Smitar's: Loving Khushi#4 link to #5 on Pg 1 - Page 68

Smita,😊

Here is the interpretation to Part 17

This update is about scouting, exploring with the goal of finding what the real state is... RECONNOITRE

When Girija Devi looked at Khushi, who was engrossed in making jalebis, her eyes took in that Khushi's eyes were on the bubbling oil in a huge pan and her hands were busy swishing and swirling coils and coils of batter into the oil. Close by, were big baskets of jalebis and vats of sugar syrup. The jalebis were looking inviting and delectable. She enquired with Tiwariji how he found his new help. Tiwariji juggling words and the pan mumbled, that she was hard working, neat, and over and above, quiet and keeps to herself. She speaks out only when necessary. Girija Devi nodded and noticing the dark circles under Khushi's eyes betraying her sleepless nights and the stress she was under told her Tiwari Chacha, not to expect her to stay long. She had already sent word to Nathu Ram who has said, that he would join in a month's time as his wife was recovering now. The testy old man wanted to know, was that the way the wind was blowing? What was the matter? Girija Devi told him that, it would be a sin to keep a wife away from her husband, is it not? Especially when they love each other a lot? Tiwariji with a frown asked her, then what was she doing there, making jalebi for his children? Girija Devi told him that, something was wrong. Somehow things did not fit in properly. It called for subtle probing. She reassured him that she would first find out what that was and then they could solve the problem. Tiwariji, a die-hard brahmachari grunted, an Hhmmppff..., stressing once again his contempt for marriage and lovelorn couples clearly, making Girija Devi chuckle at his expression.

Nandini, who was hovering around the kitchen, received a cold stare from Tiwariji for entering the forbidden area, his domain, his kitchen. Girija Devi asked her, what happened? She told gingerly fearing Tiwariji and his response, that Khushiji had left her cell phone in her room and it had been ringing quite continuously for the past one hour, and had wondered if it was something urgent..., and her voice trailed off knowing very well that phones were prohibited in Tiwariji's kitchen and she was in line of fire from him for her audacity to bring in the phone. Taking the cell phone from Nandini, Girija Devi whispered to her Tiwari Chacha, that she was going to break his rule and her gut feeling was that, they could get some clue out of this. It was right time to search for answers. After handing the phone, Nandini scooted away as fast as she could from the realm of the irascible old man. Tiwariji was scandalized realizing what Girija Devi was up to and asked her for confirmation, whether she was going to eavesdrop on Khushi's telephone conversation? He balked at the prospect of Girija Devi resorting to such a method. Without prying around or listening to the snippets of Khushi's conversation, how else was she going to know what was going on there then? was her quip, followed by the tinkle of laughter, bringing a twinkle in Tiwariji's reluctant eyes. Tiwariji exclaiming, crazy as ever! Worse than the children! moved away to check on the rice that was being cooked. His retort earned a naughty inquiry from her. Is that so? She revealed that, she knew that he dispensed out peanut candy and jalebi to small kids through the small window at the corner, just like he used to give her when she was a child! All it got was a snort of exasperated, Hhmmmpppfff!

Once she got the phone, Girija Devi examined the log directory and found calls from Naniji, Anjaliji, Jiji, Mami, Akash Jiju, Nanheji, Buaji... And lots from Arnavji's missed calls logged in. Her scrutiny made her wonder were they her relatives? If it was then she really had a big family. Then the question was, why was she there having such a big family behind her? After considering the number of names and the missed calls entered there, she thought to know the answers she needed Khushi to call them and called out, Khushi... Khushi looked up to see Girija Devi and reducing the flame stood up. The rotund motherly figure, informed in a soft voice that, Nandini had brought her cell phone as it was ringing continuously for the past hour. It might be something quite important. She suggested, why not go to the store now and call them back and find out what was the reason? As Khushi looked at Tiwariji with anxiety, he left the rice ladle and took over the slotted spoon in front of the jalebi pan giving her the silent permission to call home.

