Khwaab (Dream)
Asad-Zoya OS by desi chic @ india-forums.com
Hi lips yearned for words as they split for a moment of contemplation. The moment passed, but words remained silent. The stoic presence next to him appeared unmoved, yet attentive. A muscle twitched in his jaw, frenzied by the uncertainty.
A true asad (lion) raged against the left side of his chest – the irony of the quiet. If only silence could be strung into words... if only he could express the craze that had cloaked him since her entrance into his life.
His wild eyes stole a glance at the silhouette shadowing his khwaab of late. No sign of movement could be read of her usually loud presence. For an estranged pause, everything seemed utterly still. The demanding vibrations in his chest seemed to have ceased altogether, while the screaming silence calmed to a point of remarkable content. A soft current swept through the layers of black caressing her face. Witnessing this, a pang of jealousy throbbed at the tips of his fingers. They wondered yet again, what those long threads of silk might feel like in their admiring grasp. His tight muscles screamed in mercy at his refusal to budge... He wondered again, would it all crumble if he moved forward? The uncertainties crowding inside him broke to the surface again. Blinking, he stood up abruptly.
Aap jaise khwaabon ki meri zindagi mein koi haqeeqat nahin Ms. Farooqi... Aap mere liye, meri zindagi ke liye, bilkul misfit hai. (There is no room for such dreams as yourself in my reality Ms. Farooqi... You are a complete misfit for me and my lifestyle).
Affirming the distance between dream and reality, he turned urgently to leave... only to cease mid-step.
"Tehriye Mr. Khan." (Wait, Mr. Khan) Lines of fleeting annoyance rippled at his forehead as he rubbed his thumb to his temple. A rush of air escaped his chest all at once, as though a long withheld breath.
Although his gaze refused to cast in her direction, he could sense her get up from her companion in tanhai (solitude). The honesty of the bench was one of the few concrete things that shared between them. Whenever the pressure of being alone burdened the heart too much, he too, found himself escape to it's rest.
Her mute steps rustled nothing but the frivolous beating of his kambhaqt heart. As they walked towards him, her feet slowly crushed the urge to run.
"Aapko mujhse itni nafrat hai... toh kyun apne precious lafz mujhpe zaya karte hain aap." (If you hate me so much... then why do you waste your precious words on me) His closed eyes flipped violently open as he recalled the rain of rage he had showered her with yesterday. Kitni gaer-zimidar insaan hai aap. Aapki iss galati ki keemat hum sabhko apni jaan se chukaani padti. (How irresponsible you are. We all would have paid for your mistake with our lives) A lump formed at the base of his throat.
"Aapki aankhon mein chubhti hoon main... toh kyun har museebat mein dhoond lete hai mujhe aap." (My image adds discomfort to your eyes... then why do you always manage to find me when I need you the most) The lens of his memory flashed rapidly forth as a collection of events pooled forth. Events which had troubled her, hurt him. The flashes ceased at a particular moment in time, when time itself, appeared to have stopped... a time when he first realized the true essence of loss. A time when she seemed to have closed her eyes to the world, and by the grace of the divine reopened them to him. His chest coiled and uncoiled recalling the incident that dared to alter his perception of Asad... not Asad Ahemad Khan.
"Meri baton se bay araami mehsoon hoti hai aapko... toh kyun meri har baat ko sunne ke liye tehr jaate hain aap." (My rambling is so annoying to you... then why do you stand to listen to what I have to say)He thought of all the times her voice sliced through his solitude, threatening the composure he had learned over the years. Faint recollection teemed at the surface of his memory as his own words, jab aap mujhe itni na-pasand hai, toh mere khwaabon pe aapke saaye kyun hai? Kyun meri tanhaiyon mein khalak daalti hai aap? Kyun mere andheron mein roshni banke aati hai...(If I dislike you so much, then why does your shadow hover over my dreams. Why do you disturb my loneliness? Why do you bring light to my darkness...)
The denseness of the air told him she was close... perhaps closer than ever.
"Agar itne hi faansle hain humaare beech Mr. Khan... Toh kyun khamoshi mein bhi, meri ahat se waakif hain aap?" (If there are is such distance between us Mr. Khan... Then how is that you recognize my presence even in silence) He turned back to last night, a night like many others, when sleep playfully evaded his sleepy eyes. Restlessness had taken him to the stillness of the living room. He had sunk into the leather of the sofa, allowing his body to be moulded... remembered in a state of rare looseness. It was during this delusional state that he had perceived movement. For a second he had thought it was all a sham, a figment of his slumber. But the sensation boasted of reality... Like the scent of the earth after a long release of refreshing showers. Before the thought even occurred to him, his lips parted to her name... "Zoya?" The inquiry in his voice had met with no confirmation, and so it remained, a khwaab.
Now as she stood before him, her petite stature devoured his towering presence. There was a look of understanding in her features – something he had longed for since years passed. So long, that even the memory of that longing had given way to the dust of time. It was as though someone had found and ironed out the crumpled page of his heart that had stated the greatest of his truths. He wanted to stop her, command her to walk away from his closed doors. But as always, she didn't budge.
"Jab aapko in sawalon ke jawab mil jaayein Mr. Khan, please... mujhe mat batayega... Warna khud pe shaq karne lagegein aap." (When you find the answers Mr. Khan, please... don't tell me... You'll start doubting yourself otherwise)
He stood immobile, rooted to the spot, watching her walk away. As he watched her figure become smaller in the distance, a strange emptiness knotted somewhere inside. Closing his eyes, he envisioned hers. Catching his own harried reflection in her perplexing gaze. Her eyes told him... that as she walked away, a part of him had also walked with her.
Please excuse the many mistakes. I mean no harm to anyone's sentiments. Comments/constructive criticism welcome.
Cheers,
dc
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