Khushi quietly boarded the bus for Delhi, & finding their seats by the seat numbers; she sat down by the window seat & rested her head against the window. Everything had been kinda hazy for her till she had left Arnav in that room by himself. She had entered through the main door to find Rohan already waiting for her in the main hall of Sheeshmahal. She had wordlessly picked up her bag, & had walked out of the house slowly. When several long minutes later, Rohan had come out alone, her silence had been broken by her astonishment as she had worriedly asked, "Bhaabi..?" Rohan had immediately reassured her in a calm voice, "Don't worry. We've talked. She needs to be here. I'll come back for her, when she's ready to go." & that had been it. They hadn't talked again for the whole way to the bus station. Rohan hadn't even taken the car that had been waiting for them at the gate as per Anjali's instructions to take them anywhere they wanted to go. But that hadn't been a problem really, as Rohan really knew his way around Lucknow, having been accompanying their Babuji for years to come down here to oversee their sweetshop's operation 5-6times a year. & Khushi hadn't minded the silence. Not really. She had needed to clear her head too.
Khushi suddenly came out of her thoughts, as she felt Rohan come & flop down into the seat next to her. She looked over at him, wanting to ask where had he been, but somehow found words weren't as forthcoming between them as they always had been. So she just turned .her head & dejectedly looked out of the window again. But Rohan had read the question in her eyes, & after a little hesitation, he stretched out his right hand under Khushi's nose, & to her utter amazement, Khushi instantly smelled home! Jalebis!!! As she took the paper package of Jalebis in her hand & looked over at Rohan incredulously, Rohan said gently with a shrug, "I figured you'd need them after all you had just had to hear in there." Khushi looked at him for a few seconds, unable to even blink, & then she leaned & pressed her face in his shoulder, lost for words, lost for fight. She felt Rohan's right hand come up & cup her cheek gently, but neither of them said anything, just playing over the happenings of the morning in their heads in silence, until Khushi felt compelled to break the silence.
She slowly raised her head, & turned her head towards the window. Then she slowly started speaking, "He.. said he was sorry, Bhaiya.. that he didn't mean any of it! & he doesn't li-" But Rohan finished her line for her, "Lie! I know.. he never lies." There was a sadness buried in Rohan's voice. Then suddenly he asked in an urgent voice, "Bachchi! I just have to know! What were you thinking?? I mean, Arnav is- Hell, I don't even have to tell you! You were the one who could count his flaws off to a thousand & then some more! & I hate to point this out, but some of them were actually true!" Khushi nodded her head in agreement, & then said with a rueful smile, "At first I thought a lot! All the pros- they were non-existent almost!- & all the cons- there were plenty.. & then one day Babuji said something to me, that sometimes we choose the people we love & let into our lives.. & I was already in so much lov-" Khushi suddenly faltered, cause even after all of that has happened, it wasn't easy confessing about your love to your brother when only the two of them were present, so she continued carefully avoiding the 'L' word, "I decided to give him.. us.. a chance. & he rose so greatly to the occasion! He was everything you used to tell us he was for all those years! He was all that & more! Arnav!.. not ASR! & he.. I know it, he would've never hurt me or let anyone else do so! & he's so caring of the people around him.. those he loves! & he never lies! Yes, he does rant when he's very angry, but he could die for the people he loved &-"
Rohan suddenly stopped her abruptly in the middle of what felt like a never-ending Arnav-testimonial, "If he's all that, then why did you leave him today? How come I didn't have to drag you away from there like some villainous ogre?" Khushi gasped at the question. She had never expected Rohan to ask her that question. She had thought he would be extremely happy & relieved that she had left & leave it at that. She again looked away from Rohan to hide her face, but Rohan was too quick for that, he captured her chin in his palm, & turned her face towards him. Looking up at his unwavering gaze, Khushi gave in, & said hesitantly, "We met that night on the farmhouse, after he had that fight with Rohan.. he said, he had gone to a dark place when Karan had said something bad about me. He said, he had lost all control & if it wasn't for Amanji, he didn't know what would've happened! & even before that, once when I had said something self-derogatory in front of him, & he got so angry with me..!" Khushi still shuddered to think of the night of the engagement of her siblings, & how she had thought Arnav was gonna charge into her & drive them both off the roof of Nikunja, when she had called herself a woman who took favors in exchange of her affections.
Khushi came back to present when she felt Rohan take her hands into his to keep them from shaking uncontrollably, & she said in a distant voice, "I saw that dark rage in his eyes today, when he was yelling at you! I don't know what you said to him, but I do know it had something to do with me! & I know he didn't mean any of the things he was saying, because.. It wasn't him! It's like some darkness had taken over him! & I bring forth that darkness to him! & I don't wanna do that to him! My father killed my own mother out of a similar jealous, possessive rage! & I know Arnavji would never hurt me.. Ever! But I fear that he's going to hurt himself, or someone close to him! I wanted to bring him out of the dark abyss of despair his parents' death had dump him into by being a guiding star for him, Bhaiya..!" & as unchecked tears fell down from her eyes, Khushi leaned & hid her face into Rohan's chest, & said tiredly, "But I had forgotten that when a star dies, it becomes a black hole. & I don't want to be the black hole that swallows him up totally in its darkness."
