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Loneliness better than Emptiness
[YOUTUBE]https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=alP7jtM0DfE[/YOUTUBE]
Youtube link
Swayam loved her to the core. It wasn't the love which attracted him towards her physical features. But was the love which he experienced for the very first and last time in his life, the love which gave him a new life, a new admiration towards life. It was the very first time he saw her, his SHARON. She was in her full on attitude, insulting a guy who dared to present a flower to her. But as a diva she was, she threw the flower away in front of the guy and all people around them mocked him. Swayam observed all this from a corner and a small smile crept on his lips. He didn't smile for how she treated that guy; instead he smiled for one thing which no one noticed except him and her. He smiled coz he noticed her inhaling the fragrance of that flower and absorbing it within her while smiling, before throwing it away. At that very moment he realized that she was not that girl what she is trying to pretend. She loves nature, she appeared as delicate as that flower to him. Though she was that delicate but she never wanted her soft side to appear in front of the world. Hence she showed her arrogant side to all. That was the moment when the cupid struck him.
Swayam's POV:
I want to admire her, adore her, and feel her beauty. Not the outer beauty, her inner beauty, which she possesses naturally. Though she denies that she is soft and calm in nature, she always portrays a fake Sharon in front of the world. I want to show her the real Sharon, want to be the sole reason behind her smile, and want to wipe her tears away for once and for ever. I want to express my love to her. I want her to look into my eyes to realize my true feelings, my TRUE and ETERNAL LOVE for her. I want to express it through my eyes, my words, my whines (complaining cry). And every time I do so, I face her harsh behavior. She feels that her harshness will affect me, but for me it's a divine feeling, which she showers only on me, through her eyes, through her words, through her actions.
Her eyes reveal a different story to me; they speak the truth, truth of her heart, of her soul. While the words all she bursts are a mere lie. She wants to make me realize through her words, her actions, that I hold no importance in her life. But her eyes tell me that I'm her LIFE, only source of breath, only reason for her existence in this world. Though she broke up the trial relation from her side, but for me, my love for her is not just a relation, it's an epic which can never end from my side. I have nothing to lose except her, coz she is my LIFE, my sole reason of existence.
Though still I hope that someday, like a new sunrise, she listens to her heart and accepts her feelings, her LOVE for me. I still want to hold on her throughout my life, never ever want to give up on HER, on my LOVE for her. This emptiness inside me urges for her, wants her to occupy my heart once and for ever. But here I'm with my loneliness, which is filled with her memories, memories both sweet and sour. Her arrogant behavior fills my heart with hollowness. These memories of her and the hollowness of my heart accompany me in my loneliness. I feel so lonely and I like my loneliness. Coz it's better than the emptiness of my heart, my soul. At least she is with me in my loneliness, in my dreams.
My world shattered into zillionth pieces. I felt like the sky fell on me, the land beneath me was taken off. I stood numb for don't know how much time. At last I couldn't control my emotions and landed on ground. I felt like something inside me died at that very moment, something tore me apart into pieces. I couldn't recollect her words after she disclosed her illness in front of me. She tried to push me away from her. Don't know for how many times just coz she thought that she doesn't deserve me. My heart tried to cry out its pain, the pain which I felt upon breaking our relation for her happiness, coz she never wanted me to sympathize her.
I tried to make her realize that I danced coz dance is her passion; I danced to express myself to her, my love to her. Instead she felt that I would stop dancing if I got to know about her illness, about her leaving dance forever. She knew that I could do anything for her coz HER WISH IS MY COMMAND. So she forced me to break up with her and move on in life.
But she never understood, my love for her was not coz of dance. It was vise versa. I loved dance coz she loved it, coz she lived it. She never understood how guilty I felt for not understanding her pain, her sorrow. I was unable to forgive myself for hurting her so much, for being the reason behind her tears, when I, myself wanted to wipe them off. But just to decrease a bit of her pain I broke up with her. She thought I could move on easily in my life by forgetting her forever. But she was wrong, I could never forget her, instead I could forget breathing, coz she was my source of breathing. I tried to ooze out my frustration, my pain, my agony, my guilt through dance, but to my despair I couldn't do so. All the moments which I cherished of her were flashing in front of me, making me realize that how badly I'm missing her. Her innocent look she gave me while I was happy, made me go wild. Her tears stab my heart a thousand times.
