Dil Jaanta Hai - Thread 2: Ch 21 (Pg 134) - Page 33

Yash sat on the swing in the balcony adjoining his room. His mind had been in turmoil since his return from Delhi. He had promised his family to think over the proposal seriously now that he had met Arti again. While they had not given him a deadline, he knew they expected him to make a decision soon.

He had not wanted to believe  Ansh could be loved or cared for by anyone other than himself. Over the last few months he knew he had come to depend on Vidhi Bhabhi - but... but she was family. She was Ansh's Taiji - a mother-figure anyway. Bringing an outsider to be his.... mother!! Some one who would take Arpita's place in their child's life!?! He had not believed his family when they told him about Arti and how well Ansh bonded with her.

But then he had seen the two together for himself. And he knew...he was forced to acknowledge that Arti would be a good, perhaps even a great mother to Ansh. For his little son's sake, he had to agree to the marriage.

But...but how could he marry someone and bring her here? To this room where everything, every nook and cranny was filled with Arpita's memories? She had decorated their whole room, chosen every single item herself, agonizing where to place everything. Even this swing had been her choice - a beautiful traditional sankheda jhula. Everything had to be prefect in their room - a show piece, yet a warm and lived-in show-piece. Some other woman living in this space seemed a travesty!

How could he marry Artiji and live in the same room with her? Granted they had stated they could only be friends. But friends never shared such close quarters... it was too... too intimate, too close. And bringing her in to Arpita's room, her haven, her special place seemed even more of a betrayal of his wife....But....Ansh? Yash clenched his palms in frustration and unbidden Maya didi's words floated into his mind "Live for the living Yash. Do what your heart tells you is the right thing for Ansh".

A sudden shift in the direction of the wind brought a whiff of a fragrance - strangely familiar yet out-of-place here. Within minutes the night air seemed to fill up with the fragrance and Yash strained to place it. Mogra! Jasmine - but they had never had jasmines in their garden. In fact, the garden patch just below their balcony had red roses. Arpita had insisted on them - she loved roses. Where was the smell of jasmine coming from?

Yash went to the railing but could not see anything clearly in the dark. The smell enticed him... where had he smelled it recently? He had always loved this smell of jasmine...

He walked away from the balcony to his room and the fragrance seemed to follow him. It made him restless, he needed to find that patch of jasmine, figure out how it came there. He wandered out from his room, walking towards the garden, determined to track down the fragrance.

"Bhaiyya?" he heard Vidhi calling him. He turned around with a mild look of inquiry on his face, intent on going back to his mission as soon as possible.

"Where are you going so late at night Bhaiyya? Where is Ansh?" Vidhi asked, concern lacing her voice.

Ansh! "He is sleeping Bhabhi. Good you were here - can you stay in the room for a bit? I just need to check on something" Yash said, turning around again.

"Wait!" He stopped hearing the imperious command. "Bhaiyya, I am happy to sit with Ansh but at least tell me where you are going" Vidhi exclaimed.

Yash turned back, trying to curb his impatience now, "Nowhere - just to the garden."

"At this time of night?" Vidhi asked incredulously. It was nearly 11pm.

Yash rubbed his forehead, partly in frustration, partly because he somehow felt time was rushing past him and he had to run to catch it. "Bhabhi... I suddenly got a whiff of jasmines from the garden. I was going to check where they were. We haven't planted jasmines in years". Not since his marriage - Arpita had been allergic to the flowers and since she loved roses, they had planted roses everywhere.

"Bhaiyya woh..." Vidhi flushed and then hurried on with her explanation, "We had to plant new flowers and shrubs for spring, and we have never had jasmines like you said. So I had the gardener plant a few patches."

With a sudden foreboding, Yash asked, "Where?"

Vidhi's flush deepened, "Well, actually, under each bedroom. Including yours... Bhaiyya, perhaps I should have checked with you. But you were in Delhi and the roses in that one patch had dried up completely. We had to replace them anyway, so I had the gardener plant jasmines there as well."

Vidhi felt doubly guilty... She knew Arpita had planted that rose patch. But she also knew jasmines were Arti's favourite fragrance. She wasn't sure what devil had got a hold of her but she had expressly called the gardener to replace the rose patches with jasmines the previous week.

"Sorry Bhaiyya", she was now contrite, worried at Yash's state. "I will call the gardener tomorrow and get some roses planted instead... But you see, I thought with spring coming, it would be good to have new fresh flowers... but never mind, I will..."

"No Bhabhi, its ok" Yash said firmly, surprising Vidhi. He remembered now where he had smelt jasmines so recently. Bhabhi's mention of Delhi had brought a flash of memory - of him untangling Ansh's fingers from Artiji's hair and getting a whiff of the fragrance of her gajra. "You are right, spring is the time for new beginnings."

