Chasing Dreams Thd3- Chp23 Pg102, Thd 4 Link Pg141 - Page 40

Chapter 21-

(*Please read note in next page about PMs)

This update goes out to my Charlie's Angels- my fellow Chamelis. Thanks for being there for me. I luv u awl Dammit! U pinch ma hrt 2 da core of its arteries.

*PMS Later

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Kushi was running away from him. They were in the garden of the venue of Akaash and Payal's engagement party. She was giggling loudly and screaming to him, 'Arnav, you can't catch me.' Arnav ran behind her trying to catch her, hold her close to him, 'Kushi wait. What kind of a childish game is this?' Kushi taunted him in reply, 'Move those old bones quickly Mister and catch me if you can.' Arnav quickened his pace, he was going to catch her and tell her rather show her the kind of things his old bones were capable of. As he got close to her, he held wisps of her long flowing hair, before she ran away. She turned back to taunt him again, as she walked dangerously close to the waters of the lake. Arnav screamed, 'Careful Kus...' And before he could complete the sentence Kushi had fallen into the water and had disappeared forever.

Arnav woke up from his nightmare, he was completely confused of what was happening to his life. Why Kushi was haunting his days and nights? How was he going to forget her?

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"Its better to have loved and lost, than never loved at all."

Kushi looked at the Quote on one of the books that she had borrowed from the library in the hope of helping her deal with her break-up with Arnav. 'Was it even a break-up in the first place? When did they even have a relationship for them to break-up?' Their relationship started and ended with their first date, Kushi realised sardonically.

Kushi was continuing to feel the hurt and pain associated to their relationship never taking off. Payal had told her that with time the pain would go away, she would be able to make peace with her choices, but would it really? Payal and Akaash had tried to help her get over this period in her life, like true friends, taking her out, speaking to her, assuring her that her decision was right. Akaash had empathised with her decision and told her that he understood why it may be difficult for a girl with her set of beliefs to date his brother. But the more she spoke to them about Arnav, the more it had hurt.

She spoke to her parents at regular intervals, hoping that the love of her family would help her deal with her pain better. But that didn't help either. She tried some retail therapy and had booked herself into a spa, but irrespective of feeling better she only felt further dejected.

And for the first time, since ten days after the disaster of their first date, Kushi came to a slow realisation that her feelings for Arnav were stronger and more intense than she could possibly fathom. He was ingrained in her heart and mind. And that she might have already started to fall in love with him.

She was surprised that a girl like her who had her life planned out, could fall in love with someone like Arnav; the complicated man he was. And that too in such short a period of time. 'She had spent very little time with him, then how could she fall in love with him?' She asked herself. But she realised that the heart wants what it wants and some times where matters of heart are concerned, logic, reasoning and best-laid plans take a back-seat.

But what was the benefit of such a realisation? Arnav maintained his polite distance from her, and had in fact not displayed any emotions when they met at work. He was friendly and had even managed to crack a joke when she had met him with Meera. Whereas Kushi continued to wallow in self-pity. She felt that he was already over her and would probably soon be seen with another woman, whereas Kushi was struggling to understand when and how she would be able to move forward.

But life wasn't just thorns at the moment, Meera had announced that her job title would be changed to that of an Assistant Manager- Marketing Operations with immediate effect. Although her salary wouldn't be reviewed until the end of one year at service, her bonus would be in line with her new job title. For Kushi this was a proud moment, something that kept her going at work, her need to work harder and achieve success helping her deal with her heart-break. The day the announcement was made Kushi had met Arnav in the elevator. Arnav made some small talk to break the ice, and Kushi kept her replies as short as possible, trying to not look at him when she spoke with him. Once she left the elevator and got home, she saw a text from him congratulating her on her promotion. She couldn't help but feel disappointed that Arnav didn't bother to congratulate her in person when they met in the elevator. She typed a single word reply 'Thanks,' to let him know that she was annoyed.

