OS: Shadows from the Past (Chap 12, Pg. 117, Note, Pg. 130, VM Pg 131) - Page 16

Originally posted by: Anjani9

Hello Aarti...

Originally posted by: ttrocks

Hello Aartiji 😃

Originally posted by: Veenaper

Arti beautiful continuation.

Thank you very much Veena.

The afterthoughts have been brilliantly brought out.

Yes, this is my intention with the OS. 😊 Also I think the character got short-changed in this aspect. There were so many issues between them which should have been resolved or at least talked about. So this is my attempt to cover them.

Nidhi wanting a positive sign from Ashu before leaving for the function but he acting distant only makes her feel worse and wonder whether she will actually enjoy at Anji's house. Ashu in a complete dilemma - on his outlandish behaviour the previous night, wanting so badly to make amends to her and now feeling like a winner after the board verdict. But in a quandary as to how to put all this across to her, tactfully avoiding her calls by switching off but loved the way you subtly put across his desire to communicate with Nidhi through Laxmi Bai.

Glad my chapter was able to bring out the underlying conflicts of Ashni. They are both in turmoil, their thoughts see-sawing between good and bad but hope is still there that things will work out. And even a small step in that direction can do wonders. 😳 That's what I have been trying to portray here.

The convo between the ward boy and LB and Ashu overhearing - his feelings a mixed bag of emotions and Mallika's devious ways grabbing his attention.

Yes, a small attempt from my side to show that issues can be resolved even in Mallika's absence which for some strange reason our CVs were unwilling to explore. 😕 🤔

He wants to attend the function but at the same time not wanting to go there alone and face the crowd and his wife too. Nidhi behaving almost like a recluse at the function with the tensions of the previous night and also eager to know the verdict about her job, coming home and Ashni coming face to face - the yearning, the remorse, the heart ache - yes this was one of the most endearing scenes in the show and you have paused at a very crucial juncture.

I loved this scene in the show. I have only added a few extra factors to it. 😃 I have tried to give more meat to their argument by adding the new dimension to Nidhi's job.

CHAPTER 4

4 months later...

Ashutosh and Nidhi were driving back from the hospital, which was their new routine now. To him it seemed that Nidhi had been unusually quiet this evening. She was even looking out the window and trying her best not to turn his way. He realized this troubled him a lot more than it had in the past. "Was he becoming more attuned to her moods now? Or was it because he loved and cared for her a lot more now and even a small thing about her affected him?" Either ways it was true that he had become more sensitive to her. He also realized that Nidhi had been like this for the past month. He could not put a finger on the exact moment when Nidhi's mood swings had begun but he was certain they were there the last few weeks. There had been times when he had studied her surreptitiously and had found her very quiet, lost in some deep thought and sometimes looking out their bedroom window at night as if the darkness held all the answers. And he also had noticed that as soon as she spotted him she would snap out of it and force herself to smile or say something to divert him and stop him from questioning her.

Meanwhile Nidhi was deep in thought as well. The last month had not provided any suitable openings to have a heart to heart. But she had started keeping an eye on him and she had been startled to discover Ashu's hidden desire, almost a yearning to become a father. But what had stunned her was how well he had hidden this from her. "Why did he do that? What was troubling him that he could not open up about his desire for a baby to her?" Instead he had confessed to DB! "Was she so blind, so selfish, so wrapped up in her own needs that she had failed to see what was staring in her face! How could she? How could she become so blind about the emotional needs of the one person she claimed to love most in this world, for whom she had fought with the world!? What does that make her?" She had started noticing many small things about him. She noticed the many times in the day he went to the children's ward just to chat or play or even recite a story or an anecdote. And everytime he left he made sure to turn back and see them again as if he was memorizing the scene till the next time he saw them. And this she had witnessed a few times, of course un-noticed by him. At those moments she she could even feel a lingering sadness in him as if it was anathema for him to leave the kids and go. Everytime she had been left thinking, "Why had that skipped her till now?"

Then one day a lady in labor was being rushed to the delivery room and Dr. Ashutosh had been passing by. After she was taken in her husband was standing outside,

Dr. Ashutosh: "Here, take this as a gift to your new born. You can use it to buy and distribute sweets." Saying this he had directed a wad of notes to this unknown man.

