What shall I name this love?: Asya OS

The ambiance was breath-taking, cool wind blew over her face which was pale with cold and that typically striking scent of mud when rain fell over it filled her nostrils. She had her hands folded, in an attempt to provide warmth to herself, as she walked aimlessly in the rain. No path was distinctly visible, just like her heart, obscure and recondite in its complicated emotions. Zoya could have enjoyed the pleasant atmosphere and drunk the sweet smell of rains but given her present circumstances, despaired and sorrowful, it was not plausible. She did not bother about the rains; her mind had wandered off in some hypothetical world. She cursed herself innumerable times. She felt very lonely, nobody in the world to call her own. Zoya unsuccessfully tried to hold back her tears as she felt abandoned and orphaned by life. She desired for the affection of her dead mother and craved for sound of the conch- shelled bangles her mother wore.

His harsh words were still ringing in her ears "You are the biggest mistake of my life!". Standing there drenching in the downpour she wondered if she had never deserved his love. She was bewildered by the contradictory feelings that her heavy heart carried.

She thought" You've always had hatred in your eyes for me.. You have never missed a single opportunity of offending me or reprimanding me. You smashed my frail heart into a thousand pieces and damaged it beyond repair.. You brought my world crashing around me."

She remembered how her dumbfounded sister, her only surviving relative, had disowned her, snapping their beautiful bond with a tight slap, on seeing her as his lawfully wedded wife without her consent. But what she did not know was that even the bride had not accepted the proposal, she had been compelled to, for the pride of her family. She thought about how, after their nuptials he had lamented about having to breathe the same air as she did. He would stay at his workplace overtime to avoid her cursed face.

"You implied that I was a mistake in your life and in the world. You crushed my self-respect over and over again. You claimed that my parents were fortunate enough not to be present to see the witch their daughter had grown up to become. You questioned my character and challenged my virtues."

But however hard she tried to portray him as the villain of her life in her mind, however hard she tried to hate him, she failed. She could not help but imagine love for her in his cold eyes. "Why do I want to be a part of your life? What makes me suppose that you will come back to wipe my tears? Why do I anticipate your smile and let it light up my day? I expect your apology every time you hurt me knowing that it will never come. Why do I try to fool my heart into believing that my love will be ever reprociated ? You matter more than the world to me although I know that I mean nothing to you After all that you have done to me, why do I let you break my heart? What is the reason in my conviction in you? You are the Prince Charming and the Satan in disguise. I have been waiting for the time when my presence will rejuvenate your life being aware that my presence sickens you. Loving you has cost me my family, ambitions and expectations from life. Even after all the pain and anguish I carry in my heart because of you, my heart beats for you. My mind has warned me million times but my soul refuses to acknowledge it. My heart adores you with every wrecked piece. I can't seem to stop myself from loving you. In spite of the sorrow that rots me from within, I stand her and ask myself….What shall I name this love?"