As Khushi went to the store and checked out her calls she paled as she saw the names realizing that Arnavji must have told them the truth. She called home and talked to all of them one after the other. Girija Devi made herself comfortable on a low bench that was placed just outside the store room. She listened to the conversation under the cover of checking accounts from the account book in her hand and turning the pages occasionally while her mind was riveted on the one side of the conversation she could hear. She listened carefully and she heard, Khushi telling her Buaji that she was all right and she had not known how to tell her; with her Amma that she is happy and not to worry about her; with her Babuji, that she was very happy and she had not wanted to stay in Delhi; with Naniji asking her not to apologize as she was very much her elder and she was not angry or upset; with Anjaliji, asking her not to cry and it was not because of her; with her Jiji, she was fine and happy and to take care of Arnavji; with Mamiji that she was not angry with Arnavji and would meet again; with Jiju that she was fine; with Nanheji that she misses all too, making Girija Devi smile. As the first step in her probe, Girija Devi found out from the conversation that, out there back in Delhi there was a large family that loved her and she had come out due to some fall out involving various members.

As Khushi came out of the store room and took charge of the jalebi pan, Girija Devi sat by her on a stool and asked was there an emergency back home. Khushi with her eyes slightly reddened and a smile, tripping slightly over her words said that, they wanted to know that she was safe and sound. Girija Devi enquired craftily, whether she has a big family. Khushi explained that her Amma, Babuji and Buaji, her Jiji and Jiju. Her Nani... she paused and said that is Arnavji's Nani, Di and Mami. He has 2 brothers, Akashji & Nanheji... that is Nandkisore. She calls him Nanheji. Her Jiji was married to Akashji. Khushi gave her the entire family picture succinctly. Girija Devi got quite a good picture of Khushi's family from her gentle exploration and to lighten the mood stated then the two sisters were married to two brothers making Khushi smile. Girija Devi making her rotund figure comfortable on the stool probed further under the cover of striking casual conversation, whether her parents have only two daughters? Khushi answered, yes, and corrected that, her Jiji was not really her Jiji. Her own parents were no more and whom she calls her Amma now is really her aunt. Girija Devi pried further by stating, then, in fact she was an orphan. When Khushi concurred, Girija Devi after reviewing all that Khushi told her, asked her with a smile hovering on her lips as though she was playing with a kid with a logic game, how she can be an orphan when she has so many people who love her.

Girija Devi in her first foray of reconnaissance was able to garner that Khushi hailed from a big family that cared for her and from her conversation with her family that she was under duress that had involved the entire family and she had not even told her parents that she was coming over there. Probing further, Giraja Devi realized that Khushi was indeed an orphan and had lost her moorings somewhere in between. So after a quick inspection of the facts she questioned her how she can be an orphan when she has so many people who love her, gently pointing out that in a family big or small, it is being loved is what that matters. She is lucky to have one such family. Squabbles pass by but the warmth and love always prevails in the end. So with a family behind her how can she consider herself to be all alone? It was a gentle nudge for Khushi to think over.

The Raizadas' and Guptas' were also exploring Khushi's reaction to them and their overtures, knowing very well they too had been guilty at one time or the other along with Arnav. It was this that was making them tread gingerly around her. They were apprehensive that their reprehensible actions were also the cause for Khushi to uproot herself.

That is why it is titled RECONNOITRE.

"Everything and everyone has a place to be. It is just a matter of how they get there and when. You have a place; you just have to find it"

~ Nadege Richards, Burning Bridges

That's it from me. Hope you enjoy it.

Originally posted by: rulama

Smita,😊

Here is the interpretation to Part 15.

This update is about being agitated and various emotions coming to the fore, in a word BEING CHURNED.

