The Seven Year 'Hitch' - Thread 2 link pg 1 - Page 53

Chapter 5

Last night, the night following my forgotten anniversary when I slept; I slept with a hope of reverting it all. I had hoped that along with regret & apology I would make it up to her. That time I didn't know that the next day though I did get all the answers to my questions, I am tonight left with more questions with no answers, along with issues to which I have no solutions at all.

How easily I had imagined that I would be able to revert it all, to make everything between us as before. I guess I had deliberately ignored the cracks that had already crept in; the depth of it all lost out on me till tonight. Not physically distant but emotionally we had drifted much far. I had slept that night after much effort & thinking, but somewhere with a hope that things were still under control. I guess I had felt somewhere that sleeping over the matter will make everything good. Hoping that as the problems become miniscule when I fall asleep they would disappear the next morning too.

Somewhere I had thought that next day though making it up to her would not be an easy feat but yet I would genuinely apologise & show her I honestly regret it all. Last night gave me hopes of a new morning filled with zeal & happiness of a new start, so sleep was easy to come, but tonight it all seems far away from me. Tonight I want to sleep & just feel this all is a nightmare & as I will awake from my slumber it will all turn into nothing significant. But to my bad luck sleep is far away. I had underestimated it all.

For once I had failed to understand the whole gravity of the situation we both were in. It had not only affected us separately but as a couple too our relation had been affected gravely.

I had strongly believed that Mishty could never be so upset just for a forgotten Anniversary, it were my words that had hurt her the most. But I knew she knows me inside out, knows me so well no one else will know. I will not only apologise for my forgetfulness but also for all the bitter words I spoke & for all the baseless accusations.

Never even in my dreams I had felt that the events of the following day would hurt me so much. More than me, it hurt Mishty & it hurt us the most.

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Smile.

Smile so infectious that it lights my whole being.

Yes a beautiful smile brightening her whole face. She looks so mystical & ethereal within my embrace. Her eyes are twinkling with mirth, my image reflecting there. I too am smiling to see her all content & happy.

We woke up as usual in embrace of our beloved. I could see her smiling. I could give up everything I've achieved just to keep seeing her smiling face. I pull her close to me, as she willing fits into my frame. She has so much contentment radiating from her that I feel I have achieved everything in this world that is worth to bring her all the happiness. I just want to remain here keeping her within the folds of my love & keep staring at her face.

Her face, so beautiful is clean of any blemish. It's just her, nothing artificial at all. My gaze sweeps across her face, to take it all in, needing for my survival. Her hair spread out on the pillow, hair parting showing the spread vermillion; her forehead that my lips have just grazed, free of any worry lines. Her soulful eyes, always so expressive & filed with love just for me. Her full plump lips that always drive me crazy. Her cheeks as soft as that of a baby, have now turned crimson due to my staring at her lips a while back. So I gaze back into her eyes, seeking permission & to see the ever present submission to me alone, very similar to what I feel for her. I see her disturbed by the rays of light coming from the window behind me. I can't see her disturbed, so I come over her such that now she lies beneath me.

I cocoon her away from the disturbing rays within the folds of my love. The comforter enveloping us from the outside, barring anything from the outside world to disturb our moments. I am glad to see her all happy again with my small gesture. I just don't know how to tell her that I can do this & much more to just see her all smiling without any stress.

As I tighten my arms around her waist, her hands cradle my face within her palms. I love how the warmth radiating from her comforts me & soothes me. She comes closer to me & I suppose it's for a kiss. I'm all too willing for it. As her breath fans my lips my heart starts beating faster. All of a sudden she kisses my nose & backs away. I'm at loss of words & she starts giggling looking at my disappointed expressions. How can she escape making me a fool? She starts backing away trying to wriggle out looking at the mischievous glint in my eyes.

She starts wriggling in my embrace as I tickle her. She is so ticklish. She keeps laughing asking me to stop as she can't take it anymore. I love to see her all laughing & moving from side-side to free herself of it. Seeing her out of breath & saying sorry for her mischief I too start laughing. After sometime I stop tickling her & we gaze at each other. I can see her content with her life.

Suddenly, I see tears gathering in her eyes from all the laughter, & I cup her face. I wipe her tears with pads of my thumbs and smile tenderly at her. I see her eyes brimming with more tears & now see tears cascading down her cheeks, the smile altogether wiped off from her lips. Her eyes tightly closed, shutting herself from me. It's more than what can be caused from hard laughter. I'm alarmed. "Mishty... What's wrong? What happened?" I don't know but her each tear is pricking me. Her silence is eating me up. Some moments later she opens her eyes that are pools of tears. "Maan I love you a lot... Please don't ever leave me, don't drift away from me... I want us to be the way we were..." "Mishty I love you too. Why will I ever leave you? What made you think so?" I'm not able to reason it all out. "Mishty..." "Nothing Maan... It's just that I'm very scared... for us. Don't go away from me." What on earth has gotten into her now, why is she thinking so?

"Mishty I promise there's nothing to be scared of... I will never go away from you. Believe me Mishty. Nothing will ever be able to distance us."

I hug her tight & try calming her down with my caress & soothing words. I see that even after my assurance & words she hasn't calmed down. There's something disturbing her deep within.

Pulling out from the hug I gaze at her. She seems to be restless. I go closer to kiss her to soak her pain within me.