Was she expecting too much from him? He seemed to have gotten over her pretty quickly and at some level that hurt her further.

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Arnav saw the text from Kushi and was annoyed, he had expected her to share the news of her promotion personally with him, but not only did she not speak to him properly, she didn't even look at him while speaking to him in the elevator.

He knew she was hurting, but so was he. She was the one who decided not to give their relationship a go, so he failed to understand what she achieved with such behaviour. He had expected her to come and share the news of her promotion, at the least, as it was an achievement, but she seemed to have completely cut him off from her life. An opportunity presented itself in the elevator but she pretended as if he did not exist. Irrespective of that he sent her a text to congratulate her and in reply he got a curt thanks.

'I should just stay away from her, if that is what she wants,' he made up his mind, as he decided to go for a swim to help beat the weariness of the last few days.

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Kushi was waiting for Anjali to finish speaking to Shyam. They were seated in the garden of the resort that Payal and Akaash had finalised to host their wedding in. Payal, Anjali and she had come over to visit the resort to finalise a few details with the wedding planner. They had been in the venue for nearly three hours, first they took a tour of the venue, then they started discussing ideas with the planner for the various rituals preceding the wedding. Payal and the planner wanted to see the pool again which would host the cocktail party before the wedding. The pool was located at the other end of the resort. Anjali excused herself and then asked Kushi to give her company. While Payal and the wedding planner made a trip to the pool.

Anjali put the phone down and ordered some tea and snacks for them. They talked about Anjali's sons and how Shyam was already struggling look after the two boys who were pulling each others hair as a result of a fight over who would play with the Transformer toy that Arnav had got for them. Kushi felt much better when she heard Anjali describe how naughty her two boys were, the crazy stories gave her a much needed respite.

'Hmmm... This chai is delicious. Nothing like a cup of hot ginger tea on a cold day like today.' Anjali said and Kushi agreed.

'Arnav tells me that you make the best chai he has ever had.' Anjali said while looking at Kushi's face, gauging for her reaction.

Kushi immediately felt uncomfortable, ' Its nothing like that. I have been making chai... for ages. My Amma makes better chai.' She mumbled in reply, trying to look away.

Anjali put her cup and saucer down. 'Kushi look here, there is something I need to speak. I want you to promise me that you would consider it with an open mind.'

Kushi looked at Anjali and realised that Anjali knew about her and Arnav. 'But what was left for them to talk?' She wondered.

'Kushi, I understand you and Arnav had a thing, but its over now.'

'How did you find out?' Kushi asked surprised by Anjali's admission.

'Arnav told me.' Anjali replied. she then added, 'Do you know Kushi Arnav hardly ever discusses any of his girlfriends with me. You are probably one of the very few he has talked to me. He is hurting Kushi. And he is someone who normally doesn't let his girl friends or relationships affect him.' And when she didn't get a reaction from Kushi, she said, 'Do you understand what I'm saying?'

Kushi's heart flipped when she heard that Arnav was hurting as much as she was, but she didn't understand the point of this conversation. 'Anjali there is no use of bringing this up. I'm sorry I cannot see him. We both don't want the same things.'

Anjali removed her stole, trying to make herself comfortable 'Kushi I understand why you may not want to see Arnav, and trust me I support your decision. But for the first time I could see Arnav being moved by a girl. Call me selfish or whatever else you want, I'm hopeful that he will change someday and get married and have his own family. And my heart tells me you could be the girl who can change him.' Anjali stopped, she didn't want Kushi to misunderstand her for piling pressure on her, but at the same time she didn't want Kushi to give up on Arnav so easily.

'Sorry Anjali, I cannot change anyone. I can't get into relationship with Arnav, in the hope that someday he would change. Arnav is Thirty four, is he likely to change?'

'See Kushi, I can't give you any guarantees. Is there any relationship that comes with a guarantee? If you decide to give this relationship a chance and see where it goes, I feel Arnav might change his decision.'

