Smitar's: Loving Khushi #3 Part 9(1A,1B) Pg 106 22/8 - Page 27

Fantastic as usual...dearies...

Fab! I really did not know you could answer like this to a very simple question :)

loved the uodate

itz awsome


thnx 4 pm

sorry 4 late reply

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ARSHI DARK WORLD BY SEIRAPOMEROY

MY ARSHI ROMANTIC SS
BECAUSE I REMEMBER(MATURE 18+)

https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/fan-fictions/3670380/because-i-remember-18-thread-2-link-pg-1


my dark ff BROKEN SWEET ANGEL(MATURE 18+)

https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/post/88106551

MY BLOG LINK
https://arshilover41.wordpress.com/

MY OTHER FF,HOT STEAMY,EROTIC FF

FIRE THAT BURNING ME

https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/post/88654468

Lvd it lvd it lvd it
beautifully written
nw wnt to knw wat khushi hap to tel

Smita,😊

Here is the interpretation to Section 3 of Part 7.

This update is an acknowledgement of error or guilt, MEA CULPA.

What is mea culpa?

Mea culpa is a Latin phrase that translates into English as "my mistake", "my fault", or in a more modern slang-tilted tone, it can even mean "my bad".

The origin of the expression is from a prayer of confession of sinfulness used in the Mass of the Roman Catholic Church known as Confiteor.

In the popular vernacular, the expression mea culpa is an admission of having made a mistake by one's own fault, one that could have been avoided if the person had been more diligent. When a person admitted to his mistake, which he could have avoided (at least in theory), and that resulted in a subsequent evil, it may be called mea culpa.

Arnav cupping Khushi's face and making her look at him, heaved a weary sigh when he told her that his father being a weak person, fell prey to a pretty woman and forgot his wife and kids. His mother had taken out her life all because of him and he had killed himself out of his guilt. Di's wedding had got cancelled and they were rendered without a roof on their head. Arnav relived his past, replaying the scenes in his mind. Though his words were simple they had painted his pain and admitted the deep sense of loss he felt. Khushi shut her eyes as tears that had trickled, now flowed down her cheeks like torrential rains. Arnav looking at her wet face told her, that he was determined not to follow his footsteps, for he was his mother's son, not his father's. He was not a weakling like him. He was determined to prove this to himself and the world, to his family that expected him to be like his father. He acknowledged that he had loathed his father so much that he had given up his name, to keep even his shadow at bay, to grow up as different from him as possible and feeling his heart beat for a girl was not in his agenda, it was not a part of his plan for his future. His words made Khushi look down and Arnav cupped her face to make her look at him. In a low tone, he admitted the regret he felt for subjecting her to all the humiliation he had heaped. All the while what he really felt was way too different from what he had doled out to her, and he confessed, that seeing her sitting amidst the circle of diyas, in a red saree, looking like a princess with a soft golden glow, he had lost his heart. His defense, that he had never known that he would feel his heart beat for somebody else other than him, had Khushi draw in a deep trembling breath. He tried to redress, by substantiating his words saying, that his locker was filled with her keepsakes. He still has her pearls from the dress he had ripped off at Sheesh Mahal, as he had found, they had made themselves comfortable in his coat pocket, just the way she had chimed into his heart. Hearing his words, Khushi gaped at him. He continued saying, the piece of dupatta that had stuck to his rear view glass, her broken bangle, her anklet, his blood stained handkerchief used for cleaning the cut on her finger at the temple, all were safe and sound in his locker. All these were the relics he treasured the most.

Arnav, running a gentle finger down her ashen wet cheek told her, that in reparation, he had come to return her anklet to her, once he came to know that it was a treasured piece of her's, her Amma's, that made her feel her Amma's presence with her. She had sprained her ankle and he had set it right. He could not go away from her without giving her the answers, the silent query that her eyes were seeking. She had wanted to know why he was in possession of her payal, and he had wanted to tell her. It was an enchanted evening. He had been drawn to her, like a moth to a flame, He was so caught up in his own feelings that he had never even spared a thought about what he was doing, the implication of his actions, its impact on the future. The innocence in her eyes, the reluctant attraction to him that she could not hide, her response to his touch that was involuntary, all added to the allure. He explained that her eyes were an open book of her emotions and it was as though they were beckoning him.