As I close the distance between our lips, I find all warmth lost out. There's darkness everywhere. My Mishty is nowhere near me. It's just me all alone. I try calling out to her, but I feel all choked. There's no voice coming out. I'm all alone there, it's all so terrifying & there's no way to go.

I turn around & see a small ray of light at the other end. I start moving towards the light but with each step instead of getting closer to it, it seems to be going further away.

Run. I run towards it but each time it just becomes more distant. I keep running, trying to near it. I try reaching out to that source of light, but finally I'm too tired & kneel down.

Now the light comes closer. I gaze towards it. As I pay attention I can even hear some sounds. I hear sounds of anklets. I recognise the sound. Mishty. Yes the sound is from Mishty's anklets. The sound is so soothing in all this mess. It's as if my salvation in all this suffering.

Soon I can hear the sound going away, the sound fading. I try getting up but then I'm not able to. Something is stopping me, grasping me within its clutches, with no escape at all. As I struggle to free myself I get engrossed in it so that I can reach the light. I want to be free & reach close to my love. I want to have the sound coming from Mishty to guide me out of all this loneliness.

The sound slowly fades away. As I gaze up I see the light distancing with the sound completely faded. I try now with all my might but then the light is a small as a dot. Finally there's no light at all. I'm left in all darkness with no comfort & hope. There seems to be no one there waiting for me. No rescue from this whole place.

I just remain as I'm waiting for the unknown engulfing me into its folds. I give up. I'm all ready to drown in. There's no one for whom I need to come out of this never ending struggle. I want my wait to be over.

All of a sudden I hear a voice echoing all around me. Booming & cutting through the walls of the engulfing darkness around me, loosening the clutches pulling me down. A successful marriage is an edifice that must be rebuilt every day.

I can't reason out why this sentence alone renews my strength to fight. I want to come out of all these shackles & darkness. I see the ray of light coming again. I struggle all the more now.

I feel rays of light hitting my face, sound buzzing in my ears. I struggle all the more. All of a sudden there's a loud sound.

I jolt out of my sleep. Sit up on the bed. I'm sweating. I can hear the alarm side by, the sunrays hitting my face peeping in from the window, as the curtains are pulled away. I realise it was all a dream. But the way it started with Mishty in my embrace was quite similar to how we used to wake up normally so many mornings since years.

But it felt so real. What was all the conversation we had? What was with the dark tunnel & the clutches engulfing me within it, with no escape for me? Above it all the words from Dad's gift to us. Is this all hinting to something? Or it's just a dream, an outcome of all the events of last night.

Switching the alarm off, I look around. Her side of the bed is empty. Mishty is nowhere to be seen. I look at the alarm clock in my hand & see that it's quite late than my normal time. I get up to get ready for the day. I head towards the washroom.

After I come out I see that my clothes are laid out on the bed as usual. Everything is as usual. But still Mishty is missing. I know she is still hurt. I will go apologise now soon after I go downstairs. Dejectedly I get ready.

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As I descend down I go towards the dining table in search of Geet. I keep rehearsing on how to apologise & make it all better for us. At the dining table I can't see Mishty anywhere. The servants are laying the table. Where is she? Is she in the kitchen?

As I decide to go look for her in the kitchen I see her coming out with a cup of coffee for me along with Nakul carrying a dish. She settles down on her chair at the table. I too take my seat. I call out to her, "Geet.. I.. I'm..." She cuts me off, "Good morning Maan. Let's finish breakfast soon. You will get late to work otherwise."

She is speaking so normally, as if nothing happened. There's no anger or hurt at all. I guess it must be due to servants around. I start my breakfast but time & again keep glancing at her. She doesn't look up at all. She silently keeps having her breakfast.

We continue our meal in silence but it's suffocating me. It appears to be as normal as every day, yet something is quite unsettling. As we finish with the breakfast she heads towards the kitchen while I move towards the living room waiting for her.

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As I wait for her to come out, I'm feeling very restless. Few minutes later she comes out, smiles at me but there's no warmth at all. As if she isn't my Mishty.

"Maan aren't you leaving? It's already quite late. You must leave soon. Your work must be waiting for you." Usually it's spoken by her in a taunting voice. But today it doesn't seem so. It feels as if she has no issues with anything. As if she has made peace with it all. " Geet... actually I wanted to..." Before I can complete she turns away. She picks up her clutch from the table beside. I hadn't noticed it here. Was it here before? Is she going somewhere?

"Maan I'm going to Pinky's place, we have planned something for the day. I will come back in the evening. Bye." Okay I can drop her & also will get some time to talk to her then. "Geet..." She turns back towards me. "It seems you girls have planned some girl time I suppose. Good. You must enjoy... I will drop you there as I'm leaving towards office...&..." "No Maan.." She responds so quickly that I keep staring at her. There's some restlessness within her, something eating her up. "I will go ... in my car... I have to do some shopping too. You please carry on." "Geet it's okay I too will come with you". She just keeps quite. I suppose she will agree. I will get my time with her. Some privacy for both of us. Just the two of us.

I move towards the door trying to get my keys out. "Maan, ..." I turn towards her, her eyes not meeting mine. "Please Maan I want to go alone...you will get late for work. Please...let me go for now. I want to be alone for some time...with Pinky. I will manage" Before I can say anything she moves past me.

As I reach the driveway I see her already sitting in her car & driving off. I remain standing there gazing at the car, watching her go away.

I guess I will have to try harder. I will have to surprise her. Plan something for us.

Thinking on those lines I drive off, planning something for tonight. For us.

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