When Khushi looked at Nandini, a middle-aged lady dressed simply in a white cotton saree and brown blouse, it was with trepidation. For, it was a new place and she was among strangers. She had wondered what was in store for her. Nandini asked her to come down in ten minutes as it was time for her to get acquainted with the head cook by name Bhavani Shankar Tiwari. Khushi who was already on tenterhooks, felt her heart gallop with fear, and a slight panic arose. She fretted would she be able to manage. Was she capable of doing this work to satisfaction? Nandini was looking a bit uncomfortable and with misgiving she hesitantly told Khushi, that Bhavani Shankarji was quick at losing his temper and asked her not to be scared if he scolds her. Khushi gulped hearing it she hardly dared to breathe. Nandini continued to tell her never to shed tears in front of him for he hates the sight of tears when he scolds people. Khushi got a jolt and felt her limbs lose their strength. She was told by Nandini to follow his words and do whatever he asks her to. If she does not know something she should ask him, for he was known to explain well, but just once. Nandini looked at Khushi sympathetically. Khushi dutifully bobbed her head. From what Nandini explained, Khushi understood that it would bode well to listen properly to whatever he says and toss her other thoughts aside lest she herself gets tossed up and down. She gave Khushi certain tips and they were to wash her face and hands thoroughly, dress in simple cotton clothes, and then come down. And she particularly asked her to remove her footwear before she enters the kitchen. Or he would... Nandini stopped at that without telling the new girl that he had made the last helper runaway without even stopping to collect his luggage! She did not want to scare away the new girl. Giving Khushi a kind smile she said, that she will be there too when she comes down. Khushi feeling her stomach tighten, was unable to say anything and just nodded in response as Nandini left giving her an encouraging smile.

Khushi hitched her sharp breath. She now knew she had to do well and could not give in to the flutters in her stomach. She had to adjust to the ways of Tiwariji and she could not shed tears. She had to put up a brave face and even if scolded, she could not show her distress on her face. She had to be expressionless. Just like her Arnavji... Her mind instantly filled with the thoughts of his past. Even when he was unable to understand the ways of the world, he had to harden himself and face it. He had taken charge of the family and worked hard for its welfare at a very young age. He, through his sweat had made everything that the family had today. First time when he cut a deal, he must have been a bundle of nerves. But knowing that he could not afford failure, as his family had placed its trust as well as its money on him he must have hidden his fear schooling his face deadpan. With her eyes closed, inhaling a deep breath and getting the strength from her thoughts on Arnavji, settling her nerves, she decided that she would be like him, never show her fear, she too would face the world on her own and manage to make a life for herself. With a quick wash of hands and face, she went down.

Bhavani Shankar Tiwari looked at the slip of a girl waiting to meet him. With her hair in a neat plait, her simple clothes and barefoot while entering the kitchen Khushi earned an appreciative nod as he waved her in. Khushi looked at the giant of a man, dressed in a white kurta and dhoti that shone brightly just as his closely-cropped grey hair were, sitting on a stool chewing paan. As she swallowed nervously and walked to stand in front of him, he told her in a firm voice, that three thousand children eat breakfast, lunch, tea, and dinner there. When Khushi indicated that she understood in a low yet clear voice with no trace of fear in it, he continued to say that there were three hundred teachers too and in addition another hundred ladies in janitorial services. He told her that he cooks for them all. He instructed that she was there to help him and asked her to do as she was told, adding, always, with it. Khushi just kept on giving, a yes, to him. He further asked her, to knot her hair into a bun when she enters the kitchen. His lists of do's and don'ts also included a warning that the kitchen should be as neat as the pooja room. He would not tolerate any untidiness. He asked her to put her hair into a bun and go down to help him make the dinner. As Khushi once again agreed to do as he said, he asked her what her name was. Her response, Khushi, received a nod and he said he hoped that she does not become 'dukhi' when she sees the amount of work that needs to be done by her. All through the ordeal, she hardly dared to breathe.

Soon Khushi found herself chopping the vegetables for dinner. She thought, had she been doing it at home, she would have popped a piece of cucumber or carrot in to her mouth and watched Kamlesh Khabri while she did her work. But this was Varanasi, and she was working under Tiwariji. It was important that she focused on the work at hand. Without really seeing him do so, she felt Tiwariji's eagle eyes inspect her work as he passed by. She felt him move away to check on the other fifteen ladies who were chopping vegetables too. She heard Tiwariji bellow out in anger at a woman, was that the way to cut the carrots? How many times had he told her to slice them thin? Was she cooking for some rakshas who can gobble up huge chunks? They were cooking for children. His children! If she cannot do as she was told, she could very well get out of there! The ire directed at some other women for sloppy work had Khushi tremble with fear. She chanted Arnavji's name mentally as she felt a sickening feeling in the pit of her stomach, and reminded herself that he had faced a lot of things and then toughened. That was how he was able to achieve things in his life. Just this thought and knowing that he was always there for her, slowly made the fear ebb out of her and her arm steadied.