Husband: "Thank you Sir, but this is not needed."

Dr. Ashutosh: "Keep it. Its an honor and joy to become a father. There are some who yearn to become a father and then there are some orphan children who yearn for a father. So keep it as a token of my best wishes. All the Best." Saying that Dr. Ashutosh had pressed the money into his hand, given it a gentle squeeze.

And had walked away not realizing that just a few yards away Nidhi stood, who had witnessed all this with a shocked look on her face. For the first time she had seen depth of his pain and heard the yearning in his voice. If there was something she understood in the last month it was this simple fact that Dr. Ashutosh craved for his own family. And he would never accept that in front of her, "Why? Is it because he did not want to pressurize her or maybe because he did not want to burden her with his past or maybe he did not want to expose his weakness to her." Whichever it was, she was resolved to make him talk. In this one month she had become a keen observer. One moment she had been living in a happy bubble and the next moment it had vanished into thin air leaving her exposed to some harsh facts. She could still see the events in her mind as if it was happening in front of her eyes...

1 month ago...

Time had flown by at the snap of a finger or so it seemed to Nidhi. She had been updating some patient files when she happened to gaze at the date. That was when it had struck her, it was three months already, three months to the date when she had rejoined KGH as an intern. "How had that happened? Its like they say, you never know how time flies when you have a lot to do." The days immediately after she had rejoined her internship had been hectic and educative. Both she and Dr. Ashutosh had gone through a steep adjustment curve. Neither of them had anticipated the upheaval her return to the hospital would cause. When it came to Dr. Ashutosh she had a lot of adjusting to do, starting with things like when to talk to him at KGH and when not to and what to talk at work and home. After some minor disagreements, arguments and what not they had both agreed to never discuss KGH at home and for the most part it had worked. She had learnt to get a hold on her emotions, become more disciplined and most importantly understand that a wife could take some liberties with her husband but an intern had to follow strict protocol when it came to interacting with the Dean. It was a tough lesson but she had picked up quite fast. She smiled to herself recalling that the days Dr. Ashutosh had been hard on her at the hospital, he had been that much more romantic at home as if trying to make up for the day. "Was that just a coincidence or was it intentional from his end?" She could never guess but since she had loved all that extra attention at home, she even looked forward to being scolded by him at work. But that day she had this sudden urge to see him, urge that was as needy as next breath of air. And she had a suitable excuse in the form of the signatures she had to get. So, with a twirl and a shy smile to herself she had taken off towards his office...

A little later, it was a silent Nidhi who stepped into the common room, failing to even acknowledge her friends who were just leaving. After getting herself some coffee she sat in her usual spot, un-moving, deep in thought. She could not believe it, just could not! Just a few minutes back she was about to enter Dr. Ashutosh's cabin to discuss a case when she heard something that shook her to her very core. "Was that DB? What is she doing here in Dr.Ashutosh's cabin?" But before she could knock...

DB: "Hello Dactaar, how are you?"

Dr. Ashutosh: "DB? It's a surprise to see you here. What happened? Is everything alright? Please sit down and I will call Nidhi right away."

DB: "No Dactaar, don't call her. I came to talk to you."

Dr. Ashutosh: "Ok. Please tell me what the matter is. What can I do for you?"

DB: "Dactaar, have you made any progress about what I told you few months back, about the baby, you know."

Dr. Ashutosh: "Ah! DB, Nidhi is not ready. She wants some time to focus on us and finish her internship before we start thinking about babies."

DB: "But what about you Dactaar. I can clearly see that you are very interested in having babies. I understood that even back then and I urge you once more. You are not getting younger and you should not waste any more time. You have to make Nidhi understand."

Dr. Ashutosh: "DB, I may desire a baby very much but after what Nidhi has gone through I will not force my wishes on her. She has the right to decide when to have a baby and her decision and not my desire will be of utmost importance here. I will not talk to her till she talks about a baby or atleast until her internship is done. This much I owe her. I hope you understand."

