||~Something About You~||#11 *COMPLETED* - Page 23

Words. We have already once discussed the importance of words in our lives. But as we had talked about the healing powers of the loving words, did we consider the killing effect of the cruel ones? Did we consider how words could be as cutting as a curving knife; cutting a living, breathing heart into a bleeding mass of two parts? Did we realize words were sometimes more detrimental than actions? Did we warn ourselves that although some actions could be undone, words could never be erased? Did we agree on the fact that, words could kill? Because they did. & by the means of mere words, one very promising looking morning, Khushi Kumari Gupta was killed by Arnav Singh Raizada by the use of mere words. & let there be no confusion about this, but she wounded him equally fatally. Her weapon? Words.

To Arnav's credit, he had regretted the words the moment he had heard them himself. He felt horrible. The worst day of his life had been the day he had lost his parent's in this house, the day he became an orphan. & in his right mind, he had never ever thought that someday, in his anger, he would use that word as an insult. That too against Khushi! His Khushi! He had seen how tiny, & hopeless, she had looked that night he had found her on Nikunja's roof, after she had come to know of her parents, & he had sworn to himself that day itself, that he would never let anyone or anything make her feel that way again. & today, he himself..! Suddenly a frightening thought struck Arnav. Today, if his Ma could have seen him, he was sure, he would make her bow her head down in shame! To have Khushi all to himself, he had tried to alienate her from the family that was everything for her! & Arnav hadn't thought he could feel more disgraceful for that day.. Until he had seen Khushi in front him, & known that she had heard everything. & then he had been left totally aghast by the words that left her, sweet, pretty lips.

& it was those bitter words that broke Arnav's shocked frozen state, as he shook his head like a dazed person & said the first thing that came to his mind, "Khush- I didn't mean that- I-" But before he could complete his words, Rohan's surprisingly steady voice rang out, & it was clear he was speaking to his sister, "We'll be leaving for home in 15minutes. Anjali will pack your bags. Meet me at the front door." & then without waiting for anyone to say something in reply, he headed for the door leading to the main house, with a distressed Anjali limping to follow him in a hurry.

Arnav was looking at the door, when his eyes caught a movement, & turning his head, he saw Khushi starting for the door too. Arnav's hand shot out like a whip as he caught her right wrist, & holding her in place, he asked incredulously, "& you're following him? Leaving things like this.. in such a mess? You don't wanna talk about what you just said to me?! What you heard me saying?" At the mention of this, he had the grace to look utterly reprehensible as Arnav started in a low voice, "Khushi, I wasn't thinking.. At all! & I regret it. I really, really do-" But he stopped short as suddenly Khushi gave a jerk of her hand to free herself, but couldn't as Arnav's hold was vice-like. Unable to free herself, Khushi finally looked at his eyes reproachfully, & then as if despite herself said bitterly, "Do you? Feel Regretful, that is? Because I didn't hear you say sorry to Bhaiya or anyone! Isn't that what regretful people do? Oh, but wait!! You're ASR, aren't you? Aur hum toh bhool hi gaye the, ki Arnav Singh Raizada kabhi kissi se maafi nahi maangte!(& I had totally forgotten, that Arnav Singh Raizada never apologizes to anyone!)"

Arnav pursed his lips as if restraining himself from being provoked into saying something, but then it seemed liked his resolution broke, & he asked in a desperate manner, "See, I told you? It's this house, Khushi! It has cursed me long ago, & it takes everything away from me.. I haven't been under its roof even for an hour, & you're trying to go away from me. It has defeated me once again.." He stopped as he suddenly Khushi gave another violent jerk of her hand, & Arnav promptly let go her hand in fear of hurting her, & he almost gave a start when Khushi said in a very loud & booming voice, "Aap haarte bohot bura hain Mr Raizada, kyunki harne ke baad bhi aap yeh nahi mante, ki ghalti aapki thi!!!!(You're a very sore loser, Mr Raizada. Because, even after you've lost, you don't accept that, it was all your fault!!!!) It's not the house! It's not driving me away from you. You yourself are! You are driving me away from yourself. No house could've ever done that."