She then held Kushi's hands and told her, 'I know this isn't fair on you, but I sincerely think Arnav might change his plans when the right girl comes along. And you could be the right girl. Can I at least urge you to think about it?'

Kushi in return managed a half smile, 'Anjali don't get me wrong. You'd rather be better off speaking to Arnav than me. I like you and respect you, but I'm not sure if I will change my mind. But I promise to think about what you said.'

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Later that night Kushi recollected her chat with Anjali. Initially she was annoyed with Anjali. Anjali should have ideally spoken to her brother instead of speaking to Kushi. And it was unfair of her to expect Kushi to give the relationship a chance without any commitment from Arnav. But then slowly her thoughts drifted towards what Anjali said, 'Could Arnav possibly change his mind, in time, if she gave their relationship a chance?'

And for the first time in days Kushi, started feeling that by not giving their relationship a chance, had she closed all doors to possibilities, hopes and most importantly a chance at love.

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'Rita, can you please get Arnav to sign these papers and send a copy to our Mumbai branch?' Kushi asked as she handed Arnav's PA a bunch of papers he had to sign. After the trip to the resort Kushi had considered various options and various possibilities and had finally decided to give up. The whole thing was turning out to be stressful and although her heart wanted to jump at the possibility of a relationship with Arnav, her mind rightfully reminded her to tread with caution. She decided to let the matter pass for a while and see where things head and wait for a sign.

'Sure Kushi, Arnav is meeting someone at the moment and then he is going out for lunch. Once he is back I will hand these over for him to sign.' Rita smiled at kushi.

Just then the door of Arnav's room opened and Kushi immediately looked away as she didn't want to make eye contact with Arnav. She heard him say, 'After you.' Kushi was curious to see who his guest was and turned to look at the woman who spelt the dead end to possibilities of any future with Arnav.

Lavanya Kashyap walked out of Arnav's room, looking glamorous in french chic. Her walk was poised and spelt confidence. Arnav followed Lavanya and walked to Rita's desk, where Kushi had been standing.

'Rita I'm going out for lunch. I will be back in an hour or so.'

He then looked at Kushi who was yet to acknowledge his presence, 'Kushi!' He said as a way of greeting.

Kushi managed to smile in return.

'What brings you to this part of the woods?'

'I need your signature on a few papers. I was dropping them with Rita. I'm on my way out.' Kushi replied curtly.

Arnav nodded. Lavanya spoke from close to the exit door, 'Arnav, do you mind if I waited by your car? I need to make a call.'

'Lavanaya, let me join you. We are getting late for our reservation. Unless you need some privacy to make your call.' He replied. Kushi's curt tone hadn't gone unnoticed. Kushi was starting to irritate him with her high handed behaviour. He had expected her to deal with the whole thing in a much better way. He needed to speak to her soon.

Kushi then saw Arnav walk away with Lavanya and her heart broke a little. Not only was he over her, but had also managed to schmooze with his ex. 'How could he get over her so quickly? Did she not mean anything to him?' Such questions plagued her mind. But the sane part of her mind told her that it was her who had put a premature end to his feelings for her and that he owed her nothing.

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'Kushi, its your decision, you are your own best judge. How can I help you make this decision?' Payal said as she put the kettle on. Kushi had decided to put an end to her stress and confusion and seek Payal's help in making a decision.

'Anjali di will look out for her brother's interests. But you have to look out for yourself, so don't get swayed by her words.' Payal said. When Kushi had told Payal about her chat with Anjali, Payal wasn't impressed by Anjali's need to poke her nose into Kushi and Arnav's personal life. She was further irritated by the fact that Anjali had decided to put pressure on Kushi instead of speaking to Arnav. She had shared her irritation with Akaash who said that he was not going to speak to either Anjali or Arnav as he didn't want to mess things up further.

'Are you saying that I shouldn't give this relationship a go?' Kushi was now trying to get Payal to share her honest opinion.