Saying that, he turned around and went back to his room. Vidhi stood there, a cautious sense of delight trying to creep through her being. Did Yash Bhaiyya mean what she hoped he meant? Was that...a yes??

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Arti sat in her swing, staring into the darkness. The new year had brought turbulence in her life - she had barely come to terms with the proposal and her denial when Vidhi had arrived, followed shortly by Yash and Ansh. At the thought of the baby a small smile flitted across Arti's face.

It was all about him, wasn't it? Whether she was willing to live the rest of her life for and with this lovely child who had captured her heart from the first... As opposed to what? Living her life in the memory of the man who still lived in her heart?

Arti shifted uncomfortably in her seat as the thought came unbidden into her mind. She did love Prashant, and always would. But why did that not seem enough anymore?

She got up and paced restlessly, for once letting her thoughts roam free, without restraint. She knew instinctively she stood at a fork in her life - the decision she made now would decide the rest of her life for her. Difficult as it was, she forced herself not to shut out thoughts she had buried deep for a year or more.

She yearned for a family of her own. She always had. She had wondered about her parents, but the orphanage authorities had not given her any information, saying they had no details. Perhaps they were telling the truth... after she had met Prashant, it had ceased to matter. With him, she felt she had finally found a person who loved her for herself. It had thrilled her, down to the very depths of her soul when his parents had welcomed her into their family. She finally had her own family - parents and a husband who loved her. She wanted nothing more. Nothing more till she saw baby Payal and felt the fierce tug of motherhood.

Her pregnancy had been a journey of discovery. The thought that her child, Prashant and her child, was growing inside her, a tiny seed flowering into a beautiful plant - and she was carrying it! She could feel the baby's heartbeat before they heard it, feel it move before the doctor showed them the sonograms. She had dreamt of holding the baby in her arms, loving it, caring for it, see it grow, share its first steps, laugh over its first syllables. For the first time in years she had wondered about her parents again - and asked herself what kind of mother she had who could abandon her child at birth. And then Ma had come to Delhi and brought with her so much love and warmth that she had forgotten all about her supposed parents - the ones who had given birth to her but abandoned her without a second thought.

Now she wondered again about her birth parents. Who knew what compulsions they had been under - or perhaps they weren't even alive and the family did not want her. Either way, the sense of abandonment hurt. Cut so deeply that she was scared of trusting and loving again. She had loved Prashant - and had lost him forever. She could not, would not risk her heart again…..

But marrying Yashji was not a risk, was it? They had both agreed to be friends. And Ansh... Vidhi was right, how could she leave Ansh motherless?

The phone rang in the middle of her musings startling her in its wake. Yashji?  They had exchanged cell numbers the first time he had come to meet with Zoya - yet they had never called each other, not even for his Delhi trip with Ansh, which had been arranged through Vidhi. So why was he calling now? Before she could answer, it went into voicemail. When the beep sounded indicating she had a message, she reached for the phone with shaking hands.

"Artiji? Yash here. I thought I would tell you... agar aapko aitraaz nahi hain, toh main bhi raazi hoon" (if you don't have any objections, then I am ready as well).

He was? Oh! Arti was surprised, she realized she had expected him to say no. She let out a shaky breath. Suddenly she felt rushed again, as if time was running out and she had to run to catch up with it...

She went over the three questions she had asked Yash - her three obligations. Prashant and her had never thought about Ma and Bauji's future. But after his death, it became critically important for her. She could not, would not leave them without help, without support. When she had spoken with them the day after meeting with Yashji, they had insisted she make her decision without worrying about them. But how could she not worry - they were her family now, and as she had told Yashji, she was theirs. If she remained as she was, she expected either they would eventually move to Delhi, or more likely, she would eventually move to Indore. But now - what now? She only had Yashji's assurance that he would always support her in taking care of them. She thought she could trust him to keep his word...

And as for the children, her heart clenched at the thought of leaving them. She knew exactly what they would feel - after all, she had gone through that herself. But she would not be leaving them adrift. After Zoya's marriage, Ammi had started visiting the orphanage daily and the children reacted to her as if they had found a grandmother. She had assured Arti she would still be there, going daily to meet her pote-potiyan, as she called them. And with Ammi's help she could take Yashji up on his offer to help the children establish their futures.

Her job was the least of her worries. They had hired a new accountant - he still had a lot to learn, but she had been training Aakash, and Thakore-chacha had assured her he would manage.

Arti sighed as she walked back into the house. Who was she kidding? She had made the decision - she just had to buy into it herself.

Before she could change her mind, she picked up her phone and sent a text message to Yash - "Yashjji, Arti here. I thought I would tell you – meri taraf se bhi haan hai." (It's a yes from me too).