It was midnight when Khushi finished her work and after her night prayers, she eased her exhausted body on to her bed. She felt good to stretch after the back breaking first day and knew she will have just six hours of sleep before she had to get up to start the next day's work. Lying on the sheets that her Arnavji had bought for her, looking at the stars Arnavji had hung for her over the bed, her mind wandered to him. She thought that he must be on the way to Delhi, driving in the night and agonized whether he had his dinner and his medicines on time. She took out her phone and called him and at the first ring she heard his husky voice call out, Khushi..., making her tear up. She asked him in a wobbly voice whether he was driving. Becoming anxious, he told her he was and asked how she was doing? Without answering him, she asked, did he have his dinner and did he take his medicines? He answered that he did have both dinner and medicines and repeated his query tinged with urgency, how she was. Khushi sensing that he was worried about her, smiling through tears told him that she was fine and does he know that the kitchen was the domain of Bhavani Shankarji, a terror. As Arnav repeated, a terror, his voice was faint with dread, thinking what he had left her in! She told him that was what she said. With a smile she continued, that Tiwariji shouts at his helpers if they disobey him. His anger strikes fear in the heart and he is much disciplined. Seeing red, after hearing it, Arnav asked her did he scold her. Convulsed with anger that Khushi had to face such a situation, he thought how dare anyone scold Khushi? With a smile she placated him saying, no, he had not scolded her as she was very careful and the thought of getting scolded by Tiwariji does not hold any terrors for her as she was used to being shouted at by him.

Though she laughed out saying so, it made him grimace. As she began to tell that she was going to cut the call, Arnav could not let her do so. He was feeling lonely and the desolation of where his life was heading to, not knowing whether she would come back to him was making him feel butterflies in his stomach. He asked her why she was up so late. His turbulent mind swirled on thought did she have to work such long hours. Just the thought made him go pale. But Khushi cheerfully explained her days work. Once the food was cooked it was served by the waiting staff and the cleaning staff cleaned the utensils. But Tiwariji was particular that only she was to clean the kitchen, that too in accordance with his instructions. After that both Tiwariji and she, had arranged the utensils in their place and had set out the ingredients for breakfast. It was his way to break her into the work under his eagle eyed supervision. She told Arnav, while Tiwariji went to the temple to pray and then retire for the day; she had come up to her's. Her narration of how her day was, made Arnav fight back his tears. He asked her, would she be able to sleep-in that morning, knowing very well that it was not possible to do so. Khushi with a smile told him, that she has to be up at six.

When a thought struck her, her smile dwindled and asked him, could she tell him something? Arnav assured her, that she could say anything she wished. She began saying, that in the beginning, when she had to go down to meet Tiwariji, she was one scared body, extremely scared as Nandiniji had told her that he was very short-tempered. Then... and she paused. Arnav urged her to continue while his heart ached to hear that she had to face such a situation. She confessed that, and then she thought about him. Her words took him by surprise. She continued to say, when he started out very young and alone he must have been scared, really scared out of wits to attend his first meeting and tried to make his first deal. As Arnav agreed with her he had to swallow a lump in his throat recalling the feeling and that he did feel so he would admit it only to Khushi and to no one else. She continued saying that, he must have kept his face cold and deadpan, as he did what had to be done. When he confirmed it to be so, she told him that, he succeeded through his hard work, and today he is able to give his family a secure life. She wants to be like him, capable of facing every difficulty bravely, capable of overcoming every hurdle... Khushi's honest confession moved him and felt his chest tighten. It had a tear escape his eyes, down his cheek. Khushi told him that she needed to sleep now or else she will not be able to get up when the alarm rings. If she was late, Tiwariji would butcher her and it would end up with him just becoming a widower. As Arnav wished her goodnight in a wobbly voice, Khushi said softly, slowly, that it feels so strange to sleep alone... Arnavji... and she slipped in to sleep. Hearing it, the next tear coursed down his cheek, feeling her loneliness, feeling his loneliness, feeling bitter at what his deeds did to an innocent girl, feeling remorse for leading his Khushi make a decision to uproot, away from all the known faces and break her back with work. Though she was resilient, for him there was no respite. He would forever repent for putting her through his hatred drill. Blinded by his love for his Di, blinded by the thought that he had been betrayed, he was unable to see the selfless love of Khushi, he was unable to see the true Khushi and even after she had put her life at stake he had accused her of being the root cause of his Di's trouble knowing very well it was not so. He had taken out his anger on that chit of a girl at every chance and now the very same girl was deriving strength from her thoughts on him, and putting him on a pedestal by trying to emulate his strength. What an irony! For his deeds any amount of repentance was never going to be enough! This was the Arnav Singh Raizada, upset with himself, heading back to Delhi, with repentance in his heart in full swing.

