That night Khushi was very apprehensive. She came home early since she wanted to talk to him while he was sober. Arnav sat by the window, his usual spot, looking outside as far as he could see. His eyes were numb. He had been drinking again; he was just looking outside trying to figure out what was left of his life. Why had God punished him? Where did he go wrong? He remembered that evening once again. Shyam had begged him to let him meet Khushi but he hadn't agreed, was that his fault? Was that why God was punishing him? For taking care of his wife? Shyam had got a gun for god sakes, how could that be for any good?
He took another gulp of Vodka. His eyes had pain, which reflected quite clearly. It had been six months since his accident. He didn't want to give up. He wanted to fight. He had just fallen in love and his life was finally on track but the Almighty couldn't see that happening, could he? Arnav fought against all odds. He did. He tried. But fate had something else planned for him. Maybe he belonged in the darkness of the world but he wouldn't drag Khushi in with him, more than anything in life he wanted to see a smile on those lips, the smile which Shyam had snatched, the smile that made everyday worth living, the smile that made his heart beat faster. He missed the smile. He missed their marriage, he felt angry all the time and he was frustrated with life. Life suddenly became so messed up. He wondered how, he questioned his existence. He had tried and failed, could he try again?
"Arnav," a voice came from behind him. He recognized it immediately and then he quickly wiped the tears brimming his eyes. He wheeled his chair around to see his wife, Khushi, standing in front of him. Her presence was pacifying and his heartbeat slowed down and all the anxiety in him reached a low. Her hair was tied in a ponytail and her face was blank. He couldn't understand what she wanted to say.
Khushi couldn't believe what she saw - he was drinking even now! The room was messier than ever. His lunch plate on the bed with food spilled on the bed sheet, beer cans on the floor. Then she saw what maybe someone else would have missed in the whole mess he had created - his red eyes. He had been crying. Her heart thudded loudly in her chest. The messy room was getting on her nerves. "NURSE!" Khushi screamed. "NURSE!" Anger overwhelmed her. The nurse came in running. "Yes madam?" she asked. "Why is his lunch plate still here? Why haven't you cleaned the room? Just because I'm not at home doesn't mean you people don't do your job!" she screamed. She tried to subdue the rage but it was powerful, it was too strong. The nurse picked up his plate and began to clean the bed. He didn't say anything. He wheeled back towards the window. She couldn't see him like this anymore. He wasn't even responding. It was as if she was invisible. Khushi's anger was rising; her frustration was crossing all limits. She couldn't take it anymore. Khushi asked the nurse to leave.
"Arnav," she said again, this time more boldly. He looked at her. Their eyes met and in that moment there was love, anger, desperation and many other emotions. "I know we don't talk about what happened," she said moving closer still looking into his black eyes. Then correcting herself she added, "I know we barely even talk anymore but I can't, I can't bare this anymore." She gulped, "Every night I have to listen to you tell me to divorce you! Every morning I see you drink like an alcoholic! What is with you Arnav? YES you were shot! YES, you lost your legs! But what about ME? I have been trying to cope ever since we came back from the hospital! Initially, you tried but what after that? You just gave up? You just shut me out? Why? What did I do?" she cried. "Ever since you shut me out do you know how lonely I've become? You don't--"Khushi!" he interrupted painfully. It had been ages since she had heard him say that word. Khushi'. She took her time to record it in her mind and let her heart be warmed with that one word of his. "You don't know how it is!" he took a deep breath. This would have been the longest sentence he had said to her in a long time. "You don't know how it is to be attached to this wheelchair, unable to walk or to go out! Every time you look at me I see pity in your eyes, I see tears in your eyes. You didn't get shot, I did!" he said unable to recognize his own voice.
"What?" Khushi gasped, wiping her tears. "I don't pity you Arnav! You pity yourself! You see what you want to see not what I feel! You have completely broken away from me! When was the last time you held me in your arms? When was the last time you even smiled looking at me? You see pity in my eyes? I don't pity you Arnav I love you! I love you so much that I have waited for so 3 months for you to try again, for you to tell me that you are willing to try again, that you are willing to walk again!" She cried trying to make her words penetrate through his thick skull trying to make him feel something, anything!
"You were shot. You went through pain. You know what it's like. You know everything! But what about me? I saw my husband get shot! I sat outside the operation theatre for 12 hours crying and praying to God to keep you alive! But you," she paused to breathe, "You shut me out. You didn't let me in! You lost your legs Arnav, but I lost my husband! For the last 3 months I have been going to office, working as hard as I can and hoping that when I come home I will see you sober, for once, without a bottle of alcohol in your hand!" she let out her frustration. "But you never talked to me! You just ignored what I had to say. You didn't even try to walk. You didn't even put one ounce of effort from your end--"You think all this is easy for me?" Arnav said raising his voice. He understood Khushi's pain but he just couldn't take it. "NO!" she yelled. "I am sure it must have been very difficult for you! But I wish you had shared that with me! We could have overcome this together. What happened to your spirit Arnav? What happened to always and forever? What about our wedding vows? You have isolated me. After Buaji's death, you are my only family and now you are trying to drive me away too? Where will I go? What will I do without you? You are my life! I love you Arnav, and I have waited for so long trying to give you space, waiting for you to tell me that you are willing to try, try for us, for me." She said leaning against the wall. "But you didn't say a word." She said wiping her tears. She had made a decision. She looked at Arnav once again. "Fine. But now you have to say something. Arnav now it's not only the two of us! Now it's not only about me!" she paused. Arnav narrowed his eyebrows. He couldn't understand what Khushi was trying to say.