Arnav looked on at her angry, yet at the same time incredibly sad face incredulously for a few moments, & then he gave a quick shake of his head, his anger returning again, & finally matching up to hers, "Sure.. I am driving you away, right? & you??! What about you, huh? Tum yeh sabb hone dogi, humare rishte ko aise hi khatam ho jaane dogi??! Itna easy hain tumhare liye??!(You'll let it happen, let our relationship end like this??! Is it that easy for you??!)" This time he saw Khushi almost let out a hiss in her anger as she opened her fisted hands & clasped at her sides as if trying not to let her hands get the better of her & she furiously rasped, "Why won't it be easy for me?? Why would everything have to be easy for you only? Why do you get to announce me an orphan, make my brother bleed, & still get to question me leaving you, whereas I can't even criticize your sister's cooking without you chasing me down, I can't even talk about your parents without you almost chewing my head off??.. Arnavji, people often build walls around their hearts to protect their feelings, but you not only built walls, you went ahead & painted them all black!! I spent days loving, caring, breaking them away! Today is about as easy as that was!"

Arnav knew when an argument was getting out of his hands, & as always, even today he hated it, so he put his hands up to stop her, & said in a tight voice, "Ok, sure! Kuchh discuss nahin karte hain! Sab kuchh yunhi khatam ho jaane dete hain!(Ok, sure! Let's discuss nothing! Let's just let everything end like this!)" & as soon as he finished, Khushi raised her head, & the thick teardrops clinging to her lower lashes almost knocked Arnav over, & he again forgot his anger as concern etched every line of his feature, but as he raised his hand to brush the drops away before they fell over her creamy cheeks, he realized he couldn't, because she had already started stepping away, "There's nothing to discuss! I was so eager to love you.. to be loved by you, that I made myself forget who you were, & how this was always destined to end. But somewhere in the back of my mind, I always knew, jaise hi hum bhoolne lagenge, hume yaad dilaane ke liye aap hume takleef pauhchaayenge, dard denge, humara dil todenge. Regretfully, my stupid heart didn't pay heed.(But somewhere in the back of my mind, I always knew, as soon as I'd start to forget, to remind me you'd hurt me, break my heart.)"

Arnav was left so stunned by these last words of her, that when Khushi slowly started to walk towards the door, he didn't even move an inch. After a couple of steps, she suddenly noticed few drops of blood in the floor, & Khushi mind flew to the second she had seen Rohan standing in this room, staring, horrified, at their closeness. But there had been an underlying sadness in his feature too, the same sadness she had heard in his voice when he talked about leaving for home. & Khushi recognized that sadness too, because she had been feeling something akin to that too. It was sadness stemming from the loss of a very dear friend.. forever. & if Arnav's words about her family had hurt her severely, she knew they had hurt Rohan just as badly. & how distressed Anjali had looked when she had seen Rohan bleed.. & it were these thoughts that made Khushi stop for a bit, as she turned around & said almost forlornly, "Apke aas-paas ke log aapse kitna pyaar karte hain, aapko bilkul bhi andaaza nahi hain? Aap jaante bhi hain ki aapke inn karwe bolon se unke dil pe kya beet ti hain?!(Don't you even have an inkling of how much people around you love you? Do you even know how these acid words of yours affect their hearts?)" But then before Arnav could say anything, she said with a sad sigh, "But if you did, then we wouldn't be having this conversation today, would we?.. I'll pray to Devi Maiyya that she-"

& suddenly it seemed to Arnav that the whole world was just mocking him. There he was, losing everything he loved all over again, & both times, no deity had performed any kind of divine intervention that he could see to hinge his world out of destruction. So, he couldn't help but feel extremely angry at the mention of Khushi's favorite deity right at that moment. So he snapped before she could finish her sentence, "Don't! Main tumhaare Devi Maiyya ko nahi manta!(I don't believe in your Devi Maiyya!)" & for Khushi, who had always known Arnav was an atheist, it never angered her as much as it did today, so she shouted, "Haan! Hum toh bhool hi gaye the, ki ASR khud ko hi bhagwan maante hain!(Yeah! I had forgotten that, ASR considers himself God!)" Arnav promptly agreed with gritted teeth, "Haan! Apni kismat khud likhta hoon.. Jo marzi ho wahi karta hoon.. Aur tum chaho bhi toh khudko mujhse alag nahi kar sakti, samjhi tum?(Yes! I write my own destiny.. Do whatever I wish to do.. & you won't be able to separate yourself from me even if you try, understand?)