'No that's not what I'm saying. I'm sorry Kushi, this is a decision that you will have to make. I know this is a tricky one, but this is your life and your beliefs. And my beliefs are different from yours. So its better for you to make a decision.'

'I'm sorry Payal for bothering you, its just, this whole thing has been so stressful.' Kushi said with drooped shoulders. 'Just when I decided things were all but finished, I realised that I have started to fall in love with Arnav. And then Anjali spoke to me. And today when I saw Arnav with Lavanya, I was so furious. I have such strong feelings for him. But I don't know what to do.'

'Kushi, Love?' Payal asked surprised by Kushi's admission.

'I know Payal you might feel that this is an infatuation, but trust me, I have strong feelings for him. I haven't spent a lot of time with him, but when I'm with him, I can't help but feel that we both are meant to be together.'

'Oh Kushi...' she hugged her. 'If you feel so strongly about him, you need to make a decision one way or the other. You cannot do this to yourself. You have become a shadow of yourself in the last two weeks.'

'Payal, forget about me, forget about Arnav. If you were in my position what would you do?'

Payal considered Kushi's question for a few moments, 'I don't want you to base your decision on my opinion, but if I were in a position like that of yours, where i realised that I have strong feelings for a man who doesn't share my belief in marriage, I would still give our relationship and love a chance. At least I won't live a life of regret, wondering what could have happened if I had give the relationship a go.'

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'Akaash I will need to use the restroom, I will see you in a bit.'

'Okay Kushi, let me go and find Payal in the meanwhile.'

Akaash and Kushi were attending 'The GQ lifestyle awards' in Delhi, an event managed by the company where Payal worked. Since Payal would be busy at the event she requested Kushi to accompany Akaash as the invites were normally sent out for Guest plus one, who normally was a date. Kushi initially had refused, as she was still not in the frame of mind to go out and have a good time, but later on agreed when Payal pressed. When she asked Payal if the invite had been extended to Arnav, Payal answered in the affirmative but assured her that Arnav had told her that he won't be able to make it to the event.

Kushi borrowed Payal's teal satin shift dress for the event and didn't make much of an effort to look good. She wore black heels and emerald earrings with the outfit. She got dressed mechanically. She couldn't help but remember how she loved it when Arnav used to appreciate her outfits or the way she looked. Suddenly the prospect of life without him seemed boring and daunting.

When she came out of the restroom, she saw Payal and Akaash speaking to a man and woman. As she got closer to the group she realised that it was Arnav and Lavanya. Arnav had his hand on Lavanya's back who looked stunning in red floor-length satin gown.

Without joining the group, Kushi walked back in the direction of the restroom, pretending that she had received a call on her phone. She went back into the ladies room and let out the tears she had been holding back. While she had been thinking every single moment of her life in the past few days about him, Arnav had already got back together with Lavanya. While she had been debating whether she should give him a chance, Arnav had gotten over her and move ahead in his life.

She was no longer in a mood to stay in the party, but she decided to put a brave front and ignore Arnav as much as she could.

She dabbed her smudged eyeliner, and gave herself a pep talk and went to rejoin her friends. She greeted everyone in a cheerful tone, that didn't go unnoticed by Payal and Akaash. She complimented Lavanya on her outfit and talked breezily with the rest of them, letting Arnav know that he wasn't affecting her anymore.

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Kushi sat close to the bar and started gulping her wine. She had been holding her nerves well in front of Arnav, until she saw Lavanya laugh and whisper something into his ears. It might have been an innocent gesture, but knowing about the history Lavanya and Arnav shared, Kushi decided it was rather intimate for them to behave like that. She could not take it anymore and decided to drink to forget her worries momentarily. Payal tried to talk to her and tell her that Arnav and Lavanya weren't back together. They came together to the awards as people were expected to be accompanied by a woman when they attended social events like these. Kushi patiently listened to Payal's explanation and told her that she needed some time by herself. She wasn't willing to buy Payal's explanation, Arnav shouldn't have appeared publicly with Lavanya while she was still hurting. And that's when she felt more guilty of how her actions may have affected NKay.