I really tried hard to empty my heart, which was filled with her memories, but couldn't do so, as my heart was alone in this pain. Later my tears and sorrow joined my loneliness and I felt that this loneliness is better than the emptiness. Coz she is with me in my loneliness.
Sharon started to express her emotions, her state of mind, through her dance as it is the only way she could distress herself. But rather getting out of stress she is unknowingly hurting herself, stressing herself. Her dance depicts her TRUE and ETERNAL LOVE for Swayam, her LOVE, her LIFE.
[YOUTUBE]https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=qmVWlMte6YA[/YOUTUBE]
Youtube link
Sharon's POV:
All the sweet memories of my life which I cherished at this place are too precious to me, coz those memories remind me of U, your LOVE. I'm sorry for pushing you away from me. I had to struggle a lot in doing so. But it was important for me, coz I want you to live your life to the fullest. I never ever want you to think me as an obstacle in your life. I never want you to sympathize me, or mercy me. I want you to forget me and move in life, coz I can't give you any happiness in life. I may never complete you. You deserve more than me, you deserve the best. Swayam don't make it hard for me. Please forgive me for what I did to you and forget me. Move on in life and make your career as your passion. I remember DANCE brought us together, and our first promise was to keep DANCE together with us, but I failed Swayam. I can't keep the promise any more. I broke our first and only promise we ever made.
At last when I disclosed my illness to Swayam, he was shattered, he fulfilled my wish even then. Coz MY WISH IS HIS COMMAND. He forced himself to go away from me as I wanted him to do it. Now I had no one whom I was worried about. Whom I could hurt coz of my illness. The people who loved me the most, moved on in life just coz I wanted them to.
Now I was left all alone with loneliness as my only companion. Though my tears and sadness accompanied me in the loneliness, still I was surrounded by his memories, rather sweet memories, which were tearing me apart every passing moment. I could only vent out my emotions through my passion, my dance.
Through my dance I expressed my loneliness, my pain, my sorrow. I wanted to request him to come to me, come and declare what punishment I deserve for my behavior, for what I did to him, for all those moments when I hurt him. It was clear from my moves that I'm in great pain. I wanted my tears to flow continuously, my sorrows to be increased coz it may decrease the guilt of insulting him, ignoring him, pushing him away from me, for breaking all his dreams related to me (where only I existed for him). I wanted those broken pieces of his heart to stab into my chest and give me the infinite pain which he had to suffer coz of me.
I, myself can feel the true and eternal love which he wanted to shower on me, the immense pain which I had given him all these days. I want to feel him, his love, again as I'm unable to handle the separation. I want all my sweet memories to come back. I want the time to travel back where I can express my love to him and settle in his embrace forever. I want to dance with him again and express my emotions through dance to him.
I could feel how lonely I'm without him. I can feel a void in my life after he left me. He left me coz I demanded it. I never wanted him to interfere in my painful life, coz it brought pain to him too, which I never wanted for him. My heart is aching, urging for his love. I want to return to him once and forever, but my illness is stopping me from doing so. I was dragged into my loneliness so much that now my life was blurring in front of my eyes. For once and only once I want to go back to him, and want him to speak all that he wanted to speak earlier, but couldn't, as I never allowed him to.
The moment I left him, I started punishing myself for the pain which he suffered coz of me, the sorrow he went through. Now my heart itself has started to disobey me, as I have totally inclined myself towards the loneliness. But still I feel that this loneliness is a better place for me than the emptiness which he left in my life.
P.S: POVs by Afshan di(Afshan9) n VMs by me.
Bollywood
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
Indian Premier League