DB: A little irritated, "I cannot understand all this about internship or about owing her anything. I can see how much you are suppressing your desire for her sake. I have seen how much you enjoy with other people's children. But I want to tell you that in a marriage compromise has to be done by both. You cannot be the only one compromising all the time. Anyways, that's all I can say to you."

Dr. Ashutosh: With a sigh, "Let it be DB. Please do not say anything to Nidhi. Let her finish this internship first."

Suspecting that DB was about to leave she had quickly slipped away but that conversation had definitely raised some doubts in her mind. "Since when did DB and Dr. Ashutosh start meeting privately and discussing things like long lost friends? And had she really been so deaf and blind?" Her mind was a whirlpool of thoughts clashing with each other with different memories from the past crashing in at the same time. And she was reeling under all that impact.

When the car braked, Nidhi jerked to the present and a quick look at Dr. Ashutosh revealed that he had been trying to gain her attention.

Nidhi: "Uh... sorry. Did you say something?"

Dr. Ashutosh: "Nothing, I was simply asking if you want to go somewhere and and have tea or coffee."

Nidhi: "No... there is no need. And BB will be waiting too. So lets go home. I can make tea or coffee instead."

And with a small smile she once again turned to look at the road leaving Ashutosh to scratch his head and come up with something else. Suddenly an idea hit him and he turned on the FM, only to hear that dreadful Darling...aankhon se aankhen char karne do...' "God! How he hated this song, even since the first time he heard it!" Coincidentally it was the first time Nidhi had sat in his car when he had given her a lit after Priyanka's wedding and had turned on the radio... And once again he turned to look in her direction with a smile dancing on his face.

But Nidhi was already lost in a world where only her thoughts and the past few months existed. Suddenly another image from 4 months back had come to mind. It was the night of Anji's Sangeet' when Dr. Ashutosh had come back from The meeting'. He was ecstatic that he had succeeded. Even now as she looked back, "No, there was not an ounce of sadness or regret in his eyes, no indication at all that he was doing something against his wish. No, even today I am certain he had whole-heartedly done it, got her re-admitted." That evening they had both apologized at the same time and had walked towards each other as if staying away was not an option anymore, love and a certain amount of desperation was written large on their faces. They had fallen into each other's arms giving and seeking solace and forgiveness and a lot more, it felt like home-coming. Dr. Ashutosh had held her so tightly that she almost choked. Even today the thought of that evening had the power to make her blush. For a few minutes neither had moved, neither even uttered a word clinging to each other as if there was no tomorrow. And slowly desire had taken over. She could still remember how she had to cajole him to go...

Nidhi: "Dr. Ashutosh" and then a little louder "Dr. Ashutosh" all the time trying to wriggle out of his embrace.

Dr. Ashutosh: "Hmmm..." And he pulled her even closer, if at all it was possible.

Nidhi: "We have to stop, we have to go..."

Dr. Ashutosh: "Hmmm... go, go where?" his hands were slowly travelling up her arms..

Nidhi: "Uhh..." After a few seconds, "To the Sangeet..."

Dr. Ashutosh: "Uh... ok. Where?" By now he had forgotten all about the Sangeet. He brought his face closer, his forehead was touching hers. He could see the effect he was having on her. And after a pause, "Can we just stay here and not go?"

Nidhi: Sighing and taking a deep breath, "Nooo...As the elder son-in-law, Anji's Jeejaji and older brother all rolled into one you need to be there."

Dr. Ashutosh: Putting his arms around her neck with his face barely touching hers, "Says who? And from when did I become so many things?"

Nidhi: With a giggle, "When you married me..."

Just when she started giving in to his caresses, the phone shrilled and they sprung apart with a guilty flush on their faces, like two teenagers. It was Nidhi's phone but she had failed to pick up on time. With regret clearly written on her face she had turned to walk away when he had suddenly caught her hand to stop her , and ever so slowly walked upto her, curved his hand around her waist and hugged from the back.

Dr. Ashutosh: "Nidhi, you never asked me about the meeting? Don't you want to know?"