His words made her relive the Diwali night. Their minds rested upon the thought, as chasing butterflies might rest together on a flower. He confessed, when he was about to kiss her for which he was very much eager to, Aman's call was a dampener but was also a wake-up call. It was a rude awakening for Arnav Singh Raizada! He could not believe that he had lost his self-control. He was incredulous that he had been about to reveal his weakness to the girl who had been undermining his self-control for the past few months. He was filled with disbelief that he had been about to give in to his weakness, just like his father. Arnav Singh Raizada could not let that happen! As an offer of extenuation and explanation to himself, he had decided that she who was able to get under his skin had no place in his life. For that matter, no girl had any place in his life. She had to be shunted out quickly and effectively. But she mattered to him very much, as she was able to reach where no one else had been able to, as her dazzling eyes could make him drown in its liquid brilliancy like a deep ocean where underneath, her trembling emotions would make him forget himself and his past. How could he let that happen! How could ASR forget his past and yield to this attraction for her? What would he be then? A weakling! A clone of his father! That meant he would be everything that he had strived himself not to be! At one fell swoop his efforts of the past decade would come to a naught if he gave in to his attraction for her. His plea was, it meant ASR would come apart at seams and would be in the very centre of all that he abhorred, laid bare. He would be right where he started, without the benefit of his arrogance as his armour, without his ego as his shield. And without these ASR was nothing and would have gone into oblivion. He asked Khushi, what Arnav would have done without the backing of the ASR mask that had become his spine, that held him ramrod straight to face the world? He would have been hurt, tricked, cheated, trampled upon, his heart knifed by betrayal, by loss. He would have been weak, vulnerable and a relatively soft target. In his guilt, he acknowledged, by thinking, it would have opened his chest, opened up his heart and it meant that she could get inside him and mess him up. So the only viable solution was to oust her out of ASR's life, out of RM, out of his mind, his dreams, his heart. That was the only thing that would have helped him to survive and that was what ASR did.

His words, penetrated her like nothing else could. It made her relive the pain. So she did what she was adept at doing. She hid it by averting her eyes from his range of vision as Khushi could not meet his gaze for the black miasma of their despair was coiling around them. Without giving himself any concession, he pushed himself to continue saying, that he tried his level best to pluck her out from his heart and his orbit. She had cried, asking him the questions for which he was unable to give any answers. While she stood steadfastly rooting for their love and fought tooth and nail to keep it alive, he had fought to deny it and squelch it at all possible times and in all possible ways. Arnav acknowledged that she knew, she was perceptive enough to know that they were in the middle of something momentous that was experienced by just a blessed few. Even in her innocence she knew it and loving deeply she had the courage to stand by it, whereas even in ignorance knowing what love was all about, he had to shunt her out to save his sanity, to survive. Arnav gathered Khushi in his arms nestling her against his heart while his arms wound around her.

He told her that, the look she had in her eyes, tear filled with surging pain, betrayal, and browbeaten, as he announced his intention to get betrothed to Lavanya, has been etched in his mind. It was like making her have a real giddy horror of stars and seas, like a man has on the edge of a hopelessly high precipice, throwing her into a a deep abyss that would envelop all around in darkness, He admitted that her vulnerable look, had him writhing and scorched him intensely like a steady flame. He will never forget it till his last breath. He had hurt her immensely and each of her tear was like a drop of molten lead, burning a passage to his heart with its downpour. So saying, he uttered his heartfelt apology, saying that he was extremely sorry. But Khushi was silent, as silent as a flame that fails. She had her wet face against his and had looped her arms around his neck. Keeping on his narration, Arnav conceeded, that was not the worst. Worst was yet to come. That night regaining her composure she had smiled, had wished, distributed sweets and had a smile on her face as she congratulated him in the car. All these had struck a raw nerve, though he had portrayed as though he could not give a hoot. He was all worked up, so much so, that in a fit of pique, he had uttered the cruel words that night at her doorstep. He regretted going off the deep end very much. He had not wanted her to return to RM. He explained that the words were infact a warning to him, reminding him of how uncharacteristic his actions were, how susceptible he was to her. Arnav said, the problem was never her. It was always him and only him.

Khushi moving away from his embrace and rested her back against the pillows. Brushing her tears aside with her fingers, she looked at him. He admitted to her, that if on Diwali night he had hurt her he had hurt himself much more. He had not been able to put her out of his mind, thinking of her, worrying about her throughout the day and night. It was like a bee in the bonnet. Everytime anyone uttered her name, it was like a red flag to a bull and he would go ballistic. And watching her leave after Di and the others bid farewell to her, he had an inkling of what he was losing. She returned the mannat ki chabi to him, and he followed her to the temple to bandage her finger. When he saw the guarded look in her eyes as she saw him, he almost died, as though he was knifed and it was being slowly twisted inside him! It hurt badly as she was trying to push him away, push him out of her heart just as he did, so that she could survive. His admission and perception made her throat constrict.

Arnav knowing his words were essential to clear the air, eventhough it was causing both immense pain, eventhough she looked at him with hurtful eyes, he persisted and said, that when she stopped him from tending to her wound, he could not bear it. How could she stop him from touching her, when he had been touching her whenever he wanted, where ever he wanted, for months? When she was his and only his? He admitted that everything that he had said that day in the temple, about making his own destiny, about writing his own fate were meant to remind him of his past, how far he had come from being a helpless teenager, unable to stop his mother from killing herself, or his father from following her to the pyre. He caught Khushi's hand and pressed her fingers gently, looking at the finger that he had bandaged.

