AarYa-Scindhiya Family Dynamics

AarYa-Scindhiya Family Dynamics

Watching the Scindhiyas handle the family crisis - got me ruminating over the family dynamics. By family dynamics I mean the patterns of behavior between each family member and more importantly as a group. Here we have a joint family - so it includes both the mini and extended family.

In India marriage is the beginning of a lifetime relationship not just between the bride and the groom but between the bride and the groom's family as well. This is the primary reason that the Punar Vivah theme did not end with Aarti and Yash dealing with their past baggage and accepting each other with their hearts. The show in its second year is focusing on the second half of the statement in bold - that is the relationship with Yash's family. A family with complex family dynamics given that Yash's bio-mother was SP's ex-mistress and that as a neonate he was swapped with Akaash, G3's son.

How have we seen this family work together pre-Akash's entry?

The bahus cook and share domestic responsibilities under G3's guidance and watchful eye. Bua - does her own thing (not forgetting RD here😉). The men provide the pooled income - all three sons work in the family wedding planning business whose proprietor is SP.

SP, the authoritative head of household has final say in all decisions. SP sort of maintained a distance and formality in his relationships with his sons and bahus - many viewers would call this difference and respect. Respect, obedience, honesty and ethical values were fostered and upheld in the Scindhiya parivaar.

There is one caveat - to the joint family scenario although SP encouraged his sons to be independent and forward thinking, all decisions have to be filtered through him and both G3-n-sons had few rights to question or disagree. The DILs too face the same diktat and are not permitted a progressive lifestyle.

So although India is caught up in a wave of globalization where divorcee remarriage, adoption, and step-families are less taboo - the Scindhiyas are reluctantly clinging on to outdated generational beliefs.

How do the Scindhiyas deal with major problems?

Let us look at how the Scindhiyas handled Arpita's accidental death that was witnessed by a helpless Yash. They ignored Yash-n-Palak's emotional problems. Yash grieved in seclusion and became somewhat of a recluse while Palak exhibited behavior problems in school. What stood to me was the bad handling of the situation and how 'dysfunctionally functional' were Yash and Palak's behavior. This same pattern was repeated post-AarYa marriage by Yash and Palak until Aarti turned them and around. In the process love bloomed between AarYa and AarYa's 'dysfunctionally functional' marriage too turned around!

How did AarYa turn the 'dyfunctionally functional' to functional?

By being respectfully considerate of Yash and Palak's (feelings for Arpita) emotions as consistently as possible given Bua's antics, Vidhi-n-Prateek's interference and SP-n-G3's overbearing attitude and deadlines. She did not engulf them in love (even now our complaint is the lack of Palak-Aarti scenes) but she sure was very caringly thoughtful, selfless-n-sympathetic and they in turn showed her the same. In other words this mini family had slowly developed the quality of thoughtfulness, understanding, consideration and respect that enabled them to function 'functionally' with each other and as a group.

By creating an emotionally safe environment where they could freely express themselves without being shamed, belittled or dismissed. (Remember Arpita's shraadh ceremony, the boxing bout, the school debate, Taiji entry, and P discovery?)

By allowing themselves to change and grow, by being accountable, by apology (to SP-G3 and the others when they made a mistake) and by learning to work as a co-parenting team AarYa built a resilient foundation for themselves and their kids.

This resiliency is what irritates Bua, SP and to a certain extent Vidhi. We see it now again when Radha's truth and Akaash's identity is revealed!

SP-n-G3's method of 'ignore' cannot resolve the current crisis. In fact SP is finding a breakdown of his tenets by Yash, Akaash, G3 and a silent Radha. This earth shattering crisis is truly shaking the family - PankDhi and PraDi want to follow SP's diktat against their own moral principles. G3 too wanted to do so until she came to know that Akaash is her son (recollect she went to buy off Akaash). And Akaash wants answers and is unable to accept the outright hostility shown to him by his father SP and to a lesser extent, brother Pankaj.

G3 and SP are facing the emotional crisis of their life. G3 is a ticking bomb waiting to explode her anger, helplessness and frustration - Ansh innocently will provide her the opportunity to unleash it on him!!

As I see it SP and G3 are undergoing a catharsis of sorts whereby they will have to reevaluate the running of Scindhiya house.