As she took a large sip of her wine, a much drunk middle aged man approached her, 'Hey there sweetheart, can I get you a drink.'

When Kushi didn't respond, the man put hand on her waist and said, 'What is a beautiful girl like you doing alone in this party?'

'Who said she is alone, she is with me.' Arnav said in a chilling tone. 'And now if you don't take your hands off her, I will personally throw you out of this place. Now off you go.'

Once the man left the bar, Arnav went to Kushi and asked her in a menacing tone, 'Who asked you to stay by the bar alone, Kushi?'

Kushi didn't bother replying to Arnav.

'Kushi, look at me me, dammit. I'm asking you a question. What is wrong with you?'

Kushi looked up to Arnav, she had enough. How dare he admonish her publicly. Her anger, frustration and the effect of the alcohol, made her decide that she had enough. 'What is wrong with me? Why don't you tell me what is wrong with you? It been what like two weeks since we broke up and you are already serenading in the arms of your ex girl friend. And you have the nerve to come and tell me what I should or shouldn't do.' She answered pointing her fingers at him. 'And did I ask you for assistance? I was more than capable of handling that drunkard.'

Arnav was taken aback by Kushi's reply. He was now beyond furious, he had been patient with Kushi and had put up with her tantrums for days. But today was the limit. He walked closer to her, not bothered about the drama that an altercation would create. He held her hand, and took away her glass of wine. 'How dare you Kushi. What do you think...'

And before he could finish the sentence, he heard his mobile ring. He took it out and answered Lavanya's call, who wanted to leave as she was feeling unwell.

'This isn't over Kushi, we need to talk.' He told her, no longer trying to be polite and then he left.

Kushi saw him walk away, had she crossed the line with him? Had she been irrationally jealous and had put a possibility of a future together along with her career and job in line with this outburst? And then slowly she realised that she had been stupid and immature. She had to apologise to him right away, her behaviour was out of the line. He owed her nothing, and she should not have passed a comment on his personal life. She decided to look for him and apologise before he left with Lavanya. She walked back into the staging area looking for with Arnav. She managed to find Payal who informed her that Arnav had already left with Lavanya. When Payal asked if Kushi was okay, Kushi hugged her back and said, 'I screwed up Payal. I screwed up.' Payal soothed Kushi by rubbing her head and told her, 'If you screwed up then set it right Kushi.' Kushi took out her phone and sent Arnav a message apologising to him for her behaviour and requested him to call her. She then decided to sit in one of the quiet corners of the hall and analyse how things had gone from bad to worse. Why did Arnav affect her so much? Why could she not control her feelings around him?

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Payal, Akaash and Kushi were driving back home. Akaash was going to spend the weekend at their place like always. Kushi had remained quiet for the remainder of the party, keeping her phone in hand, in case Arnav replied to her message. But gradually with time, her hopes diminished and Kushi cursed herself for practically closing all doors on Arnav and their relationship with her outburst.

Once Akaash stopped his car near the flat, they all got out of the car and started walking. It is at this point they saw Arnav's car parked outside. Arnav got out of the car, walked up to them and said looking at Kushi in the eye, 'Do you guys mind if I borrowed Kushi for a couple of hours,' surprising all the three of them.

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qhm9V7YBOQI[/YOUTUBE]

Didn't like Anjali in the update. Its this kind of nonsense which makes me bristle up in anger. I couldn't give two f**ks about Arnav not wanting to get married - hello, its his life. Just because Anjali is happily married shouldn't mean everybody else should be. If she can't get out of her la la land, then she might as well take Shyam and go on a forever lasting honeymoon. Anjali has, from the start, annoyed me a little. I guess I'm bursting out a little. *breathes in*