When she had pulled her hand away as he tried to make her wear the ring, saying that it was her engagement ring, a part of him had died. At that moment, getting wise after the event, he realized eventhough he had been trying to push her away from him by hiding behind Lavanya who was a friend and never a threat to his heart, she had put herself out of his life, his reach, his orbit just as he had shown he wanted to happen and had let someone else in to her life. Though it was justified, the folly of his action hit him so hard that he realized what a blunder, a blunder of Himalayan proportion it was! When she queried, why it meant so much to him, he could not find the words. He had stopped at farak padta he kyunki... why it made a difference, because he himself did not know farak kyon pad raha tha... why it was making a difference. He just knew that it mattered more to him than his very own life. His voice was slowly getting low and tired.

As Arnav leaned against Khushi, lying against her, burrowing his face in her chest, his arms collected her close, taking and giving succour. Khushi too wound her arms around him, slowly pulling him more firmly in to her hold. As he whispered against her, his weary breath caused the dupatta to flutter gently. He continued to tell that from then on, it was an uphill task. Trying to get back his girl, the girl he had lost through his sheer stupidity, was no mean task. While Lavanya was shopping for her trousseau and discussing cruises for honeymoon and his family who were as pleased as punch had been turning every moment in to a high drama, he said, he could not even think straight. He had wanted her to admit, as him being the one who mattered to her and not her fianc. He wanted her to toss out the ring and return in to his arms. He wanted her to come back to him but he was not sure what he would do if she came back to him! His mind had blocked out from thinking over this. All he knew was, he wanted her back with him. He was abusive, cutting, scathing, hurtful in his pain. As though it was a vindication, he had lashed out at her for getting engaged after he himself had shoved her into another man's arms. So saying, feeling distraught, he snuggled in to her softness, weary beyond words.

He sought her forgiveness and said that an unforeseen case of heebie jeebies hit him as she went missing after crying on his shoulder. He was like a cat on hot bricks. Panicking, he had called her several times before the call was received. With the storm that was brewing inside him gathering forces with every passing second, having been driven up the wall by her unanswered calls, he gave vent to his spleens when she picked her phone. Giving her a tongue lashing was what he could only do, as he was at his tethers end unable to do anything, feeling helpless and above all it was his own doing that had bound him in shackles! He explained that the ripple effect of his behavior might have been Lavanya sensing that he had loved Khushi and not her and led to not get engaged. Leading on Lavanya, having her float on cloud nine with his impromptu announcement of getting engaged and then, leaving her with a heartache of knowing she was not the one he loved, was the price he had made Lavanya pay for falling for him and the price he had to pay of hurting a good friend, by withdrawing after showing her the carrots, was feeling like a cad for hurting her. Though he had felt that he hurt Lavanya immensely, the relief he felt overweighed the prick on his conscience! He justified his action saying it was a relief that he was not committed to a person he did not want to be committed to, relief that he had pulled back from the brink of a mistake that would have made every one unhappy in the long run. As he narrated sleep, slurred his words.

Khushi sat silent, holding him safe in her arms, as he burrowed further in to her warmth. He recalled that as he opened the door, she was there, all dressed up for her Jiji and Akash, and also for his and Lavanya's engagement. She was looking all set to dance the night away sporting a bright smile on her face. Seeing her standing there, holding a gift in her hand, for him and Lavanya, it had pierced his heart and brought him down to his knees, at the total lack of malice or even an iota of self-pity in her eyes. She was genuinely happy that Lavanya was getting what she wanted and he was getting what he had said he wanted. Khushi swallowed through a dry throat, reliving the painful times. Though it was painful he stuck on course and said, she had danced at what she had thought was his sagai, with her smile intact all the while. How could she, was his poser at her enigmatic behavior. Lifting his eyes to peer in to hers, his head still resting against her bosom he said, he just could not fathom how she could do so. Khushi shut her eyes hit by the waves of pain that engulfed her and leaned back against her pillow. Arnav, seeking her warmth nuzzled his face against her once again. He kept on pouring his thoughts saying, she had chided him for breaking Lavanya's heart, and inadvertently let him know that her sagai was broken. The relief had rushed over in palpable waves. Reliving the moment and drowning himself in the misery, confessing his faults, his words were slurring with sleep as well as remorse, when he said, Khushi, I can't tell you... Khushi... I am so sorry... so sorry... so sorry... lo siento muchos, I am very sorry. It was a penitent voice that was acknowledging the guilt and seeking her forgiveness. His voice died away as he was lulled into a few hours of kip, from the relief and the sense of feeling of being at home in the warmth of her arms.

As Arnav Singh Raizada admitted to his mistake, which he could have avoided, the one that resulted in a subsequent evil, a ripple effect of his deeds, it may be called mea culpa.

"Each memory rips through me, and although I stow myself against the emotions, I can't prevent the pain that accompanies each image. Pain for a love never acknowledged, pain for a friendship now gone. Pain for a loss I can't possibly endure"

~ Christine Fonseca, Mea Culpa

That is why it is titled MEA CULPA, the guilt acknowledgement.

That's it from me. Hope you enjoy it.

Mine... BTW updated post on page 33...

Loved d update

next updatewa ane ki tayyari maine?????????😲