Khushi yelled out of her exasperation with him, "Nahi understand! You can't make me-" & suddenly, just like that, Khushi got tired. It was like bickering with a child, or a stone wall. She let out a heavy sigh, & said while turning away, "One day you'll realize.. This.. Our coming together & breaking-up like this?.. was all pre-written on the stars.. & maybe that day, you'll have your faith back.. Faith on a power far beyond us! Par afsos ki baat hain, jab apko yeh ehsaas hoga, tabb yeh dekhne ke liye hum waha nahi honge..(But regretfully, when you'll realize this, I won't be there to witness that.)" & with that, she ran & opening the door, got out of it, & out of Arnav's sight.. & his life.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Arnav didn't know how long he had been sitting inside the garden shed of Sheeshmahal, when Anjali came to join him. He didn't even know why he came there.. hadn't even realized where he was until he had stepped under the shed. & after he had seen where he was, he had been too tired to move,& had just slumped down on one of the cane chairs left on one corner of the shed. But he realized why he had come there the moment Anjali spoke, "Ma & you used to spend so much time in here.. especially during the summer vacations, remember Chhote?" Arnav nodded immediately, he did. & before he did, his subconscious had, & that's why it had led him there. After a few moments hesitation, he asked quietly, "She- They.. have left?" Anjali nodded curtly, & Arnav immediately turned fully towards her, something else striking him, "Then why are you here?.. Did you & Rohan-?" Anjali promptly shook her head & started in a calm, but hurried tone, "Rohan & I are fine, Chhote! Just because he & I are at two different places, & our siblings had, jointly, landed themselves into deep shit, doesn't mean there's something wrong, or that we have separated! That's one of the many advantages of marriage, you know!" Arnav heard the pointed note in her voice, & knew before he had left Rohan had told Anjali at least some part of their conversation-slash-confrontation. & then he heard Anjali say with a rueful sigh, "Sure, this isn't ideal! Being away from your husband on your honeymoon, but.. Chhote, I couldn't leave you alone in this town, in this house! I have gotten married, but I am still your Di, & you're still my Chhote!" Arnav lowered his head quickly so that Anjali won't see the moisture forming in his eyes, & Anjali ruffled the hair on top of his head taking advanteage of his bowed head, before she asked very gently, "Chhote? Khushi is the Khushi.. Your Khushi!.. that you said you've found for yourself while at my Bidaai, isn't she?"

Arnav looked up at Anjali at that, & then looked away after nodding his head briefly. & Anjali asked in an incredulous voice, "Then why did you said to Rohan that you still believe all that.. that marriages are foul.. when he asked you about it?!" & when Anjali, the person he had cared for the most for the longest itme in his life, asked him the question, Arnav just couldn't keep his silence as he almost choked out, "I have cheating in my DNA, Di! I would hurt her.. More than she'll get hurt now! I'll humiliate her in front of her family & the whole society!.. & she's a very delicate little soul.. like Ma was! She won't be able to stand it.. Like Ma couldn't, &-"

Anjali promptly put a hand over Arnav's mouth to stop him, before he could torture himself any further, & said in a voice pleading for understanding, "Chhote, cheating doesn't come from DNAs. Characteristics do. Like you're angry, headstrong, & to a certain extent, very attached to your family, like Papa was. & he was, Chhote. He was a good father to you & me.. Dadi's favorite son.. & even after he cheated on Ma, he couldn't take it when she.. So he followed her. & you have those good qualities in you too! But cheating is not a quality, Chhote, it's an action. & like every action, it involves a choice on your part. While Papa chose to do it, you have already chosen not to. That's why you don't even wanna put yourself in a relationship that has a name in the society. You're subconsciously not even giving yourself the chance to cheat on Khushi by staying away from committing to her on paper, when in all honesty you have committed yourself to her! You just admitted you love her! What is a bigger commitment than love?! When have you ever said that to me, Chhote? I mean, out loud! When?"

& when Arnav said nothing for the lengthy pause that followed, but just continued to look at her with a slightly disillusioned look, Anjali said much more softly than before, "& Chhote, not only Papa, you have Ma's DNA too. & you have her characteristics too! Like her, you are incredibly gullible, you know that? People whispered around her that, after what her husband did to her, she should better die than show her face to the society. & that's precisely what she did! & people whispered around you, the son would turn out like the father one day.. & you took their words for it? Chhote, take a chance on yourself! Khushi did! Take a chance on her faith!"

Arnav said nothing & suddenly to Anjali's surprise, he leaned over & bending down, kept his head over Anjali's lap. Anjali said nothing & just brushed his hair gently with her fingers, until she heard him ask in a barely audible whisper, "Di, how do you learn to be happy when you've spent so much time carrying grief around? Do you feel guilty for being happy? Is it OK to let it go?" Anjali leaned a bit over his head, & whispered right above his ears, "You don't have to learn anything.. don't have to let go of anything! When happiness enters your life, it washes away all the grief.. all the guilt! & happiness.. Khushi!.. had already entered your life, hasn't she?" Arnav sighed, not replying to Anjali, & closed his eyes to the world. Suddenly he felt very, very relieved, so he let the tiredness finally take him over.