~~~~~~~~~
Khushi came out of the shower & was about to go out of the room to see if the storm that had unleashed itself on Rohan & herself in the form her Amma & Buaji had subsided or not, but stopped just outside her door, when she heard sounds of loud voices from the hall downstairs. She came back inside her room, closing the door behind her. She had heard Arnav's Mamiji's voice, & could presume safely that Naniji was there with her too, & she could easily guess why they were here so suddenly. They must have had the same questions as Amma & Buaji. Why were Rohan & Anjali on separate cities on their honeymoon? Did they have a fight, & was it so severe that Rohan left Lucknow without his very newly-wedded wife? & what could they as elders do to help their situation? Khushi had immediately wanted to give them a brief version of what had happened at Lucknow, tell them it was all her fault, & get it over with once & for all, but Rohan had stopped her.
Rohan had calmly told Garima & Madhumati that he needed to be back for some urgency that had cropped up in the bank. Anjali couldn't really leave Arnav alone at Sheeshmahal after he had gone there for the first time in so many years, & now that Arnav was there, Anjali had really wanted to spend some time in their childhood home. Garima & Madhumati had reluctantly believed this half truth as Rohan had never really resorted to lying or deception, though Garima had grumblingly mumbled that, why did Arnav have to crash in on his sister's honeymoon. But Shashi had calmly shut any further arguments up by pointing out that, Rohan was first one who had taken his sister along with him on his honeymoon, & as far as Arnav was concerned, he had every right to be there in his own ancestral home. But, Khushi guessed now the Raizada elder brigade was here to grill Rohan on the same matter some more.
Feeling extremely guilty, Khushi went & started unpacking the bag she had taken to Lucknow. The moment she opened the bag, her brows frowned in irritation. The red dress she had worn for travelling yesterday, her worn nightdress, her used & damp towel, a pair of sleepers & her toiletries' bag were all haphazardly & carelessly dumped over one another. Nothing was even folded, Khushi irritatedly started pulling everything out while thinking Anjali should have just refused Rohan when he had asked her to pack up Khushi's bag, but suddenly she stilled in her actions as her eyes fell on something. A small folded piece of paper sitting atop her neatly folded, untouched clothes. Khushi was sure it wasn't hers to begin with & she hadn't put it there sometime later either. Khushi picked it up, her brows furrowed, & opening it, started to read as she saw the name signed underneath was Anjali's. It read:
Chhote was really our Mama's little boy. Maybe that's why even while he was very little; Mama had left a letter addressed to her Chhote's wife with Nani. I had read it so many times, to myself, & to Nani & Chhote occassionally, to try to feel that Mama was here, you know? So, I have basically memorized it. Mama said to her bahu, 'Humare Chhote ke naak pe bohot saara gussa hain.. Aur dilme bohot saara pyaar. Gussa seh lena, aur payaar sood saamet wapas karna..'
This has always helped me see Chhote in a redeeming light when he was being as insufferable as he was today. I know I am his Di & it's easy for me to forgive him, but.. today I saw something in your eyes, Khushi. It was as if you saw him behind his veil of anger & rage. You saw Chhote for who he really was. Like Mama did.. Like I do. & when I ask you this, I speak only as a very selfish Di, please don't give up on my Chhote yet?..
~~~~~
When Samiya entered Khushi's room, she found the latter holding up a folded note to her nose & weeping earnestly. Samiya immediately went to Khushi & clutched her shoulders to try to soothe her a little. Khushi looked up startled & asked, surprised, through her tears, "Sami- Wh- What are you doing here?" Samiya brushed some of the tears away & explained absently, "I had lunch with NK.. When we came back to Shantivan, everyone there was quite worked up regarding Di & Rohan jiju. When Manorama Aunty & Naniji were coming here, they let me come too when I said I wanted to meet you.. & finding you like this proves what I dreaded from the moment I heard Arnie was in Lucknow! The cat is outta the bag, isn't it? Rohan jiju came to know about Arnie & you, & then Arnie & he fought, which made Di & Jiju fight.. So he left her-" She went on so fast in her rambling story that it helped Khushi kinda get a grip on herself, as she hastily spoke up, "Samiya! It wasn't like that! Not exactly.. It was Arnavji & me.." & then she went & narrated the whole episode to Samiya, because she already knew about Arnav & herself, & Khushi just couldn't keep it all in anymore. It was suffocating her from inside.