As far as Ishita is concerned - her anger towards Yash is akin to G3's anger towards Ansh. Ishita has had a long standing complaint at a world that called her langdi and at her parents who without any respect for her emotions were willing to get her married to the first wealthy-n- willing guy. Yash by leaving her stranded at the mandap gave her an opportunity to focus on him the years of pent-up anger and frustration.

Very much like AarYa Ak-Ish too bring past baggage that needs to be resolved before their new life together - a life filled with mutual respect and understanding.

Bravo! Fabulous post. I think that you have outlined the dynamics very well. What we are witnessing is old codependent and rigid structures breaking down under the duress of new ways, precisely because they are too rigid. In other words, if one does not bend, one breaks.

The Scindhia family has to do some serious reorganization of their dynamics. Mainly, they have start moving more with the times. For this, the pretense has to drop. You cannot pretend to be compassionate, generous, forgiving, progressive, and having lofty values, without really being compassionate, generous or forgiving. The main problem is that the Scindhias are extremely conscious of social approval, and therefore have become a slave to it. On the one hand, they will marry their son to a widow to show off how progressive they are, while on the other hand, they are only too willing to throw her out for not toeing their line. Like they say, "You can fool some people all the time; or all people some of the time, but not all people all of the time." Time to reform, Scindhia family, your show is slipping.

With the new entries, things are stirring and brewing. Let us see what happens next.

Originally posted by: aimf

Bravo! Fabulous post. I think that you have outlined the dynamics very well. What we are witnessing is old codependent and rigid structures breaking down under the duress of new ways, precisely because they are too rigid. In other words, if one does not bend, one breaks.

The Scindhia family has to do some serious reorganization of their dynamics. Mainly, they have start moving more with the times. For this, the pretense has to drop. You cannot pretend to be compassionate, generous, forgiving, progressive, and having lofty values, without really being compassionate, generous or forgiving. The main problem is that the Scindhias are extremely conscious of social approval, and therefore have become a slave to it. On the one hand, they will marry their son to a widow to show off how progressive they are, while on the other hand, they are only too willing to throw her out for not toeing their line.

With the new entries, things are stirring and brewing. Let us see what happens next.

Originally posted by: LoveViShalini

well written dear...

Anonee grt take 👏👏...Your take actually picks up the interesting debate on old school generation vs new generation ... SP-G3 had a particular style of running the family but its not working anymore since things hv changed .. the new generation is more volatile and open about their relations or their emotions .. they dont believe in this theory of elders r Gods and can never make mistakes ... So SP cannot b the dominant force ordering others ... they will hv to adapt to the new generation lifestyle now and try to b more friendly with their sons and daughter-in-laws if they want to keep the Scindia family function unitedly and smoothly once Akash-Ishita gets the acceptance

Wow. Fantastic take. Very well articulated.

Originally posted by: anonee

Excellent comment👏👏👏

Thank you.

Very nicely stated - "if one does not bend, one breaks". This is exactly where SP sees himself. Your second para - is something we as viewers recognize but the Scindhiyas themselves are far from realizing or admitting. But yes the new entries are going to bring about change.

What I forgot to mention was the Pari court case incidence - where AarYa with their diplomatic speech got SP to bend.

Anonee dear👏👏👏 Having gone through your thoughts on Family Dynamics - my mind goes back to the time when Arti stepped inside the Schindya parivaar. I remember the time of her very second day of marriage - Arya went to school to collect the report and they were briefed with palak's behaviour. Mr.SP AND G3 were shocked to hear about their granddaughter's report..they were thinking about how to deal it...with the all the discussion heading nowhere - Arti said ' we have to move with the time and allow palak to mix freely with the kids of her own age'.

My take is simple - if - if SP-G3 had experimented Arti's suggestion - the family would have been much better off in every aspect including accepting the situation good or bad without pretense.

The character Arti was able to visualize the seriousness of the problem that may arise in future. For CVs - this one line was enough for the story to unfold in near future - as to what may happen if you set boundaries for others and not self.

Anonee - your were fab and you truly deserve second👏👏👏

This is a great insight to joint-family!! Thanks for posting it!!

Well put!!!! It's so true that you don't just marry the guy but the family as well!!!! Aarya are strong in their respect and love for their parivaar and as you said the 2nd year may focusmore in readjustments and strengthening of the rishtey between family members!!!!!