That is why this update is titled as BEING CHURNED.

"The jewel emerged from the water, when the mountain of gold was used to churn it"

~ Sri Guru Granth Sahib

That's it from me. Hope you enjoy it.

Smita,😊

Here is the interpretation to Part 18.

This update is about the quality or state of being true, that which is in accordance with fact or reality. It is about TRUTH.

When Arnav left the dining table leaving behind an untouched plate, all became worried. It was a certainty that Arnav was stewing in his own juice. He was neither able to tell others nor bear it. He had only himself to blame for his predicament. A fact that did not go unnoticed by the rest. Seeing that his Arnav Bhaiyya had not touched a morsel, HP hurried to fetch a glass of milk lest he sleeps on empty stomach. Weary beyond belief, Arnav placed his head on his pillow only to feel that Khushi's jasmine scent emanating from every part of his room. Turning his head, his eyes sought her pillow and he pulled it into his arms trying to get solace from it. He tried hugging it to get some sleep. His mind drifted to what Khushi must be doing then. He looked at the time and realized that she must have finished her work by then and ready to turn in feeling pretty tired. How could he call and disturb her. Though he had given in to her pleadings and let her go, in reality he was missing her extremely. All that he had taken for granted when she was around seem to be mocking at him. He who had thought himself infallible was proven wrong time and again. As he buried his face into the softness of the pillow, a tear ran down and vanished into the pillow showing that the honest truth was he too was dependent and there was nothing wrong in being so if the person who happens to be your life-line is your soul-mate.

When Khushi eased her tired limbs on her bed, it was midnight. She thought Arnavji must be sound asleep. Unable to control herself, she called him. Hearing the ringtone, Arnav grabbed his phone and eagerly said Khushi? The genuineness of his happiness to hear her voice was felt by his girl listening far away. She asked, whether he was fine? He told her he was, and asked what about her? Attempting to smile, she told him that she was, and was getting used to her work now. Naniji, Buaji, Anjaliji, Nanheji, Jiji, Jiju, Mamiji, Amma, and Babuji had called her that day. Arnav reminded of the harshness he had unleashed on her swallowed hard, as she continued that, they had apologized and they think that she had left because of them. All Arnav could say was, hmmm, showing her that he had her attention. Khushi pleaded with him to tell them that, her reasons for leaving were not them. Arnav told her that, she left because all together had made it impossible for her to stay, especially him and that was actually what happened. As Khushi protested, Arnavji...! he asked her, was she happy? It was a simple query, she found very difficult to answer. She could not find words to tell him. For if she told him that she was happy it amounted nothing but resorting to falsehood. She tried to voice out but she could not utter a word as she could not bring herself to do so. Arnav smiled sadly at the silence as he knew, in all trueness she was not at all happy and she was not the one who would resort to false hood.

Khushi tossed and turned in her bed unable to relax. Sleep eluded her though she was dog-tired. She felt her small bed too large for her, her arms empty and she felt cold all alone. She shut her eyes tight hugging herself, imagining that it was Arnavji's arms hugging her and feel the warmth of Arnavji's body behind as he spooned her and the weight of his hard arm lying around her waist, his warm breath teasing her ear... With a whispered Arnavji she was out like a light. The naked truth that she was confronting was, she misses her Arnavji more than anything and anybody else. Though he had given her tough times it was his gentleness whenever it surfaced was overpowering every other thought in her.