"I'm pregnant!" she said it out, loud and clear. Arnav's eyes shot wide open and he stared at Khushi. Before he could say something she went on. "I have been pregnant for two and a half months now. Yes, I didn't tell you. I didn't want you to feel burdened. I wanted you to try. But now, enough is enough Arnav. You have until tomorrow evening to decide whether you want to get better or not. You have tomorrow evening to decide whether you want this child or not. I give you full freedom to take your own decision. And if you don't want me and this baby, we will leave and I will file for divorce," she said in a shaking voice. "It's not just about me anymore, it's about my child and his or her needs. I am willing to try if you do. I will hold your hand every part of the way if you are willing to take the first step. You just have to say it." She said walking out of the room. Her hands were shaking already. She had just given him an ultimatum. It was this side or that side. He had to choose now. Khushi sat down on the stairs and broke into tears. She didn't want to hover. It was out in the open now. Arnav could take his own decisions. He didn't have to worry about her if he didn't want to. She hoped he would choose her. She hoped her would love her.
Flashback
"Doctor," Khushi asked with swollen eyes and a red nose. Her puffed eyes stared expectantly at the doctor. "We were successfully able to take out the bullet from Mr. Raizada's chest but we won't know anything for sure before he is conscious. Khushi thanked the doctor whole-heartedly. There was finally some hope. "Can I see him?" she desperately asked. "Yes, you can." He said. They took her to see him. Khushi saw him lying in bed, peacefully, as if he were fast asleep. She sat by him holding his hands in hers. She was so happy that he was alive. For a long time she watched his heart beats on the screen just trying to register that he was still alive. She pressed his hands hard. She couldn't wait for him to wake up. She just couldn't wait to hold him, to see him smile and to say that it would be alright.
It took him 5 hours to regain consciousness. The first thing the doctors checked was his memory. He could remember who Khushi was; he remembered their love. He could feel Khushi's hand in his hand. He pressed it flashing a soothing smile. Tears trickled down Khushi's eyes, she had been so happy that day. Arnav had smiled weakly seeing her face. "You're alright!" she chirped holding his hand tightly. She would have kissed him if he didn't have so many wires attached to him and the oxygen mask was still on. The doctors asked, "Move your fingers," they had said. Arnav moved his fingers in Khushi's hand. They smiled at each other. "Move your toes," the doctor said. Arnav did. "Move your toes, Mr. Raizada," the doctor repeated. Arnav did it again. The doctors broke into a murmur. They tapped his leg with an instrument. "Can you feel it?" they asked. Arnav's smile vanished and so did Khushi's. The doctors whispered among themselves a little more while Khushi clutched on to Arnav assuring him that everything would be okay. "The bullet must have damaged his nerves. We'll have to take him into surgery again." They said. Khushi gasped. Arnav looked terrorized. "What? Doctor, is there no other way out?" "I'm afraid not, I can't say anything until I have a look at it." He said. "You have to do something!" Khushi said worrying again. Khushi's breath had stopped. "Doctor you have to do whatever it takes." She said again. "We will try Mrs. Raizada, please be patient." They said. Khushi sat down near him. "Khushi," Arnav said holding her hand. "It will be okay." "It will have to. I won't have it any other way." She said trying to smile. "We will be okay, won't we?" "Yes, ofcourse." She said with tears in her eyes.
Another surgery took place. Arnav was prepped and Khushi was prepared to pray once again. This time the surgery was shorter. The doctors came out with rather disturbing news. "Mr. Raizada's nerve was damaged, we have repaired it but he won't regain full movement for a while. This will heal with time. It will take a long time and he will have to bear a lot of pain but it will heal with physiotherapy and exercise." The doctors announced. Khushi was completely zapped. She had expected good news. Arnav would have to undergo pain. How would she ever forgive herself? "Doctor, how long will the pain persist?" she had asked. "It's hard to tell. You will have to come for regular check ups. Physiotherapy has shown great miracles in the past and the most important thing is to keep the person happy and motivated. If he loses hope then chances of him walking again are minimal." "Doctor, what exactly happened? You fixed the nerves so now he can feel his legs?" "Yes, he will be able to feel it but not use it completely. It will take time. He will go through a lot of pain, some days will be hard to go by but you have to keep him happy. He cannot give up." The doctor explained.
Her heart pained as she returned to the room where Arnav had just regained consciousness. "What happened?" he asked. She had tears brimming her eyes. Arnav shut his eyes and a tear trickled down his cheek. "Arnav, everything will be okay, they say that it will become better over time." She said. She couldn't see tears in his eyes. She couldn't see him helpless. How would she stand strong if he was weak? How would she hope if he had lost all? He didn't reply. "The doctor said it could heal over time. He said physiotherapy will help!" she said trying to satisfy herself, trying to avoid bursting into tears." "There is no guarantee Khushi. I may never be able to walk again," He said. "Nothing will be alright. Nothing in my life is ever alright!" he said in frustration. "The minute things were looking good, this happened. My life happened. Because of my horrible luck even you'll have to suffer." "Arnav, don't say such things. You have to do it. You will do it. We will get past this."
*
Khushi sat there remembering his words. She felt his pain but she couldn't do anything to help him. She sat there, tears trickling down her cheeks. Crying had become a part of her life now. In the last year she had cried more than ever. Khushi was tired. She was sleepy. She went down and ate something for the sake of her child and then went to bed, remembering the happy times she spent with Arnav. She sent a quick prayer to God to give Arnav hope and courage to fight against his will and do the unthinkable. She knew he had the stamina, she knew he could do it. He just had to stand up one more time.
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Hope you guys like it. Please check out the replies to your comments, some people had some problems with Arnav and his character. I have replied to most of the comments.
Waiting for some feedback.
Next Update : 8th October. (tentatively)
-Manjari 🤗
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