruelty that his thoughtlessness had brought on her head. He had not even thought for a moment what his actions would bring on her head. Just because she was a mere gypsy, did it mean that she was less deserving of his respect? She didn't trust him and she was very afraid of him now.

She still remembered the blind panic that had seized her when she had overheard Baba and Maa once talking about the Maharaja and how he was looking for a gypsy girl. That meant he was not done with her yet. She had hurt his ego when she had refused him so now he was looking for her to punish her. He had no idea how she had been punished already. That was why when Baba suggested the idea of her masquerading as a boy, Khushi agreed instantly. It would keep her safe. But more than that, it was her way, in a very small manner, of getting back at the Maharaja. Nothing in her life had given her more satisfaction than when Maa had cut off her long curls. She had never been vain but her curls had been a source of pride to her. But that first time and ever since that day, she had taken a perverse satisfaction whenever she dressed in boy's clothing and cut her hair. Denying her femininity gave her a satisfaction, a small measure of revenge while throwing the Maharaja's men of her track.

But he had tracked her down. That first day, some weeks back when he spoke to her down near Charan's enclosure, she was scared but when he didn't recognise her, she breathed in relief. But today, her luck ran out and he recognised her. It had been him touching her. His touch scared her. Once she had allowed him to touch and hold her. It was those same intimacies which had led to her fall from grace and it was by his hands that she fell. Somehow, in her mind, maybe because he was the reason she was beaten and whipped, she had panicked when he touched her shoulder. In her mind, she saw no difference in his touch and the physically violent ones of her tribe people. Today in the forest, allowing him to help her and coming back with him had taken every inch of her courage. But more than his physical touch, she was scared of the man himself and the power he wielded.

Today, earlier in the house, she had realized that since he had caught up with her, he would realize that Baba had sheltered her while he had been looking for her. He would not like that she realized; made to look a fool and that too by people who were socially inferior to him. That was why she had run off but when he found her in the forest, she realized her mistake. Running away would not solve anything. If anything, it would make things even more difficult for Baba and Maa.

Now that he had found her, no one would be able to protect her. No one at all. She was all alone now. She would not repay Baba's kindness and love by putting him in trouble with the Maharaja. She would have to face him. That was when, in the forest, she had decided to give in. She would give in to any demand the Maharaja would make of her. To become his mistress even. That was the only way his formidable anger would be deflected from Baba and Maa. At the end, she was a mere gypsy girl and while her virtue and honour were very important to her, they were not so important that they warranted the sacrifice of having Baba and Maa facing the Maharaja's wrath. That was her second decision; to give to any and every demand of the Maharaja without any questions. His ego was demanding revenge against her and she had just run out of options. It was time to face him. She had to control her emotions and not allow him to see how very scared she was of him. She couldn't allow him to see any of her emotions.

She just hoped her courage would be equal to the task. Baba and Maa's safety depended on it. And her own Maayi; Khushi knew she would understand why her daughter had taken such a decision.

At the thought of her Maayi, Khushi's eyes filled up. It had been so long since she had seen the old woman. She wondered if she would ever see her again.

She lay in the dark, her tears sliding down her cheeks, contemplating the darkness that lay over her life and praying for courage to see her through...

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