After listening to everything, including Arnav's angry rant & why Khushi had decided to leave him, Samiya flopped down on the bed with a dumbfounded expression on her face, & said in a hollow voice, "How did things go from being so good to this bad?! How did you guys end up like that?!! I mean, I saw you guys with each other!! You were so happy with each other.. & seeing Arnie so in love was like.. It was like a dream, Khushi!" Khushi looked longingly at the note held in her hand for several long seconds, & then she closed her eyes to shut all the pain out for the day. & as a couple of streaks of tears came out of her eyes, & fell down her cheeks, she said vaguely, "Saapno ke duniyaan mein rehna hi achchha hain, Samiya.. Kyunki asli zindaagi mein sirf dil toot te hain..(It's better to live inside dreams, Samiya.. Cause in real life, you only get heartbreak..)"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The next morning, Khushi was sitting dejectedly on the roof of Nikunja, on the same bench that she had sat on when Arnav had tied the bandage on her ring finger that engagement night that now seemed almost from another life. She didn't have classes yet. So, after Rohan had left for the bank & Babuji had retired to his room to write something he was working on, Khushi had went in the kitchen to help Garima & Madhumati, but had come out running after 5minutes. All they were speculating about was the probable things that could have gone wrong between Rohan & Anjali, because they weren't as stupid as Rohan & Anjali thought them to be, & they were sure something had to be up for Rohan t leave Anjali back in Lucknow just 2 days after their wedding. Khushi had felt like screaming out to them that it was all her fault, & Arnav's, & at the last moment had run out of their sight, feeling extremely cornered. She thought of calling La up & accepting the invitation for lunch she had issued last night after she had known Khushi was back in Chanakyapuri, which Khushi had refused right away, not feeling up to going out. But now, she felt more caged at home.
She was about to call La, when her phone buzzed, & seeing that she didn't even recognize the area code, let alone the number of the caller, Khushi received the call with frowning brows. As she said 'Hello', silence met her for a couple of seconds, & then that voice, the voice that she would recognize anywhere, the only voice that made her blush as if she had heard a most indecent sound, the voice that also soothed her as if it was the most sacred hum in the world, spoke in its gentlest tone, "Tum theek ho?" & Khushi was sure she was finally, actually going out of her mind, because her first reaction was that, she wanted to hold onto the phone & just weep with sheer relief. Sure, she had carefully pushed that thought to the back of her mind because it just wasn't good for her peace of mind, but the question had constantly been nagging her, how was Arnavji after she had said so many cruel things to him & left him like that even after he asked her not to? But then, promptly she remembered, why she had said all those things, & the sight of Rohan's bloody face & Arnav looking at her for a fraction of a second after she had shoved him back as if he didn't even recognize her, & then she finally reminded herself, what had made her decide to leave him.
She had been silent for so long, that she came to with a start, when she heard him whispering her name softly again. Her name, not Red. Khushi let the tears flow, & giving a loud cough as if to clear her throat, she said meanly, summoning all of her self-restraint, "Only you can dare to ask me that! After maligning my family, declaring me an orphan, & making my brother bleed, only you would have the gall to call me up, & ask me, 'Tum theek ho?' Toh sunn lijeeye, hum theek hain! Aapke wajah se nahi.. Aapke bawajood bhi hum theek hain! (Then listen up, I am fine! Not because of you, but instead of you, I am fine!)& now if you've exhausted your daily quota of social pleasantries, I'll keep the phone! Namaste!" & immediately cutting the call, Khushi threw the phone beside her on the bench. She realized, people were right when they said, offense was the best defense. It seemed to Khushi that, it worked quite well against tears & heartbreak too.
~~~
Anjali was offering her last prayers to her Devi Maiyya in the small makeshift Mandir of Sheeshmahal, & reminiscing of how there used to be a huge Mandir in the downstairs hall, where she & her mother had so many great memories, when her cyclone walked in in a tempestuous mood, & immediately ordered her, "Di, pack up. I have asked Aman to send the chopper in. We're going back to Delhi. As soon as the chopper comes!" Anjali looked shocked for a second & then she went to a full-on panic mode, "Chhote, is Rohan OK? Did something-" Arnav made a 'tch'ing sound, annoyed at himself for making his sister panic like that, & said more calmly than before, "Rohan's fine, I guess." Anjali immediately asked, frowning, "Then what-?" Arnav decided, if he had to tell Anjali to get her to move, then so be it, so he said tersely, "She cut my call! & I have to talk to her! & besides, I have specifically asked her to not talk to me like that, & not cut my calls &-" Anjali put up both her hands to stop him mid-tirade, & asked tentatively, "Her means.. Khushi?" This time Arnav couldn't keep his irritation in & just snapped, "Who else is crazy enough, Di? Keep up!" & Anjali couldn't keep her mirth any longer too, & started laughing, & said in between laughs, "So we have to hop into a chopper, so you can go & punish her for cutting ASR's call, is that it?"
Arnav threw her an annoyed glance, & started to walk away, but stopped when he felt his sister was still laughing standing on the same spot, & said curtly, "Di, stop giggling, & get ready!" Anjali momentarily sobered up, & looking mock-seriously at him, said innocently, "Yes, boss!" & then she gave in to her giggles again. Arnav shook his head disbelievingly at his otherwise very sensible Di, & started walking away while wondering, was it something to do with the Guptas, that each Gupta women seemed to have a few of their brain screws lost, the latest addition to that being his own sister?
Ganesh Kartikeya
CID
Anupamaa
61