BOUND IN EMOTIONS
He floundered into his room debilitated and exhausted. It had been a frantic day at office with new clients and the opening of the tenders. Loosening his tie and getting off his blazer, he hurled himself on to the couch and sighed closing his eyes trying to compose his mind. He had seen something in her eyes which was way too intense for him to discern. Somewhere he knew she was infatuated towards him and which was metamorphosing into love. But the intensity of love petrified him. He couldn't deny his love for her but could not even congregate the courage to tell her the truth. Not that he was scared of the denial but didnot want her to suffer along with him. Or may be he was scared of losing her. He had lost too many people in his life, he would shatter if he lost her and he could not afford this. A single tear trailed down his cheeks. Never before had he felt the need of his dad so strongly that he felt today. He tried, he tried a lot to keep her away, to ignore those feelings emerging in his heart and soul. But boy that wasn't as easy as it seemed, her beauty, her innocence, her smile, her laugh, her touch, her blush, the way she quivered by his mere touch, her talks, everything made him magnetize towards her. Getting off the couch, he slowly walked towards the French window and leaned his body supporting his weight against the wall with his hand. He wondered if he would have shared his feelings with his dad, if he was in talking terms with him? May be yes, he would have unleashed his heart to him. He revoked the way his dad had marooned his wife and children just for wealth. Seeing his mother strife all her life to bring up the best in him and najma was really afflictive for him. Now he couldn't make zoya suffer along with him, could he? She was way too precious for him. Was he ready to take her responsibility when he himself was going through such an emotional juncture? He could not see agony in his zoya's eyes. It would distress him even more. Ahh, he would never be able to haul terminations in the conflict between his heart and mind. Finally inferring to keep her away as much as possible, he sighed trying to find calmness within himself in serenity of the blowing breeze, just when he heard a click at the door of the room. Quickly whipping the tears off his face, he turned too look at the person standing at the door.
She was standing at door with kinda fidgety face, her eye lashes drooped, and hair tied in a loose pony tail. Though she was dressed in a simple blue tee shirt and a jeans, she was looking beautiful as ever. Asad averted his gaze off her face when he realized that he was ogling at her. Slowly she walked towards him, and when she knew that she was standing right infront of him, she languidly upreared her eye lashes to look straight into his eyes. He grimaced, trying to read her eyes which were swollen and blood shot. His eyes pooped out when he realized that she had been crying her eyes out.
"Are you fine zoya?" he asked with a concern in his voice.
"ye-yes, I-I m f-fine. Umm I w-wanted to t-tell u something." she fumbled.
"What?" though it came out casually, only he knew what her presence was doing to him. His heart was thwacking hard against his chest and his breath was aberrant.
"I am leaving tomorrow for Newyork tomorrow morning."
"What? Why?" the words escaped his lips even before he could gulp them down. "I-I mean why? Is there some problem staying here? Aren't you comfortable here?" he tried to sound less desperate.
"No, nothing like that. It's just that aapi and jeejs have been missing me. And they are expecting me there. Frankly, there is no reason for me to stay here, now when I know everything about my dad and even knowing that I am not going to get him back."
"Oh, okay then, nice meeting you Miss farooqui." he forwarded his hand towards her, pressing his lips tightly trying to stifle his tears. Her head shot up at this, not being able believe him.
Looking at him and towards his hand few times, she walked out of his room briskly.
He looked at her retreating figure bewildered at her reaction.
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She entered her room and banged the door hard in sheer vexation. What does he think of himself, she thought to herself. Sitting on the edge of the bed with her hands grabbing the frame of the bed on either side, she closed her eyes tightly, to calm herself. Not even once did he ask her to stay back. May be she was wrong in contemplating that he was in love with her. May be he didnot love her, may be he just cared about her on the humanity basis. But, his eyes they delineated eons of emotions whenever she looked into them. His intense gaze always made her flutter. Oh she loved him, she loved him a lot. But she was not sure if he loved her and she was scared of the denial. She always tends to lose the people she loves, be it her mom, dad and now Asad. She couldn't help though, may be that's what fate had planned for her. Tears disembogued down her eyes. His attitude today made her conceive that he didnot want her to be with him. She jerked her eyes open when she felt a hand on her back. It was dilshad. Smiling faintly at zoya, she ruffled her hair lovingly and whipped tears off her face.
"Hey phupi" she muttered slowly, trying hard to smile.
"you know something zoya? I had never been so proud of my son"
She grimaced in confusion at which dilshad chuckled.
"I know my son inside out, zoya. He loves you a lot and I really am proud of his choice." zoya slyly smiled at this, lowering her eye lids shyly.
"But phupi, he wants me to go back to Newyork."
"Did he tell you so?"
She shook her head, admist the fresh tears trailing down her cheeks.
"Then? He would never want you to go away from him. You just start packing."
"why? You just said that he would never want me to leave."
"Ahan?" Dilshad raised her brows.
"I-I didn't m-mean t-that" she fumbled shyly.
Letting out a chuckle, Dilshad walked out of the room, leaving a smiling zoya to herself.
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He ran his fingers across his scalp, exasperated at himself. Again once again he had managed to hurt her. Whole night he changed positions on the bed trying to sleep, but just as he closed his eyes, her swelled and blood shot eyes mirrored infront of him. No way he was losing her now. What if he had suffered all his life, he would not let zoya suffer any of it. Promising himself to always keep her happy, he detonated out of the room, banging the door behind him. Directly going in kitchen in search for his mom, he almost screeched calling out his mom when he didnot find her in the kitchen. Dilshad hurriedly ran in the kitchen, hearing him shout for her.
"why are shouting asad? What's wrong"
"Mom, where is zoya?"
"Zoya is in her room asad, may be she is doing her last minute packing. But why are you all of a sudden so worried about zoya?" she asked stifling her laugh.
Avoiding the question, he ran to zoya's room. Dilshad smiled contended at asad's retreating figure. Finally her son would be happy now. He had found the correct match for himself.
Asad barged in zoya's room to find out all her clothes spread on the bed. He grimaced looking at the condition of her room. He descried her standing in the balcony. Walking in the balcony, he patted her shoulder. And before he could say something she turned and hugged him tightly. He could feel his pulse hammering and his breath got stuck in his throat. He slowly wrapped his arms around her back. He felt her warm and steady breaths kissing his neck sensuously. All his pain and agitation forgotten in a split second. When he felt her warm tears soaking his shirt, he parted her and whipped those tears off her cheeks with his thumb. Kissing her forehead, he muttered against her lips "I love you zoya. I love u a lot." and engulfed her in his arms.
Shiv Shakti
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