NK drove his family to Varanasi at the end of the first week, while Akash was driving the car with Buaji, Payal, Amma and Babuji. They had clearly forbidden Arnav to accompany them to Varanasi as they thought, in principle he deserved it. Girija Devi watched as the large group trudged into her office seeking permission to meet Khushi. Girija Devi watched and listened to the tearful reunion from a room in the next building overlooking the building housing Khushi. All the ladies hugged Khushi and Khushi hugged all of them, smiling through her tears. Girija Devi sighed happy to see the smile break on Khushi's face, a smile that had been missing for one week. Finally, the family went in to check out her quarters. They looked around. She had added four pots of flowering jasmine bushes to her balcony. Khushi explained that the mali had let her have it. She thought she need not disclose the real reason as it was her attempt to keep her Arnavji close by surrounding herself with plants. They nodded but everyone knew what it stood for. The inside track of Khushi missing her Arnavji was visible for all. They did not even mention Arnav in the passing. Finally as they were about to leave, Khushi asked her Jiji, how was Arnavji? Payal frowned while answering, that he was alright. Khushi with her heart drumming with fear asked her, were they very angry with him when he told them the truth? Payal, who was furious with him for having treated her sister despicably, told her bluntly, that he deserved all he got. Hearing her Jiji's harsh words, tears pooled up in her eyes. She went to Naniji and asked her not to be angry with Arnavji. All of it was not his fault. The circumstances, her silence... any one would have misunderstood her... Nani looked with fond eyes at Khushi who had gone pale with the knowledge that her Arnavji had to listen to harsh words from the family. She was glad that Chotey was so lucky to get a wife who loved him in spite of his nasty tongue and cruel ways. She was glad that Chotey's wife was an easily forgiving person for she needed it very much with Chotey and his behavior. Buaji was pleased to see her Titliyaa defending Damaadji and exclaimed so. But Anjali was firm and told her that Chotey was wrong and he has to face the consequence of his action and she was determined that he would do so too. The sternness in Anjali's voice, added verisimilitude to her already beleaguered mind, and a tear trailed down Khushi's cheek. The Raizadas' sighed inwardly. The truth was, come what may, Arnav was embedded in Khushi's heart for her lifetime. Even though he possessed a cold calculated and stubborn nature added with his sternness, it was all super imposed by the positive side of him. He had successfully inveigled into her being and meshed with the very fabric of her life.

Mami who was known to resort to dramatics but give a cut and dry opinion told her mother-in-law that she cannot bear it anymore! Here Khushi is crying like a leaky faucet and there Arnav Bitwaa was on hunger strike! Nani's chiding, Manorama, was of no use. Khushi became aware that Arnav was not taking his food properly making her eyes widen with horror. Mami continued to say that, Arnav Bitwaa loves Khushi and Khushi loves Arnav Bitwaa. Then what was the problem? Anjali's protest, Mami..., too had no impact! Mami defending her nephew, told that it was not like Arnav Bitwaa pretended to be nice and was not so? He was always the same not good! He was always arrogant, always angry. For, if he had stared at a pot of milk it would have curdled and they could make paneer out of it. She was overcome by the unhappiness that was in her Bitwaa's life. For her Arnav, Anjali and Akash were all the same. When one was hurt she too would hurt. So seeing her Arnav Bitwaa suffering from being away from his wife and the cause of that suffering, Khushi too was suffering by being away from her husband she could not find any logic in their suffering altogether! Brushing aside Akash's protest, Maathe!, she gave the plain talk, why was he chanting Maate! Maate!? Truth is always truth. Khushi Bitiyaa fell in love with Shatrughan Sinha, the Shot-gun Sinha. Now what was the use of wishing Shatrughan Sinha to become the lover- boy Rishi Kapoor? Coming out with unvarnished truth, Mami made known to Khushi that her Arnavji however much he says he is fine, was not at all so. Her family deciding enough has been spoken on that topic rushed Mami out of the room. In this melee, they did not see, Girija Devi observing them with a frown.

This was how Girija Devi got a better picture of the state of things between Arnav and Khushi and Khushi came to face with the reality that Arnav will never voice his necessity of having her by his side with the fear of pressurizing her into yet another decision.

That is why it is titled TRUTH.

"The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it"

~ Flannery O'Connor

That's it from me. Hope you enjoy it.