nice guy but no sexual chemistry

Originally posted by: persephone

Good question. I think it depends on your age and where you are in life.

I'm at that age where marriage is imminent so I know exactly what you mean by that question. I would ideally like to marry a good guy with whom I have great chemistry. But it may not happen in time and a nice guy is so hard to come by nowadays (LOL! no offense to male readers). Sometimes, the pressure to marry is too much so you might consider marrying somebody who is a good person but you don't feel a connection with. I hope I don't have that dilemma ever!

I think chemistry is very important in a marriage, but I definitely don't believe it happens instantly. Sometimes, love comes softly and slowly and it just takes time getting to know one another. Having said that, if the chemistry is just way off ... in that, you're sure in a million years you would not be attracted to him, I think it's smarter to say no. Knowing yourself and what you can/can't do without is important here... but a lot of the time, we aren't very self aware and therein, lies the problem.

Originally posted by: sectoreight

Hi this is a general question applicable broadly to real life issues (not just to shiv and anandi).

How many of you, if you met a really nice guy like shiv who had all good qualities would go ahead and marry him if you did not feel any chemistry at all? Would you still enter into a marriage on the basis of a strict platonic feeling just because he is of good character, well educated and nice?

To what extent is chemistry important in a marriage?

Originally posted by: masin

I honestly don't know how to tell if the chemistry would be way off...I mean if I think that a guy is nice, well-educated, has a great character...then what would be my reason for thinking that we have no chemistry..? 😕

Originally posted by: persephone

Yeah, that is a tricky one. But if you meet a person over several times and in different situations and interact with them, you can usually figure out if there is at least a potential for chemistry in the future. The main factors I would judge a person for chemistry are the ease of conversation, sense of humour, etc. I think it's easy to figure out if you keep having awkward, stilted conversations with someone that chemistry will be hard to come by.

Okay true...didn't think of that! And it is very much possible to have awkward conversations with nice, educated people...so that my friend, is indeed very true! 😆

A friend of mine who got married last year said that she just found it very easy to talk to him, like he'd been a longtime friend. As far as I could tell, there were no fireworks from the start - they just had a lot in common and the chemistry grew from spending time together. So, fingers crossed - there is a way to figure this out!

Awnn! Well isn't that the best part though..spending the rest of your life with someone whom you can have endless conversations with! Here I go again, imagining my picture perfect fairytale!

Usually the strength of your liking for him (as time progresses) will become important to track - typically, a nice person will grow on you eventually because their goodness itself becomes attractive (I think this is what happened with Shiv and Anandi).

Exactly! That's what I was trying to say...that what if a person's good nature eventually becomes the epitome of the chemistry you share...or as you better put it, it becomes so bloody attractive! Then again, how exactly are we defining chemistry here??

I think the other extreme, people who choose purely on chemistry are on a slippery slope too. Because a lot of these so-called secondary factors like education, job, family background, etc. can make or break a marriage. It's easy to be smitten by someone at first sight but to live out a lifetime with them is another story. The West has always subscribed to this - emotion over all else - but emotions are sometimes ephemeral, misleading and regrettable. Which is why they divorce for the silliest reasons. You can't have great chemistry, great passion at all times in a marriage (some lucky few can) - so sometimes a slow start on chemistry can be rewarding because you aren't caught up in a whirl of emotions and expectations.

Indeed! While I love the thought of having an endless honeymoon with my hubby dearest (who is currently nonexistent), reality on the other hand will definitely have other plans for us! 😆 And you're right...if one wants the chemistry to last throughout the relationship, then that chemistry better work it's way into the relationship slowly, but surely...otherwise ya tou relationship ka the end hoga, ya phir chemistry ka...in any case, agar chemistry ka the end hogaya tou phir relationship ka bhi ho hi jayega (re: your opinion on failing relationships in the West)

Having given all this gyaan, please note these are personal beliefs. I have no great past experience guiding any of this, just hearsay and vicariously learnt lessons.

LOL...don't worry...I'm just as inexperienced, if not more! This is a fun discussion nonetheless...I'm always up for such light-hearted convos!

Originally posted by: sectoreight

Hi this is a general question applicable broadly to real life issues (not just to shiv and anandi).

How many of you, if you met a really nice guy like shiv who had all good qualities would go ahead and marry him if you did not feel any chemistry at all? Would you still enter into a marriage on the basis of a strict platonic feeling just because he is of good character, well educated and nice?

To what extent is chemistry important in a marriage?