Nidhi: "Yes I do, that is, I did before, but one look at your clear eyes and the smile your face and I got my answer. You won, isn't it, you fought my case and won! Thank you so much for getting me another opportunity. I knew you would not let me down. I love you Dr. Ashutosh. Thank you so much. I will do my best, I promise."

In response she had felt him move closer and a few seconds later, a small peck on her shoulder. Maybe she had also felt some moisture on his cheeks as if he was trying to get a grip on himself, as if her words had moved him and touched a chord deep within, as if some deeper emotion lay hidden and was seeking a chance to come out, but before she had turned around they heard Dr. Ashutosh's phone go off. He had picked it up and quickly turned away, and that moment was lost forever...

Dr. Ashutosh: "Yes, Anji?"

Anji: In a whisper, "Jeejaji. They are about to start and everyone will soon be looking for you and Nidhi. Where are both of you?"

Dr. Ashutosh: "Ok Anji. Don't worry. We'll be there soon, we were just leaving..."

With a deep sigh and a look towards the heavens he had gone to get ready. What followed had turned out to be one of the best evenings of their life, one they would cherish forever. ...

Coming out of these thoughts now realized that was it! Anji's wedding! That was when DB and Dr. Ashutosh got close. They were even seen talking a few times. Now she was certain all those discussions were in some way connected to a baby. And she could even guess what had brought DB to the hospital a month ago. It had to be triggered by Dr. Ranganath and Anji's decision then to try to start a family after only 3 months of marriage. But then why had the old lady not understand that each person faced a different situation and what worked for one may not necessarily work for another. Now for the last month she was left debating, "Was this what Dr. Ashutosh even wanted but had suppressed his wishes for her sake? How can she find out now? Is it too late now?" She wondered if Dr. Ashutosh was completely happy and emotionally secure with his life now. "Had he done all this only to please her? Did he not want her to do this internship? Has she ever asked him what he wanted?" She had only expressed her wish to rejoin the internship but did she ask him if he was alright with it. "Why did she not try to probe deeper into what his desires were?" She had pretty much rail-roaded her decision on to him and he had not objected. But she had been sure that he was completely in-sync with her choice, he had after-all worked so hard on her behalf to restore her internship. She tried to recall those words on the morning of the meeting. "What was that he had said? Something like I do not want to make any more mistakes...What did that mean? Why had she not paid attention to that before today."

She recalled another image where she had been so happy, a month ago, just thinking about the prospect of seeing Dr. Ashutosh in the middle of the day. A coffee or tea, sometimes lunch, a few assists in the OT, or that rare case they worked together, these were the only times she would see him in the course of the day. And how she had cherished each one! A few stolen moments of togetherness made her day shine. And sometimes she had even tried to wriggle these moments by trying to find occasions to visit his cabin. And that day she had found the perfect opportunity when she had to get some signatures from him. With a child-like excitement she had taken off towards his cabin and had almost knocked on his door when she heard DBs voice and stopped. Everything she heard thereafter had managed to rock her world. And here she was thinking of different scenarios on how to start this conversation with Dr. Ashutosh. She suspected it would not be a pleasant conversation, difficult even and one that would expose all their unsolved issues from the past, from the moment they fell in love, and maybe even Dr. Mallika. "Was she willing to risk the peace and security that they had not by opening this can of worms?" And the answer was staring in her face, she may not want to but she had to! This prospect terrified her. Suddenly she felt a strange despair grip her, "Oh! Why did I hear all that?" In this one month she had understood that family to him had been like a shadow, always close but never at hand. As time passed these shadows were becoming bigger. It was she who could make that shadow go away...

Darling...aankhon se aankhen char karne do...' Nidhi turned with a start and a frown. "Where did that come from?" She snapped back to the present to see Dr. Ashutosh smiling with his trademark glint in his eye, but...

TO BE CONTINUED...

Once again Friends, thanks in advance for reading this chapter. As usual your comments, criticisms are most welcome. And please hit the 'LIKE' button, if you enjoyed reading this installment. Thank you. 😃

Originally posted by: ttrocks

Thank you Aartji & am gonna enjoy the update too 😃 Please bring it the way you have planned to continue... Am waiting, patiently 😃